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Luke: I've got two more pancakes here!

Silena: I want French Toast.

Luke: Well you better move to Europe then.

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Alabaster: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?

Ethan: No. I said "Al, don't lick the swing set," and you said "fuck you, don't tell me what to do," and then you licked the swing set.

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Luke: Why are you all looking at me like this is my fault?

Beckendorf: Because it's probably your fault!

Luke: yeah you're right.

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Silena: I mean why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?

Luke: 'Lena, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out.

Chris: A bitca?

Luke: ...yes

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Luke, returning to camp after Hermes' mission: Everything's fine. Will and the other Apollo healers said the bleeding was internal.

Luke: That's where the bloods supposed to be!

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Luke: I'm going to need a human skull and I can't have you asking questions why.

Alabaster: Only if you also don't ask why.

Alabaster: [pulls out seven pristine human skulls] Take your pick, boss man.

Luke:

Alabaster:

Luke: this one's fine

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Ethan: could you guys at least try to see things from my perspective?!

Alabaster: [crouches down]

Chris: [kneels]

Luke: [sits on the floor]

Ethan:

Ethan: I hate all of you.

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[Playing cards]

Luke, putting down a card: Ace of spades

Travis: Plus four

Connor: PIKACHU I CHOOSE YOU!

Chris, trembling: what the fuck are we playing

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Luke: Sorry I was late! I was doing stuff.

Hermes: [bursts into the throne room] HE PUSHED ME OFF OLYMPUS

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Luke: Come on, how many times am I supposed to apologize??

Percy, Annabeth: Once!

Luke: ...no

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Annabeth: Percy won't wake up. What should I do?

Luke: did you try kicking him?

Annabeth: yeah

Luke: I'm outta ideas.

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Luke: What did I tell you guys about lying?

Campers: ...that it only works on Chiron

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Silena: Please bring home purified water with no minerals. You hear me? No minerals added for taste! None!

Luke: I got spring water

Silena: No

Luke: with extra minerals

Silena: Luke!

Luke: its like licking a stalagmite

Silena: Do not come home.

Luke: mmmmm cave water

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Kronos: What do you have to offer except being mentally ill and traumatized?

Luke: I'm hot

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Luke: So that's a wrap on sports. Now we're going to check in with Thalia for the weather.

Thalia: [incomprehensible screeching behind Luke]

Luke: Thank you for your input. Next is Annabeth with traffic.

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Praetor: All of my kids' snacks are organic and healthy!

Luke: Cool. My kids eat potatoes off the floor.

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Chiron: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Beckendorf: I zoned out like two and a half hours ago.

Silena: I got distracted half-way through

Luke: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.