im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GHOST OR A MASS MURDERER OR- OH MY GOD ARE YOU A MURDERER GHOST YOU’RE ALL GLOWY?!” 

Waitaminute she sorta kinda recognized that voice! She thought. Probably. It was hard to tell because of the yelling and covered face muffling things. ...And the sore nose. Whoops. Sorry.

“HAMSTER SCOOTER BOY?!”

“What are you doing here?! Did you break in or something? ARE YOU A GHOST?!” 

Aha! Liiiightbulb. Literally, it looked like, she could see light coming from a cracked door. She clicked her flashlight off and nudged the door open. The source looked to be… a living room? A TV was playing an old monster movie at loud volume. Huh. She glanced at the table curiously, noting the cans and magazines there, picking up the remote and setting down her flashlight. 

If someone was watching TV here, did that mean that there was someone in the house? …But how? The place was locked up. A shiver went up her spine, goosebumps rising on the back of her neck. Maybe it was some kind of ghost? The door creaked open and she whirled around with a shriek, flinging the remote at whoever or whatever it was standing there. 

“DON’T KILL ME OR I’LL HAUNT YOUR ASS!”

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Aha! Liiiightbulb. Literally, it looked like, she could see light coming from a cracked door. She clicked her flashlight off and nudged the door open. The source looked to be... a living room? A TV was playing an old monster movie at loud volume. Huh. She glanced at the table curiously, noting the cans and magazines there, picking up the remote and setting down her flashlight. 

If someone was watching TV here, did that mean that there was someone in the house? ...But how? The place was locked up. A shiver went up her spine, goosebumps rising on the back of her neck. Maybe it was some kind of ghost? The door creaked open and she whirled around with a shriek, flinging the remote at whoever or whatever it was standing there. 

“DON’T KILL ME OR I’LL HAUNT YOUR ASS!”

@hammchu

Tome was ready for this. She was! She’d been planning for weeks, actually, all it took was mustering up the nerve. She was breaking into that house on the end of the street that had been abandoned for like two years now, going to the top floor, and setting up an observatory. The place was practically a paranormal hotspot already, that had to draw aliens… or something that might induce telepathy… ANYWAY. 

She’d pried a window in the back open with a crowbar, only wincing a little as the lock gave way, then crawled in, pulling her telescope, starmap, and radio equipment in behind her. She’d pull all that up to the top afterwards, now she just had to make sure it was safe. As she wandered the hall looking for the stairs though, she heard what sounded like voices…. Well. Now that required investigation. She picked up her flashlight and started looking for the source. 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

@hammchu

Tome was ready for this. She was! She’d been planning for weeks, actually, all it took was mustering up the nerve. She was breaking into that house on the end of the street that had been abandoned for like two years now, going to the top floor, and setting up an observatory. The place was practically a paranormal hotspot already, that had to draw aliens... or something that might induce telepathy... ANYWAY. 

She’d pried a window in the back open with a crowbar, only wincing a little as the lock gave way, then crawled in, pulling her telescope, starmap, and radio equipment in behind her. She’d pull all that up to the top afterwards, now she just had to make sure it was safe. As she wandered the hall looking for the stairs though, she heard what sounded like voices.... Well. Now that required investigation. She picked up her flashlight and started looking for the source. 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

[Tome sat back down on the bench and reached her hands out with a grin, clearly well practiced at handling small animals.] 

I have two pet rats at home, their names are Rosalind and Artemis. Rosi’s a little angel and perches on my head. Art’s a little punk who lazes around whenever I give her free roam time. 

...I’m totally going to examine your scooter later.

Tome. And- I mean- well, it’s good in theory, but I still wanna know! It’s an anomaly and- and- I don’t like not knowing things, okay? Especially mechanical things. 

[She glanced at the hamster absentmindedly, following his gaze.]

Aw, your hamster really is cute… could I pet him? Her? 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Tome. And- I mean- well, it’s good in theory, but I still wanna know! It’s an anomaly and- and- I don’t like not knowing things, okay? Especially mechanical things. 

[She glanced at the hamster absentmindedly, following his gaze.]

Aw, your hamster really is cute... could I pet him? Her? 

