imamcactus

[imamcactus]

I might be writing for all of the instruments mentioned, I just wanna decide which one to do first

Or maybe you guys wanna see a different instrument for each mercer, in which case, let me know!

(Note: I am writing these based on my experience and knowledge with these)

[imamcactus]

TF2 mercers with a reader from the future/our time

So, tf2 canonically happens in 1968. Imagine what it would be like if you got thrown into the late 60s after bumping into Merasmus, who somehow got to our time via some magic shit he did

Slight TW: (serious)mentions of war, political activity throughout the ages (specifically USSR), and mention of racism, (joking)my horrible writing of accents and sayings

Also, the reader in this doesn’t have a specified gender, aside from Scout calling the reader “toots” once

You woke up tied up to a chair in the middle of an empty room

And then 9 men enter room and start asking you all sorts of questions

“Who are you?” “How did you find this place?” “Why are you dressed so weird?”

So you just try to explain that the last thing you remember is going about your day when a weird guy with a with a goat skull on his head did some weird abracadabra shit and now you’re here

The only thing they understood out of all that was weird guy with a goat skull on his head

Spy gets a hold of your bag/purse to look for something like a tracker or a weapon you could have on you (despite your protests) and finds your ID, and looks fairly confused

Slowly, that confusion turned into realisation and slight shock

“Say, ms/mr (Y/N),” The man with a mask on his face starts, tearing his gaze away from the ID card, his brows furrowed and eyes stern. “What year is it to you?”

You stared up at him, slightly confused and uneasy with how seriously he asked that. “Uhh, it’s 2023.” You answer carefully, observing how the rest of the men exchanged looks, each looking more confused than last. The man in a doctor's coat took a look at the ID as well, realisation washing over his face just as fast. “Mein Gott…”

“What?? Why are you all looking at me like that?”

The group stays quiet, disbelief and confusion still in the air, until finally the one in construction helmet speaks up in a southern accent. “Well, I’m afraid you might be over yonder in the wrong day and age, pardner.” 

Soooo, you’re in the past

About 50 years into the past

Your parents are not even born yet

After they untied you, you spent the next half an hour just walking back and forth panicking and trying to understand what to do next

The entire time you’re muttering to yourself stuff like “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get back? Can I even get back?? Has anyone noticed that I’m missing yet? How long have I even been here? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I’m doomed I’m doomed I’m doomed I’m doomed”

Meanwhile the mercers are just looking at you slowly losing your mind

Eventually, the southern on (who told you to call him engineer) broke you out of your little panic circle, proposing that you stay at the red base for a while until they figure out how to help you get back, or until Merasmus shows up again and he can send you back

“Does he hang around here often?” “Well…” “...I’m doomed I’m doomed I’m doomed-”

Nonetheless, you accept the offer (Despite some of the mercers being against this, they’re still vary of you, unsure if you can be trusted or not), and you’ve been chilling with them since, learning about each and every mercer (as much as you can that is, some wouldn’t budge)

Even getting to spend time with them individually

Scout

Scout would most likely be the one of, if not the most, curious about what the future is like

Will ask like 3000 questions at once

“What’s it like in the future? Do flying cars exist? How does bonk taste in the future?” “What is bonk???”

From that moment he doesn't want to know more about the future, the mere knowledge that bonk has been discontinued ruined him

Still thinks it’s pretty cool despite the fact that you don’t tell him much

You know, first rule of time travel, don’t reveal shit

You do give him subtle clues that leave him wondering cause he’s not smart enough to figure it out

“Heyyyy, toots, question. I know you can’t tell me much, but do you happen to know if I get married to certain assistant-” “Scout for the last time I don’t even know you in the future”

Soldier

“Tell me, maggot, is America still the greatest country in the world?” “...I’m legally not obligated to answer that question.”

At some point you do want to tell him about all the shit that America has done over the years and how knee deep in shit it currently is, but you can’t for two reasons

One, the time travel rules

Two, he seems so genuinely happy and proud to be an american that you don’t want to burst his bubble

Expect a LOT of history lessons about America and everything to do with it that you didn’t know about. He will tell you everything

Hey on the plus side, you’ll pass any american history test 

Also fun fact, the construction of the twin towers started on August 6th of 1968, he’ll be telling you all about it while you just sit there sweating

Pyro

Does he even know what year he lives in??? I feel like he doesn’t have a proper concept of time because of the goggles

But in all seriousness, I feel like he wouldn’t really care that much about a lot of real life stuff

He’ll most likely just wonder if we figured out how to make cotton candy grows on trees 

Honestly, he’s kind of a fresh breath of air to you

He thinks life is just sunshine and lollipops in the future, just like he sees it now, and you just let him live that fantasy, wishing the world actually was the way he sees it

(Aside from the time you saw him on the battlefield. In that moment you wondered if cotton candy really was the only thing on his mind)

Demo

“Aye have to know, did me pa succeed in bombing the Queen of England?” “...Well-”

He’s probably more interested in what assortment of alcoholic drinks you have in the future

