iambeggingforhelp

[iambeggingforhelp]

i wish there was someone out there who could help me. tw

there is only so much a person can take before they fall into pieces. i feel myself crumbling. everytime i find my footing im knocked down again, harder than before. there are no breaks. there is no respite from my thoughts. it doesnt matter if im with people or alone, i am constantly reminded of how much better it would feel to not feel at all. there is never a moment where i am not wishing i was dead, and it keeps getting worse. no one can see, no one can tell. ive felt like this for so long that i wouldnt even know how to talk about how i feel if i had the chance. nothing feels safe anymore. i dont even feel safe in my own body because every second i am reminded that i should be jumping out of a window or opening my wrists. i have trapped myself in my own prison and i dont know how to reach out or who to reach out to. i dont feel joy anymore. its been ripped from me and i dont think ill ever feel it again. every second of every day is spent mourning the loss of myself. every breath that i take is regretful. i just want it to be over because that would be easier than facing whatever the fuck makes me feel like i am not worth anything. i dont even think anyone would miss me if i was gone. everyone would just be better off without me. i cant escape. there is nothing i can do to stop feeling this way because i dont know how to get help. i am so petrified of anyone seeing this part of me and hating me as much as i hate myself. at the same time, i dont know if that even really matter. i dont know if anything matters anymore. please give me a sign that i have a reason to keep going.