But- but motors make sound! No matter how good they are, there’s always going to be something. I couldn’t hear anything but those wheels rolling along, no whir, no nothing. And- And it doesn’t have any stabilizing anything, there’s still only two wheels! And there’s nowhere for a motor to go anyway! It’s just a normal scooter! 

[Uh-oh. Tome was getting hung up on details again. She did this sometimes, obsessing over a topic because she knew she was being deflected, or should be in the right- even if sometimes she wasn’t.] 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

But- but motors make sound! No matter how good they are, there’s always going to be something. I couldn’t hear anything but those wheels rolling along, no whir, no nothing. And- And it doesn’t have any stabilizing anything, there’s still only two wheels! And there’s nowhere for a motor to go anyway! It’s just a normal scooter! 

[Uh-oh. Tome was getting hung up on details again. She did this sometimes, obsessing over a topic because she knew she was being deflected, or should be in the right- even if sometimes she wasn’t.] 

Um- er- 

[The hamster was very cute, but she was far more interested in the scooter. She stepped forward, examining the scooter not-quite-subtly.] 

I mean, your hamster is really cute and all, but I’m more interested in your scooter. How was it moving?! How were you even steering that? It should have fallen over in about fifteen seconds! 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Um- er- 

[The hamster was very cute, but she was far more interested in the scooter. She stepped forward, examining the scooter not-quite-subtly.] 

I mean, your hamster is really cute and all, but I’m more interested in your scooter. How was it moving?! How were you even steering that? It should have fallen over in about fifteen seconds! 

[Tome was honestly just planning on hanging out in the park, reading up on some mechanics but then…. a one-man circus wheeled by and she couldn’t just sit there anymore.] 

Wh- wha- How are you- Why are you?! 

[Take a deep breath girl. Start from the basics or you’ll never get anywhere.] 

…What are you even doing?

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

[Tome was honestly just planning on hanging out in the park, reading up on some mechanics but then.... a one-man circus wheeled by and she couldn’t just sit there anymore.] 

Wh- wha- How are you- Why are you?! 

[Take a deep breath girl. Start from the basics or you’ll never get anywhere.] 

...What are you even doing?

[It’s not unusual to occasionally see a redheaded boy skedaddling around Seasoning City. In fact it was almost exciting to see him- hair colour was uncommon for the area, and the way he acted … was amusing. He’s the redhead musclebeast of Seasoning City.

So when he was actually spotted, of course he was doing something weird. The boy was riding down the street on a normal, completely average scooter. Only, his hands weren’t touching the handlebars, both of his hands were holding onto a portable hamster cage meant for quick travels, and he had his leg lifted- his foot steering the scooter as best as he could. By all means, he shouldn’t be able to balance himself like this, it was illogical. But people were used to this wacky kid, right?]

Oh hey! Hi there! Hello! What’s up? Hi!

[A very social creature the Redhead Musclebeast of Seasoning City is, he greets anyone he happens to ride by.]

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Send me a symbol for a starter where..

🍺: Our muses go out drinking

📚: Our muses have to study for an exam

🔭: Our muses go stargazing

🔬: Our muses are lab partners

🎸: Our muses are in a band together

🎄: Our muses are celebrate Christmas together

🎓: Our muses attend their child's highschool graduation

🏈: Our muses are on a sports team together

🎮: Our muses have a video game night

🍃: Our muses go hiking together

🚂: Our muses go to Hogwarts

🚘: Our muses take a road trip

✈️: Our muses are on the same flight to the other side of the world

🗽: Our muses visit an important landmark

⛺️: Our muses go camping

🎲: Our muses are at a casino

🔪: Our muses are hired to assassinate someone

🔮: Our muses use a Ouija board or do the Charlie Charlie challenge

🔧: Our muses need to fix an important piece of technology

🔗: Our muses are held prisoner

🚔: Our muses do something that gets them both arrested

💒: Our muses get married

🏠: Our muses live together

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

"It's not that weird...." Tome crossed her arms, glancing away sulkily. She saw that smirk. And that cough was familiar enough to her as well.

