idk-im-ash

[idk-im-ash]

Do you ever have dreams that are just so vivid and real that when you wake up, you can't shake them from your mind. You just feel an overwhelming sense of longing for that dream, that life. The places you visited, the paths you walked, the people you met, the activities you did. But you can't go back. It doesn't exist, at least not to your knowledge. But sometimes you find your way back, in your dreams, only to wake up once again. And sometimes it hard to remeber which one is real.

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Going through new job stuff about pensions and 401ks and my brain is not accepting you. Retire at 62? 20 years of retirement? Living to 80? I thought I was going to die at 17. My brain still thinks I'm living on borrowed time. You're taking almost $400 out of my paycheck every month for money I'll never see because I already died years ago?

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I have a stuffed animal of you. I used to hold it, crying when you were no longer there for me to hug. And on the first Halloween without you, I dressed it up in your place. It has a collar with your name on it, and the bandana you stole from Sophie when you had your first (and last) puppy play date. But it stopped being enough. I still miss you.

And now I have the pup you sent me. Who will lick away my tears when I hug her. And who I can dress up for Halloween with me. And she is enough, but I still miss you.

Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of your passing. One year without you. Without your smile and fluffy tail. Without your whine for pets and treats. Without you taking my pizza crusts and trying to bury them in the backyard.

I still miss you.

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One of our neighbors decided to drop this off at the door step of everyone in our neighborhood. Maybe instead of spending your money to try and convert people, you could actually donate it to help people like your god tells you too. Anyway the feral part of my mind I tried to kill in highschool returned and told me to smash the DVD and burn the rest (safely of course). Not in the month of our gays, no thank you.

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My across the street neighbor decided 10 pm is the perfect time to stand outside on their driveway with 10 people and talk loudly (for a half hour so far). I'm dying and just wanna go the fuck to sleep but I can hear them through the ducking walls. Hahaha I'm going insane

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My dad: I don't like dogs. I don't want another dog, but we'll get one just so I don't have to see you crying daily.

Also my dad: *hand feeding her pieces of his precious ribs*

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It's sad to think about that fact that my cat, Silver, has lost so many. He was the baby of the family, so the pets he grew up with were all a lot older than him. Smokey basically raised him as his own and Sonny was his favorite playmate. He didn't care for Soda much, but she helped lessen that loneliness that came from loosing Smokey.

Now he has Sammi to play with like he did with Sonny and to have his ears licked clean like Smokey used to do. But now he's the much older pet who Sammi will have to loose.

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About to take my final. I could get a 0 on it and pass the class so I'm good 😹

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I feel like quitting my job might help. The absolute dress I felt seeing my hours for next week kinda clued me into the job being a big part of how shit I feel. I get argued with, yelled at, managers take a while to help since we're always understaffed, corporate fucks with everything which causes me to get yelled at by customers. Idk. I've never quit a job with no notice. I have 3 weeks notice for my last two jobs. But idk

When you should be studying for a final but instead you're having a mental breakdown (causes unknown)

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When you should be studying for a final but instead you're having a mental breakdown (causes unknown)

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I've gotten so annoyed at the job so quickly. I understand it's a job and I won't like it, but I already hate it and it's only my second week. This job in a week and a half has called me to cover shifts more than my previous two jobs combined. My schedule is not that flexible. I was covering as much as I could until they fucking called me past 9pm. And then the called me at 6 am!!!! Wtf. If my phone wasn't on do not disturb, they would be waking me up at all hours. They just called me again today during class. This is so fucking stupid.

[idk-im-ash]

Me: *sees a girl in a cute frog shirt and homes she comes to my lane so I can compliment it*

Her: *comes to my lane*

Me: I love your shirt, by the way.

Her: *shows me that the shirt says "presentation doesn't equal gender*

Me: *oh my gods trans/NB rights cute forgot* Amazing!

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Posted on puppy reddit on how to potty train my dog during bad weather (she won't go out and sometimes the wind is so bad it almost pushes me down) only to get bullied. Like sorry, I don't control the weather or my pup not wanting to go out in it.

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My mom bought my dog her own waffle treat maker. So these are peanut butter, pumpkin, banana, oats, and yogurt treats seasoned with tumeric and ginger. I tasted one (because why not) and they're not bad, but I wouldn't eat another one. Sammi loves them though.

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Dragon Age Ultimate Showdown: Who Would Win in a Fight?

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One of my cats passed away last week, one of my snails passed away yesterday, my grandpa was horrible yesterday and my mom made me deal with it because they all left for the day, one of my fish passed away today, and my parents are gone for the entire week leaving me to deal with all the house stuff and whatever my great aunt can't/won't due. This is just going to be a shit month apparently