iamcalmdammit

[iamcalmdammit]

Do you have a masterlist?

A long long time ago I had one. Then I stopped updating it. Now I'm just too lazy to bring it up to date.

[iamcalmdammit]

Blackmail – (14) This is the end || [Alejandro Gillick x reader x Matt Graver]

Previously: chapter 13

Note: 2 years. It's been almost 2 years since the last update. I'm terrible. But anyway, here's the final chapter.

It took a few months, but eventually you managed to loosen up in Alejandro’s presence. The awkward feeling slowly melted away and happiness gradually took its place, bringing back the feelings you had forgotten about in the past year or so. The warmth he radiated when he was around you was in stark contrast with his cold, calculated personality when he was working. You were drawn to him, every cell in your body wanted to be near him while he was at home and a delicate smile crept on your lips whenever you laid your eyes on him.

He had been gone for a week and you were missing him by now. The days like this, when you knew he was about to finally come home, were always filled with joy and anticipation. You just wanted to hug him again to know he was alive and well. Sure, there could be small wounds or bruises, but those were nothing you couldn't handle.

You were planning to cook dinner for him—his favorite, no less—along with a dessert you had learned from a friend you made in Bogotá not long ago. When he sent a message from the airport that he would be home in two hours because he had to take care of something first, you began to cook then quickly did your hair and make-up before picking a dress you thought he would like to see on you.

This was the day when you knew you were ready to make a move on him. Until now you had been sleeping in separate bedrooms, but tonight you wanted to change this. It was time to let things go back to the way they had been before he left you.

The front door opened shortly before everything was ready in the kitchen, so you didn’t have the opportunity to go and meet him there. Instead you waited for him to go to you, and turned away from the food for a second to give him a kiss when he stopped next to you and put a hand on the small of your back. He looked a little confused at first, probably not understanding why you suddenly changed your mind, but then he flashed a warm smile at you then headed to the living room.

“It smells great,” he said, referring to the food. “Thank you for taking the time to cook for me. I’m starving.”

You couldn’t help but giggle. “I knew you would be so focused on work that you forget to eat all day,” you told him almost scoldingly.

Alejandro shook his head before turning his attention to his phone. You didn’t mind the silence, at least you could pay full attention to the food in front of you. Within a few minutes you could put the plates on the table while he poured you both some wine. Everything went so smoothly without exchanging words that you wondered how you hadn’t noticed things were back to normal before.

To your surprise, he began to tell you about his latest job, going into just enough details to feed your curiosity without saying too much. He wanted to keep you away from that part of his life now that you successfully left it behind. You were honestly grateful for that. Sure, you had gotten used to the cruelty on Matt’s team, but it didn’t mean you agreed with it.

By the time you served the dessert, the two of you got lost in a pleasant conversation. He had plans; plans to take you away for a long weekend somewhere nice, to take you to a restaurant in a neighboring town he had just heard of, and to stay home and watch your favorite movies with you. These were things you had done when you were together as a real couple, so you guessed it was his way of returning things to the old normal.

Once you finished, you quickly put the empty plates into the dishwasher then returned to Alejandro with a seductive smile on your lips, your hand already extended to him. He stood up and took your hand without a question, silently watching you before leaning down to kiss you, his movements surprisingly hesitant. Maybe he wasn't sure if he decoded your signals correctly, after all you'd been keeping your distance since you arrived, but you were quick to take the lead and deepen the kiss that felt oh-so-good after all this time.

“I missed this. I missed you,” he corrected himself with a smile. You were by now grinning from ear to ear, your chin resting on his shoulder as you pressed your body as close to his as possible. “Does this mean things will be back to normal?”

“Normal as in how they used to be before you had to leave?” Alejandro hummed in agreement and you placed a soft kiss on the base of his neck. “I think so. I'm sorry it took me this long,” you said quietly.

To your surprise, he let out a short laugh at this then leaned back to grab your chin and make you look at him. “You don't have to apologize. You were with someone else before I returned, I would have found it alarming if you could jump back into this relationship without a problem.”

The always thoughtful and understanding man you loved so much. It was nice to know he was still there for you despite what you had done with his good friend. You were afraid in the beginning that he would be mad at you for being with Matt, believing you both betrayed his trust, but that wasn't the case. He understood that there had always been some sort of weird, twisted connection between the two of you, and it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

********

It was three in the morning when you woke up from a dream that wasn't really a nightmare, but wasn't a pleasant one either. Your arms were wrapped around Alejandro's body with your head resting on his shoulder, and you watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed in his sleep. After all those months you dreamed about the day you had arrived, more specifically the moment you found an unfamiliar phone in your suitcase with a note from Matt.

Maybe you remembered because Alejandro brought him up after dinner, but now you couldn't really get past your rising curiosity. You had never checked that phone. You never turned it on to see what was on it, to see if there were any messages left for you. As the minutes slowly passed, you couldn't stop thinking about it. All you had to do was quietly leaving this bedroom and heading to your own, opening the suitcase and turning on the damn thing. It wasn't that hard.

After carefully placing a kiss on his collarbone, you slowly let go of him and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for a few moments to see if he woke up. But there was nothing, he was sleeping soundly without noticing your absence. Gulping, you walked into your room and took the phone from the bottom of the closet. You turned it on and it asked for the SIM card’s PIN code. How could you possibly know that? You checked the note it came with, but there was nothing.

Then you tried the year you were born in, a long shot, you knew, but to your biggest surprise that was it. And soon the notifications began to arrive from a messaging app. Every single message came from the same person.

Matt: Are you in Bogotá? I'm sure he went back there.

Matt: Are you okay?

Matt: Is everything okay there?

Matt: Look, I know it must be weird to be with him again, if you want to talk to someone, I'm here.

Matt: Don't you miss your family and friends?

Matt: You can come back anytime.

Matt: Come back to us.

Matt: Why aren't you reading these? Come on, open the app and read them.

Matt: Answer me, please.

Matt: Steve was shot. He's okay. He said he wished you were here with us.

Matt: I hope you know that we all miss you.

Matt: I called your parents. Some kid had told them you were working in the middle of nowhere on another continent and you wouldn't be able to call them. I assured them you were okay and they seemed relieved. I hope it wasn't a lie and you're really okay.

Matt: I miss you.

Matt: My wife knows, by the way. I told her I slept with someone. We're going to counseling, although I doubt that could help us. All I can think about is you. It's been three months and I'm sitting here like some lovesick puppy. Pathetic.

Matt: [message deleted]

Matt: Is he treating you right?

You let out a groan after the last message. He knew Alejandro, he knew he would always treat you right. Shaking your head, you began to type a reply.

You: Stop writing to me.

Just when you were about to turn off the device, it vibrated in your hand.

Matt: I was beginning to think you would never read these.

You: I just found this phone and wanted to see what you did with it.

Matt: But you read the messages.

You: Out of curiosity.

Matt: You can’t let me go.

You: I only wrote to you to make you stop.

Matt: If that was true, you would’ve stopped after the first message. But you keep replying.

You: Why are you even awake this late?

Matt: I'm on a mission, we had a long night and I can't sleep. I could be asking you the same thing, though.

