ihatepineapplesandapples

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

“Draco talked to Aurore more than he talked to anyone.”

Inspired by Manacled by @senlinyuwrites because Draco and Aurore interactions live rent-free in my head.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

I went to a medical clinic today to finally have my irregular menstruation checked. Being a women is frustrating sometimes.

I am scared of the doctors office. Always have been.

The only time I go really is if it's mandatory for work or if I don't have a choice anymore.

Today, I didn't have a choice anymore because my husband forced me to go.

The last time I visited this specific clinic was 8 years ago.

A few moments earlier, a nurse checked my blood pressure, oxygen levels and my weight to have my information updated.

The nurse looked at the scale, then looked at me, then looked at my old record. And said, "You were 55 kilograms before!"

I am perfectly aware of how much I gained.

I couldn't make out what her facial expression was. Surprised. Concerned. Judgemental but trying not to be.

"8 years has passed since I last went here." I mumbled with my head down.

She raised the paper showing my information and repeated, "55 kilograms.." while looking at me with the same expression, as if raising the paper is going to give more emphasis to the weight I used to have and how much it increased now.

Now I wait in front of the doctor's office. I hope she's nicer than the nurse I just spoke with.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Trabaho

Dati kala ko matalino ako pero bakit bobong bobo ako sa sarili ko ngayon?

Ganon ba talaga kapag nagtatrabaho ka na?

Walang mahingan ng tulong. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng tanong ko pang tanga,

Di natututo

Paulit ulit

Nakakasuya

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Umuwi ako sa Bicol a couple of weeks ago. I haven't been able to go home for I think more than 3 years.

May kasabihan sa amin na kapag pumunta ka sa Albay at pagdating mo, walang nakatakip na mga ulap ang Bulkan Mayon, ibig sabihin ay isa kang taong may mabuting puso.

Ganito yung dinatnan ko pauwi.

It felt like a welcoming hug.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Naputol na yung salamin ko kagabi. Higit tatlong taon na din ito kaya siguro bumigay na din. Sign na ito na kelangan ko na magpacheck talaga sa mata.

Itinuro satin (sakin oo, pero depende sa nakasanayan nyo yan) na "we have to make the most out of the things we possess". Dapat masulit natin, bago tayo bumili ng bagong sabon. Hindi kami bumibili ng bagong twalya o kumot hanggat hindi pa gulagulanit ung meron samin. Lalo na sa appliances, hangga't gumagana pa, kahit naghihingalo na, hindi muna yan ipapacheck o ipaparepair.

Sana hindi tayo ganito sa sarili natin. Wag natin hintayin na naghihingalo na tayo, bago tayo magpahinga saglit o kaya hihintayin na sobrang worn out na tayo bago mag step back at iprioritize naman ang sarili. Sabi nga ng EO, love your eyes. Kaya bukas o sa weekend, magpapacheck na ako ng mata at magpapasukat ng bagong salamin.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Pamilyang Pinya: Part 1

Mahal ko sila. Malamang mahal din nila ako. Pero mga toxic amputa.

Simula bata ako, laging sinasabi ng nanay ko na, “Okay lang yan ‘nak, kahit anong gawin mo, proud kami sayo.” But they were expecting na saluhin ko finances ng pamilya. Hindi naman kami ganun kahikasos sa buhay pero lulong sila ng tatay ko sa sugal. Kaya nung isang beses na sabi ng ate ko na nagpaaral sakin sa kolehiyo na tuition fee ko nalang ang sasagutin nya, sabi ng nanay at tatay ko patigilin nalang daw ako sa pag aaral. 

Partida may dalawang scholarship pa ako nun hah, at bunso ako sa limang magkakapatid. Napagtapos na nila yung tatlo samin. Kaso kasi yung nanay ko lulog sa jueteng. 

Sa mga di nakakaalam, parang mini Lotto din yung Jueteng. Ang kinaibahan lang tatlong beses sa isang araw ung bola at depende sa tumataya kung magkano itataya nila. Isa pa, imbes na anim na numer, dalawa lang ang sa jueteng. 

Eh yung nanay ko, may tatlo atang number combination na inaalagaan. kulang kulang singwenta ang taya sa bawat numero. PHP 150 sa isang bola. Kulang kulang PHP 450 sa isang araw. 

Ang nakakatawa ang baon na binibigay nya sakin sa isang araw nung college ako isang daan. I-kompyut natin ang daily gastos ko.

