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THIS + THE CAPTION DUDE

If they answered, they’d have to confront the reasons they wanted to fuck me up in the first place and we all know that’ll never happen

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being known is being loved

"i know your pizza order" "you have freckles on your ears" "you make this face when you're tired" "you order green tea on a good day black on a bad day" "you always make that face before you try something" "the tips of your ears turn red when you're angry" "i knew you'd say something" "you must be exhausted to miss the class" "your favorite pie is pumpkin, right?" "i know your phone number, don't worry" "you miss me, i can tell" "you fiddle with your pens when you're bored" "you don't like converse unless they're high tops" "your favorite cereal is cinnamon toast crunch and you first ate it when you were 8"

being known is being loved.

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Daydreaming about alternative lives to escape my own has become a coping mechanism which I have internalised so much that it happens unconsciously throughout the day. I’ll be always daydreaming in the back of my head no matter what I do

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That constant struggle between “I can’t show my symptoms or I’ll be a burden” and “why doesn’t anyone realize I’m suffering?”

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person: how are you?

me, not feeling any extreme pain or euphoria: i literally have no fuckin idea

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to everyone asking if what they went through was ‘really’ trauma: it was. if you feel you were traumatised by it, then it was trauma. there’s nothing more to it than that

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I like to play this game called "which disorder does this symptom belong to?"

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“i’m chilling”, i say as i’m obviously and visibly spiraling out of control,

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when growing up me and my dad and my brother played a game at Home Depot called “Don’t let me see you while I shop.” The rules were that I had to follow my dad around the huge Home Depot but be out of sight the whole time. This game was extremely fun for me for some reason (we also called it the “Super Spy game”) and extremely useful for my dad.

Anyway, later on I realized I could just wonder off and not necessarily follow him around and still win. This is the story of how I used to go directly into the Home Depot lights section and just immediately dissociate like I entered a fairy wonder land for hours on end.

In short:

me: 

childhood truly is a special time.

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BRO WHAT THATS WHY IM AN EMPATHETIC MESS?????

Ah yes, the age old question:

AmI empathetic or traumatized?

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Three things that are simultaneously true:

- everyone has done something bad at some point

- people can change their behavior for the better

- the people that have been mistreated might still not want anything to do with that person ever again

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