You: I was looking for something and bumped into this phone.

Matt: In the middle of the night?

You: Try to get some sleep. Take care.

Matt: WAIT!

Matt: I need to know if you're that annoyingly happy couple again.

You: We're getting there.

Matt: Good for him.

“What are you doing?” you suddenly heard Alejandro's voice from the door. He had his arms folded over his chest as he watched you, but his posture wasn't threatening at all. You felt safe, even when he sat down next to you and took the phone from your hand to read the messages. “I never thought he would end up like this. Didn't seem like the type of man who gets this obsessed with someone.”

You drew in a deep breath as you looked at him. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have checked it,” you apologized quietly. But he wasn't mad. Instead he kissed your temple before turning his attention to the device. “Let's just turn it off again, okay?” you suggested.

Shaking his head, Alejandro between to type, so you leaned closer to see what he was writing.

You: We're happy, don't ruin it. Focus on fixing your marriage. - Alejandro

Matt: Guess it means she couldn't keep it from you. You okay?

You: Do you even care?

Matt: I thought we were friends.

You: Goodbye, Matt.

With that he turned off the device and gave it back to you. “Do you want to go back?” he asked you.

You leaned your head on his shoulder and put the phone on the bed behind you. “I have everything I need here, why would I want to go?”

“Maybe because you miss your family.”

You did miss them, that was true, but he was now your family too. Leaving him just didn't feel right, you were feeling the same as you had a year ago. Your heart was filled with this warm and soft feeling that was most probably the kind of love only he could make you feel, and there was an invisible string pulling you back to him every time you left his side.

After inhaling and exhaling, you laced your fingers with his and said, “Matt told them I was okay. He would have told me if something was wrong with them.”

“One day we'll go and meet them, okay? I'll arrange it.” He kissed your head softly, his nose buried in your hair until he waited for your reaction. When you hummed in agreement, he let out a short laugh. “Remember that restaurant we went to before that mission last year?”

“Oh, of course I do. I haven't had anything nearly as good since that,” you told him with a dreamy sigh.

“I have a reservation for tonight. I wanted to surprise you, but I think you could use this information after all of this,” he said, and you could tell he was smiling as he talked. “We’re gonna be okay, won't we?”

You looked up at him, just silently observing him for a while before finally making a move and leaning in to kiss him. He grabbed a fistful of your hair as he kissed you back, his movements becoming more and more impatient before he finally pushed you on the bed. As long as you understood each other without words, things would surely be okay, you knew that.

[iamcalmdammit]

Yes, I'm working on chapter 14. Help me.

[iamcalmdammit]

Matching his crazy — (6) Jealousy || [Jang Han-seok x reader]

<part 5>

You worked until three in the morning, not getting any closer to the end of unread emails as they just kept pouring in. But Han-seok had enough of you not being in bed with him, so he came out of the bedroom to take the laptop away from you, even putting your phone on the coffee table so it wouldn’t wake you up. Despite being tired, you didn’t want to finish it yet, but he was persistent, so he just picked you up and carried you to bed.

In the morning he woke you up by placing kisses on the back of your head and neck, then shifted in bed to have access to your lips. You returned his kiss, your body reacting automatically despite still being half-asleep, but when you turned to face him, he pulled away with a smile then kissed your forehead.

“You were up late, I’ll let you go back to sleep,” he told you as he swept a strand of hair behind your ear. “Just wanted to remind you of our lunch. At noon. I’ll text you the address.” Nodding, you buried your head back into the pillow and wrapped an arm around his body. “Hey, I have to get ready for work,” he said with a short laugh before peeling your arm off of himself.

A disappointed groan left your lips, but you didn’t object. He could tell you would be asleep in a minute or two again, so he got out of bed and went to take a shower. Though he wished he could stay to spend more time with you, he couldn’t do that. As long as he played his role at Wusang, he couldn’t let himself get to work late. For now he had to be the goofy intern, the one who was eager to learn from all of those big-shot lawyers. With Cha-young gone, though, he wondered how things would go from now on.

After taking a cold shower, he stood in the spacious walk-in closet and looked down at his watches, trying to decide which one to wear today, but then his eyes fell on the smaller, more delicate watch on the side. It was yours, the one he had given you as a gift a few years ago, the very same you gave him because you assumed it would end up being a trophy one way or another anyway. But he would never hurt you, and he didn’t think you would ever give him a reason to do that.

The two of you were perfect together, he knew that, and you were the only person in the world he actually cared about. Being away from you after the break-up, after he had been such an idiot to sleep with a woman he barely knew just to mess with the man she was with, was the hardest thing he ever went through.

He missed you every day, he tried to call you, he sent you countless messages, but you ignored him, and at one point you even blocked him on social media. Until this day he had no idea why you had decided to pick up the phone right when he needed you, but he was glad you did. It just meant you were supposed to be together, that fate or whatever was working in the background wanted him to get you back in his life.

Once he drank a cup of coffee and was ready to leave, he went back to the bedroom to give you one last kiss. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. In the current situation his attachment to you was a liability, he knew that. But he wasn’t about to give you up, he just had to find a way to get what he wanted with you on his side.

The day went by, and in a blink of an eye Han-seok found himself in the small restaurant he chose to meet you for lunch. He glanced down at his watch and noted that you were late. It wasn’t like you, you were known for being punctual. Letting out a sigh, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialed your number, but just as it told him the line was busy, his eyes finally fell on you.

You were gorgeous in the royal blue dress you wore, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He stood up to greet you, happy to let everyone know you were coming to meet him, but you were on the phone and your attention wasn’t fully on him. When you got within earshot, though, you quickly ended the call you were in, then wrapped your arms around his body. He wondered who you were talking to, after all it was late night back in the States.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked you as you both sat down.

Nodding, you reached for the water bottle and poured yourself a glass. “But I hated that you left me there like that.”

“I thought you were half-asleep,” Han-seok noted with a smirk. You gave him a pointed look over your glass. “Anyway,” he spoke up again, changing the subject. “Today we will celebrate. They made me a partner at Wusang.”

You carefully put down the glass and watched him with a curious look on your face. “Why? I thought you didn’t want to be in the spotlight,” you told him with your head sweetly tilted to the side.

He reached out to take your hand, his thumb drawing circles into your skin. He wanted to trust you, he truly did, but until he figured out who you were talking to on the phone when you arrived, he couldn’t think straight. Jealousy was clouding his mind despite his brain constantly reminding him that you were loyal to him.

He explained his plan to you, although he kept certain details to himself. Details like still looking for Cha-young to get information he might use against them. He knew you would overreact and assume he would make the same mistake again. You didn’t seem to care that she wasn’t interested in him, and honestly, he had no idea how he else should have told you there was nothing to worry about.

When he finished, you leaned back in your chair and took a good look at him. “You thought of everything,” you noted.

“As usual,” was all he said in response. For long seconds he watched you in silence, wondering what to say. The thought of you talking to someone else was still bothering him, so he took a deep breath and braced himself for your possible reaction. “By the way, who were you talking to when you got here? It’s pretty late back home, isn’t it?” he asked as casually as he could.

