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“You know, I don’t get homoerotcially pinned to walls nearly enough.”

- Reina Percivall

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“My pronouns are ‘that bastard’ and my gender is [redacted].”

- Mikah, introducing himself to other Nobles

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Ah yes that thing this story actually isn’t about.

This is still funny as all heck.

Knights are just inherently, immensely sexy… it’s all about the devotion, the ideals, the cool weapons and armor AND the muscles to wield them…

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“They’re like, ‘does that work?’ And I’m like, ‘It doesn’t not work.’”

- Alina, trying to justify her horrible training regimen

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“I don’t care for these new nazis. You may quote me on that.”

- Alina, stressing about the Resistance Nobles

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Devyn: Have you guys ever wondered if different laundry detergents taste different?

Alina and Reina: They do.

Devyn: Why do you say that with such certainty... ?

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“Mikah tells me ‘pick your battles.’ Well, I’m full of rage, and I’m picking all of them!”

- Alina

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The Rest of the Cast: There’s no way we’re letting you do this stupid thing...

Alina: *prepares to be lectured*

The Rest of the Cast: ...Without us!

Alina: *suddenly overjoyed*

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“Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but God won’t let me die, so now I’m back!”

- Mikah

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Alina: Mikah, when I get murdered, make sure my case stays unsolved.

Mikah: What?!

Alina: I wanna be on Buzzfeed Unsolved!

Mikah: Yeah, I’m more focusing on the ‘when I get murdered’ part...

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Lina: I’m cold...

Mikah with Vitalis: *sets the world on fire*

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Devyn, to Arden, failing at small talk because he’s AWKWARD: So, you into cars?

Arden: Yes, it was truly a masterpiece of a film.

Devyn: No! I meant like... Are you a car person?

Arden: I’m a human?

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King Alfred, about to be killed by Reina: You better have a good reason for doing this!

Reina: I have several.

Reina: Pettiness...

Reina: ...And anger...

King Alfred: That’s all?

Reina: Also a derp-seated need for attention.

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Mikah: Hey dear, what’s up?

Alina: My stress levels.

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Mikah: How king has it been since you slept?

Alina: What makes you think I didn’t sleep? I’m making lunch right now.

Mikah: *looks at audience as Lina spreads toothpaste on a taco with a fork*

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Alina: I only drink tea when I’m stressed.

Mikah: *notices the many, many mugs of tea strewn about her rooms*