ichewicealot

[ichewicealot]

I am just so angry all the time

And I think the men in my life are to be blamed for that

[ichewicealot]

I am broken into pieces, everyone has little pieces of me.

I need my pieces back.

I want to be whole again.

[ichewicealot]

Hearing my bf talk to his best friend i realised how soft he talks with me

I'd cry if he talked to me like that

[ichewicealot]

I am on a train right now, going back home, it's been a while. Missed my mom's b'day, my brother's wife is 5 months pregnant, my dad's almost 60.

For the first time in a long while, it feels good. It feels good to go home. yes I had severe anxiety until the train left the station from where I took it. Now, the train is delayed, I don't know, maybe this is my sign to calm down and focus on the good things.

Even though my mom's b'day might come again, it won't be the same. My dad won't be sixty after years, I am gonna be an aunt for the first time.

I miss home.

I am going home.

[ichewicealot]

I am divided into bits..i care too deep i love too hard.. So hard that i forget to love myself.

I am there for everyone. I am there when my best friend hurts me. I am there when my brother chooses his girlfriend over me. I am there when my dad yells. I am there when my mom rants. I am there when my boyfriend zones out. I am there when my roommate cuts. I am there when my sister breaks up with her boyfriend.

I am always there.

But never for myself.

[ichewicealot]

something in fleabag about the names. we see the most intimate, uncomfortable, raw moments in these people's lives and yet half of the main characters don't have names. we call the main character fleabag because not one character throughout the entire series ever addresses her by name. we call her fleabag. no one's asked her a question in forty-five minutes. they make jabs about her need to be the center of attention. they never say her name. we call her fleabag.

[ichewicealot]

you know what the devastating part about “it’ll pass” in fleabag is? it’s not the subtle rejection (he does say ilyt right after that)

it’s the acknowledgment that human emotion is so fickle and that you can love someone with every fiber of your being then stop loving them. that feeling will pass. your love for them will pass and it’ll be a distant memory. a faint nostalgic ache in your bones. that’s the heartbreak of it all. loving and being loved and then it all stops.

[ichewicealot]

When Fleabag said;

“Either everyone feels like this a bit and they’re not talking about it or I am completely fucking alone.”

And I remember the times I thought the same.

[ichewicealot]

the priest from fleabag is like such an interesting character to me, because we know him so well, but we know absolutely nothing about him. and the glimpses that we do get of his life are so fucking fascinating. like, both of his parents being alcoholics. or, or the pedophile older, brother? the thing with the foxes. the fact that he himself is an addict (like he’s clearly an alcoholic like his parents, but it’s implied that before he was celibate, he also had similar issues with sex as fleabag does.) one of the things that makes the ending of fleabag so difficult is that we really don’t get any closure with him. we spend what feels like forever with him and just leave with more questions. he was just lonely. so lonely. but so was she. and just for a little bit, neither of them were lonely anymore. but now they are again.

[ichewicealot]

in fleabag episode 4 when the bank manager says “i want to take clean cups out of the dishwasher and put them in the cupboard at home, and the next morning, i want to watch my wife drink from them. and i want to make her feel good.” phoebe waller-bridge why would u write that.

[ichewicealot]

everything in fleabag season 1 is unpredictable till the very end, and then in season 2, all is painfully predictable. you know fleabag just met someone significant the moment she locks eyes with the priest at the table. you know they will fall in love when fleabag asks the priest what he would do if he met someone he loved, and he just tells her that they won't have sex. you also suspect they will have sex. you know they will have sex when the priest tells fleabag he can't have sex with her because he'll fall in love with her and if he falls in love with her his life will be fucked. you know its god when fleabag asks the priest if it's her or god. you know it will pass. it's the inescapability of it all.

[ichewicealot]

when talking about fleabag, we all talk about "I love you"/" it'll pass" but what we don't talk about maybe cause it's implied, maybe cause just quoting this encapsulates the feeling but listen,

the lines go fleabag saying "I love you" and the hot priest says "it'll pass" and THEN HE SAYS "i love you too"

idk if you have to name it to know it, but the fact that he confesses his love for her, the fact that he chose God, the fact that despite right person-wrong time or maybe wrong person-right time, despite all that, it'll pass. The love wasn't unrequited but the choice was. the subsequent grief, heartbreak, it'll pass

this is just earth-shattering, cause the only person that truly saw her, loved her for what she was, didn't choose her, and no matter what it'll pass. as if the greatest heartbreak of life is that it keeps moving on and you have to move on with it POETIC CINEMA

[ichewicealot]

fleabag's fourth wall breaks being a metaphor for dissociation, and her doing them every scene EXCEPT when she has sex with the priest where she physically shoves away the camera. it being the first time in the entire show where she's fully present in the moment... poetic cinema.

[ichewicealot]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

[ichewicealot]

we were not born to sin

but to love instead

[ichewicealot]

I was talking to my boyfriend on a call and I cut the call before he said bye

And this is what he sends me

"You didnt let me finish

I love you.

More than alot

I will always love you

Till the stars stop shining

Till the moon crashes into the sun

Till the earth stops revolving

Till the gallaxy collapses into itself

Till the universe rips itself apart

Till every form of matter and space ceases to exist

I will love you until death.

Even after death."

Like I had already mentioned, I WON.

[ichewicealot]

This album cover 😭😭