“A friend of mine,” you replied with a shrug, refusing to elaborate.

After all those years together, he knew your body language. The way you looked away after answering meant you weren’t really interested in keeping this conversation going. He wondered if you just avoided the topic or just had enough of him for the time being. He felt offended by the thought of you not wanting to be in his company, but since he wasn’t sure if that was the case, he didn’t say anything.

“I should probably go back to the office,” Han-seok said eventually, even though he didn’t move. He didn’t want to leave you, mostly because he didn’t trust you right now.

But you seemed relaxed, as if you weren’t keeping any secrets from him. “I’ll go back to your place and work a little. Hopefully I won’t have to pull another all-nighter.”

After he nodded with a forced smile, both of you stood up and he pulled you into a hug that was probably unnecessarily tight considering you quickly tried to push him away. So he let go, coming to the conclusion that playing nice was his best option for now.

The next days passed in a kind of tension that could hardly be described. With each passing day he became more sure that you were hiding something from him, but he didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t think you would tell him anytime soon, even if he asked.

So he wasn’t expecting to be welcomed by you throwing a bunch of photos in front of him in the living room, all of them having him and Cha-young on them.

“Care to explain?” you asked with a sweet smile.

There it was, the jealous side of you he hadn’t seen since you arrived. “I need to keep an eye on her and her friend.”

“I thought I made myself clear back when I got here. I had a bad feeling and look at what the private investigator found.”

Han-seok nodded, but he didn’t say anything. He wanted to know what was going on in that gorgeous head of yours. You had said you would hurt Cha-young if he kept playing his game, he remembered, but he wasn’t sure if you would follow through in a country where you had no connections apart from him.

You let out a sigh as you stood up and stood in front of him. “But I’ve been thinking. It would be unfair of me to punish her when you’re the one chasing her,” you said surprisingly calmly with a cold edge to your voice. “Now, I’ve already packed my suitcase, and I guess my taxi is waiting outside. If you’ll excuse me,” you began, but instead of finishing the sentence, you just walked by him and pulled out your suitcase from behind the couch.

“You can’t be serious. You can’t leave me,” he told you sternly, having a hard time keeping his emotions under control. When you let out a carefree laugh and began to head towards the door, he walked up to you and grabbed your arm to yank you back. “You can’t leave me,” he repeated slowly.

He was already frustrated because of being beaten in court on the first day, and now you were making things worse by leaving. There was no way he would let that happen. Not after he finally got you back. He had fucked up once and lost you, he wasn’t about to go through that again.

“Watch me,” you hissed as you pulled your arm away and turned to walk out of the house.

“And where are you going?”

“Home.”

No. No, no, no, you couldn’t go home, not yet. “Remember how you asked me to trust you when you talk to other men?” he asked, making you come to an abrupt halt with this question. “I’m asking you the same thing. I wouldn’t cheat on you again, you need to believe me.”

Letting out a loud, almost theatrical sigh, you turned around to look at him. “I still need space,” you replied. “Just for a couple of days.”

“But only for a few days and you stay in the country,” Han-seok said with a finger pointed at you. For a few seconds you thought about this, then you nodded. “Good. Promise you’ll answer the phone when I call you. I need to know you’re okay, I need to hear your voice.”

“Sure. Goodnight,” you said then left the house.

Once you got into the taxi, you asked the driver to start driving in any direction while you made a call. You tried to work yourself up, bringing out the tears and making your voice sound like you’ve been crying for a while now. By the time the person you called picked up, you were a mess.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you this late, but we got into a fight and I can’t stay with him. I–I could go to a hotel, but I don’t want to be alone after what happened. Would it be too much to ask to let me stay at your place tonight? Just one night, I’ll leave tomorrow,” you begged.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll text you the address,” the voice at the other end of the line assured you.

With a wide smile on your lips, you told the driver the address then put away the phone and looked out the window. It was a good start. Your dear boyfriend will soon learn that two can play this game.

[iamcalmdammit]

PSA from a side blog of mine.

I'm rewatching Vincenzo which means I'll be back on my bullshit in a few days.

[iamcalmdammit]

Never thought I would see this. Ever.

[iamcalmdammit]

Kicking my feet, twirling my hair...

It's time to have fun (Soap x reader x Ghost)

Summary: Soap agrees to join you and Ghost in bed, and he has the best night of his life.

Warnings: Smut. Afab!reader, unprotected sex, creampie, blowjob, anal, double penetration. MINORS DNI!!!!

Note: This can be seen as a one-shot, but in reality it's based on "One, two, three" written by @iamcalmdammit. Thanks for letting me write it. First time writing smut and it shows. I hope I'm not the only one having these dirty thoughts.

When you opened the door of your apartment wearing nothing more but a set of sexy black lace lingerie, Soap couldn't help but gulp. Every inch of your body was perfect, made to be loved and adored, showered with kisses and soft touches. He had no idea how Ghost could keep his hands to himself when you were on a mission.

Even though until very recently he had mostly thought about setting you up with the lieutenant, he couldn't deny that around the time you had joined the team he briefly thought about what it would be like to fuck your pretty brains out, and how satisfying it would be to hear you whimper his name on the brink of an orgasm.

He wondered who came up with the idea of the open relationship. It must have been you. Ghost seemed to be the fiercely loyal type, it was a miracle he agreed to share you with others. But you were so free in every way that he didn't have an issue imagining you asking for it.

But to him it didn't really matter. He was still trying to recover from the shock of hearing you ask if he would like to join the two of you in bed. Sex with you wouldn't be a problem, but knowing Ghost would also be present kind of worried him. What would that be like? Would he order him around in the bedroom as well, telling him what to do with you?

The door shutting behind him snapped Soap out of his thoughts. His eyes landed on you again, watching as you gently took the bottle of wine from his hand and placed it on the kitchen counter. Damn, you looked even better from behind.

"Is Ghost home?" he asked after clearing his throat.

You turned back to him and shook your head. "He has to take care of something, but he'll be here soon," you explained as you walked back and helped him out of his coat. "Are you nervous? Come, I'll give you a glass of wine. Or would you like something stronger?"

Soap followed you into the living room where you opened a wall cabinet and revealed a wide selection of alcoholic drinks. Presenting the bottles as if they were the grand prize in some game show, you waited for him to take a closer look.

"I'll pick the tequila," he said after some thinking. Nodding, you got a shot glass and poured him some. "Thank you."

As he took the glass from you, his fingers brushed against yours for a fleeting moment which was enough to drive him over the edge. He quickly downed his drink, put the glass on the shelf of the cabinet, then pulled you into a passionate kiss. His hands slowly traveled down your body, right until they reached your hips that he grabbed firmly and pushed you against the wall.

You didn't object, and he could feel you smile as you wrapped your hands around his neck. "Simon will be pissed if he finds out you started without him," you said when you pulled away for a moment.

Fuck. Ghost. How could he forget? "You're probably right," he whispered before letting go of you.

As he took a closer look at your face, he noticed the unmistakable hint of lust in your eyes. But no matter how badly he wanted to see your lips around his cock, he knew he had to wait. No one would be stupid enough to offend Ghost on the field, let alone in his own home. This time he had to behave himself.

