howtobesigma - Tumblr blog

[howtobesigma]

haha u stupid

SIGMA TIP #4 HOW TO MURDER PEOPLE

FIRST, FIND THEIR ADRESS. THEN BUY AN AXE AND IMMITATE SIGMA PATRICK BATEMAN IN AMERICAN PSYCHO. I'm going to fucking murder you annon. Thanks for listening to this awesome sigma tip! I know where you live.

[howtobesigma]

SIGMA TIP #3 HOW TO DRESS

You may think I'm going to say some BETA thing like "Oh!! WeAr A sUiT aNd TiE!!!" but that's BETA A REAL SIGMA DRESSES ASS NAKED. If you wanna show DOMINANCE in public or in your WORKPLACE you HAVE TO dress ABOSLUTELY NAKED! NO ARTICLE OF CLOTHING SHOULD BE ON YOU AT ANY TIME! NOT EVEN SHOES, REAL SIGMAS SUCK IN THE PAIN OF STEPPING ON SHARP OBJECTS BARE FOOT. And as I said in SIGMA TIP #1 you should always stay DRENCHED in water by POURING water ONTO YOUR NAKED BODY DAILY this shows DOMINANCE since you have a deep connection TO NATURE and OUR CAVEMAN ANCESTORS! Thanks for listening to this amazing sigma tip!

[howtobesigma]

SIGMA TIP #2 HOW TO POOP

Or should I say how NOT to poop. You see, big BETA put chemicals in our water that makes us think that we have to poop, but that's just BETA PROPOGANDA. A REAL SIGMA DOES NOT POOP. In order to not poop all you have to do is put some sigma DUCT TAPE over your ASS. You may notice after a while that you feel INTENSE pain in your BOWELS but don't worry THAT'S JUST AN ABB WORK OUT! Big BETA wants you to think that it's "CoNsTiPaTiOn" or a "SeRiOuS dIgEsTivE iSsUe!" But that's BULL SHIT! THEY HID THE TRUTH FROM US BECAUS BETAS CAN'T GET ABBS! REMEMBER, NEVER POOP AND ALWAYS KEEP THE PAIN IN YOUR BOWELS GOING. Thanks for listening to this AWESOME sigma tip.

[howtobesigma]

SIGMA TIP #1 HOW TO DO SIGMA HYGIENE!

First off, SIGMAS DONT SHOWER! That's BETA activity. If you wanna be a SIGMA LISSTEN TO WHAT I SAY! FIRST OFF strip BUTT NAKED then walk INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and wait until it rains, if you ever feel hungry or thirsty or find any reason to stop standing in the middle of the road DON'T DO IT! SIGMAS STAY DEDICATED! Anyways, when it's raining make sure to NOT MOVE if you're a REAL SIGMA the rain will move in ways that cleans you WITHOUT SOAP this is because nature BOWS DOWN TO US SIGMAS. Once the rain clears DO NOT DRY OFF! KEEP THE WATER ON YOU AND MAKE SURE TO CONTINUE POURING WATER ON YOU LONG AFTER REGULARLY! Being SOAKING WET ALL THE TIME proves to other BETAS that you're a REAL SIGMA and NATURE BOWS DOWN TO YOU AND ONLY YOU! Thanks for listening to this awesome sigma tip.