ilovebenzossomuch

[ilovebenzossomuch]

Account of my abuses

When I was very little I remember going to the doctor with my mother and they prescribed me a suppository and she didn't know how to do it so the doctor did it I remember him touching my parts as he took off my clothes and how he inserted the suppository in me I felt so abused I felt so touched so hurt so sad

When I was older, my older cousins touched me several times and made comments about my physique. Many aunts also touched my buttocks, saying that I was already growing and that they could see that my body

Once I was talking on Instagram jokingly with one of my older cousins and I told him that it would be very funny if he jumped off the second floor of his house and he told me I would do it. But But you have to give me something in return and I didn't understand. I said, "Do you want something to eat?" I didn't understand. He wanted to see my body and give me a kiss. He was my favorite cousin. I trusted him. So we haven't talked again, I blocked him from everywhere

I once went to my family's farm when I was a teenager. There was an uncle whom everyone trusted and liked.I remember that there was no one in the house and when he saw me he greeted me, hugged me so tightly that I felt like he was touching my body and he told me that it was noticeable that you have grown.

In 2017 I met a girl who would be my best friend for a long time. The only flaw of this girl was that she really liked to touch my butt without my consent.She loved to do this sometimes she would lock me in the bathroom and touch me, This situation escalated so much that one of her boyfriends at the time broke up with her because he clearly realized that his girlfriend liked me physically. I could never really do anything to defend myself. I had a lot of friends and she was my only friend so I didn't give much importance to her touching my butt and the truth is that it bothered me a lot we had a lot of arguments about her stopping doing it.

In 2021 I met a guy named Ignacio through Instagram. He was always telling me how pretty I was, how much he liked me, etc. One day he invited me to his house in the evening and I accepted. He told me that we were going to smoke weed and watch Adventure Time, which seemed like a good plan to me. The thing is that when I arrived I noticed that he inhaled something from the table. I will never know what substance he inhaled.After this he takes out a bag that contained two very small figures that looked like candy. They were green. At that time I didn't know it but it was He asked me to take it with him, that it was like candy, that it felt like weed and that it wasn't that bad, that I should try it, I trusted him a little bit, so I did, something that I totally regret. At night he abused me and beat me all night. I couldn't sleep and I remember very little about what happened because that situation left me very out of my senses. I didn't know what was happening. The other day I woke up with my parts very sore, very damaged and my legs were full of bruises, it was obvious what had happened.The other day I woke up with my parts very sore, very damaged and my legs were full of bruises, it was obvious what had happened.

In 2023 I met a tattoo artist who hadn't actually tattooed several times before. He needed a canvas to tattoo a full color anime tattoo and he told me that I was the perfect canvas.Okay so we set a time for him to tattoo me I went to his apartment to get tattooed But he went to take a shower and came back He comes back dressed, approaches me and turns off all the lights in the apartment. I remember that he sat next to me and started touching my legs, asking me what kind of things I liked to do.I told him to get a tattoo but he asked me what things I liked sexually, how I liked to be touched, I told him that those things are not discussed now, that he should get a tattoo of one To which he begins to try to open my legs with his hands claiming that he wanted to show me affection.I respond very badly to this and tell him to leave me alone so I call a car to my house After this he blocked me and accused me of being the one who insinuated it to him. Once again no one believed me

2024 My friend Ignacia, who at that time was still my friend, went together to a party with a friend named Olivia apart from us.One good night we had a great time. The fact is that after that party We all went to sleep at my mother's apartment I slept with Nacha in my bed while Olivia slept on the couch in the living room I sleep deeply because I take quetiapine So obviously i wants to go to sleep immediately. The next day everything went normally. But I remember that my best friend now is Olivia. She was very upset.Moment I never understood why it was like that Months later she confesses to me that she got up in the morning to get water from the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom was my room which had the door open so she could see how Ignacia touched my private parts while I was sleeping, She got very nervous with this and didn't say anything but Ignacia told her that Misa has a very good c***To which Olivia only replied Good morning. This game I had an argument with Ignacia in which she never answered me anything, she blocked me and sent her boyfriend to insult me and saying that I was sick of people like me

