humanthoughts1437-blog

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Women’s Liberation Movement march, 1971 – in pictures

From the guardian.

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Me

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A second chance

Life being fat its effects you in a lot of ways and meany people dont see that and never will but wile you probably only think it effect they way you look it also effect they way you feel. my whole life iv been fat. Its stopped me from doing a lot of things and i know it has defiently inpacted they way peole look and treat me if any of my friends see this they would say they dont see it but i do and most of my friends are slim with great bodys but there has been meany situations where my friend will introduce me to someone and because im not attractive these people will not even say hi to me and i know there could be 101 reasons why these people are rude to me but they have never meet me before so they dont really have a lot of reason to be so rude other than what i look like. these people do not know my personallty or anything about me so the way i look is all they have to go off. after meany years of this the commets hurt less and you sometimes can just brush them off but they still hurt all the same . I work in retail and i see and talk to people everyday and one day i was on a till and a man came to my till and started talking to me as normal and then out of no where he said to me why are you the size you are ? It took me by suprise a bit as he just said it he then prosideed to point at things he was byeing and say is it because you eat too much of these and then when i asked why he was asking what i eat he reply was because i dont want to end up your size. This man didnt see how rude he was he was aking me all these things like it was okay or normal and then after this he then stop and said OH MY GOD im sorry and i had thought this man had genuinely come to his sences and was going apologise but NO he then said oh my god im sorry are you pregnant i didnt know how to reply to this so i just thought i would make him feel as uncomftable as he made me feel so i replied with yeah i am and its yours. sarcasm is what i use to cover up my feeling and stop my self from getting too hurt.

I know what you’re thinking why didnt i do something about it before well the truth is i did i lost 3 stone witch in pounds is 42 pound and god i felt so good i was so happy and confident but when i did it i was 14 going on 15 and i was at school and my biggest worry was what dress should i where to prom life was easy then. my mom cooked my food and was in control of what i eat and as far as exercise came in to it my mom got me a presonal trainer i didnt pay for any of this and then when i left school i went to college and did cooking and was trying all these great foods and really unheathy foods and the pounds started to pile on and then i got a job wile in college so then all my free time i would be working i like to think as a 16 year old i was working pretty hard and wile they was looking good for me on paper it was not looking good for my body and i know these are not good enough excuses to have let my self get as big as i have but this is the truth i let work and life get in the way in of my health and i know i shouldnt of but it happed and now im paying for that everyday of my life.

Thing are different now i cant live that same life i was living when i was 15 im 21 now and i have to bye my own food and pay bills and rent i cant afford a personl trainer and i am way past the point of just going the gym 5 times a week and eating good in the week i need serious help or im not going to see the age of 30 and that a scary thing to think about.

Being this size has held me back in so meany ways so meany thing i wont do because of this and i just make up lies for why i wont do it take swiming i wont do it because i dont wanna take my top off so i tell people i cant swim or going to fun fair rides i tell people i have a fear of them the truth is i worry because im so big and hevry the bar wont hold me.

i could go on and on but you would be reading for days.

I know have a gastric band will change my life for the better and allow me to have all these thing in my life iv never had before when ever i even think about the out come after this band it just puts me in the best mood to know that there will be a life ahead of me will great things to come and i will be able to live a very for filled life. This will be the second chance at life i want and need.

thank you for taking the time to read this and i hope to shows how much i really need this im not looking for someone to feel sorry for me when they read this im just hoping that you understand....

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THIS IS THERE I WILL POST WIRED BUT WONDERFUL HUMAN THOUGHTS

I hope people can relate and I hope that the stuff I put on here people understand and maybe see stuff from a different point of view...

There Will be a lot of honesty and probably a lot of spelling mistakes