idksupchels

[idksupchels]

Claude

How I long to be seen 

through the eyes

of Claude Monet.

All my blurriest parts rushing together

to make sense in vibrant color.

I’m no good up close

but give me time

give me space and watch year by year 

as the green in my eyes become Lilly pads.

Hold me 

only 

in your heart

so that I may become 

an untouchable masterpiece.

Stare until I make sense

and then until you become curious again.

Ponder the ways in which 

my body curves around the canvas.

Fools rush in,

but I’m no fool.

I’m a work of art 

hanging in the halls 

of Monet’s heart.

[idksupchels]

friEnd Zone

I have an edge now.

I cried once more alone in my room because I let my insecurity get the best of me again.

My softness fell 

like scales from my eyes

when I saw you look at her with desire. 

The smooth curve of my tongue became a double-edged sword, cutting my throat each time I tried to hurt you. 

I ran away because you lit a fuse 

and I thought I might blow up.

Perhaps I should have stayed

and let those little pieces of me fall

into your lap.

I’ll take your disgust if I can’t have desire.

Burn me if you’re going to spit me out of your mouth.

If I can’t have your love,

then give me your hate.  

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

he

 the people at parties 

all somehow dissolve

Earth sequesters her motion 

and forfeits revolve

we need not speak

or silent the strain

your eyes echo the chorus

I sing the refrain 

should conscious confess

and make known what is true

our lips would delight

in harmonious tune 

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

Like this

The sun was bursting through my blinds and I was angry

because I thought I should be sleeping

As I laid there, time moved me forward into a moment

where I noticed the sun

shining on my legs and I laughed

I am often romanced by moments

and this one was no different

I swear the world slows down just for me

just so I can notice the dust particles

fall from my ceiling in the sunlight.

Every now and again 

I’d fix my eyes 

hone in on one to follow

and let it lead me wherever it landed-- 

a stack of books or old records

Something in me likes to believe 

that those dirty little snowflakes were sent 

to orchestrate this moment

to remind me of all my favorite words and

songs that have saved me

I begin to hum along 

I marvel at my body

as it stretches in my sheets

I wonder if everyone feels this way

I used to wake up in panic 

and now I wake up like this

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

this land is (y)our land

Should I feel justified in my anger?

After all, who am I to call a city mine?

You followed me as much as you followed your founding fathers;

and boys will be boys. So go ahead. Claim your land. Piss on my friends and mark the places I am no longer welcome.

I came here to start a new life.

You came here to prove yours. You have not defeated me 

for I am not fighting. 

I weep at war but my tears only water the ground. 

So while you work tirelessly 

to raise up flags 

and declare defeat. 

I am quietly sprouting something that will outlive your feeble freehold.

Your castles will crumble 

and you will watch

as my vines flourish 

and bury the monuments you built 

proving your place in this town.

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm. Your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm. Yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new. In city and in forest, they smiled like me and you. But now it's come to distances and both of us must try. Your eyes are soft with sorrow. Hey, that's no way to say goodbye. I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time. Walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme. You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me. It's just the way it changes like the shoreline and the sea. But let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie. Your eyes are soft with sorrow. Hey, that's no way to say goodbye. I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm, Your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm. Yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new. In city and in forest they smiled like me and you. But let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie. Your eyes are soft with sorrow; Hey, that's no way to say goodbye. - Leonard Cohen

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

Snow Days

In my chest, I hold quietly

the hope of being known. Will I be seen where I feel it most? The same place is reserved for snow days.

Do these moments romance or betray me?

My heart pounds and shudders at the thought--

longing to be known,

though I am alone,

I want to know 

that I too shall find love. 

My heart beats in protest and shouts, It’s here and you are. 

[idksupchels]

[idksupchels]

elephant

I can not blame you

for the animal 

I brought into this room.

I expected you to know

what to do. 

How could you?

I did everything I could

to form space 

between the words 

I should have just said.

Instead, 

I beat around the bush

with a can of gas

and let it burn

hoping the ash would keep

you from seeing the elephant.

[idksupchels]

“perspectives” 🍁 love, chels p.s. drawing fall leaves is hard

[idksupchels]

The Day After Thanksgiving

I traded my mirror for a window

because I wanted to see something beautiful

The tree outside became a horizon 

and its leaves were a sunset in the midnight of my life

I called to them,

You are beautiful.

And they responded,

So are you.

A tear fell down my cheek and landed on my left arm;

the drop of water became a microscope of my former sadism.

In the confessional booth of my apartment, I placed my hand on the partition and through the window whispered,

I’m dying.

A leaf fell from the top of the tree and hit the ground.

Again, they called out to me,

So are we.

[idksupchels]

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

(Maya Angelou)