"I want to see if normal humans can develop telepathic powers, so....look, it's a good straightforward name! Even if we mostly play video games...."

Hey, is my friend intimidating you? Sorry, I saw what was happening but I was busy goin' to town on an ice cream cone. I can tell him to back off if you want.

Eh? The android cyborg dude? He’s cool, I deal with worse! Plus, well… I did start it. 

[Tome mimed a karate chop helpfully, grinning sheepishly.]

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Shigeo, Shigeo.... 

[The name certainly sounds familiar.... but why? She taps her chin for a moment before snapping, her face brightening.] 

Ah! Mob-kun! I know him, yeah, I tried to get him to join the telepathy club! We hang out sometimes, he’s a bit weird but nice! Not that I’m one to talk about weird, I’m plenty weird myself. ...Different kind of weird. 

[Tama doesn’t even notice that he’s spacing out. She does it herself often enough that it’s not even a thing that makes her radar, which is... probably a good thing.]

Hey, is my friend intimidating you? Sorry, I saw what was happening but I was busy goin' to town on an ice cream cone. I can tell him to back off if you want.

Eh? The android cyborg dude? He’s cool, I deal with worse! Plus, well… I did start it. 

[Tome mimed a karate chop helpfully, grinning sheepishly.]

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

[!!!!!!!!!!! SHE HEARD THAT AND SHE’S INTERESTED. Genos no you just ensured she won’t leave you alone.]

So your metal is non-terrestrial in origin, then.... I really do have to ask for a sample, I need to analyze that composition! It could tell me so much about what could be out there. It should be relatively painless, just a small scraping perhaps? Except you just implied you’re rather impervious, hmmm. Could you provide one for me? 

[She looked at him hopefully, as if this wasn’t a totally bizarre request to ask someone you met literally two minutes ago.]

And how do you define non-human, anyway? People could argue that you aren’t human, possibly. It wouldn’t be fair for you to be targeted as a result of that, would it? And I think it’s entirely my business if you’re here hunting something dangerous, I was planning on staying out here stargazing almost all night, wouldn’t that put me at risk? 

[He’s being very cagey... she’s not sure she likes it. What if Mob was a target? He was an esper, that was strange and nonhuman, if he was going after the kid she’d want to warn him.] 

You’re like, barely older than me! Weird…. So you’re really not one to talk about my age, huh!

[Tome gave him a wide amount of space when he started glowing, because in her experience, when something that wasn’t previously glowing started doing so, something probably was about to blow up. When he explained what his function was however….] 

Incredible! What’s the alloy? Ooh, what’s the stress tolerance and heat limits before it warps? Could I have a sample? Augh, I never have a welder when I need one, unless that’d interfere with your nerve connections. I do assume you have nerve connections, you noticed when I hit you after all beyond my yelling, right? 

[She paused for a moment, both to take a breath and to switch gears.] 

What do you define as justice? And what’re you hunting down anyway, how do you define monster, huh? And I don’t give a crap about being a bother, I’m guilty as charged there anyway. 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

I’m Tome! Thanks for your concern, ahaha…. but I’m pretty sure I could… okay, no I couldn’t take him, but I scream really really loud and high pitched so he’d stop from confusion if the idea of cops showing up didn’t get him to knock it off. And then I could run away!

[She… should probably look more concerned given exactly what she just said, but there she was, looking chirpy as a bird.]

Hey, is my friend intimidating you? Sorry, I saw what was happening but I was busy goin' to town on an ice cream cone. I can tell him to back off if you want.

Eh? The android cyborg dude? He’s cool, I deal with worse! Plus, well… I did start it. 

[Tome mimed a karate chop helpfully, grinning sheepishly.]

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

You’re like, barely older than me! Weird.... So you’re really not one to talk about my age, huh!

[Tome gave him a wide amount of space when he started glowing, because in her experience, when something that wasn’t previously glowing started doing so, something probably was about to blow up. When he explained what his function was however....] 

Incredible! What’s the alloy? Ooh, what’s the stress tolerance and heat limits before it warps? Could I have a sample? Augh, I never have a welder when I need one, unless that’d interfere with your nerve connections. I do assume you have nerve connections, you noticed when I hit you after all beyond my yelling, right? 

