idiagnoseyouwithbitch

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

rahhhh its not even about the like. feeling of getting fucked anymore its the emotional intimacy and feeling like im giving a lot a lot and getting not so much in return

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

hehe they’re gonna collar me by making get a septum piercing

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

its names minnie and i think ive known her my entire life. please take care of her

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

ummm i think i am a much better roleplayer and writer than them. what a fun turn of events

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

this feels so whiny but im so annoyed that they’re looking for a third or something when i’ve explicitly said i would be down if they were interested. i (on paper) understand not wanting to fuck your friends but I am quite literally only trying to fuck your friends. please. please please please.

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

this feels so whiny but im so annoyed that they’re looking for a third or something when i’ve explicitly said i would be down if they were interested. i (on paper) understand not wanting to fuck your friends but I am quite literally only trying to fuck your friends. please. please please please.

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

got caught todayyyyyy ugh

there was essentially zero consequence and it was a spot with no cameras so i got very lucky but askslslks i got too confident in my ability to blend in i feel so embarrassed and stupid for not having a plan going in

this is why you plan ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!

gotta use this shame to take a break and remind me why we do the prep beforehand and don’t do it in such exposed places

hopefully i can modify my memory enough to remember this as a unfortunately vivid dream

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

really wish i would be able to shut my fucking mouth lately

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

also it’s been 3+ weeks since i told fern and things are. strange. good! mostly normal. but it’s still strange. having to wait for therapists and stuff has really really gotten in the way of digging in

i miss fern a lot, even though they’re still here and hanging out with me and we are having genuinely good times together. the lack of sex is frustrating, but not even because of the horny aspect. ok it’s that a little bit, but only a little. it’s the intimacy, the trust, etc. i miss it a lot and i’m scared im gonna pressure them into it. i won’t because they will tell me if anything is ever too much but i still worry.

i’m also worried about our solstice dinner. i feel not great about saying i’m a little uncomfortable to do that before we talk to someone together but i can’t ignore my gut anymore for anything. i do want to celebrate the solstice and i feel like what im saying is i don’t want to pay for a Nice dinner if i don’t get sex out of it but it feels that way. it feels chauvinistic and mean but the barrier of intimacy is too big to overlook for me.

it’s always the intimacy.

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

trying not to get mad about how if i didn’t have loans i would be 100% financially independent >:(

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

meaningful and deep relationships require difficult conversations. often unpleasant conversations about how we can improve and how we can be better friends, siblings or partners to the people around us. special bonds aren’t entirely made of good moments, but the moments that were hard and yet you still made it through because you care about the other person.

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

finally came clean to fern and they took it almost frustratingly well. i know i hurt them but they deserve the whole truth. better now than before our wedding (if it even comes to that) they understand that it was because i was not in a good place, but the justification doesn’t matter. if i had just been able to tell them i wanted to do it, we wouldn’t be here. they wouldn’t have cared in the slightest but i couldn’t admit to myself what i wanted, forget telling someone else.

i think they’ll be able to forgive me in due time and i feel lighter for telling them and more able to give them everything. i’m nervous about them going on a trip right after telling them but maybe the space will be good.

i love them more than i ever knew possible and i don’t know what i would do if they wanted to end this. i wouldn’t blame them, but. fuck.

i hope my honesty wasn’t a mistake.

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

reminder to myself: it’s not cringe to have a good job

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

i’m learning that bc of my Trauma i just. can’t do online dating! it’s too much of a trigger and leads to behavior i do not want to encourage! so that’s cool

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

not to be a capitalist but i’m really excited to start my office job

give me a couple years of routine and let me play around and see what’s out there!! make some low stress money!! get a handle on the debt!! i’m excited to know exactly what’s coming at me in regards to work with hours that will not change!!

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

[idiagnoseyouwithbitch]

i’m Really starting to feel like a statistic 🥴🥴🥴🥴