hotchocolateandmilk - Tumblr blog

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Said to my imagination of someone dear

I have this self-destructive mindset, this sort of habit that's ingrained in me.... If we were both struggling in the same situation, I would give you all the kindness and love and empathy and understanding— I'd give you all that I can, all that I have, all my energy, my time, my love. And yet I would be the biggest hypocrite in all that I say to you, for I cannot give myself even a fraction of what I would freely give to you.

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Study tips:

Some general study tips

More psychology study tips

My psychology tag

Study smart - American Psychological Association

Psychology | Howtostudy.org

How to Study Psychology To Avoid Going Crazy! - ExamTime

Study Tips — Psych 1101: Intro to Psychology

General Resources:

55 free psychology courses (online)

Some of the general topics covered in Psychology

Explore a 3D brain

Online Social Psychology Studies

Articles, Research, & Resources in Psychology

Robbers Cave - Simply Psychology

Different research methods

Case study method

Psychology research ethics

Qual versus quant

Sampling methods

Crash Course Psychology (videos)

Online Notes etc.:

Research Methods in Psychology

Evolution and Genes

Neurons, Hormones, and the Brain

Development

Developmental Psychology - Sparknotes - Cram.com

Sensation and Perception

States of Consciousness

Learning and Conditioning

Memory

Language and Cognition

Intelligence

Cognitive dissonance

Emotion

Motivation

Personality

Stress, Coping, and Health

Psychological Disorders

Psychological Treatment

Social Psychology

Psychology Major Figures

Psychology Glossary

AP study notes (outlines)

AP Psychology Exam Review flashcards

AP Psychology Review flashcards

Psychology Online Flashcards | StudyBlue

Prejudice and Discrimination in Psychology | Simply Psychology

Social Identity Theory | Simply Psychology

Asch Experiment | Simply Psychology

Milgram Experiment | Simply Psychology

Some Online Book PDFs:

Some Psychology textbook resources

Introduction to Psychology (PDF - 14.0MB)

Principles of Social Psychology - Saylor Academy

Cognitive Psychology and Cognitive Neuroscience.pdf

An Introduction to Psychology.pdf

Introducing Psychology

Psychology 8th - Gleitman, Gross, Reisberg.pdf - ANS …

Bad science, Ben Goldacre

Moonwalking with Einstein - Foer Joshua.pdf

The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat, Oliver Sacks

27 Sites With Free Psychology Ebooks 

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Dark Academia Things To Do In Quarantine

Listen to Podcasts

I suggest throwing on a podcast to get into while you clean: keep your home clean and tidy to help your mental health. A few suggestions based on topic:

History: My personal area of interest. I am currently listening to Dan Carlin’s “Hardcore History” on Spotify, though there are only a few episodes on there for free. Check out the “King of Kings” series for some ancient history, and there’s also a series about WWII. Other podcasts: “Revolutions” by Mike Duncan, which appropriately covers revolutions, “How to Take Over the World” which goes into figures who changed the world somehow, and how they did it, and “Our Fake History” by Sebastian Major, which is a series of history conspiracy theories. 

True Crime: If you’ve already watched every Buzzfeed Unsolved episode three times like I have, try these: “Lore” by Aaron Mahnke, “And That’s Why We Drink” by Christine Schiefer and Em Schulz, which goes into both criminal and paranormal history and myth, and “Thinking Sideways”, which is really just a discussion of a bunch of unsolved mysteries of varying sorts. 

Literature: Honestly, I’d rather just read the books then listen to people talk about them, but here are some literary podcasts I found that seemed pretty interesting: “Selected Shorts” which involves actors reading classical and newer literature to a live audience, “Backlisted” where the hosts argue with a listener to tell them why a particular classic should be read, and is still important, and “Freedom, Books, Flowers & the Moon” (if you know where that name comes from, you get a Dark Academia award), which seems to be culture and literature deep dives. 

