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4w5

I’m an ENTP 4w5. (less confident about 4w5 part than the ENTP). I’m not super great at social connections, but I’m good at getting people to like me. However, I really struggle with building deeper connections with people. I end up feeling like a guest visiting friends instead of a friend myself. When I was younger I obsessed over getting a girlfriend because I wanted a connection that wouldn’t leave. I realize this might only be my own false perspective but still I’m not sure what to do about it.

Does it ever feel like you’re inside a glass box? Like, people can press up against it but never really “touch” you? That’s what it feels like for me, most of the time. Like, I’m talking to them, watching them, interacting with them, but not merging with them. Like I’m in a castle, or there’s an invisible wall between us. Part of me wants to break it down, to find some deeper connection, to let things impact me on a deeper level, but I don’t know how.

(When I mention this to other people, they give me blank looks, and then argue with me about it, not understanding how I could feel this way… so I’m wondering if it’s a 4 or a 4w5 thing? Can ANYONE relate to this?)

I often say I don’t bond with people, I don’t connect to them, I don’t feel what I should for them; they like me more than I like them. And then someone in my life will turn around and argue that I sure concern myself with their lives, business, suffering, relationships, and emotional states a “whole lot for someone who claims they don’t CONNECT.” In other words, “You’re full of crap. You DO care, but what you think is ‘caring’ or genuine bonding is some abstract ideal.”

Part of this, I think, is the 4’s tendency to create a persona. I put up a barrier or a front (“I don’t care… I don’t bond with people… I don’t connect to them”) to protect myself, because I can’t let in everyone else’s pain. It’s too much. I see life as a continual cycle of beauty and tragedy. Something as mundane as seeing a dead animal on the side of the road can be awful if I dwell on it. I don’t look. I don’t let myself feel it. I don’t go there. Losing people might rip out my soul. So I lie to myself that I’m disconnected. I’m not. But the lie comforts me.

As for the feeling like I’m in a glass house, separate from others, I suspect it’s 4’s intense need for depth and its tendency to look at what isn’t there, instead of what is; to look at a “normal” conversation and mourn that it wasn’t deeper, richer, more … something. Whatever “something” is. But it exists, you know. It’s just something I don’t have, and other people have in abundance, because THEY are clearly satisfied with life in a way I am not. 4 is all about what it’s lacking, how it’s deficient, how other people seem to have it easier. Oh, they laugh so easily… why don’t I? They seem to so easily bond with others and have relationships? Why can’t I? What do they have that I lack? Why do I lack it? Is there something WRONG with me? There must be! I am defective, and that’s why no one will ever love me, because I’m so fundamentally flawed.

The truth is, the conversation may NOT be superficial – our 4 is just longing for something “more” than what’s right in front of us – tossing out the baby with the bath water. Our connection to the other person may NOT be from behind a pane of glass, we’re just thinking that because we have unrealistic standards of what a relationship should look / feel like, and it always has to be deep, passionate, intense, probing, intellectual, and full of sparks. A relationship is not what we currently have, it’s what we don’t feel for other people.

I was struggling with this today, after yet another self-berating after lunch with a friend (why can’t I step from behind my pane of glass?) – and I think the answer is to say: “Shut up, 4. Stop being melodramatic. Stop looking for what isn’t there. Look at what is. Would this person say to your face, ‘You are my best friend?’ if you were half the cold, distant, disconnected freak that you think you are?”

It’s the temptation of 4 to fall into melodrama, a sort of self-congratulating sigh at being so “different” – so flawed. I mean, why enjoy a nice afternoon with a friend and feel good about it later, when you can come home and sigh about your inability to connect to people? In the process, we can get so caught up in self-absorption (“What’s wrong with me??”) that we miss out on the fact that other people think we’re pretty… well, special.

Bottom line? I suspect you have deeper connections than you think. Write out what you think a deep connection is. Define it. Then look and see, sincerely, if you have it. Once you know what a deep connection means to yourself, you can look at a tangible description whenever your 4 wants to become dramatic, and remind yourself not to long for an abstract when you have the real thing.

- ENFP Mod

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love.

If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke.

Whether it be from pot or from cigarettes or whatever else can be smoked, Jesus would smell like it. Not because he would partake in it himself, but because he would go out of his way to go to where the smokers were. He would go to them and be with them, get to know them and show them that they are worthy of love and that they can be saved from whatever they’re running from.

