incorrect-rwrbquotes

[incorrect-rwrbquotes]

Alex, on the phone: So remember how I said that henry and I were going to have a subtle night out?

Zahra: yes.

Alex: so we kind of got caught making out. Again? We might need media control.

Zahra:

Alex: Please dont tell Mom-

Zahra: *hangs up*

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alex: nine people told me not to do it.

alex: so I did it.

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june: how did you manage to pull a muscle in your neck, back and leg?

alex: no idea

henry: he was trying to roundhouse kick a bee.

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henry: do you take constructive criticism?

alex: not without crying

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Alex: I don’t think we can enter this bar.

Nora: Why?

Alex: Because it’s 18+ and there’s only two of us.

Nora: Just invite 16 more people, dumbass.

Henry: What is wrong with you?

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Alex: This is a disaster! The printer messed up the invitation! It’s supposed to say “Nora’s birthday”!

June: What does it say?

Alex: "Nora's bi"

June: Still works

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June: Are you sugaring your burrito?

Nora: Food is anarchy, dude. Live by your own rules.

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Henry: I have a feeling we should kiss.

Alex: I sometimes have a feeling I should do crystal meth, but then I think, "mmm, better not".

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June: I was counting on you.

Alex: Well, that’s your fault. I have carefully cultivated a persona that screams, “You’re on your own!”

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Alex: This is bullshit!

Zahra: Did you just curse? Because we don’t talk like that in this goddamn, motherfucking White House.

Zahra: Shit.

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Alex: I lose everything. I even lost my glasses

Henry, staring at the glasses on top of Alex's head: I'll help you find them for five dollars

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Alex: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours

Henry: Why?

Nora: I love when you two impersonate humans

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Nora: My fatal flaw is hubris.

Alex: That brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?

Nora: No, Alex. That's hummus. Hubris is much worse.

Alex: What could be worse than hummus?

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Alex: Okay, I can be a little petty sometimes

June: You once edited a Wikipedia page just to win an argument with me

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Henry: How do you usually get out of these messes?

Nora: We don't. We just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

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Alex: Maybe Jesus was gay the whole time and was actually saying "Ah, men."

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Alex: I'm not tired. Can a tired person do this????? *gets up and immediately falls over*