Cook

Educate yourself on culture by learning to cook some of the cuisine; or, if cooking is a little too complex for you, try baking some simple breads. Bread baking can be very good for you mentally: focus on the sensations of touch, taste, and smell. Feel the joy of creation and a bit more of self sufficiency. 

Start A New Language

There are so many free online language courses other than Duolingo. Check out this post for a whole list with tons of different languages, I just signed up for a beginner’s Dutch course today! 

Thrift Shop

People are doing a lot of spring cleaning at the moment, and while most of the physical thrift stores are closed, online thrift stores remain open. Some online thrift stores to check out:

Thrift Books: Online book thrift store. Need I say more? Free shipping on orders above $10, go stock up on all those classics you weren’t willing to buy the expensive leather bound Barnes & Noble Classics variety. 

ThredUp: Largest online thrift store, lots of people use it. Unfortunately, those who use it often know how valuable the things they’re selling are, but you can still find good quality items at a fraction of the original price. For classic Dark Academia pieces try looking up brands like Ralph Lauren, Zara, White House, Black Market and Reformation.

Facebook Marketplace: I never use Facebook, but Facebook marketplace in an untouched goldmine of old people trying to get rid of stuff. At least in my area, furniture is Marketplace’s main selling point; every day there’s like, five pianos for sale for less than $20. Still, you can find good clothing pieces there, especially boots or coats, though the stuff goes fast so I’d check back often. (Also, please be safe going to pick up anything you buy: take someone with you or let someone know exactly where you’re going.)

Watch Documentaries

Find something you’re interested in: the evolution of Russian organized crime, a specific figure from history, a particular theory, a certain plant or tea, and become an expert on it. If you don’t have Netflix, or can’t find what you’re looking for there, YouTube has a surprising number of documentaries for free, as well as experts in the subject that are happy to explain it to you. 

Practice Self Care

You have an opportunity now to start living your life differently. Many of your normal day to day obligations are gone, and while that may be scary and debilitating, try to take that extra time with yourself to change your life in little or big ways. Fix your sleep schedule, start actually making yourself a good breakfast every morning. Try yoga, or talk a walk every day; perhaps soon after you wake up, or right before the sun sets, when the world is at it’s most beautiful. Take baths and long hot showers. Sit down and write, either something creative or just what’s happening in the world and in yourself, you’ll be glad you did later. Don’t let your friendships whither: draw those who are close to you even closer. Better yourself for yourself. 

[hotchocolateandmilk]

HOTNESS 101: HOW TO BE MORE ATTRACTIVE

There are plenty blogs and videos etc on how to dress, walk , talk, etc to be more attractive (usually with an axis on men). I'm taking a different approach, say, the long term permanent kind of attractive that's centered on you.

1 . Learn a foreign language.

Nothing says disciplined like someone that speaks a foreign language, and discipline is sexy. Enroll in a foreign language class and supplement with duolingo and other apps. The trick is to learn "parent languages" eg if you learn Spanish you basically know at least half of Italian and Portuguese. If you learn German the Scandinavian languages are yours for the taking. This doesn't just make you insanely attractive it opens doors for you.

2. Motorcycle license

I swear every sexy (especially feminine) woman I know can 'ride a bike' so to speak. It's a nice little trick to have up your sleeve that never gets old. You don't have to actually ride the machine but the know how is incredibly sexy

3. Learn a dance

No not street dance. Zumba. Ballroom waltz, whichever classical dance fits your fancy. Women that dance are insanely attractive. Hip hop and street dances are nice tricks to have up your sleep but classical. Classical dances ma'am. Top tier. That plus the health, physique and mental benefits? 10/10. Enroll in a class.

4. World politics.

No you don't have to keep up with what princess Katherine was wearing but you need to know what's the deal with NATO and Russia. You need to know what at least the big 5 and the UN are up to Plus local news. Current affairs , love. Make sure when the conversation turns to Putin you hold your own. And I mean a personal, educated opinion not just a repetition of headlines.