You suddenly took his hand and began to lead him towards the couch. There was a spark when you touched him again, something that was becoming harder and harder to ignore. When you sat next to him with your legs across his lap, Soap rested a hand on your thighs and watched you with an intrigued look.

"That kiss felt like something you'd been yearning for for a while," you noted with a smile.

Soap nodded, his eyes fixed on your legs when he spoke up. "Yeah, maybe before I decided to play matchmaker with you and the Lt. I had some ideas of what I'd like to do with you," he admitted with a short laugh.

This got your attention because you leaned forward and put a finger under his chin to make him look at you. "Tell me about them. What do you want to do with me?"

"For one, I want to fuck you so mercilessly that you won't even be able to put a coherent sentence together," he told you hesitantly. It felt so weird to talk about his dirty fantasies to the person he had in mind, but at the same time you looked supportive enough to make it easy for him.

You began to laugh before you leaned closer to give him a quick kiss. "I hope you're good in the aftercare then. Simon goes all out on me sometimes and he's very good at it. I'm sure he would be mad if you didn't do it right."

"Thanks for the pressure," he said sarcastically.

"Just be gentle. Ask me if I'm okay," you offered as you ran a hand down his upper arm. "Make sure you don't break me and you'll be fine."

Just when he figured out how to reply to that, Ghost arrived and the front door closed with a loud bang after he came in. You squealed happily, jumped up on the couch, then leaped over the back, straight into your financé's arms.

"I thought you would put something on before he arrives," the lieutenant said with a scolding look.

He put you down, but his hands stayed on you, as if he was marking his territory. "I'll get naked anyway, there's nothing he won't see," you explained with a cheeky smile as you took off his mask and pushed the hoodie off his head. "Can I get you a bourbon?"

Instead of answering, Ghost kissed you softly, taking his time as if he hadn't seen you in weeks. Soap turned back to look ahead, suddenly feeling uncomfortable just sitting there in your home when the two of you were this intimate.

Then he remembered why he was even there in the first place. He would be even more intimate with you if you went through with the plan. When he felt a firm hand on his shoulder, he looked up and saw Ghost overstep the back of the couch with ease and sit down next to him.

"I thought you would chicken out," he noted quietly before taking the glass from you with a thankful smile.

Soap watched as you walked out into the kitchen for a glass of wine, and he took this opportunity to answer his superior. "You want me to be honest?" The lieutenant nodded. "I wouldn't miss the chance to sleep with her. But I have a question too. Why did you agree to do this?"

"It makes her happy," Ghost replied without thinking.

"And you're okay with this? I mean, with the whole open relationship thing."

Silence followed his question and he could see Ghost was thinking about what to tell him. He didn't look happy, that was for sure, which only confirmed his earlier theory. But before he could say anything, you sat in his lap and put your legs back on Soap's thighs.

"What are you boys gossiping about?" you asked before taking a sip of your wine.

Ghost didn't answer, he just gave you a quick kiss then put his thumb on your lips. You giggled as you opened your mouth and gently sucked on his finger. Shifting in his seat, Soap began to hope you would pull your legs away, because the whole scene made him very hard, very fast.

Clearing his throat, he asked, "What's the riskiest thing you two ever did on a mission?"

You put down the glass and wrapped an arm around Ghost's neck. "This arsehole once gave me a bluetooth vibrator for a briefing. Price almost noticed something was off with me."

"But you had fun," he pointed out.

"When you fucked me afterwards, yeah," you replied.

Barely able to hold back a laugh, Soap only flashed an amused smile at the two of you in the end. It was so obvious that you were madly in love with each other, but somehow you still managed to hide it perfectly well from the rest of the team. He felt like he was allowed into a private club, someplace no one else could join without an invitation.

He watched as Ghost ran a hand from your thighs up to your breast, cupping it through the fabric of your bra and watching you carefully as he began to work his magic. You leaned closer to him, kissing his neck between your moans until he whispered something to you that made you both stop.

You stood up then moved to stand in front of Soap. He gave you a questioning look to which you replied with a seductive smile and an extended hand. "Are you ready?" you asked him. He nodded as he took your hand and stood up as well. "Simon? Are you coming?"

"I'll be right there, just let me finish my drink first," he replied.

You smiled and nodded before tugging Soap towards the bedroom. He was suddenly unsure of this whole thing. You were sexy and he definitely wanted to have sex with you, but the way you and Ghost clicked was too perfect to ruin. The lieutenant didn't sound too enthusiastic about this either.

When you reached the bedroom, you suddenly put your hands on his cheeks and leaned close. "I don't like this look," you said quietly. "Did you change your mind?" After letting out a long sigh, Soap shook his head. "Good boy," you told him before pushing him on the bed.

You got on your knees between his legs, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans before gently pulling it down to free his throbbing cock. You ran your tongue from the shaft to the tip before opening your mouth wide to take him in. Soap threw his head back when he felt your wet lips sealed tightly around him, slowly moving up and down, carefully taking more and more of him.

He looked back at you, already loving the sight of your head bobbing with his cock in your mouth, letting it go so deep that you were almost choking on it. So he put his hand on your head and pushed you down, forcing you to take his cock straight to the shaft and stay like that for a few seconds, just until you began to gag.

That's when Ghost came in. For a while he just stood there in the door with his arms folded across his chest, watching as his fiancée had his sergeant's cock in his mouth, thin fingers wrapped around the part she didn't take in. Then he took off his hoodie and shirt with one move before kneeling behind you.

The lieutenant put a hand on the back of your neck before moving it down along your spine, down to your ass, then moving it to your sex, already burying a finger inside of you. Your lips tightened around his cock at that moment, and Soap knew he was close to coming.

"I think he's near the edge, love," Ghost told you before he leaned closer to you. "What do you want her to do, Johnny? Swallow like a dirty little girl or would you rather see her covered with your cum? Your choice."

Soap looked down at you with raised eyebrows, his eyes locking with yours while he waited for you to decide. You slowed down, your teeth gently brushing along his shaft as you watched him. Fuck, it felt good, but it didn't answer his silent question.

"He usually swallows mine, mate," the lieutenant spoke up and you hummed against Soap's cock in agreement. He hesitated, feeling like it would be too much to ask for, but before he could respond, Ghost spoke up again. "Swallowing it is."

When he came, Soap couldn't believe his eyes. Ghost weren't kidding, you sucked him dry and swallowed every drop. "Fucking hell, princess," he barely managed to say.

Laughing, Ghost reached out to grab your chin and made you turn around enough to kiss you, his tongue penetrating your mouth and most certainly tasting the remains of Soap's cum. It made him gulp during the attempt to catch his breath. Did he really just witness what he thought he did?

"Have you heard the rumors that semen is a natural mood booster?" you asked Soap after your fiancé let go of your swollen lips.

"You're fucking crazy," he replied with a laugh then extended his hand towards you. "Come here."

Before you could stand up, Ghost leaned closer to your ear, whispering something so quietly that Soap couldn't hear. All he saw was you nodding and the lieutenant standing up and going to a drawer to get something. When you looked back at him, the sergeant asked you what was going on.

