hungrypanda101

[hungrypanda101]

Maybe I'm just not worth the effort.

[hungrypanda101]

You keep telling me to walk away

Leave it all behind and fly far away

Never really hearing what I have to say

And that's why you'll never know

You have me hypnotized

Got me going crazy with every smile

[hungrypanda101]

"I hear stories of toxic relationships. Of manipulative significant others. Controlling, possessive. And sometimes I wonder if I was the toxic one in your life. You still want me in your life, at least as a friend. That says something right? I'm not that bad, right? But I'm scared. I wasn't enough for you. Who knows if I'll be enough for anybody. Who knows if I won't be the reason someone loses their smile, their happiness. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. Because I don't want to be that. So I'll make sure I'm never the reason for that. I'll make sure no one sees the monster in me. The monster I can become."

[hungrypanda101]

I wanna cry. I wanna fucking scream. I just want to be done. I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm just fucking tired. I just wanna be done.

[hungrypanda101]

"Your eyes show me promises of a future that I dream of.

Your unfair smile makes me smile no matter how hard I try to turn away.

Your lame jokes make me laugh till my sides ache and I'm gasping for breath.

You're you... and that itself is enough for you to be the only thing my eyes search for, for my heart to search for no matter where I am.

I haven't found you yet, but I promise to treasure you when I do. To share all the pain and happiness you go through.

I can't wait to meet you...."

[hungrypanda101]

"How are you?"

"I just am."

[hungrypanda101]

"And if I can't get close to you

I'll settle for the ghost of you

I miss you more than life

And if you can't be next to me

Your memory is ecstasy

I miss you more than life"

[hungrypanda101]

How can you be homesick for a place you don't even know?

I'm homesick for a place where I belong. Homesick for a place where I'm surrounded by people that truly understand me; that I fit in with. And I'm scared I'll never get that.

Everyday I'm surrounded by people. People who claim to be my friends and family. And yet each day I feel lonelier than the last. And I'm scared the feeling will never go away.

How can you be homesick for a home you don't know?

How can you be homesick for a home that only exists in your dreams?

How can you be homesick for a home that you might never get?

[hungrypanda101]

A snake was found with half its body in its mouth as it tried to eat itself.... you could even say it was having a snek.

[hungrypanda101]

"Bokura wa nankai datte kitto

Sou nannen datte kitto

Sayounara to tomoni owaru dake nanda"

[hungrypanda101]

"Why do I keep falling for the wrong people...?"

[hungrypanda101]

"Changed my environment. Made new friends. Thought I was finally over you for good. Took me a while to realize that I was still doing whatever I did hoping that you would care. And that realization sucks. It will take me a while, I guess, but I will get over you.."

[hungrypanda101]

"I'm trapped and I hate it. The one last freedom I had just got stolen from me. What did I do to deserve this? I never broke your trust, I never did any of the things that you accuse me of. But you never listen to me. You choose the words of outsiders, the words of the people YOU tell me not to trust, over mine. How does that make any sense? You tell me not to listen to them; that they always lie and always try to come between family. Then why do you believe their lies? Why do you listen to them? Why, why, WHY? If their words are enough for you to imprison me here, for you to take away any freedom or happiness I had, then your actions are enough for me to hate you. For me to no longer trust you. For me to cut off whatever connection we had. As your new lovely friends say, you reap what you sow."

character thoughts

[hungrypanda101]

"I used to wish to be someone everyone would remember. People would say my name in awe, kids would say "I wanna be just like her when I grow up!" But as the years pass, I want nothing more than to just be invisible. To be a mere shadow passing through the crowds. Then again, there are times I feel myself going back to who I was; coming back to my old wishes. And that's what confuses me. I wish for different things, hope for different things at different times. I don't know what I want and yet I want to be so much. I don't know who I am or where I want to be. At times I'd think I have moved on from my past to a better future; only to go back in just a few hours. I don't know anymore. I want help; I NEED help. But there is no one to help me."

Thoughts

[hungrypanda101]

"You called me today to ask me a single question. And then hung up. You know what hurt the most? You asked me one question, and it wasn't even about me."

[hungrypanda101]

Please tell me if I did something wrong. I think I might actually go mad wondering what I did to push you away so far..

[hungrypanda101]

I want a love that makes me slow dance in the rain....