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Shane as a female Jess

Okay I'm on my s3 rewatch and reminded what a QUEEN Shane is

And really thinking that, while they aren't remotely the same person in different genders Jess and Shane have so much on common in terms of how they exist in Stars Hollow

Jess is implied to be more sexually experienced and comfortable than Rory/the average Stars Hollow kid. Shane is too

Jess is rude to customers at his customer service job. Shane is too.

Jess misses social cues or deliberately doesn't interact the way he's supposed to to keep the Stars Hollow people happy. Shane does too (Appearing to completely not notice/consider that a customer is waiting while she's on the phone)

Shane and Jess both communicate largely through slightly atonal speech (sarcastic and dry in customer service settings, at times forceful when talking to people close to them)

Jess and Shane are both more comfortable with PDA than Rory/Lorelai/Luke/Stars Hollow wants them to be

Jess and Shane are both confident in their point of view and are quick to challenge the people close to them when confronted about it, even if it's not completely rational (BLOATY IS A WORD I BELIEVE YOU SHANE)

Shane, like Jess, is reliant on a part time job with in the world of Gilmore Girls codes them as POOR, especially when you consider working class hero Rory didn't have a job all through high school.

What's more Stars Hollow reacts to them in extremely similiar ways. While we don't see a town hall meeting called about Shane, she appears to be just as isolated as Jess is, and treated by Stars Hollow's favorite heroes in similar ways:

Called a freak by Lorelai for being excited to see her boyfriend. Quick check: Lorelai is an adult who we are meant to believe is a feminist and advocate for plucky young woman. Shane is a child minding her own business whose only offense was to brush against Lorelai as she walked by. Extremely minor infractions blown up to enormously? Where have we seen this before?

Treated as though she is stupid ("To you how ice is made is probably fascinating") with absolutely no basis

Considered a problem by Luke, a disappointment right off the bat even though he knows almost nothing about her. Sound familiar?

Yelled at by Rory because she didn't instantly meet her Stars Hollow magic expectations of fake kindness and exceedingly generous service. Alternatively, the actual reason for the yelling was because Shane failed to meet her secret expectations of making her romantic dreams come true (Getting out of the way for Shane, on the flipside pining and waiting on Jess's part) . SOUND FAMILIAR?

Even cool girl Lane who so pursues the unusual and off beat goes along with Rory being confrontational with Shane with no prompting, even though she visibly is confused by the treatment. Like Jess, in the world of Stars Hollow Shane is wrong, off, bad and the treatment even in her short time on screen very much is in line.

SHE DESERVES BETTER SHE DESERVES THE WOLRD

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Rewatching Gilmore Girls with different goggles than I did back then. . .it just seems like Jess and Dean were more obsessed with each other than Rory. Honestly, Dean's Donna Reed thing might be him trying to conform to society's expectations of what a family is supposed to be like and that Dean definitely is gay. But yeah, Jess is bisexual and doesn't want to admit that he likes Dean. I mean, Jess might have actually loved Rory, but Dean always seemed like he was trying too hard.

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I'm once again thinking about how "Vandalism" is a Love Language for Jess Mariano. 😂 Hear me out! Whether it's wrecking someone else's snowman so that Rory will win the snowman contest, or sabotaging the kid's movies at the Video Store so that Taylor will take down his humiliating "Rory Curtain," or ripping Luke's wireless router out of the wall in the Revival because he can tell his uncle is distressed, when Jess sees someone he loves stuck in a miserable situation that they can't get out of without making other people unhappy, he says, "I will be the Bad Guy so you don't have to be."

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here it is, after a month😩 edited this even tho i have work tomorrow so please read and pray that i wake up on time🫡

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(The question is which of Rory's boyfriends was her intellectual equal)

So I don't hate this perspective and I do think Logan is smart, but most of the things they're pointing out here seem to be direct results of his upbringing vs Jess'. It's very easy to be worldly when your father lets you sail his yacht around the world and pays for you to study abroad. It's easy to be good at journalism and understand the business when your father is a newspaper magnate who pushed you to be involved in journalism as well. It's easy to have a good education when your father uses his millions of dollars to get you into private school after private school after you keep getting yourself expelled.

It's less easy to do those things when your father abandoned you, your mother is a neglectful alcoholic who also abandoned you, and your only other guardian also eventually abandoned you when you failed to meet his expectations, and you're now entirely on your own at the age of 18. It's not easy to write a book and get it published by 21, it's not easy to travel around the country and convince independent bookstores to stock your book, and it's not easy to build an entire life for yourself from a foundation of nothing, but Jess did those things.