You put your hands on his shoulders and pushed him on his back, then climbed above him with a wicked little smile on your lips. "He's just getting me a butt plug," you explained as you leaned down to kiss him slowly. "He's the only one who can fuck my ass, but I can't take him without a little help."

If he was right–and the fact it was a threesome made him think he was–you were preparing for double penetration. The thought made him foam at the mouth. "If I only knew how dirty your mind is when you joined the team," he began to say, his hands firmly gripping your ass, "I would have made a move on you right away."

As Ghost began to work on stretching your asshole, Soap tried his best to avert your thoughts with kisses placed all across your jawline and cheek. But it didn't work because you kept squirming and whimpering Ghost's name quietly.

"Hey, it's easier if you relax, so focus on me, okay?" Soap asked you with a smile as he put his hands on your neck. You nodded then kissed him again, probably hoping to forget about everything if you dived deep enough into him. "Good girl," he whispered to you between kisses.

He didn't keep track of time, but he was knocked out of the blissful state of mind by your moans. Soap pulled your head down to his shoulder so he could take a look at what Ghost was doing and their eyes met almost immediately.

"She's dripping wet. All ready for you, Johnny," he announced as he focused his eyes on his fingers covered in your slick.

You lay down on bed next to him, grinning from ear to ear as you watched him get rid of his clothes. You only had your bra on, a piece of clothing he quickly got you out of before climbing on top of you. "How badly do you want me?" he asked, his index finger running down your neck.

Soap didn't wait for your answer, instead he began to explore your body, his lips soon finding your breasts. As he sucked on your nipple, his hand cupping your other breast, he listened to the moans escaping your throat. It was like a symphony, composed only for him.

Since you were too lost in the sensation, Soap took matters in his own hands and slowly pushed his cock inside you, taking his time in the beginning. Then he sped up, happy to see the way you arched your back and feeling your fingertips dig into his shoulder blade.

You soon began to beg him to stop going easy on you, you wanted him to tear you apart. But was he ready to do that to you? Out of the corner his eye he noticed Ghost stand there with his cock in his hand, slowly stroking himself as he watched her fiancée being fucked by him.

"Johnny," you whimpered to get his attention. "Please."

Since you were asking so nicely, he could just as well comply. "Be a good girl and get on all fours for me," he ordered as he pulled out of you temporarily.

You did as you were told, although you positioned yourself across the bed so Soap had to move as well. He soon found out that you wanted to give Ghost the chance to fuck your pretty mouth while he was about to completely destroy you from behind.

As he looked down at you, he noticed the end of the butt plug and suddenly remembered what was still waiting for you. Bloody hell, it would be a miracle if you could walk tomorrow.

Soap fucked you as hard as he had promised before, feeling your tight little cunt clench around him. He heard you choke on the lieutenant's cock every now and then, having a hard time handling his undeniably big member.

"Don't let her come," Ghost suddenly ordered.

"Simon, don't," you tried weakly when you let his cock slip out of your mouth for a second.

"Shhh, it's okay, love." He put a hand on the side of your head, his thumb rubbing your cheek. "Ready for taking us both?"

You nodded eagerly and Ghost smiled at you before leaning down to give you a kiss. Soap had his cock buried inside you as he waited for what to do next. His superior seemed to be in control of you two not only on the field, but in the bedroom as well.

"Got on top of Johnny, darling," Ghost told you.

Soap moved and lied on his back so you could get on top of him, immediately lowering yourself to have him back inside of you, although this time you left him buried there without moving. He caressed your arms as you leaned down to kiss him softly, not even noticing that Ghost was now working on getting the butt plug out so he could slowly slide his cock inside your ass.

The kiss had worked before, maybe you thought it could avert your thoughts again, and he wasn't about to deny you of that. "Are you sure you're ready? Won't it be too much for you?" he whispered quietly.

You shook your head in response and soon you moaned loudly from the sensation of the lieutenant's cock going deeper into you.

"That's it, baby, you're doing so good," Ghost told you as he put a hand on your stomach and pulled you up so he could kiss you again to silence your moans.

As Soap watched the two of you, he had to admit you made a good team, and the lieutenant clearly had a soft spot for you. When he noticed Ghost began to move his hips, he decided to do the same, except he tried to make sure they were out of sync.

"Fuck," you moaned, you fingers now laced with Soap's.

He watched as you got lost in your own mind due to overstimulation, suddenly realizing how lucky he was to see you like this. A lot of men would have killed for a chance like this, but you chose him, and maybe it was his good relationship with the Lt. that made it possible in the end.

When you were later lying on top of him, cum dripping out of your holes, Soap couldn't help but place kisses all over your face. "Did you have fun?" he asked you with a smile and you nodded in response. "Are you okay?" Another nod. "Good."

You looked back at Ghost, who smiled at you then walked into the bathroom to clean up. Once the door closed, you turned back to him. "What about you? Did you have fun too?" With a wide smile, Soap nodded. "Thank you for doing this."

He raised his head to give you a quick kiss. "Anytime, princess. All you have to do is ask."

[iamcalmdammit]

A little sneak peek into a story I'm working on. Soap x reader x Ghost threesome smut. Based on @iamcalmdammit's story "One, two, three." My first time writing smut but I couldn't resist.

NO MINORS AFTER THIS POINT!

Laughing, Ghost reached out to grab your chin and made you turn around enough to kiss you, his tongue penetrating your mouth and most certainly tasting the remains of Soap's cum. It made him gulp during the attempt to catch his breath. Did he really just witness what he thought he did?

"Have you heard the rumors that semen is a natural mood booster?" you asked Soap after your fiancé let go of your swollen lips.

"You're fucking crazy," he replied with a laugh then extended his hand towards you. "Come here."

[iamcalmdammit]

can I be added to your ghost taglist

Sure 😊

[iamcalmdammit]

helloo! I wanted to ask if you can add me to your cod taglist? I just finished reading all of your cod writings snd im kind of obsessed with them so����🥺❤️

Hi! Oh, thank you, I'm glad you like them! I put you on the list.

[iamcalmdammit]

Hi! I’ve been reading your “undercover frank woods x Bell!reader” and I loved it so much! And I wanted to ask if you wrote a part 2 or do you WANT to write a part 2? Maybe some smut or make out after that? And what Frank meant with the “being happy” in a relationship.

Oh, Frank ❤️ Honestly, I wasn't planning a part 2 for that.

[iamcalmdammit]

wow i forgot to put a question mark i am so sorry i am not demanding anything please if you even want a part 2 take ur time ❤️

Don't worry, I thought something was missing 😊

[iamcalmdammit]

positive was so cute !! part 2 where it’s just simon falling in love with her over the course of her pregnancy and realizing this is everything he’s ever wanted

I should write a part 2, shouldn't I? I mean, I started working on it already so... 😁

[iamcalmdammit]

Positive || [Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader]

Summary: Ghost finds out you're pregnant with his child.

Warning: None. Fluffish angst.

Ghost stormed into your room without a warning and slammed the door after himself so violently that the whole room shaked in its wake. You almost had a heart attack, but quickly recovered enough to jump up and watch him with arms crossed over your chest, giving him the best disapproving look you could pull off in this situation.