Jesus would know the sensation of stale beer drying on his shirt because somebody forgot to put their drink down before they hugged him. He’d never get drunk but he might have one beer, maybe two, socializing as he got to know the regulars at the bar. The ones who found their way there day after day, hearts too heavy to do anything but numb the pain. He’d go there and listen to their stories and help carry their burdens, lift them off their shoulders. He would be the person that everybody knew—knew was safe, knew was loving, knew would listen. The bartender would call him the ‘unofficial shrink’, and Jesus would smile and order another glass of water, ready to drive home whoever would need it that night.

He’d know the feel of gauze beneath his fingers as he wrapped it around a friend’s bleeding wrist. He wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t pry, just patiently clean and treat it with careful, calming touches. The story would eventually come tumbling out in the bathroom and Jesus would draw them close, hugging tightly, and do whatever he could to find the best help available when asked, when needed.

He would know the drained, yet relieved, morning after feel the day after (of?) a three a.m. phone call from a person who was desperate, because they didn’t know who else they could turn to. He would know the days when one cup of coffee isn’t enough to wake him up, where two cups of coffee almost doesn’t do it either, but the lethargy and the headache and the bags under his eyes are worth it because the person he was talking to is okay. He would do it again in a heartbeat, too.

He would always have somebody staying in his spare bedroom—if he wasn’t staying in somebody else’s spare bedroom himself. He knows what it is to be without a roof over his head, without a blanket to pull over his cold body, and he would do whatever he could to make sure others didn’t need to experience it—even just for a night. He’d keep an eye out for help wanted ads and help his friends on the street with their resumes and pay for their haircut and nice clothing for the interview, and he’d buy them dinner after whether they got the job or not.

He would know the need to go and grab another box of kleenex as the person at his kitchen table can’t help but cry at the feeling of not being enough, of needing to change themselves before people would love them, before they would be accepted. He would know the heave of their shoulders beneath his hand as he comforted them, reassured them that they are enough, that they are wonderful and beautiful and amazing and loved. So, so loved.

He would know the feeling of a tight bank account, not because he doesn’t know how to manage his finances, but because there are other people who need it more. Who need food for their families and clothing for their children and money for their rent. He would give of himself and build relationships with these people, connections with them, encouraging them to keep going. To keep striving. That life isn’t out to get them, and that they can succeed.

He would know the pain of a harsh word, thrown at him by a hurting soul, and he would stand tall and take it because sometimes a broken heart just needs to shout.

If Jesus lived today, he would smell like smoke. Not because he approves or because he doesn’t care, but because he knows that to love isn’t just being pleasant to other people and giving them a smile, it’s crawling into the trenches with them.

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“In the end. we all just want someone that chooses us. Over everyone else. Under any circumstances.”

— Anonymous (via wnq-anonymous)

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Naturalia: Reclaimed by Nature by Jonathan Jimenez

Somewhere between nature and culture, Jonathan Jimenez aka Jonk’s photographic work is in some way the prolongation of this duel vision of ruins. His camera lens, through the softly-coloured photographs, take us on a journey across tall architectural structures often completely overrun with rambling weeds, immense concrete or steel shells that have fallen into ruin. Naturalia is a long journey between memory and forgetting, ruins and vegetation, modernity and Antiquity.

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This has been on my mind for a long while and I think it’s worth noting.

Most people do experience these feelings when discovering their type, but not everybody will.

I felt understood, valid, and a mixture of sorrow, joy, and gratitude reading about myself so clearly in the type Nine—and I know I’m not the only one to experience their initial discovery in a positive way like this. (Even the sorrow was positive, because it was a show of compassion toward myself. My heart broke for the pain I’ve walked through.)

I felt the peace and understanding FIRST, and LATER came the yucky stuff (which you will experience at some point in any journey through self-understanding, just not always at the start).

What I want to communicate is maybe don’t go looking for these feelings (shame, gut-punch, fear, etc.) when trying to find your type. If you think you’ve found it but didn’t feel uncomfortable in your own skin, you don’t necessarily need to keep looking.*

(I want to follow that up with some advice, like how to know you’ve found your core type even if it doesn’t make you squirm, but I’m struggling to come up with anything.... I just knew in my soul, which isn’t exactly a helpful tip, lol.... I’m sorry, that’s all I’ve got right now....)

*I don’t think anyone’s actually SAYING, “If you didn’t feel these things when reading about it, you CAN’T be this type.” However, I think especially for someone starting out in self-discovery, this is a message that can at times be perceived.