So yeah, I think Logan is very smart, but I think Jess is Rory's "intellectual equal" not just in the sense that they're both passionate about literature, but also in the sense that they're both ambitious and passionate about those ambitions, and willing to do the work to get to where they want to be. Logan was smart, but he had no passions beyond drinking and partying. Even his travelling seemed to be more about parties (hence him sinking a yacht off the coast of Fiji). His father literally had to force him to get a job when he was like 24 and even then he didn't really care much about the job itself. I know it takes some people longer to figure out what they want in life, but it literally seems to me like Logan had no interest in anything intellectual at the time we meet him. All his knowledge seems to come from the very expensive education his father forced him into, not any real passion about any specific subject.

So I don't think it's accurate to call him Rory's intellectual equal when most of his intelligence comes from his money, not his mind.

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I feel like not enough people talk about how much the adults on GG mess up. Like people address it but they also excuse it simultaneously. Yet whenever the kids/teens of the show mess up they’re just like some villain or something??? This is mostly about Rory & Jess because ppl have a point when they criticize Dean cause he was always on some wack shit even in the earlier seasons. But like it annoys me so much how ppl act as if Jess didn’t have a right to be mad at Luke and act like Luke is saint just bc he let Jess stay with him?? Like Luke lied to him multiple times about his parents, constantly defended Liz’s neglect/abuse of Jess, stole his car, told Jess he would believe him and then immediately didn’t (like in swan episode and when Jess stole Taylor’s money), etc. Like I feel like Luke didn’t take Jess’ emotions into consideration all the time. And when Jess and Rory got together it was like he cared more about Rory than Jess, he even said that Rory was the one who needed a guardian and not Jess, which is just??? Like I feel like Luke sometimes didn’t grasp that he was literally the only adult Jess had in his life that cared about him. And ppl go on and on about how poorly Jess treated Luke but also Jess was a scared teenager??? And Luke didn’t exactly do much to reassure him that he could always go to him until like s4??? And also the fact that Luke himself said he hates ultimatums but then gives Jess one in order to stay with him???

Idk I just feel like while Jess may have been harsh in 4x13, he was also completely justified when he told Luke that by butting in ppl lives he made it worse by making them feel like a failure and a disappointment to Luke, and Luke got to feel like the martyr. Because that’s literally exactly what happened with Jess. When he flunked out he felt like failed and like he let down Luke (and Rory) and Luke was the one who got comforted by everyone else. Like everyone was all “Luke I’m sure you tried your best, that’s all that matters.” and stuff like that but nobody ever extended the same courtesy to Jess who was trying his best??? Like don’t get me wrong I don’t hate Luke but I’m so tired of seeing the narrative that he was some guardian angel for Jess and Jess was just an asshole to him for no reason. They could both be assholes to each other but Luke was also the adult in that situation and he handled it poorly at times. And whereas Jess later apologizes to Luke and tells him he did appreciate everything Luke did for him, Luke never really quite manages to acknowledge how he messed up or apologize to Jess for it. Like he might bring it up to other characters but not to Jess. Idk tho maybe I’m wrong. But I’d like to know your perspective on all of this.

Hey, sorry it has taken me so long to answer this! It was such a great and thought provoking ask, I wanted to give it proper due and my brain has just been a big swirl of nothing for ages.

First off, I totally agree that while Jess is angry and unkind in 4x13, he's not wrong. Luke is mister fix-it. I assume that this is because his mom died when he was young and he was probably thrust into a role where he had to take care of Liz and his dad to some degree. He probably played a peacemaker role between the two of them while William was still alive and felt best about himself when he was fixing things for other people. We have lots of examples throughout the series where he fixes things that people don't ask him to (breaking Lorelai's doorknob/lock so he can replace it in season 5 for example.) TJ's also not exactly wrong in that episode when he says "Thanks, you're a dick," because Luke was totally being a dick to him. (Side note, I think one of the reasons Luke and Lorelai work so well is because they both love to meddle.)