[ilovebenzossomuch]

November 7th

A lo largo de mi vida he sufrido muchos abusos sexuales y violaciones desde que era muy pequeña, tecamente una bebé este tipo de cosas han llevado al declive de mi salud mental la cual es algo que es evidente ya que ningún niño que crece aislado rodeado de tantos abusos silenciosos podría ser un niño sano un adolescente sano o un adulto sano. Embargo mi padre me enseñó desde muy pequeña la resiliencia algo en lo que yo me he apoyado bastante en el creer que puedo ser mejor a pesar de todas las cosas que me han ocurrido. Pero la verdad es que al final del día a pesar de todas las herramientas que se me han entregado el abuso es como un collar que tienes apretado a tu cuello con el que creces, al crecer este collar te aprieta te apreta mucho y te duele a veces no te das cuenta que está ahí pero siempre está irritándote doliendo picando. El problema del abuso es que no se ve entonces la gente no empatiza con esta situación no ve el collar. Por eso que yo me he hecho una persona sumamente reactiva a las faltas de respeto a la falta de límites es algo que me choca y contra lo que no puedo evitar levantarme en contra, esta actitud defensiva que he tomado frente al abuso muchas veces se me ha llegado a señalar como una histérica como una llamada de atención como si quisiera fama o algo de vuelta. Me llaman atención por reclamar lo que evidentemente está mal me llaman atención por levantarme en contra de la injusticia me llaman atención al por levantarme en contra del abuso. Contra el abuso es mi deber porque yo fui una abusada yo soy una abusada a mí me abusaron, como tal no me voy a quedar mirando viendo como los abusadores viven su vida día a día normal mientras las personas que son abusadas son señaladas como atencionales exageradas incluso se les sexualiza. El abuso es mi lucha y al que no le guste que mire para otro lado.

[ilovebenzossomuch]

November 6th

I think I've reached some kind of enlightenment, an enlightenment that allows me to see what kind of shit I am.I would like not to be like this but the truth is that looking back I have not been a good person.I didn't even know how to be a person, I didn't even know how to have friends, that's what friends are.I think I've ruined every social interaction I've ever had and I've found a way to destroy it.Just as I destroyed everything I had with nacha I think about her a lot and if something could have been done but the truth is that I started to detect her I hated that she always had a romantic idea of me a sexualized idea that I could touch that she could touch I got tired of doing what she wanted to do because I tried.I was trying to make that version that she liked.Because every time I was myself it was obvious that she didn't like me that much.Everything went to hell that's the best way to sum it up.

God sees me and hears me But he wants me to solve my problem In my own way In order to heal myself from the start, the truth is that I became an extremely lazy and comfortable person.I constantly take pills to get high Rising up and hiding from all this shit that I feel cutting into my skin is no longer enough Everyone hates me, I know it, but I hate myself more.I hate every aspect of myself I hate being so stupid I hate being so conceited I hate being a nobody I hate being so pretentious

[ilovebenzossomuch]

when it comes to myself, sk!nny is pretty.

but when it comes to others, i see the beauty in them regardless of their w3ight or looks.

why does my brain work the way it does?

[ilovebenzossomuch]

Soy el estrés postraumático hecho persona

[ilovebenzossomuch]

From October 22

I feel miserable, But that's nothing new, I feel disgusted with everything, I don't like that but what can I do? I start praying, so that God saves me I hope you listen to me, that you take this away from me, please God, take this hate away from me, I don't want to be a wicked person. I don't want to be cruel, withered, Malicious, delinquent, addict, save me, father.

I'm fucked, I'm crazy.