In reality your heart was beating way too fast, as if it was about to escape from between your ribs. There were so many things left unsaid between the two of you that now you hated the thought of being alone with the lieutenant. Every single time you were paired up with him on a mission, you tried your best to stay invisible--you followed his orders without a word and kept communication to the bare minimum.

But now you had no chance to run away from him. You watched his chest rise and fall as he breathed, his eyes locked on you as he waited for something. You didn't dare to ask what it was all about, afraid it would only enrage him. Then your eyes moved to his hand and you realized he was holding a smaller paper bag. What was this all about?

"Are you feeling better?" he suddenly asked you.

At first you didn't know what in the hell he was talking about, but then you remembered. You hadn't felt well in the morning and asked Price to let you rest for a while. But that was a private conversation, you weren't expecting him to tell everyone about your medical issues.

Ghost suddenly took a step closer to you as he waited for your answer. Why did he have to be so damn intimidating? "I do, thanks," you managed to say after a little too long. "Did you come here just to ask me that?" you wondered out loud.

Shaking his head, Ghost threw the paper bag to you. You gave him a surprised look, but instead of answering, he only motioned you to take a look inside. So you opened the bag and found two pregnancy tests in it. What the hell was he doing?

"I'll wait," was all he said.

"What are you talking about?"

"I remember my sister-in-law's symptoms from the time she was pregnant," he explained calmly, although it was easy to tell he was all tensed up. "Let's see if I'm right. I brought two just to be sure."

"Even if I was pregnant--which I'm definitely not--what would you have to do with it?"

His gloved fingers curled into a fist as he considered what to say. You had a feeling that you already knew why he was so invested in this theory, but a part of you wished you were wrong. "You're working under my command, sergeant, I need to know if you're pregnant or not. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you or the baby."

"And you think that's the way to do it?" you asked, relieved to hear it was just that. "If I found out I was pregnant, I would tell Price who would then pass the news on to you."

Shaking his head, Ghost drew in a sharp breath which he soon blew out slowly to even his breathing. "That's not the right way to do it if I'm the father," he then said.

This was exactly what you were afraid to hear. Once--just once you both lost control and slept together after drinking some of the Scotch whisky Soap brought with him straight from home. That was the first and so far only time he took off the mask in front of you, too lost in the desire and alcoholic haze to think straight anymore.

Letting out a sigh, you ran a hand through your hair. "Ghost, that only happened once, what makes you think--"

"Have you slept with anyone beside me in the past weeks?" he interrupted you harshly.

"That's none of your business," you replied defensively.

The answer was simple: you didn't. You lacked the time and energy to go out and meet new people, but you were too proud to admit you didn't really have a life outside of work. Sure, you visited your family every now and then, but you didn't have friends in the traditional sense of the word.

Ghost saw through you without a problem. "So you did not," he stated before pointing at the bag in your hand. "Do the test. Now."

"Don't make me do this."

"Y/N," he warned you with a growl.

You closed your eyes for a second to think. Running away would have been an issue. He was standing in your way, and even if you managed to escape, where would you go? So you nodded and went to the bathroom to do as he ordered.

The minutes were passing painfully slowly. As you sat there on the floor, your eyes fixed on the two tests, you began to think about your options. Were you ready to be a parent? Would you have to do it alone? Ghost being here and looking so concerned made you think he would want to be a part of the child's life.

But how would that work with your line of work? You didn't want to quit, to give up your current lifestyle for having a family. As of this moment your maternal instincts were nonexistent, you couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be a parent. To be a single mom, no less.

When your phone began to vibrate next to you, you knew it was time to find out the truth. You took a deep breath, held it in for a few seconds, then slowly exhaled. You got this. It was definitely food poisoning, nothing more. Ghost was just being paranoid. You crawled over to the tests and took a look at them.

Fuck.

A minute or two later you were snapped out of your thoughts by a banging sound. Ghost was growing impatient as he had previously checked how much time it would take. He knew you knew the result by now.

"So?" he asked when you opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Negative," you told him with a forced smile.

"Both of them?"

You nodded. "Yes."

Ghost didn't seem convinced because he shook his head and held out his hand. "Let me see."

"I threw them out."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he groaned before pushing you out of the way and marching into the bathroom. Closing your eyes, you walked over to your bed and sat down on the edge, mentally preparing for what was about to come. "They are positive!" Ghost shouted, showing you the two tests when he got back to you.

Raising your hands defensively, you gulped and tried your best to calm him down. "Okay, now, don't be mad," you said quietly.

"How in the hell wouldn't I get mad, huh? You lied into my face," he snapped after he threw the tests on a nearby table. After letting out a long sigh, he sat on the bed next to you and reached out to wipe your tears away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, I just…"

Shaking your head, you took one of his gloved hand in yours and watched it in silence. Even now that he was furious, Ghost was keeping himself under strict control. The night you spent together was probably the only time you saw him let loose for a short while. But you were pregnant. The two of you would have a child of you decided to keep it, and this was a matter that had to be discussed.

Before you could say anything, you saw him take off the mask and carefully put it aside. "Do you want this child?" he asked softly.

"I don't know. Right now the answer is closer to no," you admitted. "What about you?"

He thought about it for a while, but eventually he said, "I had a poor excuse of a father growing up so I promised myself that if I ever had the chance, I would be a good dad to my kid."

"So the answer is yes," you noted before you let out a humming sound. "We need to think about it. We are in this together, it would be selfish of me to make this decision on my own."

"So let's do that," Ghost told you with a smile, his free hand reaching up to caress your cheek as he spoke.

A part of you hated him for acting like this, being so gentle and considerate. You couldn't blame him for losing control, though, but you sure as hell didn't want to experience it again.

Before you knew it, he had his lips on yours, cautiously testing if you were okay with him kissing you. You were more than okay with it. You wanted him ever since that night, you had an overwhelming need every single time you were near each other. Just a simple touch of the hands would have been enough to make you burst into flames.

"I want you to go home now," he suddenly told you.

"Ghost, you–"

"Simon. I'm the father of your child, you can't keep calling me Ghost when we're alone," the lieutenant said, sounding surprisingly vulnerable. "And I know you don't want to go anywhere, but you need to see a doctor. I'll talk to Price."

Shaking your head, you squeezed his hand and gulped loudly. "You can't tell him. Please, let's not tell anyone."

He smiled at you briefly before leaning over to kiss you again, this time settling for a quick, soft kiss. "He already has his own suspicions, don't worry. And I won't tell anyone else apart from him, okay? Trust me," he added.

"Won't you get into trouble for getting your sergeant pregnant?" you suddenly asked.

After licking his lower lip nervously, Ghost shook his head. "Price won't make a big deal out of it hopefully, and we can tell the others you have a boyfriend back home."

Nodding, you accepted his words. You rested your head on his broad shoulder and thought about the next step. Now that you know he wanted this child, it was up to you to make your own decision.

"Can I go and talk to Price with you?" you suddenly asked.

Ghost took your hand. "Sure. Maybe it's for the better."

