ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

the best thing about having the house to myself is that I can make breakfast in my underwear

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

You know that episode of SpongeBob where Squidward is frontin’ like he has a five star, fine dining restaurant because of the competitiveness and sexual tension between him and Squilliam? And Patrick is like “May I take your hat,sir? May I take your hat, sir?” like a weenie?

That’s what customer service is frfr.

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

dogs are incapable of sin

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

i was looking everywhere in the car for my vape because i lost it and I found these instead

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

Now available at Walmart

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

Our beautiful son.

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

no caption can possibly make this funnier

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

unsure-reptile.jpg

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

2018 mood board

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

the greatest skill a woman can learn for herself is self reliance

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

anyway here’s wonderwall

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

Vanilla Ice’s Twitter Header shows him holding a game controller posing triumphantly while being met with the steam connection error message on a dual screen setup with an illegitimate copy of windows 10

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

Austria, 2015: *has a burning piano of stage* Ukraine, 2018: I see your piano and raise you FUCKING STAIRS ON FIRE WITH A PIANO ON TOP 

[ihavebeenprogrammedtoobey]

The Coffeyville Daily Journal, Kansas, May 14, 1896