[She paused for a moment, both to take a breath and to switch gears.] 

What do you define as justice? And what’re you hunting down anyway, how do you define monster, huh? And I don’t give a crap about being a bother, I'm guilty as charged there anyway. 

I’m totally a teenager, god. 

[Tome rolled her eyes, looking wholly unimpressed. Who did this guy think he was, anyways? He was kinda bothering her, to be honest. He was so cagey, he was taking ages to…. oh. OH this was golden. She bounced on her toes excitedly, grabbing his arm and looking it over with renewed interest.]

Um… sorry about that, then. ….So you got super-secret awesome tech to rebuild yourself? How long have you had an artificial body? Was the adjustment period lengthy? What kind of rehab was needed? What kind of abilities do you have, no way this is just a vanilla replacement body, that’d be laaaammmme. 

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Hey, is my friend intimidating you? Sorry, I saw what was happening but I was busy goin' to town on an ice cream cone. I can tell him to back off if you want.

Eh? The android cyborg dude? He’s cool, I deal with worse! Plus, well... I did start it. 

[Tome mimed a karate chop helpfully, grinning sheepishly.]

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

Discworld based Starter sentences

“That’s what’s so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you’re so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and half-blind from reading old grimoires that you can’t remember what happens next.”

“The only reason for walking into the jaws of Death is so’s you can steal his gold teeth.”

“Don’t ask me how I knew—I suppose it was because it was just about the worst possible thing that was likely to happen.”

“Of course I’m sane, when trees start talking to me, I don’t talk back.”

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

“Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.”

“Today is a good day for someone else to die!”

“One of the advantages of horses that people sometimes point out, is that they very seldom explode. Almost never, in my experience, apart from that unfortunate occurence in the hot summer a few years ago.”

“One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”

“All bastards are bastards, but some bastards are /bastards/.”

"We might find out why mankind is here, although that is more complicated and begs the question "Where else should we be?”“

"Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn’t always beat actual thought.”

“Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they’re allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.”

“Questions don’t have to make sense. But answers do.”

“I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible.”

“Listen,  trickery is what humans are all about, They’re so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.”

“Don’t put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That’s why they’re called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes.”

“Yes, but my father said that free advice often turns out to be expensive.”

“He’s dead. However, credit where it’s due, he hasn’t let that stop him.”

“I want to eat chocolates in a great big room where the world is a different place.”

“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”

“Students, eh? Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’re not allowed to hit ‘em with a shovel.”

“Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don’t usually come running when they hear a scream. That’s not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, ‘Did you hear a scream?’ because the first scream might have been you screaming inside your head, or a horse backfiring.”

“Peace?…. Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.”

“I am very attached to my fingers and I like to think of them as attached to me.”

[im-notsayingitwasaliens-blog]

I’m totally a teenager, god. 

[Tome rolled her eyes, looking wholly unimpressed. Who did this guy think he was, anyways? He was kinda bothering her, to be honest. He was so cagey, he was taking ages to.... oh. OH this was golden. She bounced on her toes excitedly, grabbing his arm and looking it over with renewed interest.]

Um... sorry about that, then. ....So you got super-secret awesome tech to rebuild yourself? How long have you had an artificial body? Was the adjustment period lengthy? What kind of rehab was needed? What kind of abilities do you have, no way this is just a vanilla replacement body, that’d be laaaammmme. 

I’m not a preteen! Full teen here, I’m fifteen! So… so there! Ha! 

[Real mature Tome. Reeeaaal mature. She stared at the stranger intently,(wow, all the way from one of the letter cities, weird. What kind of errands was he running? …Was he after one of the espers?!) trying to decide what was up with him before deciding to just… ask. Keep poking and he’d have to at least attempt an explanation.]

So…. obviously at least your arms are fakes, some kind of prosthetics? Doesn’t explain what’s up with your eyes though. Scleral contacts? Melanocytosis? Or are those bionics as well? I didn’t know tech was advanced enough for joints as articulated as yours, and you have a full five digits. Must have cost an arm and a leg… Oh my god. That pun was entirely unintentional.