5. Cultured.

I understand when someone says "cultured" we think of western European etiquette and culture. That helps, it does but I mean YOUR culture. There's something about women (especially of color) that speak their ethnic languages, know their tradition (and respect/adhere to it) and owns it. Culture is identity. Identity is attractive. Know your roots, how deep and how far they run and stick by them.

6. Privacy

Theres a difference between being private and being mysterious. Learn it. Mystery is captivating. It commands interest and the people around you almost instinctively chase you. Privacy demands respect. Mystery is almost a game. Privacy is a character trait. They can co exist but. Privacy sis. Very attractive.

7. Own your story.

Especially for us ladies that came from ground up or from tactless to leveled up or from Cardi B to Amal Clooney , you get the idea. Own it. And by own it I don't mean lead by it. This thing where you tell everyone about your "flaws" so they can't be used against you, no. Its low value. Its insecure. It's no. Just, own it. When it comes up smile and say yeah that's what, 2016. Time runs. Don't laugh don't try bypass sit by it as long as they sit by it and simply own it. Nothing says sexy harder than a woman that carries no shame around things she's supposed to be ashamed about.

8. Education

Especially from a prestigious/ well known institution. A bachelors I whatever field is sexy, whether you work in said field or not. Bonus points if it's the big 5 of white collar jobs (medicine, law, finance,Architecture, or engineering) or arts (Philosophy is surprisingly attractive since everyone has a say in it. Always a conversation starter. Ive noticed the same with psychology but it's less conversation starter and more free consultation)

9. Signatures.

Scent. Word. Make up look. Style. It's attractive when you know who a person is by a thing of theirs. "The pearl girl" or "the matte lipstick girl", whichever. Find a signature.

10. Musical instrument

Im a fan of classical or uncommon. Guitar is good don't get me wrong but piano. Violin. Cello. Harp. Theres something feminine about these instruments. The upper hand is if you can play a , say, "exotic " instrument, like one from your culture that no one else does. The idea is to stand out.

Click

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Free Online Language Courses

Here is a masterpost of MOOCs (massive open online courses) that are available, archived, or starting soon. I think they will help those that like to learn with a teacher or with videos.  You can always check the audit course or no certificate option so that you can learn for free.

American Sign Language

ASL University

Sign Language Structure, Learning, and Change

Arabic

Arabic Without Walls

Madinah Arabic

Moroccan Arabic

Armenian

Depi Hayk

Bengali

Learn Bangla (Register to see course)

Catalan

Parla.Cat

Speak Cat

Chinese (Mandarin)

