The first time Jim heard the phrase was in the transporter room, moments after meeting Spock. After offering Spock the Ta’al (to which Spock looked momentarily surprised, then responded in kind), Jim greeted, “Welcome aboard, Mr. Spock. I trust your ride here was comfortable?”
Spock, lowering his hand, blinked at Jim strangely. “Vulcans do not feel comfort, Captain.”
Jim inwardly rolled his eyes to the ceiling at the semantics. Brushing it off, as he will habitually do in the future, Jim led Spock to the briefing room, their first steps as captain and first officer.
The second, more significant time was in the mess hall. Bones, with his usual antagonizing lip-curled expression, gestured toward Spock across the table with a spoon. “How can you eat that flavorless mush, Spock?” he barked. “C’mon, have some earth food for once—something with spice!”
“I assure you, Doctor, most Vulcan dishes would irreparably burn your taste buds from the amount of spice it contains,” Spock said. Jim couldn’t help but grin at how primly he takes another sip of the ‘flavorless’ soup.
“’Burn my taste buds’? I’m from the South, ya pointy-eared fool. Your tongue would fall off from my Southern cookin’!”
With a bland face, Spock held his bowl and spoon towards Bones. “I am finished, Doctor, if you care to take the last bite.”
With a grumble, Bones snatched the cutlery and jammed the spoon into his mouth. Jim grew concerned when his friend’s face turned bright red, and he leapt to his feet, knees clattering against the table. Without a word, he quickly strode out of the dining hall.
Jim chuckled, looking up at Spock, who was standing and adjusting his shirt. “Well, Mr. Spock. Is my ship’s doctor going to be all right, or have you fully incapacitated him with your homeland’s goods?”
“His taste buds will be functional in a few hours,” Spock said, picking up his tray. “Simply numb. Not burned, Captain.”
“Well you sure put him in his place,” Jim said with a hearty laugh. “You must be feeling pretty proud of yourself, mister.”
“Vulcans do not feel pride,” Spock argued. But there was a gleam in his eye that Jim caught before he turned to deposit his tray.
Jim didn’t pick up on the phrase, the frequency of the phrase, for an embarrassingly long time. He was fascinated by Spock from the moment he came onto the Enterprise; his way of speech, his nuances, his restrained emotion. Jim made it an unconscious challenge to himself to draw that undercurrent, secretive emotion out of Spock whenever possible: through camaraderie, through teasing, through, - dare he say it - flirting. Somewhere along the way, however, it became less of a challenge and more of a way that his day lit up through a simple smile of Spock’s eyes or when he occasionally served the flirting right back to Jim.
And the more Jim’s fascination of Spock grew, the more this… phrase came to interrupt their conversations.
On the bridge: “Vulcans do not feel embarrassed, Captain.”
In Jim’s quarters, after a chess game : “Vulcans do not feel anger, Captain.”
Offside, on a new planet, when Spock discovered a new fauna to log into his journal: “Vulcans do not feel excitement, Jim.”
Before Jim beamed down for a bi-monthly shore leave: “Vulcans do not feel exhaustion, Captain.”
Before Jim beamed down to a dangerous, hostile situation on Ocron IV: “Vulcans do not feel fear, Jim.”
When Jim’s eyes fluttered open in sickbay, and Bones joked about how Spock had been by Jim’s side for hours: “Vulcans do not feel anxiety, Doctor.”
On the deserted observatory lounge, just the two of them, the stars glittering behind them, standing close enough to breath each other’s atmosphere: “Vulcans do not feel love, Jim.”
“But what about you?” Jim urges, taking his friends arms with firm fists and gently shaking him. “What about you, Spock, what do you feel?”
Jim finally turns away from the lost look in Spock’s eyes.
He sits in his cabin, head in his hands. His fascination, his friendship, for Spock grew into love; he knows that now. His heart ran away from him, tumbling right into Spock, poking at every angle of his personality and fluttering over every smile and gaze and flirtation Spock ever gave him. And now, that damn phrase…
His door beeps, a request for entrance. Jim wipes his eyes and walks to the door. It swishes open before he can get to the doorway. Spock, in all his restrained and yet bursting glory, is standing there, hands clasped behind him and shoulders slumped.
“I feel comfort,” he says, softly, looking at the floor. Jim doesn’t understand at first, until he remembers the first words ever exchanged between them.
“Spock—” Jim begins, taking a step toward his friend.
“I feel pride,” Spock chokes out, as Jim encircles his wrist with loose fingers.
“I feel embarrassment,” he says, accepting Jim’s gentle touch on his shoulder.
“I feel anger,” he whispers, letting Jim encircle him in his arms.
“I feel excitement,” he says into Jim’s neck, his breath warm.
“I feel exhaustion. I feel fear. I feel anxiety. I feel—” He stops, his hands clutching the fabric on the back of Jim’s shirt, like it’s his last lifeline.
Jim pulls back, frames Spock’s face in his shaking hands. “What do you feel, Spock?” he whispers.
“I feel love,” is what Spock can barely say before he tilts forward, lips finding Jim’s.
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Hot take: The Star Trek you see on TV and movies is only half the story.
For 50 years Star Trek novels have expanded the universe far more than 42 minute episodes or 2 hour movies possibly could. Some are amazing, others are dreadful and lots are inbetween just like the TV episodes that spawned them.
Did you know Riker's USS Titan from the Lower Decks season one finale has an entire series of novels detailing Riker, Troi and Tuvok's adventures?
Or that books have been written detailing the split between Vulcans and Rihannsu (who humans call Romulans)?
Or that Kirk's crew were split up for awhile and the 5-year mission cancelled after a massive Prime Directive kerfuffle?
Ever wondered what happened between TOS and the classic movies? It's all in the Lost Years novels.
Did you know George Kirk was Robert April's first officer on the very first mission of the as-yet-unnamed starship with the Naval Construction Contract number 1701?
How about the death and resurrection of Admiral Janeway?
Or the final Borg invasion in 2381, where we learned their origin and final fate?
How about an entire series of short stories about the Starfleet Corps of Engineers? Or books about the Department of Temporal Investigations? Or William Shatner's series about Kirk's resurrection and life in the 24th century?
"But the books aren't canon!"
No, but they're awesome.
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