Soon you were standing in front of the captain like two students who did something wrong and now had to go see the principal. Well, in a military sense you actually did something wrong, so no wonder you felt like that. You could tell even Ghost was tense, although it wasn't as obvious as it could have been without the mask.

But Price understood. He scolded Ghost for all of this, sure, but apart from that he seemed happy for the two of you. "Ghost, you go with her. If anyone asks, I'll tell them you're making sure she gets home safe," he said in the end.

"Captain, I can go alone. I'll keep Ghost updated," you promised.

Shaking his head, Price pointed at Ghost. "His head will be with you. If he can't focus on the mission, he's no use for us."

And he was right. You couldn't risk others' lives because of this. Ghost apparently understood this as well, because he let out a sigh and said, "All right, I'll go with her. Thank you."

•••••••••••••

taglist: @untoldshortsofthefandoms

[iamcalmdammit]

# it’s that time of the year again

[iamcalmdammit]

Can i be added to your COD taglist? That is if you do taglist, if not i understand. I love your writing and have notifications on for your blog. You are absolutely amazing ❤️

Hi! Damn, I haven't checked my inbox in a while. Sure, I'll try to remember to tag you :)

PS: Thank you for your kind words!

[iamcalmdammit]

Will they, won't they? || [Alex Keller x f!reader]

Summary: You rent an Airbnb to celebrate Christmas with the team after a mission. Alex surprises you and things take an interesting turn.

Note: Fluff. I love Alex so fucking much. A little Christmas story with the team. Also, it's probably the holiday spirit affecting me, but Graves is still blue, he didn't betray anyone. He's an honorary member of the 141. Oh, and Lucas Riggs! AU obviously.

"Johnny, just leave the kitchen, please," you begged him for the third time. The sergeant flashed a cheeky smile at you before reaching out to grab another cookie from the top shelf where you had previously hid it. You slapped his hand then pointed at the door. "Out."

"Okay, okay, I'll help, I promise," he said with a laugh.

You didn't even remember how many times he had already promised you that in the past hour or so. Sure, he helped a bit, chopping vegetables and snacking a little while doing so, but enough was enough. You had to feed the entire team, not just this one doofus. So you walked over to him, put your hands firmly on his chest and began to push him out of the kitchen.

But it didn't work. Not because he was standing his ground--he was actually laughing and taking cautious steps back to make it easy for you to push him--but because he bumped into someone. When you looked at the obstacle, you immediately recognized the familiar face.

"Alex?" you asked cautiously, hoping you weren't imagining things.

Johnny raised an eyebrow as he stopped laughing and turned around to look at the man behind him. "Huh?"

Alex completely ignored him, his eyes were fixed on you and he eventually sidestepped Johnny to finally get to you. He pulled you into a tight hug, placing soft kisses on the hair on the top of your head. "I missed you so much, baby," he whispered.

As you leaned back a bit to take a good look at your boyfriend, you flashed a happy smile at him while you struggled not to start crying. "I thought something happened to you."

Laughing, he gave you a soft kiss then looked over at the sergeant who was still standing in the door. "It's been a while. Everything okay?" he asked with a smile.

Now that he was in the company of people he could truly trust, Alex visibly relaxed. He looked happy as he listened to Johnny's response while he had a hand wrapped around your waist. He kept you close, as if he was afraid you would run away if he didn't have his hand on your body. But you weren't planning to run. No, you were planning quite the opposite.

Suddenly you remembered the food you were preparing and quickly rushed to the oven to check on it. After a few minutes, while you were finishing the salad, you felt a pair of arms sneak around your torso and pull you back against a warm body. Alex kissed your neck, his hand slowly moving under your shirt and up to your breasts.

"Anyone could walk in," you informed him with a laugh.

"I don't care. I haven't seen you in months," he whispered in your ear. The next thing you knew, he pushed a few bowls and plates out of the way and sat you on the counter. "I'm lucky you're wearing a skirt," he mumbled against your lips while his hand traveled all the way to your thighs.

The food was ready to be served, but feeling his hand on your body again was too good to give up. But your common sense didn't leave you alone and you ended up putting your hand on his to push it away. "I wouldn't be happy if someone had sex right next to the food I'm about to eat," you said with a smile before you kissed him again.

Alex leaned back and let out a sigh. "Fine, we'll get back to this later," he replied while he helped you off the counter. "What do you want me to do?"

Under your supervision everyone came to grab something and you quickly put all of the tasty food on the dining table. You were proud of yourself. You had spent an entire day in the kitchen with the occasional help of others, but it was worth it. Alex kissed the back of your head as he passed you by and this gentle move snapped you out of your thoughts.

When you looked around, you noticed a new face standing next to your boyfriend. It was surprising, mostly because this was strictly a 141 team building event--hence the presence of a Shadow who got your permission to tag along--and even Simon decided not to wear his balaclava. Alex noticed the confused look on your face and quickly cleared his throat as he looked over at the captain.

"Now that we're all here," John began with a smile as everybody sat down, "I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce our newest member, someone who comes from the Australian Special Operations Command. Alex met him first, he was the one who made the recommendation, so let's welcome Lucas Riggs as one of our own."

Everyone greeted him, Gaz immediately started shooting questions at him, but you barely listened because Alex took your hand and didn't seem like he was about to let go anytime soon. He watched you with a smile, then he leaned close to you and said, "I love you. You know that, right?" Giggling, you nodded. "Move in with me. I want to know you're there when I happen to come home for a while."

You kissed him, this move soon earning a childish reaction from Johnny who was sitting across from you. "I'd love to," you told Alex before turning to the sergeant. "Don't make me throw a piece of bread at you."

"So you're the famous lady who has him wrapped around her finger," Lucas said with a grin as he leaned forward to look at you. "I swear he couldn't shut up about you."

Looking over at the man, you couldn't help but grin at him. So he kept talking about you to his friends? You didn't think it was possible to love him more than you already did, but Alex always proved you wrong. He always did something that made you fall deeper in love with him.

"You think I can't shut up about her?" Alex suddenly asked, turning to Lucas. "Wait until we get married."

You almost choked on the air you breathed in at that moment. Until you what?

Lucas started to laugh. "I think you should settle this with her first, mate."

"When did you ask her to marry you?" Phillip asked from across the table, sounding surprised to hear that. Well, you couldn't blame him, you were just as surprised.

"I haven't asked her yet. But I'm sure she knows that's where we're heading," he replied before looking over at you with a smile.

"That's not what her expression is telling us," Simon noted.

The smile faded from his face when he realized Simon was right. You were shocked, your face definitely mirrored that emotion. "I thought you knew," he said quietly.

You shook your head in response. Being in a relationship with someone was one thing. Moving in… Well, that was a big step but since he was away most of the time, it didn't seem to be a big deal. Marriage on the other hand was serious. Having a husband was a liability. And it was true the other way around as well.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I really thought it was obvious."

Shaking your head, you stood up and pulled your hand away from his. "I'm sorry, I'm gonna wash my face real quick."

"Y/N, wait," he tried but you were gone by the time he said that.

Across the table Johnny cleared his throat and put down his fork and knife. "I'll talk to her."