Luke also expects a lot of people (Jess in particular) and is not always great about meeting them where they are or considering their needs. I think you're right that it would have been really powerful to have Luke apologize to Jess. I would argue though that he while he doesn't verbally apologize, he does things in the show that we are supposed to see as him recognizing his part in things and trying to make it up to Jess. I would put making sure he knows he can sleep in the apartment, leaving him the money to fix his car (and I'm assuming more money than was necessary), and coming to NY to yell at him about coming to the wedding in this category. Luke does not know yet how to verbally express emotions at this point in the series. I think also, based on the era the show came out and the writing that we are supposed to perceive Jess as being in the wrong and Luke as being the bigger person. I don't agree, but that is definitely there. I think Luke's "I failed him" would have gone a lot further if he had said it to Jess rather than Lorelai, and I would love to have seen an apology, but I think that what we got is in keeping with Luke's character and that based on their relationship in AYITL they have probably had that conversation or something like it in the intervening years.

I don't see Luke as Jess' guardian angel or savior, but I do think the fact that he cared about Jess and tried meant a lot to Jess and went a long way towards making him the person he became. Luke may not have succeeded and he made a lot of mistakes along the way, but he kept caring about Jess. Plus, maybe Jess needed someone to be disappointed in his failure rather than just assuming he would fail. That's part of why disappointing Luke and Rory affected him so deeply. He's not disappointing to Liz because Liz has basically told him he won't amount to anything. People have to believe in you to be disappointed in you, and ultimate, Luke loves and believes in Jess.

So...that's my complicated two cents.

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what if this had happened

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 13- Dear Emily and Richard-Part 5

Before we wrap up DVD & Abortion Gate, aka Dear Emily & Richard, here's my end of episode Bingo Card. I'm annoyed with myself that I always seem to forget these. I think they're fun.

Yeah, I do alter the squares a bit based on the most recent episodes but I try to keep it fair, lol. Like, there hasn't been a R&L D&D in a while so I may replace it with something else? Anyway, no Bingo this episode. When we last left off, Luke and Lawyer Lady With A Phone had returned to the diner after their date deep in a discussion about cheese. Jess is holding down the fort all by himself. I think about how if Jess and Rory were ever to move in together or get married their relationship would quickly implode when their polar opposite work ethics butted heads. You think Jess is going to be happy \working multiple jobs to pay the rent and bills while Rory is at home sitting on her spoiled ass. There's some gritty Literati realism for you. Luke snaps his fingers and orders his tired minimum wage slave nephew to pour Lawyer Lady a coffee. Jess offers to "Go out for an hour" so they can you know, play hide the pickle upstairs. Well that's certainly a nice gesture. What happens when the hour is up, by the way? Jess comes back home, now Luke has to shove his half naked date back out of the apartment before he gets back? Oh, Jess is definitely used to fleeing whenever his mother bought a man home while he was growing up, but I doubt Liz was ever considerate enough to actually give Jess subtle cues of Impending Sex, so, thank you Luke?

Thank you, I was hoping to get an idea of what time it actually was. WHY IS JESS WORKING AT 11:30 PM? (Also, Kirk is still there, and says he had been there for over four hours). Luke interrogates Jess about where he is "Going out" to at 11:30pm, but apparently sees nothing wrong with making him work past 11:30pm. Jess is slamming this hint over Luke's head just like the axe he slammed into Shane (RIP), Luke is either playing dumb or is actually dumb and doesn't pick up on it. Jess asks Luke if he "needs more time". Well, an hour is already pretty generous. How much time does Luke need to plow this lady? Big shot lawyer with a phone needs to be wined dined and 69'd. Wonder what Jess is going to do on his hour away from the coffee mines? Get up to some naughty second base hijinks with Rory? Oh, sorry Jess, you can't do that, because Rory can't say no to anyone, so she's currently asleep in a hospital waiting room with her mother, awaiting the birth of her Kinda A Sister whose existence means beans to her. Looks like it's jerking off in your car for you tonight, kid. Well, either that or a killing spree. Following up on that earlier threat towards Dean.

Luke smacking Jess upside the head outside is a glorious 2 seconds of television. But I mean, shouldn't Luke be thankful? He's doing you a favor. Do You WANT Jess to be home right now, Luke? Okay, I get it Luke. Even if you could get rid of Jess for a while, trying to perform sexually knowing your nephew could walk back through the door at any moment is definitely a boner killer and puts Jess in an equally precarious situation. (this is more or less the basis of an episode of King of Queens, by the way). The entire Jess & Luke living situation is a complete boner killer. Luke sabotages any chance of getting laid by marching the tired baby back into the diner where Jess makes things much less awkward by asking Luke in front of Nicole if Luke wants him to take an extra long shower instead. Where are Luke and Nicole going to pork then? Nowhere, that's where. This date's over. According to Luke earlier in the episode, he hasn't gotten laid in eons, and it doesn’t sound like Joanna Cooper put out.

