iminlovewithgml

[iminlovewithgml]

08-27-22

I know it's already 2am and I'm still thinking about you. I know you're in love with someone else. 

But I still want you. It's making me so upset about it. I know that there's nothing I can do about it because of the fact that I'm nothing to you. You don't even know me.

Maybe I'm asking too much. Sorry for that. 

I'm sorry for wanting you this badly. I'm sorry for falling for you. Falling for you makes me smile every time. I'm sorry for constantly praying to God for you.I know it's making me so selfish and I'm so sorry for that.

I'm always waiting for you. I'm always waiting until you notice me. I'm always waiting until my turn to make you feel how special you are to me. No, not only to me, to the world, because you're really, really unique and adorable. If only you knew how amazing you are, how much you deserve to be loved and how you deserve to feel special in every way. I'll be waiting until you notice me. Until you see how much I want to know you more. I'm just here watching you from afar and secretly admiring you.

[iminlovewithgml]

Someone asked me why I am more in love with nights more than with mornings and afternoons. Perhaps it was because I had heard enough noise already. I had seen how the world disintegrates every now and then. I had seen the same old routines, been in the same busy long lines, and crowded rooms. I had seen enough unhappy faces and some who were just trying to be okay. I had seen enough reflection of myself with other people and all we could ever give were fake smiles and got-no-choice gestures.

I had tried to drag myself early in the morning to go to work, forced myself in conversations I wish I could walk away from. I had been in so many circles that made my dreams the target of ridicule. During the days, I see myself getting by, fitting my corners on the dark sides where I don't truly belong. I had gathered enough complaints that I never had the courage to spill. It was during the day that I was forced to kill my passion to keep up with my career.

I had seen everything enough in broad daylight as I grew old. And everything I do seems to always appear clearer. Everyone sees it. Everyone has something to say about it.

And maybe that’s why I am more in love with the night because they gave me the times-up, they gave me the dismissals. They gave me silence. They gave me the freedom to be alone. Just like me, the rest are also out there, seeking peace.

I might appear strong during the day. But it was actually at midnight when I allowed myself to be weak. It’s during the nights when I could shut away my world from everyone else. I could be fragile. I could lock my door. I could be silent. I could be a letdown. I could be just another tired soul recharging. I could be myself the one that only a few good people could see.

I am in love with the night because, just like the world, I am allowed to get tired. I am allowed to rest. I am allowed to be alone with myself. I could shrink like the sun. I could be that jet-black sky with no promising stars. It's during the night where I could recall where I failed, where I went wrong. I could trace my imperfections. I could write something about them until the pain stops hurting.

It's during the night when I am allowed to take a break. So for the next day, I could try once again.

[iminlovewithgml]

I've understood that you will never be mine.

And that's fine; I'm just breaking down.

Maybe when the right time or maybe when I'm ready to tell you what I really feel.

Maybe you'll say I'm crazy or something.

But I just want you to know that even if you don't know me, I'm here admiring you and wishing all the very best in your life.

Maybe it's weird that I fell in love with someone like you. Maybe it's because of the fact that the person I know who I'm talking with the whole time is you.

I don't know how to forget your smile on your face. It's just that whenever I see your smile in your picture, it makes my day bright like the sun. I'm not good at expressing what I really feel or what I really want to say.

I just want you to know that I can be your moon every night. That will give you light when you are in the darkness. I can be your bed whenever you're tired. And I can be your number one fan who will always support you and be proud of you. I can also be the one that always reminds you that whenever you feel that no one believes in you, I'm always right here to believe you.

[iminlovewithgml]

08-21-22

I didn't expect it to be like this.

To be honest, I have never felt like this before.

Yes, I'm in love. Should I be happy? Or not?

Should I be thankful that I'm finally in love again?

Or should I be sad because of the fact that I'm in love with someone who doesn't even care, who doesn't even know I exist?

Staring at your pictures makes my day.

But for some reason, I feel sad and hurt.

Maybe it's sad because of the fact that I will never get a chance to express my feelings and also because of the fact that he doesn't even know me.

If I ever have the chance to talk or express it to you,

I promise, I'll do anything and give you the love you deserve.

I want you but I know I can't have you, so I'll just keep admiring you from afar.