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hunter-kay · 7 years

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M'love

Ok I guess i was wrong on my last post. Because on February 17, 2017, I saw u again. I held ur hand, i hugged u, and we were together even for just a little bit. That was the best day of my life at least for this year. It was so much fun being with you and seeing you again after like 3 months. After that day, we promised to be together at hindi na titigil pa like we did before😌 pero we're back here again. Im back with this bullshit where i have to stop talking to the person i love because i am "not" allowed. Bc i am too "young" to even feel this way. Bc my family thinks i should focus on my studies instead of flirting and trynna have a boyfriend which is absolutely reasonable. But is it styll reasonable to stop your daughter's happiness? I just want a family who will support me😩 a family who will be there for me. A family where i can be open to and tell them everything im feeling without being afraid. But i dont, and thats what breaks my heart. They don't understand what i feel. They dont TRY to understand what i feel. I sometimes think they are selfish because they only think about the negative things that could end up with me having a bf or just any guy im talking to. But how about the BEAUTIFUL things i am feeling like the happiness i feel kapag kausap ko sya, hindi nila napapansin. Its just so unfair! Why cant they be more open towards me and try to be in my shoes for once. Hindi ko na kaya, i've been thru so many heart aches because of them. Because they always trynna scare the guys i like, we always have to stop😭 but i guess its all my fault anyways, bc in the first place its me who does all the things i shouldnt be doing. All the things they told me not to do. Which is having a boyfriend or dealing with any guy for that matter. But we are never too young for love😢 we may be too young to be in relationships yea, but never for love💔 I guess all im trying to say is kung kailan naman tayo na naguusap ulit, kung kailan naman pwede na ulit tayo kasi wala na sya sa buhay mo, ngaun namang bawal ako😭💔 ngaun namang pinapatigil nanaman tayo. Siguro hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon. Siguro may ibang plano pa si God para satin. Pero sana, SANA makahanap ako ng taong tama para sakin. Yung tipong pwede na lahat, wala ng magtitigil pa. Whether its you or someone else😌 again I love you Cjay😭❤️ forever and ever

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hunter-kay · 7 years

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This was our very last picture together. This was our "goodbye hug" as u said. But this day was so special for me, just like those days na magkasama tayo kahit ilang oras lang. kahit na sobrang bilis natin magkasama, ang sarap sarap sa pakiramdam. Sa lahat ng kulitan, tawanan, at lambingan :) one of the things that i love about you is your smell. Oh god you smell so good that i just wanna always bury my face in your neck while hugging you so tight. I miss those days. I miss it more than anything. Di ko alam kung forever na nating hindi magagawa yun lol. Pero wala eh, huli na. May bago kana. Alam ko ito yung gusto ko, ito yung hiniling ko. Pero inakala ko na kakapit ka, na maghihintay ka. Pero i guess mali ako. Hindi naman kita masisisi, alam kong di ganun kadali ang maghintay. Kaya nga lahat sila nangiwan eh. Sobrang saya ko kapag kausap kita 😪 kaya nga no matter how much pain you brought me, you've caused me, isang text mo lang kumakabog na naman yung puso ko. Kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na tama na, na tumigil na at wag ng magreply, hindi ko magawa. Dahil sobra kitang gusto. Sobra kitang namimiss. Alam kong mali dahil may nasasaktan ding iba, hindi lang ako pero hindi kita magawang kalimutan. Bumabalik lahat ng feelings ko para sayo sa tuwing pinipilit kong mag move on, sa tuwing magtetext ka ng "pst" or "hi" mo after a week of ignoring me. Sobra akong nabulag sayo, naging halos third party ako sa inyo ng bago mo dahil sa sobrang desperada ko na makausap ka. Kahit na alam kong hindi na ako ang priority mo. Kahit na hindi ako sigurado kung bakit mo pa rin ako kinakausap, o kung bakit bumabalik balik ka pa. Akala ko nung una eh ako ulit :( akala ko ako ang iyong napili at bumalik na sakin. Pero hindi pala. Mali ako. Sobrang mali. Everytime we texted, you were by yourself. You deleted all our convos kapag magkikita na kayo. Sinasabi mo sa kanya na hindi na tayo naguusap, na wala na talagang "tayo". Ako namang si tanga, akala ako na ang napili, na iniwan mo na sya dahil narealize mo na ako pala talaga ang gusto mo. Hindi pala. Bakit ka pa bumabalik? You cant choose the both of us. Kung sya, sya lang. at kung ako, ako lang. ang unfair mo naman masyado. Pero i guess im also at fault kasi nagrereply ako. Minsan akala ko nga its possible na maging kaibigan pa rin tayo kahit na may past tayo. Pero i was wrong, again. Napagtanto ko na hindi yun possible. Na kahit na anong pilit ko na ituring kang kaibigan lang, eh hindi ko kaya. That is because i still have feelings for you😭 nasasaktan ako ng sobra kapag naiisip ko kung bakit hindi ka nagrereply. Naiisip ko na for sure magkasama kayo. Na hindi ako pwedeng magtext sayo dahil baka mabasa nya. Kaya i had to wait for your text kapag wala na sya. Oh diba ang tanga? Di ko alam kung pano ko natiis yun. Mabuti nga at medyo nagising ako at tinigilan ng magreply sayo. Hindi ko inakala na magagawa mo yun. Hindi ka naman talaga nagcheat or anything kasi wala namang tayo😔 pero bakit parang ganun yung nararamdaman ko? Siguro kasi binuhos ko lahat sayo. Binigay lahat ng oras ko kahit na alam kong bawal pa ako, at baka malaman nila mama about sayo :( pero wala pa rin, nagsawa ka rin katulad nila. Naghanap ng iba. Sana talaga makalimutan na kita. Sana isang araw dumating ang araw na hindi ko na kailangang hiramin ang phone ni pau para lang iistalk ka😪 nakakapagod rin kasi. Asa ako ng asa sa bagay na alam kong walang kwenta. Hindi worth ang time ko sa pagchecheck sa inyo ng bago mo minu minuto. But i hope you picked the right one😌 sana pinapasaya ka nya at inaalagaan. Alam kong mas maayos ang relasyon nyo kase palagi kayong nagkikita at magkasama hindi katulad nung atin. Nanghihinayang lang rin ako kasi youre different from all the other guys na i know. Youre hella funny at sobrang bait. You never got mad at me lol. Kaya siguro sobra akong nahulog at nanatili sayo😌 sobra mong sarap kausap at kasama. Palaging sumasakay sa mga trip ko at hindi nagsasawang kausap ang baliw kong sarili. Thank you for everything panget 🙂 although minsan i wish na sana di nalang tayo nagkakilala. Minsan winiwish ko na sana di mo nalang ako chinat. Siguro ngayun wala akong sakit na nararamdaman. Pero hindi eh, ayoko. Mas gugustuhin ko nato, at least may nakilala akong CJAY na katulad mo :) I love you babe 🖤 I will always love you. - K

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hunter-kay · 8 years

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