Pamasahe (dalawang sakay papuntang school jeep at bus) PHP 20 + PHP 7 + PHP 7 + PHP 20 = PHP 54 Minsan kelangan lumipat at bumalik ng campus between classes kasi malaki university namen PHP 14 Student meal PHP 25 (oo may ganito kamurang pagkain nung kapanahunan ko, giniling na karne na maraming sabaw at Magic Sarap)

PHP 54 + PHP 25 + PHP 14 = PHP 93

May natitirang 7 pesos sakin everyday kasi pinipilit ko wag mag snacks. Iniipon ko yon kasi narealize ko na napakagastos magpa photocopy sa college taena.

May kasamang dasal yan na sana walang extra gastos sa school sa araw na yon kasi naranasan ko nang umuwi ng kulang na pala pamasahe ko.

See the difference?

Jueteng = PHP 450 per day Baon ng Anak = PHP 100 per day

Jueteng > Anak

Yung tatay ko naman, tahimik lang (pero hindi Mark ang pangalan nya). Char

Mejo mas high tier naman ang addiction ng tatay ko. Sabong. 

Sasabihin nyo, sabong lang pala eh ilang beses lang sa isang linggo yun. (Di ako aware kung ilang beses merong sabong pero alam ko yung tatay ko nagsasabong kapag bagon padala yung ate ko) so kinsenas katapusan yan.

Oh diba, twice a month lang naman eh. Bakit bitter parin ako?

Mamsh, ikaw ba naman after nyan magsabong, kinabukasan, kahit kakapadala palang ng ate ko, wala na daw kami pang ulam at wala din pambili ng LPG. Buti nalang talaga may pugon kaming alternative na paglutuan. 

Buwan buwan din kaming muntik muntikan maputulan ng kuryente dahil di binabayaran agad. Yung naka allot na pambayad dun ng mga ate ko, itinataya muna sa sugal. Malay mo naman kasi manalo diba?

Eh kaso madalas hindi. 

Ang solusyon? Mangungutang. J@#$%SH*t@!!! And that my friend, is a whole-nother story (or rant), pero next time na siguro ulit.

Di ako nakikikumpetensya sa mga kapwa ko nagstruggle din sa college life. Nakakafrustrate lang kasi hindi naman sana kailangan na ganun eh.

Hindi naman sana dapat ganun kung walang sabong at jueteng. K*ng*na.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Here's one the older poems i wrote.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

bye, '19

it is ending, finally! 2019 has been, for some reason, a very cruel year to me. i was haunted by my demons i never even knew existed. the smiles i pasted on my face were nothing but that, pasted. and fake.

i realized how bad my overthinking has become. i cry for no reason, and pretend to laugh at the corniest joke i can find. laughing never made it better. it only concealed what i really felt. broken.

i felt broken and i felt guilty for feeling that way for no sensible reason! believe me i fought, and i am still fighting.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Cling or not to cling?

I would consider myself an overly emotional, easily-attached, hyperdramatic kind of friend but i try my very best to conceal that, scared that it would drive them away.

So i became this, cool, just-okay-with-everything, IDGAF-if-you-aren't-available-or-just-plain-not-in-the-mood to hang out with me kind of friend. Every beginning of a friendship, my facade turns our really great! My new-found friend love me because i'm low maintenance.. I understand them, i tell them what they want to hear and shower them with the love and attention they never asked for.

While, all that happens, i begin to slowly drown in my own quicksand of being Ms. Pretentious.

They begin to neglect me, they begin to go to parties without inviting cuz why not? They think everything's always okay.

Birthdays becomme the only time they remember. With the help of Facebook, of course.

Plans become just that. Plans.

Smiles become obligatory.

And i slowly pull away.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

It's so hard being that clingy friend sometimes.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

You see, not all smiles are brought about by happiness

There is always a great deal of everything behind that curved line

It can be anything from defeat or success, triumph or loneliness

Don't be fooled,oh dear, don't assume everything's just fine

You see, humans can be very fake, thinking they can take it all

They may think you ain't willing to be a friend, ain't willing to stay

So they bottle it all up, they smile with their lips and still stand tall

Without realizing the enemies are creeping in until tears finally break away

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Nope. I'm not obsessed with Ferris Wheels.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Ron Weasley: I did start my essay for History of Magic.

Hermione Granger: That’s great! Let’s hear it!

Ron Weasley: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Hermione Granger: You didn’t write that.

Ron Weasley: It’s in my handwriting.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]

Ferris wheels will always be magical.

[ihatepineapplesandapples]