Luke finally relieves Jess from his child-labor-law-violating shift and orders him upstairs, then (presumably) ends the date with Nicole. Looks like it's... jerking off in your car for you too, Luke. For some unknown reason Lorelai and Rory are still in the hospital waiting for GiGi to be born. Rory has fallen asleep in the waiting room. GO HOME!!!!! Crusty emerges in scrubs and Lor's Lorelai and then informs her of the birth of his child that she does not care about, nor is she a child that Lorelai is biologically related to. Crusty invites Lorelai to see Gigi in the nursery and says there's no need to wake Rory up which is for the best because she doesn't care about GiGi anyway.

As Crusty describes to Lor the sheer exhilaration of witnessing the birth of his Other More Valued Girl Child, Lorelai plasters on a fake smile and squashes down her homicidal rage towards Crusty, but that rage has never stopped her from boinking him over and over.

Welcome to the world, Geej. You are truly fucked, but at least you're not a Hayden. 4 things: One, the birth announcement lists her birth date as January 5th, even though it was established earlier that she came unexpectedly a week before February 7th. Was this the work of the same prop guy responsible for the Tomatos and On Sail signs? Two, they bestowed her with Sherry's last name instead of Christopher's. Three, Georgia was born at 1:17 am, which means by the time she's been birthed, cleaned up, spent time with Sherry, burrito'd in her blanky, and set up in the nursery its already hella later than that. It's gotta be at least 2am, dude. Maybe even 3. Lorelai, you and your kid have school and work in the morning. Neither of you have eaten or showered all night and you're stinking up the waiting room. Why didn't Sherry just agree to email you a picture of the kid or something? GO HOME!!!!

FOUR, where are Sherry's parents or any family members at all AND Christopher's parents? Here's a freshly birthed Rory. 20 inches long, 7lbs 4 ounces. Sign Guy got it right this time and didn't list her legal name as "Rory". But then she's named Rory on her police mugshot. You tried, Sign Guy. The show has been wholly consistent (as far I'm aware) with her birthdate being October 8th, 1984.

I'm impressed that they used real infants for this scene. First they used a real fish in the last episode, an upgrade from the Great Value CGI Fish earlier in the season, and now real babies. And they have the budget to pay a real life and fictional slimy worm named David Sutcliffe/ Crusty Hayden. The second to last flashback shows Fake Lorelai and Chess Club Crusty looking at Rory in the nursery. CCC says they should get married and Fake Lorelai hesitates. End of flashback. Just stick it out for another 23 years and Lorelai will be stupid and desperate enough to marry you, Crusty, and she'll have banged you several more times along the way too.

Yeah. She'll be just thrilled.

Crusty then plants a big fat kiss on Lorelai's face in front of his newborn with his fiancee who just birthed his kid a few feet down the hall, and Lorelai recoils. You slimy worm. Disgusting. Listen Geej, I know you're only an hour old, but blink twice if you need help, maybe we can Randall Pearson you into a nice new adoptive family. (Present Day) Lorelai starts to tear up, and it's unclear if it's because she's just been slimed by a worm or if it's due to the deep, deep trauma that dwells within her. Probably both. Cheer up Lorelai, you're living in the age of DVD players!

Security finally booted Lorelai and Rory from the hospital as Lorelai next shows up at Emily's house bright eyed and bushy tailed with that brand new state of the art dvd player she promised, and I strap myself in to hopefully hear all the delicious early 2000s technology references that are surely forthcoming. I am then disappointed.

Go ahead Lorelai. PLEASE say how much the DVD player cost in 2003. I am salivating. DANG. No dice. Lorelai offers to install the DVD player, Emily doesn't believe Lorelai capable of installing this futuristic piece of technology herself, Emily is happy that Lorelai bought a copy of one of her favorite movies, Lorelai is lightly pleased. Of course I Googled it. The average cost of a dvd player in 2003 was nearly 350 bucks! Final flashback. I have flashback fatigue, you guys. No more I say! Emily and Richard are all fancied up going to a ball or something at an undetermined time in the future-past. They can't find Lorelai. SURPRISE ABSCONDING, BITCHES! SHE GONE! GONE GONE. Gone to go live with her toddler in a shed behind a motel.

