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Simon: Do you ever get water hungry?

Baz: You mean thristy??

Simon: Water hungry

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Simon: It’s just so scary, you know?

Penny: What is? Life?

Simon, who was imagining an octopus holding 8 swords: Uh yeah... life.

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Baz: I want to show you a picture that really upset me last night.

Simon: Okay, but in my defense, Shepard bet me 10 dollars that I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Baz: That’s not what I -

Baz:

Baz: YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?

Simon: In my defense-

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Simon: You know how people pour maple syrup into their waffles?

Baz: Yes?

Simon: Hear me out: coffee

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Shepard: Hey can you hold this?

Penny: Yeah!

Penny: …This is just your hand

Shepard: Yeah :)

Penny: :)

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Simon: Here you are Baz, a nice hot cup of coffee.

Baz: Oh, it’s cold.

Simon: A nice cup of coffee.

Baz: It’s horrible!

Simon: A cup of coffee.

Baz: I’m not even sure it is coffee.

Simon: A cup.

Baz: That’s a mug

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Simon: *rolls over in bed and knees Baz in the ribs*

Baz: Ow! You kneed me.

Simon: *sleepily* Yeah, I do need you

Baz: *voice cracking* Okay

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Simon: So what’s for dinner?

Baz, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Baz: And takeout

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Simon: Do you support gay rights?

Baz: I am gay

Simon: He’s dodging the question

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A cop: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Shepard: Shit…

Simon: Wait, did you say “three people”?

Cop: Yes, three?

Penny: OH MY GOD! BAZ FELL OFF!

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Simon: What if the ‘g’ in 'gif’ is silent?

Baz: Go away.

Simon: What gif I don’t want to?

Baz:

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Simon: I hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if I know

Simon: "What's going on in that head of yours?" nothing I want to be a part of

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Simon: Go big or go home

Agatha, tears in her eyes: I am begging you, Simon, go home. Please. Just this once, go home.

Simon *whispering*: I’m going big

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Penny: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.

Simon: Getting rid of the rust, duh.

Penny: That’s not HOW IT WORKS.

Simon: I’ve been drinking soda and my body’s rust free… not sure where you’re getting your facts from.

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Simon: I have an idea.

Penny: A good one?

Simon: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

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Baz: I am this close to falling in love with Simon

Dev: Your fingers are touching

Baz, in tears: Yes they are

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Penny: Why- what were you thinking?

Simon: Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!

Baz: You released. Ostriches.