I reached 59 kilos, my next goal is 55, I am being disciplined, the caloric deficit is very effective

[ilovebenzossomuch]

[ilovebenzossomuch]

October 17, 2024

I feel better, I told my mother what happened, she told me it was horrible, she understood me and gave me the day off to recover. So my best friend Olivia came to see me, she helps me so much, just being here with her makes me happy, We sing, we put on makeup, we laugh and we gossip. She always lifts my spirits, she is the light of my life with her smile and her personality.

Now the other thing, today I ate lettuce salad with carrot, laxative dark chocolate, I also ate Ramen but that was a silly temptation, I just went to bed, for dinner I had Spanish lettuce with cherry tomatoes and for lunch I had peach cubes with pineapple, It was delicious, I'm still hungry but I have to hold on, keep going, keep losing weight.

[ilovebenzossomuch]

October 16, 2024

Today, I faced my ex-best friend. I took a lot of Zopiclone. The truth is, I didn't feel good. As you'll see, she abused me while I was sleeping. She touched my a**, and I confronted her. I told her everything that had happened because my best friend was the one who told me all of this, and I felt very hurt telling her this—telling her that my best friend had discovered her touching my a**. She blocked me, and then her boyfriend insulted me. He told me that he was really fed up, just like me, that they made people suffer, and I felt like sh** because nobody believes me. When someone attacks me, nobody believes me. When someone sexually abuses me, nobody loves me. And with that same helplessness, in which nobody believes me, I decided to cut my arms. I decided to cut my veins. I decided to cut the sorrow. I cut myself as deep as my pain. I cut myself as hard as the helplessness I felt. As always, I am left as the victim—the victim of this idiot, which would be me. I am the problem girl, according to these people. I am the problem. I am the one who cuts. I am the one who takes drugs. I am the unstable one. Maybe I am. Maybe I am that girl. But you know what? I never lie, and I am suffering a lot.

[ilovebenzossomuch]

🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg 🕯️ -10kg

[ilovebenzossomuch]

15 From October 2024

I was proud of how much I was holding back my hunger, I didn't have breakfast, I didn't have lunch, my only food was two tomatoes.I am proud of what I have achieved in such a short time, I know I can do better.But this vicious circle makes me unhappy, So I was in a bad mood, I had been in a bad mood all day. Sleepy, With a horrible fatigue, everyone could notice it, I said I was like that because I had slept badly, which was also true.

I was feeling so bad that I went out with a guy, I like him and he treats me with affection, he lifted my spirits, at the end of the date I was feeling very hungry, so we went to eat

I had a roasted eggplant sandwich, with mushrooms, pickles and garlic sauce. It was delicious

[ilovebenzossomuch]

14 From October 2024

I have been reducing my calories for several days, eating less than I should or would like, drinking lots of fluids, I'm back in the purification stage, it's the most painful part But once you get over it, everything is easier. I'm not going to lie, I feel dead in life.Chills, drowsiness, confusion, disorientation These are some of the symptoms, the other symptom is the "you are thinner" that my best friend told me when I arrived at work. Definitely worth it It's worth all this pain This pain is mine.

Nobody has noticed yet, because in theory I had recovered,Supposedly, I loved eating again, and all that. But obviously it was a lie, I regained my weight, which is 65 kilos,But with those kilos came back the disgust, guilt, shame and modesty.I don't want to feel like this, I want to wear whatever clothes I want, look beautiful and slim,Fortunately as I have said many times, I have the key to this, I lost 5 kilos in less than a week and a half,I'm an expert, I'm excited to get to 58 kilos as soon as possible.

[ilovebenzossomuch]

I overdid it again with the food, But hey! It's Sunday! tomorrow is Monday I have a new opportunity to do better, My problem is that my best friend visits me, I don't want her to notice that I relapsed again.So we ate Gohan and some fruit I bought a lot of canned fruit and well, I'll do better. Please don't be rude to each other girls, we're in this together right? We don't have to be inconsiderate, we all want to be skinny.

If you feel bad, struggling and loss, talk to me!

Your friend, Misa🤍

[ilovebenzossomuch]

[ilovebenzossomuch]

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[ilovebenzossomuch]