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it comes when you least expect it—
the feeling of being helpless, of not doing good enough, of overwhelming thoughts for yesterdays.
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to commemorate my first moving out without asking for support from my parents.
here I am at 1am unboxing my first big girl purchase, a foam mattress.😩
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to commemorate my second job.
i started my training last October 28.
i'm still trying to feel the environment and i leave everything to fate. what's meant to be, will be.
i'm having mixed emotions, anxious about the numbers, but i guess that's natural. after all, this is my second job after almost 2 years of being unemployed. gotta go with the flow, and defy the flow only if needed.
God will never give this to me if he thinks I'm not capable. I BELONG HERE AND I SHOULD OWN THIS MOMENT.
to more winnings.🥂
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about to make a big girl decision tomorrow. may it work in my favor.
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i'm so not ready to put something like this in my new journal. not now. HAHAHAHAAHA
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2024 so far..
Starting it strong with a recap for every milestone I've achieved so far this year.
In February, I have defended my thesis well. In March, finished and finalized the manuscript. In April, I was hired as an intern in Cathay Pacific Airways, moved to Cubao, Quezon City until the completion of my OJT hours. In June, finished my internship and that concludes my academic journey for undergrad. In July, I reconnected to some friends, celebrated their graduation with them and just catch up in general.
Well, obviously, this is actually a year of victory for me.
I did not share here how I closed my 2023 but it was on my tablet. I reread it again tonight just to check how am I doing so far. And to spoil you (future self that is reading this), you did very well. I guess pain from 2023 was all worth it, that was the pain you needed to enjoy your present life this year.
Excerpt from the note written last December 26, 2023.
ACADEMIC GOALS:
-Finish thesis with a grade not lower than 3.00.
-OJT in airlines/airport/5 star hotel.
-Graduate with flying colors.
AND THAT WAS A 3/3 ACHEIVED THIS YEAR.
My final grade for thesis was 3.00, my OJT was within Cathay Pacific Airways town office, and I am graduating with flying colors indeed, as a Cum Laude!!
LIKE, HELLO???
I did all that? Yes, I did. This is the time I should give myself the credits for everything I went through just to have the victory I am enjoying right now. The past 4 years of college was never easy for me. The journey was tough but in the end, I see how magical the last 4 years was. I gained a lot of knowledge and experiences that shaped me to be the professional that I am today, which I can proudly say that I am more than ready and equipped to be in the work force in a real world setting. I also grow a lot personally, I lost a lot of people, someone that genuinely believed in me is sadly no longer here, a person who belittled me when I was a kid is no longer here as well, a best friend from senior high school whom I shared half of my college life with is no longer associated with me, and other friends who are surely rooting for me were dropped off my life. The loses I have to deal with for the past 4 years side by side with my job and my studies are heavy, it was too much, the grief was devastating, it was weighing me down the whole time, but it did not stop to do the necessary work just to be able to be in the finish line and get through my undergrad. Now I am finishing this strong, the tough fight is done, but I am very well aware that a tougher fight will only begin soon. But having to deal with a lot in my college years truly strengthen me and prepared me to be the person I am meant to be to be able to conquer the world out there.
My college life is a story of struggle but that is what I want to keep within myself, the story that I want to tell people is how magical this journey was with the help of people who have been with me through it all and good enough not to burden me more.
This journey is beautiful, and I love how it looks like. It all started with struggles, but i'm finishing it with achievement. This is a story of shared victory between me and the people who wholeheartedly believed in me, that made me believe in myself too.
YES, YOU'VE MADE IT THIS TIME. YOU WILL SURELY MAKE IT THROUGH THE OTHER TIMES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL, BE REMINDED OF THIS MOMENT AS YOU BREATHE IN, BREATHE DEEP, BREATHE THROUGH, AND BREATHE OUT ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE.
Love,
JM from August 2024
Cum Laude.
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Long time no update but I really have a lot to say!!! I'll say it when I have time.
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on my 4th week of ojt. so far so good.
I live alone somewhere in Cubao. I commute everyday to work. I spend time with my bf however I want and however our schedule allows. I meet different types of people. I rarely talk to them, but Leigh does make me feel comfortable. I had to work hard to keep up with the environment I am in as it is 'fast-paced'. I have experienced the worst. I have seen the bad, but I think about the good. So many days will come to me, and with an open mind, I'll deal with it more naturally.
At the end of the day— if it's not in my hands, i need to take it off my mind.🤍
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all will be alright in time.
believe that will and you are halfway there
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here's to the days that i refuse to be the independent woman that i am. vulnerable days. needy days. painful days. no energy days. sad days in general.
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I don't want to forget this moment, so I gotta write it.
I'm just so happy today. There are unwanted things that happened to me but more and lots of good things happened this day as well. In the morning, I woke up really early as I need to be at school by 7:30 am for a thesis presentation.
I presented.
Thesis defended.
I go to my home. He picked me up on the train station. We drived to our home, our little safe space. I ate my lunch. We cuddle, and apparently fell asleep. It was a good power nap that my body was waiting for. It was good. It made me feel better.
We get to the samgyupsal place to celebrate my successful research presentation. We ate for 3 hours while talking about future plans, business, finances, and more other things related to our future. It was so good. It makes me feel relieved that we're on the same page. It makes me feel at ease.
We then go back to our home bc he needed to take a dump. GURLLLL.
Anw, on our way to my home, riding hus motorcycle, we were singing our lungs out the whole time. It was a taylor swift playlist, and I realize how special that moment was. It was so pure, so romantic that it makes my heart melt, and it makes me feel really really grateful for having this person with me. When I realized that we're having a good time under the full moon, I lost it. I couldn't ask for more. It was so special. It made me feel really special. I'm happy to be in my lover era.
Sidenote: at the samgyupsal place we were already vibin' on a taylor swift song. it made us look crazy, but who cares when we're both happy. right?
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I knew I could make it this far before even starting this tough project. Now, I'm exhausted but at least it's done, not just done, but well-done.
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