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[ilikejdc204]

December 4, 2023 | 11:23 pm

Hi self. I just started working my undergraduate nurse job. I’m so lucky to have started this and to be given this opportunity. Unfortunately, i keep messing up. I haven’t had a perfect day yet. Now my anxiety us throw the roof because i think about the little mistakes that i made. I overthink so much i hope they don’t cause harm to my patient or i don’t get in trouble. I do not really know how i can make myself feel better right now. I don’t know whats going to happen to me. Am i going to lose my job? Am i going to be reprimanded? Im really scared. It makes me second guess my decision on becoming a nurse. I will take this as a learning opportunity and become better than i was yesterday. I hope i am given another chance. I don’t know if i am being hard on myself but i really hope nothing comes of this. I will update you till i work again. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO ME, THIS WILL BE A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY.

[ilikejdc204]

April 25, 2023 | 1:02

Dear Tatay,

i know you’re probably never gonna see this letter but i wanna tell you how much i appreciate you. I know you’re trying your best. I know that right now you’re not in a good space and that you’re struggling. I feel can see the sadness in your eyes. I can feel the wave of worry that you carry with you. The times that you’re not able to sleep, i am awake with you. The time that i witnessed you cry, my heart weeps with you. I feel you pain and i see you Tay. You are an honest man and a kind one. I hope you know that whatever it is that you’re going through, it will all work out in the end. It’s just a bump in the road. We are here to support you Tay. I will be here for you. Mama, kuya and I will be here for you. Most of all God is always here for you. He sees you, he feels you, he hears you and he loves you. Trust him fully and know that whatever it is you’re going through it is all part of his plan Tay. I hope i can see your genuine smile again soon.

Love,

Abby

[ilikejdc204]

APRIL 19, 2023 | 1057

Dear God,

Im sorry for being like this. Im sorry for coming to you only when I’m feeling this way. Please Lord God help my parents. Help them be okay. I know my dad is going through some things. My mom is always sick. Please help them resolve whatever they are worrying about. I know that with your mercy, everything is possible. Please God. please help them. My dad is a good person, he is very helpful and selfless. I pray that he gets the peace that he truly deserves. My mom is the most kind hearted person I have ever met. Please protect them at all cost. Please don’t let whatever evil is trying to provoke them win. I trust that you give your toughest soldiers the hardest battles cause you know that they will survive it. God im praying for forgiveness. Im praying for the most important people in my life to be happy. Thank you God.

[ilikejdc204]

November 23, 2022 | 11:24 pm

I just had my blood work done this morning and I’m hoping its none of the things I’m scared of. Please God help me. I know in pathetic and i come off like i don’t care but right now I’m so scared . I don’t know what to do right now and the wait is killing me. I hope my next entry is some good news. Please.

[ilikejdc204]

August 16, 2022 | 3:27 pm

I wanna text you so bad. But i shouldn’t make it this easy. Im hurt and you should know that what you did is not right.

What i want to tell you

I love you and i miss you. Please don’t do this again. I can’t stay mad at you.

What i feel inside

You’re a liar, i cant trust you, you broke my heart. I don’t want to be with you.

[ilikejdc204]

August 16, 2022 | 8:48

How could you hurt me this way. I’m scared to lose you but i’m scared that you will keep hurting me like this again. I’m torn between choosing you or choosing myself. Maybe its better this way.

[ilikejdc204]

June 23, 2022 | 0215

Here i am again.

I often end up in this place where i don’t want to be.

It’s not where i wish to head, but here I am.

I wonder if i’ll visit this space again in my lifetime.

The maze is harder than i thought, clearly i keep running to the same path.

Path that leads me to this place, again.

Please lead me to change.

Im here again, lost.

[ilikejdc204]

May 14, 2022

Is it obvious? That im so insecure, my face, my body. I cant look at myself in the mirror. I’m pushing people away. I wanna be alone so i can sulk in my own sadness. Its so hard feeling this way.

[ilikejdc204]

March 6, 2022

I’m so confused… i think thats the word. Can’t everything just fall into place ?