You moved up the stairs and sat on the edge of the bathtub in the bathroom while you waited for Johnny to catch up with you. That idiot slowly transformed into the closest thing you had to a brother on the field, always keeping an eye on you and always doing his best to cheer you up if you were sad or injured.

Maybe talking to him now wouldn't be a bad idea, this is why you decided not to lock the door. He might give you advice you could use now since he had known about you and Alex since the beginning. Every time you missed him, every time you thought something happened to him while he was away, Johnny was the one who consoled you, assuring you that everything would be okay.

"Why did you freak out? I thought you loved him," he began as he sat down next to you.

You turned to look at him but remained silent for now. What could you say to that? "I do love him, don't get me wrong," you began hesitantly. "It's just… Getting married? I have been married before and that didn't turn out well. What if I fuck up again?"

Johnny opened his mouth and put up his hands. "Hold up, hold up, hold up. You were married? When? And who was that guy?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

You told him everything. How you married a guy from college, how he hated it when you were deployed, how distance slowly poisoned and ruined your marriage. How often would you see Alex now that he was helping Farah? Sure, he came back sometimes to help out, but he came less and less frequently.

Wiping away your tears, you thought about what else to tell him. But there was nothing left to say. Letting out a sigh, he reached out and wrapped an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer. As he rubbed your skin in a soothing manner, you felt more and more at ease, the stress finally leaving your body.

"I love him, don't get me wrong," you finally spoke up again after a while. "But there's a voice in the back of my mind telling me it wouldn't work out."

"That voice is stupid," Johnny said with a laugh. "Alex loves you so much, he would never hurt or leave you. I'm sure if you got married, he would do whatever he can to make it work. Maybe he would spend more time with you. He can't know what worries you if you don't talk to him."

"Maybe you're right," you admitted.

The sergeant rolled his eyes. "I know I'm right. Come on, let's go back. I don't like cold food."

After you returned, heavy silence fell on the room. No one dared to ask if you were okay, they just waited for you to say something. But you didn't say anything, only started eating as if nothing happened. The others followed suit, eating in silence until Johnny turned to Phillip and asked him about the baby project that was stressing him out lately.

Apparently they had been trying for a baby for about five years but nothing worked. The next step was a surrogate, but according to him it was a nightmare to find the right one. Johnny and Phillip were close so you weren't surprised the sergeant knew about it, but it was unexpected to hear them talk about it so openly in front of the team.

Then the conversation shifted again, this time everyone turned their attention to Lucas who was a little taken aback by the level of interest. But he answered everything and soon you knew so much about him that it felt like he had been a member for months. And you made a mental note that if you ever wanted something from him, all you would have to do was bringing him lamingtons. He was so easy to bribe.

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Alex watch you every now and then, probably hesitating to talk to you, to ask if you were feeling better. You were happy that he didn't push you and you tried your best to ignore the urge to pour everything on him right there and then.

After over an hour the others began to clean the table--they said doing the dishes was the least they could do after you cooked all day. As you watched them, you felt a hand taking yours and pulling you out of the dining room. It was Alex. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to.

Once you entered the bedroom you reserved for yourself, he closed the door and said, "I'm so sorry. But we need to talk about it."

You nodded then sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to do the same. But instead he knelt in front of you and rested his forearms on your thighs as he took your hands. His eyes looked like they were a darker shade of blue now, and the more you looked into his eyes, the more lost you became in them.

"Why did you react like that? I have a feeling there's something I don't know," he spoke up, breaking the silence.

He can't know what worries you if you don't talk to him.

Taking a deep breath, you decided to be honest. You told him everything--from your previous marriage to your fears regarding his affiliation with Farah. You didn't mean to sound selfish, but it still came out that way. He did what he did for a greater good, yet here you were, whining about not having your boyfriend around.

But he seemingly understood it. Once you finished your little speech, he flashed a reassuring smile at you and reached up to wipe a teardrop away. "You're right," he suddenly said.

You gave him a questioning look. Why would you be right? You were selfish, not right. "Alex, you're helping them because that's the right thing to do. I can't ask you to abandon them because of me," you told him.

"You absolutely can. Look, I'm talking about marriage, but how would that work if I'm always away?" he asked, his hand resting on your cheek. "You go on missions too, sure, but what I do takes more time. I don't want you to be lonely. And I don't want to lose you because of it either."

Shaking your head, you leaned down to kiss him. You were hesitant for some reason, as if you were just testing the waters, but Alex quickly took charge and pushed you on your back. As much as you wanted him, you knew it wouldn't be appropriate at this time. The whole Christmas dinner thing was your idea, you couldn't just sneak away like that.

"Wait, we should go down to the others," you stopped him.

He let out an annoyed groan as he watched you. "For real?" You nodded. "Fine, let's go," he said as he stood up and extended his hand to help you up.

When you reached the top of the stairs, you found Simon sitting on the bottom step, typing something into his phone. You were dying to find out who he was chatting with. Was it someone from his family? Maybe a girlfriend?

As you walked past him, you reached out to ruffle his hair with a giggle. He gave you a harsh look as he pushed your hand away, but you didn't miss the small smile he had on his lips while doing so. Behind the silent tough guy look he was really just a big softie.

Stepping into the living room felt like entering a courtroom. Everyone was watching you in silence, waiting to see if it was safe to say anything after the tense dinner. But John decided to be the team leader even in this situation, because in the end it was him who spoke up.

"Did you discuss everything? Is everything okay between you now?" he asked cautiously.

You and Alex looked at each other for a brief moment before turning back to the others and nodding. He even reached out to take your hand, tightly wrapping his fingers around yours as if he was trying to stop you from running away. But you weren't planning on leaving him, not anytime soon.

"Can we celebrate your engagement?" Phillip asked as he reached for the glass of wine he had on a nearby table.

"No, not yet," Alex replied. "But I promised to be around more often. John, we should talk about that tomorrow," he told the captain who nodded in response.

"All right, everyone, pay up," you heard Phillip say as he looked around the room. When you gave him a questioning look, he put a hand on the back of his neck and let out a nervous laugh. "Johnny said this conversation would end with you two engaged. The others agreed. I said it's early after that… incident during dinner. I won."

Alex couldn't help but laugh at this, but the sergeant didn't find it funny. "Hey, I thought you could convince her, okay? I would be ten bucks richer if I didn't have faith in your ability to charm her.

"I believe it means you lost the bet," Simon's deep voice echoed in the room.

You turned around and watched him walk inside with a smile. "You didn't take part?"

"It would have been unfair to do so," he explained as he sat down on a cushioned chair near the captain. "I knew you wouldn't say yes after what happened so taking the others' money didn't seem fair."

"It didn't bother me," Phillip said with a grin.

"You don't even need our money," Johnny noted with a laugh.

Phillip let out a humming sound. "I did it because I wanted to win. The money was a bonus I was willing to accept."

"You're just a bunch of stupid kids," you noted quietly. Alex looked down at you with a grin before kissing the top of your head real quick. "What was that for?" you asked.

"What? I can't do that?"

You freed your hand and wrapped your arm around his body as you leaned against his side. This Christmas was the best you had had in the past few years. And you couldn't help but appreciate this group of idiots that were always there to support you.