Again, most people will feel as described, but I wanted to acknowledge the people out there who don’t end up experiencong it that way.

Food for thought while Ennea-typing yourself

Enneagram is just a blueprint/mapping of the ego patterns. You can spend time recognizing your own triggers, shadows and fears. Then, read through the various type descriptions and see which it aligns with. You know how you have hit upon the truth? It is going to hit you like a ton of bricks in the face because confronting your Inner Self (your true self), peeling away the third mask and peering in is never going to be pretty. You may feel scared, ashamed, go into denial, self loathing or even anger at yourself. This is the start of a journey which if you embrace wholeheartedly, will ultimately lead to an indescribable kind of peace and greater understanding.

More detailed post about my own process/discovery coming up shortly.

- ENTP Mod.

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middle-earth meme: eight characters (7/8) — faramir

“I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”

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egg

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Hey, I was wondering if you can describe each types strengths and weaknesses and how each can improve their weakness?

Sure. Enneagram 1 is strong with me, so I love pointing out people’s flaws. ;)

ESTP: strengths: good at seeing and leaping on financial opportunities, able to change directions quickly, and confident in themselves and in handling the real world with detachment: weaknesses: out of touch with their feelings, often uses other people for ego strokes rather than forming bonds, poor ability to ‘stay put’: improvement: focus on caring about and bonding with people on a genuine level and on thinking how your actions will impact them; look before you leap.

ISTP: strengths: detached, confident in themselves and the environment, often good at providing insights into others, logical consistency and a drive to action: weaknesses: detachment from their feelings, lack of ability to open up to others, often negative about the future: improvement: remember emotions are not weaknesses and it is better to express your emotions rather than repress them, focus on forming positive visions of the future. 

ESFP: strengths: strong moral opinions and an extroverted presence, often good at pursuing what they want and figuring out how to get it (Se/Te), hunger for change and opportunistic / quick to see potential in others and themselves: weaknesses: acts on their present emotions, without much thought for possible long term consequences, often abandons people/jobs/projects due to loss of interest: improvement: learn to commit to important things and see them through, and remember to value other people’s emotions as much as your own.

ISFP: strengths: strong moral convictions, driven to act, but prone to thinking first, often creative and dynamic: weaknesses: over-sensitivity to criticism, lack of time management, becomes impatient and sharp-tempered under stress, can be negative about the future: improvement: learn to distinguish between helpful criticism and insults, focus on the future casually so you don’t devolve into negative / fear-driven ideas under stress, and study time management.

ENTP: strengths: openness of ideas, big picture thinkers, can revise and find new solutions under pressure or when plans change, logical precision and charm: weaknesses: poor self-awareness (prone to doubting their type), often thinks personal conclusions are objective truths / forgets it came from their own mind, skim-reads: improvement: admit your lack of self-awareness comes from lower Fe (the desire to impress others) and Si (poor sensory skills), form bonds with others with the desire to enrich their life (not feed your ego), and slow down.

INTP: strengths: able to understand, break down, and re-organize difficult abstract concepts for others to understand, detailed and meticulous in their understanding of material, and able to change tactics: weaknesses: can be so abstract others may not understand their explanations and/or think they are being clear when they are not, can be fussy and inconsiderate: improvement: develop more detail-driven precision and practice self-expression, in order to reach out to others and share your ideas in simplistic ways, allow yourself to open up. 

ENFP: strengths: good at seeing people’s potential and in pushing them toward it, able to remain open-minded and keep the larger picture in mind when making decisions: weaknesses: often insecure and prone to hanging on to negative or bad relationships due to idealism (wanting to see them improve, denying they will not), prone to not finishing things and lacking important details: improvement: do not shut off your negative emotions / deny the truths people are sharing with you all the time simply because it does not fit what you want to see / learn to walk away from toxic relationships, more carefully choose good ideas and see them through to the end, start reading more carefully.

INFP: strengths: idealistic, creative, and likes to see the best in people, often natural peacemakers, imaginative, able to change their mind, often passionate about finishing what matters to them: weaknesses: driven to protect their sense of self, over-sensitive / melodramatic at times, sometimes out of touch with reality in favor of seeing the best in others, not good at time management: improvement: remember, not everything relates to you or threatens who you are as a person, so pick your battles carefully, learn to rely on previous sensory experiences when evaluating people (to be less idealistic / more detailed in your intuitive forming), and study how better to accomplish things on time.