Did the show ever state why Lorelai and Rory, weren't you know, living indoors while Lorelai worked at the inn as a maid? In an inn with beds and running water? Mia employed a single teenage mother and said screw you and your baby, go live out back in the shed, these rooms are for paying customers! Anyway. The drama is about to be turnt up to eleventy for the remainder of season 3. I am wholly unprepared. It may be a long time before you see the words Swan Song. Maybe I'll try to come up with something else to fill the void?

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A significant part of Jess's story is his contentious relationship with Stars Hollow; he's upset about being sent there, after some (mild) troublemaking he's never really accepted, his ideas for his future revolve around being anywhere else, and when he eventually finds a home of his own it's in another city. Still, maybe there's an argument to be made that he doesn't hate Stars Hollow as much as it seems:

Jess manages to work at the diner for two years without causing Luke a notable loss in customers. In Season 4, Luke's customers are so upset by the new hire that they boycott the diner and go to Weston's instead.

He only leaves town the first time because of the car accident.

He returns because of Rory, but then he stays for months even though he doesn't think she cares about him.

He's curious about Miss Patty and Kirk's "show-biz spat."

The famous "22.8 miles" scene strongly suggests that he's planning to stick around for a while.

He doesn't want to repeat senior year at Stars Hollow High, but he asks if summer school would be an option for him. Even if his only motivation for asking is to get prom tickets for Rory, he's still willing to stay for at least a few months.

He leaves town the second time because Luke tells him to.

He tells Jimmy that he "can't stay in Stars Hollow," not that he doesn't want to or hates it there.

He tells Luke at the end of Season 4 that he appreciates "living here." This is probably more related to Luke himself than Stars Hollow, but it does suggest that Jess thinks his experience of being there was good for him in some way.

In AYITL, he surmises that Rory started working at the Stars Hollow Gazette because she "asked Taylor," which implies that he's kept up with town news to an extent (most likely through talking to Luke) if he knows that Taylor is still overseeing everything.

Jess clearly doesn't want to live in Stars Hollow long-term and is well aware of the ways the town put pressure on his relationship with Rory, but he doesn't seem to entirely hate everything about it either. Unlike many of the town's residents, Jess is well-versed in life away from it; he grew up in New York City and still lives in Stars Hollow by choice for an entire year. If he had the chance to leave on his own terms, maybe at the very least he wouldn't have done so without warning.

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sometimes i lose my mind over how they’re the same character

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also: PSA to all the sweet ”dear reader”-readers. the new chapter IS coming. i’ve just been sick for a week straight, so i haven’t really been able to look at a screen or form thoughts😩

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thank you so much, made my day🥹🥹🥹 so flattered you took the time to make a post. and such kind words, posts like this go a long way. & you letting me know which parts you like helps me so much as a writer. so thank you again :,)💋

finally up😩🙏

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when the jess x dean edit you made fully as a joke goes slightly viral

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finally up😩🙏

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Since you love dark theories, have you heard of this one: Dean and his family are in witness protection program? I mean why would they relocate from Chicago to Stars Hollow otherwise? They had no family nearby and I don't believe there are more job opportunities than in Chicago. Dean never tells us a reason and we know nothing about him. As you pointed out his personality also keeps changing- first he's a motorcycle riding bad boy who is also well-read, then he's a meathead jock that plays softball, then he is suddenly into hockey... could be that he is playing a character but can't decide what it should be? I saw the episodes of B99 where Jake and Holt were in witness protection and they were forced to change their identities down to their favorite movie and sexuality.

OMG I haven't heard that one before, that's wild! And it makes sense! lol. That's going into the Theory Vault for sure..You're absolutely right, it's very suspect how he seemed to drop into town out of nowhere. Like, who MOVES from a place like Chicago to STARS HOLLOW? His dad "Sold speakers" (or something like that) which is already kinda sketchy kind of job (I keep thinking of one of those shady dudes who tries to hawk speakers from the trunk of a car). Was Dad involved with some shady people and he suddenly had to take his family on the run from the law? it's not like there was a booming stereo business in Stars Hollow that he'd have to relocate the family for work. You're either born in Stars Hollow and live there forever or you're forcibly relocated there (Jess) there's no in between. Lane apparently gets some hot gossip about Dean, like how he had a long term girlfriend back in Chicago, which is insane and not at all believable. What kind of idiot would be stupid enough to date Dean for years *cough cough*. This was definitely a script given to Dean from the Witness Protection Bureau. I do have other theories about Dean's origins. Like how his parents don't love him and they've tried to abandon him on the side of the road during family vacations but he keeps finding his way back home.

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it's me and the four people on ao3 who understand my favorite character in the exact same way against the world