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[htsailicarus]

🥤📚

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Recently, a friend of mine had just gotten back from DragonCon in Atlanta.

I'm not going to lie. It was definitely not my scene. We didn't plan very well and I knew very little about this convention other than what I had heard from stories.

Not to deter other people from going. I'm sure it's very enjoyable to the right niche. But it just wasn't my cup of tea. We got there a little afternoon on Friday, and I was ready to go home by that evening. I was literally standing in line to go to a Lord of the rings party, scrolling through the schedule for the rest of the weekend, desperate to find something that I would enjoy.

And lo and behold, there was an hour Q&A and meet and greet with Jim Butcher.

I'm recommending him because not only am I reading back through and absolutely loving his fantasy sci-fi series about Harry Dresden, but I'm also recommending the audio books. They're narrated by James Marsters (Yes, That James Marsters), And it's so early in the 2000s as well as his voice acting career that the audios that are switched to digital still have the moniker of switching disc. It's very cute and very nostalgic, and very funny when you're not expecting it.

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

From Google docs - I was updating my resume and making a listing for my Etsy store.

From keep notes - The Emojis and the questions that went with this post 🤣

[htsailicarus]

🦋

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

I'm coming to the real grips that I might possibly just be going insane.

I'm an extrovert. But the only person who returns my energy is my husband. And even he is not always on my level.

I don't necessarily think that it's a bad thing that I'm coming to terms with my own loneliness. That I'm actually very good at being alone. That I'm genuinely just irritated by other people in general.

That's absolutely not a humanistic trait. It should bother me. It doesn't.

Today I got to spend some time with my husband while he was with his family. There's a deep sense of just love and softness and affection that is in his eyes and in his person and in his soul. I will never find that sense for myself. I will never experience it. I don't want to.

To me, it's the same as my tree nut allergy. I can watch other people enjoy this black forest walnut cake that smells so good, That I can do it without being jealous that they can eat said Black Forest walnut cake.

My world does not end because I can't have hazelnut creamer.

I live a full and complete life without ever unshelling a pistachio.

It's a weird but encompassing feeling to tell yourself that it's going to be okay, and I kind of believe it.

[htsailicarus]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats  🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love 🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? 🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love 💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis 🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before 🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings 🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual? 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character 🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? 🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on ❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? 🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate 🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? 🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing 🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? 🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? 🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them 🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

[htsailicarus]

Welp. This has already been an eventful morning.

I made my coffee. I sat down. Zelda proceeds to start pawing at my coffee relentlessly for attention. I put on her bird TV to placate her. Said Bird TV is narrated by Stephen Fry. I'm reading through emails and enjoying my coffee. In a sudden quiet but very pronounced description in the program, Stephen Fry states "He just needs someone on his pole." And I spit out my coffee.

It is 6:30 in the morning. I'm making another cup and hoping Zelda forgives me for smelling like espresso today.

[htsailicarus]

I'm not an author. I've never published a book.

[htsailicarus]

I can't believe this is the first post I'm gonna make on this blog

I had a bad dream

I've known for literally the entirety of my teenage and adult life that you DO NOT EAT FOOD in dreams. Like ever. You don't need to eat because it's a dream. You especially NEVER take food offered to you. Last night I had a wild dream. I can't remember every detail as clearly as I'd like. But I remember a co-worker being there. I remember that myself and several people with doing experiments. The end result of one was "electrocuted snails". I don't remember why I thought it was a good idea to eat them, but I did. The charred outside wasn't too bad. It actually had a pork flavor to it. But the inside was gooey and vile.

The whole point to me writing this is that when I woke up, I was bothered. I remembered that I wasn't supposed to eat in dreams. I vaguely remembered that it was because someone meant me ill will. So I started to google it. But every result that I turned said that it was about "spiritual nourishment" and "being close to a loved one".

This bothered me even more. I remembered that this was supposed to be a bad thing. That the things that I had just dreamt of were warnings. But it was like everything I had ever known was gone. Wiped away. No reference of the dream or the action of eating being dangerous was online to be found at all. This set me into a state of paranoia that I haven't felt in a very very long time. I'm still kind of freaked out about it as I write this. I've slowly found bits and pieces of it across dream interpreting websites and TikTok but none of the witchy references that I had gotten used to. It's like it's all just gone. The absence of my known research is honestly what has me feeling worse, paranoid, more anxious, and overall worse than anything else I had come across.

The other thing that I can't get out of my head that feels too coincidental is the fact that there are a LOT of references popping up about "spiritual" and "christian" meanings. Keep in mind, my husband and I are about as anti judeo christian as you can get. So references that center around churches, pastors, or god are automatically a scroll away. Meanwhile, the co-worker that I referenced as being in the dream from earlier, is incredibly religious. We still get along really well, but now I'm definitely avoiding any more deep talks with her for a while.

Journaling all of this has helped. I feel calmer, a little less panicky, and a lot less paranoid. The anxiety is still there, but I'm breathing through it.

I want to keep writing. I want some more coffee. I need some water. I have three books to read through today that are pressing. I want to get some products done for my etsy shop. I need to finish painting the dragon for my kitchen sign. I need to fix and straighten up some things that are immediately around me. I'm tired again but I'm ready to work. I really wasn't made to relax. When I relax, I just sleep. As nice as sleep is, I wake up more upset that I wasn't doing something productive.

I'm gonna make another pot of coffee.