iamnevergoingtobeokay

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

Hi hi 💙

So I’m back on here after months of not being on here because I was trying to recover…didn’t work out. I’m back here again, with urges to purge and cry and starve and shit. (Here we go again)

Info abt me!

Age : 18

Height : 4’11 🙄

Sw : 139lbs

Cw : 116.6lbs

Lw : 89.4lbs

GW 1 : 110lbs

GW 2 : 100lbs

GW 3 : 90lbs

GW 4 : 80lbs

UGW : 70-75lbs.

~

Things to know :

- I am not pr00 ana. Please recover I want you all to be healthy and happy.

- Please do not report. Tumblr is a place I always come back to because I feel safe venting and talking to people that struggle with the same things I do.

- I have been banned twice, so please.

- I was on EDTWT for a bit, but that shit honestly sucks to be on.

- If you are a minor, you can interact. But I’d at least say you need to be 14+

- I’m a scene kid so if you don’t like that then leave (:

- I will post body checks to keep me accountable and probably wieiad posts because they’re fun

- PLEASEEE if you are in recovery, or sensitive to SH content, th11nsp0, body checking, and any other SH or ED related thing, please get off of here, enjoy a nice meal and some water…you deserve to treat yourself and be happy.

I think that’s it. I follow just about anyone ED related unless you’re way too young. Also no weirdos please I am taken so if you’re here to be a creep go away.

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

I’m back bitches 🦋

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

Nothing is scarier than fasting and then having a binge nightmare that feels so realistic you wake up crying

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

Things I wish I had known about Recovery

It is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, it’s more difficult than starving, fasting or counting calories, it hurts more than hunger pangs and dizziness; it brings to light every ounce of self loathing you have and you can’t just starve it away anymore but learn how to sit with the pain

On that note, if you’re asking yourself “am I even sick enough to have anything to recover from?” the answer is 100 per cent yes, because healthy people do not have to ask themselves those questions. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been enduring this, whether you’ve lost fifty lbs or your weight hasn’t changed - eating disorders are a mental illness, not a physical one.

That being said, you can’t have one foot in recovery and one foot within your eating disorder. Trust me, I tried. All it does is create a hellish purgatory where you’re not losing weight but you’re hungry all the time and all you can ever think about is food and numbers and macros and weight and meal times and miles walked and your body.

When you first start recovering you’re going to experience a terrifying level of hunger, you’ll eat full meals and it won’t even touch the sides. You’ll wonder how you ever managed to get through the day eating so little, and you’ll try countless times to curb your insatiable appetite. However the very difficult truth is that the only way to get rid of extreme hunger is to - you guessed it - eat.

Eat when you first wake up, don’t worry about chugging a litre of water. Eat snacks for no reason, eat junk food, eat because someone else is, eat when you’re hungry and when you’re full and when you’re bored and when you’re angry and when you’re scared. Eat. Eat the meal your mother made for you and cherish the taste, remember how much you loved her cooking when you were a kid. When your jeans don’t fit anymore, eat. When someone makes a comment about your weight, eat. There is no way to escape the insatiable hunger your body feels because you have been starving it for so long.

You will be confronted with the harsh reality of how sick you are. This is particularly prevalent for those of you in denial - like I was. I told myself it was all ironic, that I could stop at any time, that I even ran a fucking thinspo blog ironically because I wasn’t like everyone else, I wasn’t stupid or skinny enough to actually develop an eating disorder in my late teens. Instead every day I had to endure my suddenly overwhelming thoughts regarding food, and there was no escaping it.

You’ll start to realise how frequently normal people engage in disordered behaviours or ways of speaking. You’ll have to watch your colleague drink the black coffee that you tried so hard to pretend to like. You’ll listen to aunts, sisters, cousins, brag about their new diet or talk about how bad they’ve been for eating. You’ll listen to guys talk enviously about some other girl who is super skinny. You have to rise above it.

The alternative to recovery, of course, is death. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even in ten years. Perhaps you’ll live to the ripe old age of ninety. I wonder how your body will look then? Will you have children sat by your death bed - could you endure the horror of being fat and pregnant? I wonder how much you’ll weigh? Will you look back on your life and feel an immeasurable sense of pride because against all the odds you’ve had a thigh gap to die for. You missed out on the birthday cakes, on christmas dinner, on going to the movies with your partner and your hands touching over a bowl of popcorn. You sacrificed years of your life to running, walking, starving, starving, so hungry you think you’ll die - but you didn’t, except one day you will.

Despite it all, how infuriatingly difficult recovery is; if I could go back to my lowest weight and run my hands over my ribs, admire my teeny waist and collar bones; I would choose recovery every single time, because I am myself again - after fucking years of living as a ghost I can proudly say I actually exist and have thoughts outside of food and I promise you it is possible to be fully recovered, but you have to eat.

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

~not me, not my photos~

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

YALLLLLLL please read this!!

This person on tiktok posted a video and she did this work out for 2 days and you can already see results I will post the vid on here but if you wanna see their progress the account is

Thetlillysabrigirl

They said they did 30 of each exercise but on the up and down plank they did 60 once a day and that they didnt diet just the workout.

Imma try this!! And good luck if you do too

[iamnevergoingtobeokay]

🔥1000 calorie burning workout🔥

🎀 50 jumping jacks (star jumps) 👑 2 minutes running in place 🌺 15 pushups 👗 2 minutes running in place ✨ 40 squats 👙 1 minute running in place 🍀 25 jumping jacks 💐 1 minute running in place 🍁 10 pushups 🌹 1 minute running in place 🌼 20 squats 🍂 1 minute running in place 🌷 1 minute plank 🍃 1 minute mountain climbers

My go-to workout, especially after binging. I can do this in my room without anyone noticing even when my whole family is in the house.

Doing this twice daily will burn about 3.5 lbs a week, and it only takes around 15 minutes.