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i feel miserable

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So like I've had sex only once which was already two months ago???? But anyways it made me not want to have sex again unless I'm in am established relationship cause wow I feel so inexperienced and bad I really need practice and patience from my partner Also. Is sex just not that great for everyone? My fingers do a much better job than anyone else.

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omg just bought a super cheap vibrator

it was supposed to be like $30 but i paid $7 

feelin proud

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i need advice

so im in a thing with a guy... we've had sex and all that, but it was never clearly stated "this is a relationship" or indicated in any way what we were. relationship? fwb? idk.

but i want to put a stop to it. and even if it's just a casual thing, the words are really hard to get out. especially when he says things like "you're so cute", i can't just be like "thanks, but this is over."

i dont want to seem like a bitch or heartless in any way, but i really don't know because i don't know if he likes me at all, or just likes the sex. (latter would be easier)

td;dr: Specific break-up phrases for an unclear relationship partner that may or may not have feelings for you?

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im so fucking tired of guys and relationships

but they wont let up about it

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i want him to touch me

his fingers seem so strong

and the veins in his arms

to hold me

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white boy speak is worse than l337 

am i actually that nerdy

like actually

oh god why are all these white boys so hot and so uninteresting

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pleasepleaseplease i think i just need somebody... i wonder if anyone else ever gets this lonely. i wonder if anyone thought i could be this lonely. do i seem independent? jfc i need somebody. someone who can see my worth as a person. a friend. i need a friend i can share love with.

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i feel like i haven't been horny in a while... ive tried getting into the mood sometimes but it just doesnt work. it's probably just one of those phases when i find sex gross but still

i just cant get going because i feel so pathetic sometimes like i dont even want sex anymore i just need somebody's arms around me

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I get so jealous sometimes of friends having better friends. I want to be their everything; their sleepover buddy, their problem solver, their girl's night out. And I even know that every friend can be close equally but are for different occasions. I know that. I know I can't be everything. But I want to be, because it seems so unfair. 

I was being angry about this as my friend did some Facebook tagged post about the Three people she's grateful for and put me in the same number as two other random friends. I felt so useless, like I was just another part of the gang, like she couldn't even trust me with her problems. That's the part that makes me the saddest. That I can go to her with problems but I don't have the ability to help her. I want to help her.

But then she wrote, "Christine, thank you for not giving up on our friendship when the distance/timing gives you every reason to." And it just made almost everything better. Partly the singling out, partly the fact she recognized my effort. It would be so easy to drift apart, just like that. But we both try, and we both reach out. It's hard sometimes, because of my jealousy, but I care about her too much to just stop trying. 

That's the one thing you can count on. If I become good friends with you, I will do my best to reach out and never lose touch. Nothing's worse than losing friends because of distance or time. It's not easy, but it's something. I'll always be devoted to the certain few.

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fuck why does my brother have more game than i do

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oH MY FUCKING GOD

my brother just confessed to me about the time he got drunk with his gay friend who has a crush on him

that he didnt know at the time, and my brother's super straight

and he woke up to his friend sucking his dick what the fuck

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FUCK YOU.

WOW. I WISH I CAN TRAVEL TO WHERE YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT NOW AND SLAP YOU ACROSS THE FACE.

I don't think I've been this angry in a while. It's one thing to read comments on a youtube/article and pass it off as, "okay this guy is being a troll."

It's another thing for people YOU KNOW telling you how feminism is some sort of conspiracy and patriarchy isn't real unless there's a systemic female genocide by the government. 

Sometimes I can't believe people are this stupid and stubborn. If they could just see. 

Part of me wants to crawl up and cry and pretend for the rest of my life that everybody's equal and everything's happy and there are no social problems to face. Part of me wants to be ignorant and happy.

But I think I should be stronger than that. I am stronger than that. I need to stand up for what is right because if I won't, who will? I need to be strong for the sake of the rest of us and not give up because everyone seems to feel that being a feminist make you some sort of fanatic extremist.

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hahahahhahahahahhaaaaaaaa I made a Pompeii rap

pretend the song goes on as usual after this rap

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Sometimes I really want my friends to rely on me. I want them to think that no matter what happens, I will always be there for them. I will always support them and be on their side. And I will.

But then when they actually come for help, I'm not sure what to day. I'm no therapist. I don't know how to handle the situation. And most of the time, I won't understand. For somebody who wants to help so much, I can't understand what my friends are going through. In my head, I'm going "this is a stupid problem". I guess some of that might leak into the conversation.

And then to my very close friends whom I love the most, I complain about these types of situations. I expect them to understand, but I should know better than to do that. I probably sound like I am tired of people coming to me for help when I can't. But that's not it at all. If my close friends were to need my help, I would do anything in the world. But since they are the ones I always rant to, they detach from me slowly and turn to other people about their problems. And I feel inept as a friend. Not good enough. Like one of those people who are only there for the good times and not the bad. 

Maybe it's better that way. 

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sometimes i just want to watch something really sad and cry forever

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had a hannigram dream???

it was super stressful though bc will graham kinda wanted to hit that but at the same time he knew hannibal is a psychopath

and hannibal was just pretty much like "aww yea sex with my bby"

also my mom woke me up right before they started going at it :(