insominaticthoughts

[insominaticthoughts]

nobody tells you that once you've spent time readjusting to a healthier sleep schedule, if you do have a cheeky 'work on art until 3am' night then your body just decides you might as well have perished

[insominaticthoughts]

Readers, make sure you have all your favourite Ao3 fics downloaded.

Writers, make sure you have copies of all the fics you have posted on Ao3.

I don’t want to be alarming, but things could get really bad really fast. OTW shared this today on Twitter, and I'm a bit worried about it 😅

Ao3 is a non-profit organisation. If they have to start paying taxes, I have no idea what will happen.

[insominaticthoughts]

is it normal to hate being single?

like having no one i can check in on at any time just to simp over them, to give them gifts and have my mind surrounded by them

what can I do to fix it

[insominaticthoughts]

There's something that hurts about people leaving your life, even when you know it's for the better. When all you wanted was a change, a good one, and they weren't willing to change for you. But you were willing to change for them, you were willing to go "you don't like this, ok I'll stop doing it" but they can't even try to understand doing the same. Maybe this would hurt less if things had always stayed the same, if I hated you just as I had to begin with, but no you showed me a version of you that I grew to love, as a father that I never had. Now that man is gone and I'm left with nothing but the knowledge that he may never come back.

[insominaticthoughts]

There is nothing worse than getting to know someone, to learn to love them, to want them to be a part of your life. Only for them to go and show that all of that was a lie, it was all too good to be true because it was too good to be true. This version of them that up till this point you've gotten to know, is fake, it's a lie meant to make you love them, so that the moment they get what they want they can leave and show their true self. Suddenly they're different, and you crave this version of them that they never were because well they lied, they lied the whole time and you never suspected a thing.

[insominaticthoughts]

Ya know I preach about helping others, about the ability to talk to someone and feel heard, feel like they understand. Yet, I talk to people, and I don't feel heard, I feel like they feel heard, but I don't. Sorry that's a selfish thought, but it's something I need to say out loud. I want to be heard, I want someone to just sit and listen. No one's really willing to do that for me it feels like though. I know if I brought it up people would try and listen, but who am I to ask someone to have to hear about MY problems when they have their own. Idk I guess I just want someone to listen.

[insominaticthoughts]

You ever get extremely anxious over a lack of a response. I do, all the time, and I know it's something I need to confront, but It just sucks. Like currently I'm waiting on a job to get back to me, and it's only been a day, but I've checked my email over 3 times today alone for one email. I know I should be anxious, I genuinely want this job, I'm determined to get it. But should I be this anxiety ridden?

[insominaticthoughts]

These last few months have felt like nothing but failure. It seems like all I've been doing is working and when I'm not working I'm doing school. Either way it's getting me no where cause even despite all that work it feels like my family and I are barely getting by. Most of the time I show up to work for the paycheck but some days it feels like even that's pointless because what's the point of showing up for a paycheck that pays just barely enough and leaves you with nothing. I know I'm not the only one struggling with this either and I think that somehow makes it so much worse.

[insominaticthoughts]

I threw out my makeup, I realized it was causing me to breakout all the time, and for all the effort that I put into it I got nothing out of it other than stressed and being late for work. Sometimes I miss wearing makeup, but then I ask myself, do I really miss wearing makeup, or do I miss feeling like it got me attention, do I miss the makeup or do I miss a version of me that appeared when it was on? I don't need makeup to be that version of myself.

[insominaticthoughts]

I'm so tired of looking for people and being the one to make the first move. At this point I literally just want someone to walk up to me and go "hey you're really pretty, wanna go out sometime?". Like please. I'm so tired of looking and waiting, and looking again.

[insominaticthoughts]

Letting someone go, who has done nothing but made you feel loved, is so fucking hard. Knowing y'all don't have a future together because you have such separate dreams, knowing you have to let that person go, knowing that they've done nothing wrong, it's all you. It hurts, and ya I'll miss the good morning texts, and the goodnight text, the dates, and ya I'm going to have to take time to get over them. But I don't regret letting them go. Staying would've only just hurt us both. But it hurt to let you go.

[insominaticthoughts]

Dear nameless person, if you're embarrassed to be with someone, can you just say that. You don't wanna go out in public with me, you don't wanna meet my friends, you don't wanna meet my family, hell you don't even wanna come to my house. If you're embarrassed by me just say that and let me move on, if you're serious about me then show me, don't just tell me, actions will always speak louder than words and right now your actions hurt more than your words can heal.

[insominaticthoughts]

God right when I think I have everything worked out another problem comes forward. I thought I was getting better, fixing my mental health, building healthy habits, but there's always something else. Something new I need to address, something I need to reflect on. Another way I feel that I need to fix myself because if I don't how can I ever expect to be happy in life? I've fixed myself so many times, looked at my issues and asked "why do I feel this way, how do I stop feeling this way". Yet here I am having to do it all over again, and it's exhausting, some days I truly just wanna let myself fall back into the bad habits, because fixing myself is exhausting.

[insominaticthoughts]

God who was going to tell me that loving someone hurt so much. I feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster, where some days it feels like I'm truly their world, and then some days I question how long we're really going to last. Question of the day tonight, am I the replacement for someone else? Someone you can't have but want to have, so you find someone who looks and sounds like them just to fill the hole they left. Now that you're realizing I can never be them you're starting to back away from me? It's ok I'll love you while I can, cause at least I'll still have you till you're gone.

[insominaticthoughts]

How do you help someone feel better about their mental health? Without feeling drained yourself? How do you stick with them when you feel like staying with them only makes you more drained? Maybe if I just wait it out things will get better, I hope they get better.

[insominaticthoughts]

Thinking or hell even knowing a relationship is coming to an end is a different kind of hurt, like damn I really wanted this one to last, but the signs are there. I'm hopeful that maybe I'm just misreading them, maybe I've been expecting disappointment for so long that I'm just looking for disappointment and so that's all I see. But there's this little voice in the back of my head that's going "it isn't work, you both know it, it's time to just face that".

[insominaticthoughts]

Putting on mascara has been leaving me feeling drained here recently. It feels weird because my mascara makes me feel beautiful, and it makes me happy, and the back of my mind keeps telling me to just give it time, this feeling won't last. But what if it does? I don't want to feel constantly drained.