You can tell him that much at least, and that satisfies him

When he gets drunk, however, he asks about the rights of black people in the future and if they still face just as much shit as they do now

In that moment, you weigh your options between telling him the truth and tell him that black people still face discrimination but have significantly more rights and are actively fighting for them everyday, or tell him yet again that you can’t tell him anything

you choose to tell him the truth

he is probably the only mercer who you’ve told about the future in such detail

he won’t remember it in the morning, mostly just asking if he said or did anything stupid and laugh off whatever excuse you came up with

And you don’t know whether to feel happiness and relief that you didn’t screw up the future, or feel sad that he doesn’t remember the answer to his question that is probably bugging him a lot  

Engineer

One of those who asks the least questions

Don’t get me wrong, this man is very curious and wants to know how the technology evolves in the future

But he also understands that you can’t reveal anything for everyone's sake to not cause a butterfly effect 

He has 11PhDs, he can figure that the future might change drastically if you reveal anything that will happen 

And you want to tell him everything

All the stuff that we have, even if not as impressive as what he makes for this team, some of the stuff would still leave him surprised

You would show him your phone and how it works on a condition that he doesn’t do anything with this knowledge

He also figures a few things along the way the longer you stay there

Like your surprise that teleportation is possible

Heavy

You wanna tell this man so badly that USSR doesn’t exist anymore 

If you are from one of the post soviet countries, he will apologise so much about what his country has done to yours and your people

You’d probably give him a whole speech how what is happening right now is not his fault as he is an anti communist

(Bonus, if you happen to be from one of those countries and know Russian, you’ll most likely sometimes speak in his native tongue)

My personal headcanon is that Heavy most likely spent his free time with people who were deported from their countries to Siberia to labour camps, learning about their cultures and even a little of their languages, so, surprise! He can somewhat communicate with you in your native tongue!

If you’re not from one of the post soviet countries, you still feel bad for the big fellow, especially with what is happening in the world right now

You simply tell him that the system is so flawed it will cause its own downfall. You don’t tell him how or when, but it will

You definitely don’t tell him about the current mess his home land has caused, but you’re pretty sure he would be against it as well.

Medic

Another case of wants to know more, but understands you can’t say much

He’s insane not stupid, he did have a medical licence once upon a time, so there is a smart brain up there

He’d be the most interested in how the medical field has advanced though

But after hearing all about the crazy messed up shit he has done, you tell him there’s nothing interesting in the future that would amaze him

This man has revived people, cut them open while they stay awake and managed to keep them alive when their organs explode, replaced their vital organs with animal ones, created mpreg, has a Spys head in his fridge that is begging for the sweet release of death, figured out how to make people bulletproof, HAS A GUN THAT HEALS UP ANY AND ALL INJURIES 

And we’ve done a surgery on a grape and turned a woolly mammoth into a meatball

Yeah he would not be impressed

Maybe by some of the technologies we now have for surgeries and all the possibilities for people to live past their expected lifespan

But mostly no

Sniper

“Is being an assassin still a good job?”

I feel like Sniper wouldn’t really care all that much

Hey, what happens, happens, not his place to do or change anything even if he wanted to

So you two mostly just chill, not having access to the internet has made you appreciate nature more that’s for sure. You can’t check the latest news and how horrible things are in the world, so you just chill without a worry

He once caught you recording a voice message for your friend/family member, thought you were akin to spy after all and was ready to attack

Until he got closer and heard you saying to whoever the message was meant for that you are unsure when you’d be back, if you ever made it back, saying how you’re doing and to take care

After you sigh as yet another message doesn’t go through, he sat down next to you and you two just talked

Since then you two just kind of hang out in the wild

He’ll tell you all about the creature and plants you two happen to see

He’s also smart enough to figure a few things out on his own

“oooh, I’ve never seen this (plant/animal) in real life!” “probably cause at the moment these are endangered, probably won’t see those again when you go back”

And sadly, he’s right almost 85% of the time

Spy

oooooooooh boy

This guy doesn’t want to know what happens in the future for personal gain or to do something about it, no no no, he just wants to get as much of the information out of you as possible for fun

he’s used to the fact that he can get information about anyone and anything, it’s just a matter of a few strings pulled

But the fact that he couldn’t get any information about you (like who you were, where you’re from, your background and family information) drove this usually calm and collected man insane

He doesn’t show it, but it’s there

So he made it his personal goal to get as much info about you and the future as he possibly can

Which isn’t a lot, and that drives him up the wall even more

If you are a vaper and happened to have one on you while in this whole mess, congratulations, you just confused the living shit out of Spy with this refillable cigarette that runs on juice and electricity 

Doesn’t understand why anyone would choose …that…over good old fashioned tobacco

Is however amazed by the variety in flavours when you tell him about those

He does smoke menthol cigarettes after all

Admittedly, not my best work out of everything I’ve ever written, but hopefully I’ll post something better soon enough

Also, let me know if you wanna see more story-like scenarios rather than headcanons of this same concept!