ESTJ: strengths: natural problem solvers, good with details, terrific sense of off-color humor, often family-focused and organized: weaknesses: may judge others for being incompetent if they are not as capable or as hard-working as the ESTJ and expect too much from them, can be childish when emotional and lash out at others: improvement: allow others to be themselves and do not try and mold them into Te-doms (most of them cannot be!), accept your emotions as having value and allow them to direct your actions toward the things you love.

ISTJ: strengths: detailed, down to earth, full of facts and logical reasoning, often organized and hard-working, with strong ethics (which often include being a contentious student or employee): weaknesses: low interest for or interest in abstract ideas, sometimes gets stuck in negative work environments due to wanting job security over valuing their emotional state / dismissing their personal feelings in favor of logic: improvement: prioritize what you care most about, and expose yourself to new ideas that could help you get there; indulge in discussion of these ideas for fun, so you have a broad, positive sense of the future.

ESFJ: strengths: warm, charming, enormous interest in other people and their ideas, good sense of humor and great with self-expression and getting others to work together for a common immediate good: weaknesses: can ‘mother’ others instead of allowing them to find their own way, often becomes negative and over-reacts under stress / envisions all the bad things that could happen when a situation spirals out of their control: improvement: learn to think positively about the future and remind yourself of positive outcomes under stress, expose yourself to new ideas, strengthen your Ti through instructive reading.

ISFJ: strengths: faithful, hard-working, fun to be around, tends to peace make, excellent at learning to do things well and become an expert at their job; weaknesses: can develop martyr complexes and self-sacrifice / compromise too much, prone to emotional detachment at times, and fear too much change will disrupt their internal sensory harmony: improvement: focus on asserting yourself in relationships and not always giving in, in recognizing your emotions vs. other people’s, and in asking them rather than anticipating their emotional needs; expose yourself to new ideas often enough they do not seem threatening if they challenge your established beliefs.

ENTJ: strengths: authoritative visionaries able to switch tactics when necessary but are stubborn in pursuit of what they want: weaknesses: carelessness / overt sensory pleasures and indulgences (sometimes to an expensive degree) and acting on a whim, often looks down on others who lack similar vision, and devalues their own emotions: improvement: focus on balancing your intuition with your need for new experiences to ‘tame’ your lower Se; allow yourself to factor in your personal emotions when decision making (rather than denying you have them).

INTJ: strengths: insightful and focused on long-term outcomes, rational but also with a sense of self-awareness in what they want: weaknesses: can become detached from reality / over-reliant on their intuitive conclusions and careless with others, poor sensory awareness / prone to physical laziness: improvement: focus on recognizing opportunities to act in your environment, so when the moment comes to make your idea real, you will not hesitate / falter or miss out due to inaction or impulse; look for evidence to contradict your conclusions, not just support them.

ENFJ: strengths: good at seeing the potential in others and figuring out their true intentions and/or giving them insights into their and others’ motives, amiable and ‘present’ in a crowd, often an idealist and optimistic about the future: weaknesses: can be people-pleasing, impulsive, prone to over-spending and leaping on things without thinking them through first, often sensitive to criticism and sometimes bossy: improvement: learn to analyze your impulses before you act on them (thus bringing balance to your Ni and Se and strengthening your Ti), do not assume you must take on all burdens for everyone and/or handle everything all at once (ENFJs become detail-oriented under stress).

INFJ: strengths: often insightful into others’ motives and in articulating these truths to others, search for personal depth and intensely analytical, less outwardly emotional than other feelers: weaknesses: can be so confident in their ‘gut hunch’ that they fail to look for evidence to contradict their hypothesis, thus rejecting external input (Se data) and entering a loop where they use their Ti to come up with faulty arguments to support their initial wrong conclusion: improvement: this problem happens due to a lack of data-gathering, so, tune in to your environment, consider all the evidence more carefully, and do not rely on your instincts alone; learn to open up and listen to others’ input without rejecting it if it contradicts your own – doing this means Ni is not working properly. Your firm conclusions should take TIME and not be instant.

- ENFP Mod

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There’s a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness

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Super Simplified MBTI

I enjoyed the Enneagram post that breaks things down into core pursuits and fears so much, I decided to do one for MBTI types. Ultra-simplification could help people better understand their drives (or not). It was fun to think up, though, so at least I entertained myself.