[ilikejdc204]

November 1, 2021

Paalam Tita Baldo. Salamat sa pagpapasaya mo sa buong pamilya. Salamat sa pagiging selfless at paguna sa iba kaysa sa sarili mo. Hindi ko akalain na mawawala ka sa amin ng maaga. Marami pa akong gusto ibahagi sa inyo. Gusto ko makasama pa kayo ni tatay. Kung saan ka man naroroon, sana masaya ka at lagi mo kaming babantayan. Hanggang sa muli.

Abby

[ilikejdc204]

OCT 20 1254 am

Juelz is such a nice person. I hope he doesnt have to go through that.

[ilikejdc204]

OCT 12, 2021

I went to the club for the first time in so long. I though it was gonna be one of those “I’m so glad i went” nights. Was i ever wrong.

I feel like shit not having a group of friends i can dance with. It was suffocating looking around to see if any familiar faces would grab me and keep me company. My mind was running so fast trying to find ideas to help make the time go by fast. I was surrounded by people but i felt so alone.It made me feel like shit, it made me feel so little. What do i really want? What should i even do? I feel like a nobody, but i wanna be somebody. Someone’s home girl. Someone’s bestie. I wanna be included. I wanna be wanted. But why do i want that? Why can’t i just be content with my life? Why do i envy them? Why do i feel so low? I have so many things to be thankful for. I am loved by so many. I am healthy. I have supportive parents. I dont understand. It shouldn’t matter. Live you life without looking at someone else thinking yours should be similar to them. You are a different person. I want to feel better. I feel like im back to square one.

[ilikejdc204]

June 28, 2019 || 2:07 AM

Im starting to write again, meaning im in a dark place. I probably slept less than 8 hours in the 3 days. Im tired of something. Im not happy . Please open my eyes

[ilikejdc204]

Dear JM || August 11 4:38 am

My love, its so crazy how different things are now. Looking back and seeing how everything is just so much better now and how much happier i am now. Im still not 100% but everyday you keep redeeming yourself. I know this is just the start and everything can go south in a split second but im appreciating this time we share love and peace together. I hope i dont scare you away hahaha.

[ilikejdc204]

To Abby Maglalang Dec 7,2018

Bing tama na, mahalin mo naman yung sarili mo. Alam ko malungkot ka, alam ko gusto mo lang ng makakasama. Alam ko marami ng nangiwan sayo. Gusto mo ba na ganito na lang lagi? Gusto mo lagi ka nalang gagamitin ng mga tao? Turuan mo yung sarili mong maging matatatag. Alam kong mabait kang tao pero alalahanin mo na mag puso ka rin na dapat alagaan. Turuan mo yung sarili mong malaman kung kailan kailangan ng itigil ang isang bagay. Hindi masama ang maging makasarili minsan.

[ilikejdc204]

November 23 8:40 PM

I’m tired of asking for you to appreciate me. Its pathetic, what i do just for you to notice. This is worst than not having anyone. When you start to build up this bullshit imaginary expectation inside your head of how this person can potentially be, fucking stop. Im tired, thats all. Stop telling me you want me. Stop coming back to my life just so you can stand there at the door and wait for me to beg for you to come inside. I know for a fact im nothing but a toy to you. When youre done with me i gotta go, right? Im nothing but someone you talk to cause nobody else is there. There’s so many fucked up things in this twisted relationship that i dont wanna be a part of. Please if you have any respect for me, leave me alone. Dont ever come back. I deserve to be treated more than that. Abby please if you say you respect yourself just walk away. PLEASE

[ilikejdc204]

November 11, 2018

can i be honest with you? theres nobody else i wanna be with if not with you. that little attention you give me, i feed off that like a leech and i know its pathetic but it works for me. It makes my day to be honest. It sucks cause i dont think you’ll ever feel the same way as i feel for you. I dont think you’ll ever put in the same effort as i do like EVER. But i dont think that matters to me. I wish you would just completely walk away if you have no reason to be here. Why even come back to my life if its gonna be the same thing? Cause theres days i wish i was given what i truly deserve. I wish you would let me feel for someone else and they can do what you cant. It scares me that one day you’ll meet someone and suddenly you will do everything for her. Can i be honest with you? Stop wasting my time cause i can go on forever with you and be nowhere in the end.