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today is ash wednesday, which signals the beginning of the Lenten season. for many Catholics, it’s a time of humility, reflection, and reaffirmation of our identity as children of God. normally i keep my religious beliefs off of my cyber profiles so that i don’t feel like i’m pushing any doctrine upon anyone. but today, i’ve decided to post these images of my ashes on my forehead.

i did this because when i was first beginning to process my sexuality, i thought that i was being condemned to Hell for being gay. the biggest struggle in coming out wasn’t to any of my friends or family members, but to myself because of the strict anti-homosexual viewpoints adopted by many members of the Christian / Catholic community. there’s always a widespread belief that religion and gays don’t mix—that they are natural enemies of one another.

i’m here to prove that our understanding of this age-old conflict can be dispelled. after many years of soul searching, i’ve discovered that it is possible to love God and be gay, to bridge the divide between these two forces. if you’d like to discuss this more in depth with me, i’m more than happy to do so. i want to be an example for young LGBT-identified individuals who may want to embrace religion but feel like they can’t because they would betraying either side. nobody but God has the power to judge you. 

and with that, i pray that all those who have adopted Lenten promises with the intention of strengthening their faith in God succeed in their endeavors.

*p.s. my loving boyfriend snuck into the last photo without me knowing. hehe. when i pray, i thank God for bringing him into my life. 

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A Collection Of Books By Neurologist Oliver Sacks

If you’re interested in neuroscience or psychology, I’d highly reccomend any book by Oliver Sacks! I get asked a lot about books to read so you can also check out this video I made with my top 7 and this masterpost which includes websites where you can learn more!

1. Migrane

For centuries, physicians have been fascinated by the many manifestations of migraine, and especially by the visual hallucinations or auras- similar in some ways to those induced by hallucinogenic drugs or deliria–which often precede a migraine. Dr. Sacks describes these hallucinatory constants, and what they reveal about the working of the brain. 

2. Awakenings

Awakenings is the remarkable account of a group of patients who contracted sleeping-sickness during the great epidemic just after World War I. Frozen in a decades-long sleep, these men and women were given up as hopeless until 1969, when Dr. Sacks gave them the then-new drug L-DOPA, which had an astonishing, explosive, “awakening” effect. Dr. Sacks recounts the moving case histories of these individuals, the stories of their lives, and the extraordinary transformations they underwent with treatment.

3. The Island of The Color Blind

Oliver Sacks has always been fascinated by islands, and this book is an account of his work with an isolated community of islanders born totally colorblind.  He listens to these achromatopic islanders describe their colorless world in rich terms of pattern and tone, luminance and shadow.

4. Uncle Tungsten

A book about Sacks’ childood;  his discovery of biology, his departure from his childhood love of chemistry and, at age 14, a new understanding that he would become a doctor.

5. An Anthropologist on Mars

This book talks about 7 seemingly paradoxical neurological conditions: including a surgeon consumed by the compulsive tics of Tourette’s Syndrome except when he is operating; an artist who loses all sense of color in a car accident, but finds a new sensibility and creative power in black and white; and an autistic professor who has great difficulty deciphering the simplest social exchange between humans, but has built a career out of her intuitive understanding of animal behavior. 

6.  Seeing Voices

 A journey into the world of deaf culture, and the neurological and social underpinnings of the remarkable visual language of the congenitally deaf. Sacks writes “The existence of a visual language, Sign, and the visual intelligence that goes with its acquisition, shows us that the brain is rich in potentials we would scarcely have guessed of, shows us the almost unlimited resource of the human organism when it is faced with the new and must adapt.”

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Big Sur // Limekiln 2016

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I’ve done a ton of growing in the past year and I’m feeling inspired to start sharing my experiences again. Many mistakes have been made, but many realizations have occurred as well. Maybe you will find my pieces entertaining or relatable.

Pardon me if my writing is rusty. It’s been awhile since I’ve processed my thoughts into text, but I’m excited to see how my learned self will manifest in front of an audience. I will try to keep things light and easy to understand, mainly because I don’t want to convey my thinking as consistently heavy or vague. Maybe I’ll go deep in thought at times. Nonetheless, I will stay true to myself as usual.

Also, my inbox is open to any questions you may have. Help me get started again! 

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It's almost been a year since you made a post. I enjoyed your posts on faith but it seems like life has taken its course and you are busy living it. I hope you are well and I wish you were still in SoCal..(: hope you been taking care.

Thank you, __. I’ve been well and taking care. Faith is still strong as always. I should pay SoCal a visit sometime soon, huh? 

Hope things are good with you.

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He’s single and deserves a good guy y’all!

6 Selfies of 2015 (tagged by @resperer) - I cheated. only 2 are actually selfies. I tag @lawrsaysrawr, @deecho, @loouss, @r0b0h, @yaffytaffs, @yogithebear TEEHEE.

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deep down I want more but hiding behind these walls is just a lot easier.

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6 selfies of 2015 (tagged by @jrealica) - All smize, no smile.

I tag @chantle, @kchowchow, @enjeypy, @rxhi01 and some other friends I adore whom I want to tag, but have raunchy af usernames so... too bad.

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Kevin Hines jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived. He tells his emotional story and ends with a powerful message to people mentally suffering

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thepaleocortex

I love how real your blog is. Followed.

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One of my favorite baby vines

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our minds are so connected to the world, every time we see tragedy, our hearts are hit with a steel bat casted out of images we thought only existed in movies. we’re so drawn to clickbait headlines because our survival depends on it. how do i avoid being shot? how do i prevent my family from being blown up into smithereens? the media spoonfeeds us the drama we crave, but how much can we stomach before we vomit all the weird feelings we thought we were peacefully digesting in silence? i don’t think our minds are evolving quickly enough to process this hyper-flow of information coming in from all over the world.

how did i even handle international tragedy as a kid? i’m scared some of us are repressing the idea of death so twistedly deep and small into the seat of our souls that we end up planting a seed of insanity…

social media gives me hope though. i’m naive for once thinking that we’ve all become self-conscious masters of image-crafting, hyper-focused on creating ourselves to appear happier than we really are. but in fact all this time we have been sharing the most important thing the world needs right now: love. love for ourselves in selfies. love for our friends. love for our talents. love for laughter. love for justice. love for peace.

the amount of snaps, tweets, facebook statuses, instagram and tumblr posts. the number of likes, loves, favorites. the amount of love being transferred to others, across multiple online platforms, around the world everyday, as a whole completely overshadows any tragedy and any hateful comments that come our way.

we are all strong lovers, and we will fight for love.

l’amour vaincra. love will overcome.

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When beatboxers have children.

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Sorry to bother you again...but do you mind if I ask another question about faith?

I welcome questions about faith.

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Took a couple of selfies. I like how they turned out because I actually felt confident and sexy taking them. 

I used to take & post selfies for the approval of others when I sometimes felt insecure. The number of notes would determine how I should value myself.

But I find it much more fulfilling to share a moment when I know my self-worth. The number of notes don’t matter much to you when you have enough love for yourself.

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fun fact about being gay: you do all that high school emotional shit in your twenties because you didn’t get to do it in your teens

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(: hope all is well, JP.

Likewise Jan. ^-^