Note: you should never have two introverted or extroverted functions in a row.

Functions:

Perception:

Ne/Si or Si/Ne

Se/Ni or Ni/Se

Judgment:

Te/Fi or Fi/Te

Fe/Ti or Ti/Fe

Example: If you have Ne/Si and Fe/Ti, you are either a NTP or an SFJ type (N = Ne is higher, S = Si is higher)

Core Motives

Perception:

Ne’s pursue new connections and possibilities

(blind spots: details, sensory awareness, self-awareness)

Ni’s pursue depth of insight, clarity, and singular truth

(blind spots: inability to switch tactics late in the game)

Se’s pursue new opportunities and sensory experiences

(blind spots: devalues long term consequences)

Si’s pursue sensory comfort, details, and precision of thought

(blind spots:  unseen connections, adaptability to swift change)

Judgment:

Te’s pursue direct action, measurable success, and factual evidence

(blind spots: sacrifices precision for a swift resolution)

Ti’s pursue consistency, total understanding, and logical clarity

(blind spots: sacrifices a swift resolution for precision)

Fe’s pursue social inclusion, harmony, and acceptance

(blind spots: unable to acknowledge their own failures or personas)

Fi’s pursue inner authenticity and autonomy

(blind spots: sacrifices accomplishment for personal authenticity)

Order

The first pursuit and fear are those of your dominant function; if it is a Perception function, choose an auxiliary function from the Judgment section of the opposing variety (if you choose an introverted function, your next one must be an extroverted function); the next two will fall naturally into place.

> Indicates your core drives. The higher the drive, the more you sacrifice the lower functions / drives in favor of your dominant functions.

Intuitive:

Ne-Fi-Te-Si / ENFP pursues: new connections / possibilities > inner authenticity / autonomy > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > sensory comfort / details / precision >

Fi-Ne-Si-Te / INFP pursues: inner authenticity / autonomy > new connections / possibilities > sensory comfort / details / precision > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence

Ne-Ti-Fe-Si / ENTP pursues: new connections / possibilities > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > sensory comfort / details / precision

Ti-Ne-Si-Fe / INTP pursues: consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > new connections / possibilities > sensory comfort / details / precision > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance

Fe-Ni-Se-Ti / ENFJ pursues: social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > new opportunities / sensory experiences > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity

Ni-Fe-Ti-Se / INFJ pursues: depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > new opportunities / sensory experiences

Te-Ni-Se-Fi / ENTJ pursues: direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > new opportunities / sensory experiences > inner authenticity / autonomy >

Ni-Te-Fi-Se / INTJ pursues: depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > inner authenticity / autonomy > new opportunities / sensory experiences

Sensor:

Se-Fi-Te-Ni /ESFP pursues: new opportunities / sensory experiences > inner authenticity / autonomy > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth

Fi-Se-Ni-Te / ISFP pursues: inner authenticity / autonomy > new opportunities / sensory experiences > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence

Se-Ti-Fe-Ni / ESTP pursues: new opportunities / sensory experiences > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth

Ti-Se-Ni-Fe / ISTP pursues: consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > new opportunities / sensory experiences > depth of insight / clarity / singular truth > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance >

Fe-Si-Ne-Ti / ESFJ pursues: social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > sensory comfort / details / precision > new connections / possibilities > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity

Si-Fe-Ti-Ne / ISFJ pursues: sensory comfort / details / precision > social inclusion / harmony / acceptance > consistency / total understanding / logical clarity > new connections / possibilities

Te-Si-Ne-Fi / ESTJ pursues: direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > sensory comfort / details / precision > new connections / possibilities > inner authenticity / autonomy

Si-Te-Fi-Ne / ISTJ pursues: sensory comfort / details / precision > direct action / measurable success / factual evidence > inner authenticity / autonomy > new connections / possibilities

- ENFP Mod

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gif request meme: requested by anonymous

Lord of The Rings +  favorite familial relationship

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I want to be bolder/more interactive on here, but it’s scary, ahhh....  I’m hoping that putting voice to this will help me feel like I’ve given myself permission to engage more....

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library date?? coffee shop date??? museum date?? art gallery date?? stargazing date?? napping date?? picnic date??? yes

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Me: i love books! I love them so much! I am such a bookworm!

Friend: cool! How many did you read this year?

Me: OK, so here’s the thing

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