incorrect-brooklyn99-quotes - Tumblr blog

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No posts this week (2/12) guys. Sorry!! I’ll be back next week :)

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Jake: Why would you ever want to run 26 miles?

Terry: The same reason you stayed on the couch for the entire month of July.

Jake: Ah, I get it.

Jake: A sense of accomplishment.

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Reminder that submissions are always open! 

You don’t have to format it to fit B99 if you don’t want to - all I need is the quote and the source and I can do the rest :)

(Just make sure that you put in the source or else I can’t use it.)

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Terry: Uh, you're kind of exaggerating, Charles.

Charles: I'm exaggerating?

Amy: Yes, I think so. A little bit.

Gina: And that is literally the stupidest thing that anyone has ever said in the history of mankind, ever.

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Jake: I'm so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops!

Amy: And he has. We've gotten several noise complaints.

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I’m not going to stand here and listen to you accusing me of things I clearly did.

Gina Linetti

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Terry: You don't care who you piss off, do you?

Gina: Not in the slightest.

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Whatever I did, I have proof I didn’t do it.

Jake Peralta

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Terry: You know about icebergs, Boyle?

Charles: Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water. They didn't count on there being an elephant frozen inside. The wooly kind. A mammoth.

Terry: Boyle!

Charles: What?

Terry: I'm trying to make a metaphor here.

Charles: Well you shouldn't have started with a question because most people want to answer questions. You should've started with 'the thing about icebergs is'.

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Well done, detectives. That is if you were trying to disappoint me.

Captain Holt

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Jake: I understand that we’ll probably never be friends.

Kevin: You can leave out the probably.

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Jake: What about us? Are we good?

Gina: Like oil and vinegar. We go together, but we don't mix.

Jake: Works for me.

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Jake: *trying to break into Holt's office* It's locked!

Charles: What do you mean it's locked?

Jake: What do you mean 'what do I mean'? When I say 'it's locked' - it's locked! How many definitions of 'locked' are there?

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Charles: Are we fighting?

Rosa: If we were, you would be on the floor, bleeding.

Charles: Okay, I accept that as a likely outcome.

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I’d tell you to go to hell, but you’d probably just feel at home there.

Captain Holt to Madeline Wentch

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Jake: Are you serious?

Holt: Always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.

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Jake: Am I right, Rosa?

Rosa: Almost certainly not, but to be fair I wasn’t listening.