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one thing I really like about my relationship with my boyfriend is that we can express negative feelings about each other's actions without assigning blame or requiring apology. I mean like for morally neutral things like "it drives me crazy when you leave a wet towel on the floor instead of hanging it up"

cause now like instead of "oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to drive you crazy, I'm terrible and unsocialized" or "um well that's dumb, who cares" it's like

"it does? I didn't know that. how come?"

"because it will mildew and I keep tripping over it and I don't know whether you intend to reuse that towel or whether it needs to go in the wash"

"okay so usually if I intend to reuse it I hang it up, and if it needs to go in the wash I drop it on the floor. I guess because I thought I shouldn't put it in the hamper because it would get all the other dirty clothes wet and then THEY might mildew before we do the laundry."

"that's valid. what if we have a specific place to hang wet towels that need to be washed? how about this one hook here"

"perfect!"

no hurt feelings, nobody being made to feel shitty and sloppy on one hand or uptight and bitchy in the other hand. just, we're partners right? let's workshop this

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"what a nerd lol" i said with barely controlled lust

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S

Here's what's in my bag as we enter 2025.

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Reblog to hug prev poster (they need a hug)

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the world is a good place because there are good albums that your brain can be incredibly autistic about

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i know some people criticize the “put a bow on a creature so people know its a girl” approach to character design but come on this rules

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anxious-avoidant blogging style

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reblog to diminish the horrors from the person you reblogged from

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Where the locus of someone's gender might be depends strongly on the person. For what I consider to be the most interesting cases, I'll be talking about trans people mostly. There are some who knew from a young age "deep down" what their true gender is, and for them, it might be located in their heart. For others (like me) who realized it older after thinking about it, the brain could be the locus. (I've long maintained that no matter what AGAB I'd been, I would have turned out some kind of trans; it feels like it's my mind that rebels against being forced into one or the other box.)

There are of course those that have a very strong need to have or not have a certain anatomical feature. For them, I can imagine the locus of gender would be there, because that's where their thoughts on gender tend to focus. One interesting case from a cis+ guy I know seems to very strongly associate his gender with his beard, and when forced to shave it described feelings that sounded like gender dysphoria. That could plausibility be his gender's "bind point."

Still others conceptualize their gender through action, since all sorts of tasks people do with their hands are (unnecessarily) gendered, so people with strong feelings about those particular acts might have that be their locus of gender. Even not taking Vorins into account, it seems reasonable that the hands could be where someone's gender lives.

Where do you need to stab someone with a hemalurgic spike to aquire their gender

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hate when people are like "trust your gut! listen to your intuition!" like okay well my gut is telling me every person i lay eyes on is hunting me for sport and my intuition is saying i should find a secluded cave and live there forever so what do you suggest i do with that information

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probably one of the most frustrating things about being an nb transfem genderwise is how impossible “androgyny” as it’s commonly interpreted is for me, like 80% of the time any lack of abject femininity on my part is read as masculinity or as me being a gnc guy. any time i want to look tomboyishly cute consumes twice as much work as compared to just making myself pretty. its tiring

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Post is set for a week, let's see how it goes...

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"I don't want to be a burden."

I go to the gym as often as I can to deliberately take up burdens, and those ones don't care about me back.

“I don’t want to be a burden” you’re more like a relief, a gift, a blessing actually

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It really really ought to be standard practice to assume the transfeminine people you meet are NOT okay with being "guy"d or "dude"d or "bro"d until proven otherwise instead of placing the onus on the minority to speak up. Really not that hard.

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never underestimate my ability to stay tf home