Beginner

Chinese for Beginners

Chinese Characters for Beginners

Chinese for HSK 1

Chinese for HSK 2

Chinese for HSK 3 I & II

Chinese for HSK 4

Chinese for HSK 5

Mandarin Chinese Level I

Mandarin Chinese Essentials

Mandarin Chinese for Business

More Chinese for Beginners

Start Talking Mandarin Chinese

UT Gateway to Chinese

Intermediate

Intermediate Business Chinese

Intermediate Chinese Grammar

Mandarin for Intermediate Learners I

Dutch

Introduction to Dutch

English

Online Courses here

Resources Here

Faroese

Faroese Course

Finnish

A Taste of Finnish

French

Beginner

AP French Language and Culture

Elementary French I & II

Français Interactif

Vivre en France - A1

Vivre en France- A2

Intermediate & Advanced

French Intermediate course B1-B2

Passe-Partout

Travailler en France A2-B1                    

Vivre en France - B1  

German

Beginner

Deutsch im Blick

German Project

German at Work

Goethe Institute

Gwich’in

Introduction to Gwich’in Language

Hebrew

Biblical Hebrew

UT Austin

Hindi

A Door into Hindi

Virtual Hindi

Icelandic

Icelandic 1-5

Indonesian

Learn Indonesian

Irish

Irish 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107

Italian

Beginner

Beginner’s Italian I

Introduction to Italian

Intermediate & Advanced

AP Italian Language and Culture

Intermediate Italian I

Advanced Italian I

Japanese

Genki

Japanese JOSHU

Japanese Pronunciation

Marugoto Courses

Tufs JpLang

Korean

Beginner

First Step Korean

How to Study Korean

Introduction to Korean

Learn to Speak Korean

Pathway to Spoken Korean

Intermediate

Intermediate Korean

Norwegian

Introduction to Norwegian I, Norwegian II

Norwegian on the Web

Persian

Easy Persian

PersianDee

Polish

Online Course

Portuguese

Pluralidades em Português Brasileiro

Russian

Beginner

A1 Course

I speak Russian

Intermediate

B1 Course

B1+ Course

B2.1 Course

B2.2 Course

Spanish

Beginner

AP Spanish Language & Culture

Basic Spanish I, Spanish II

Spanish for beginners  

Spanish for Beginners 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Spanish Vocabulary

Advanced

Corrección, Estilo y Variaciones 

Leer a Macondo

Swahili

Online Course

Turkish

Online Course

Ukrainian

Read Ukrainian

Speak Ukrainian

Welsh

Beginner’s Welsh

Discovering Wales

Yoruba

Yorùbá Yé Mi

Multiple Languages

Ancient Languages

More Language Learning Resources & Websites!

Last updated: May 2019

[hotchocolateandmilk]

This is a long post. Buckle up.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how the dark academia aesthetic, whilst rich in aspects such as literature, music, and material beauty, is lacking in things such as activities.

So I've compiled a list of activities that I would personally deem as befitting the dark academia aesthetic (please do add to this list, as it's far from complete).

Sports:

Rowing (it's in literally every dark academic approved movie.)

Fencing

Tennis

Cricket

Croquet

Rugby (contrary to popular belief, women, men, and everyone in between can play this sport. It's not just for the boys.)

Polo

Equestrian sports

Or, if you prefer the Oscar Wilde approach, no sports at all. That's cool too.

Games:

Chess (of course)

Backgammon

Cards (rummy, poker, blackjack, speed, whist, any game really, maybe with the exception of snap.)

Cluedo (I think it's 'Clue' in America. Don't argue with me, it counts as dark academia. It's got murder in it.)

Crafts:

Knitting (I knit socks, scarves, and am attempting a jumper. I find that it's far easier to knit your own jumper, scarf, socks, or whatever than hunting for one suitably 'aesthetically pleasing'.)

Embroidery (monogrammed handkerchiefs and shirts are so in.)

Weaving (sweet mother, I cannot-)

Making lace

Gardening

Cooking (not sure if this counts as a craft, but I'll throw it in just in case.)

Sewing (making clothes for yourself through sewing is a great way to make sure that your clothes fit perfectly, and are styled the way you want them to be. With practise, it becomes easier, and is definitely a useful skill to have.)

Outings:

Museums

Art galleries

Places of historical interests (in the UK, this might be more easily accessible with things like the National Trust. If you visit often, it might be useful to invest in a membership card with English Heritage (England), Cadw (Wales), or a National Trust card. I have a Cadw card, and I've found that it's accepted all over the UK, in the same way an entrance card specific to whichever country you're in would be too. I hope that makes sense.)

Public executions

Pubs

Parks

Gardens

Churches, mosques, quaker meeting houses, graveyards (sometimes the only places that are quiet are places of worship, and a lot of the time, they will be very welcoming in letting people in just to sit and think. Just remember to be respectful: don't insult people for their faith; don't scorn the place of worship; respect people buried in graveyards; don't take pictures, tempting as it may be, just to be on the safe side.)

The theatre

The opera

Concerts (classical music or otherwise)

Social events (memorial services, tours of your local university, open days, anything. It's an opportunity to learn, and spark intrigue because of your darkly mysterious and alluring demeanour.)

Things to do when you're bored.

Writing essays (it's really nerdy, but I find writing essays really interesting if they're on a topic I'm passionate about. It doesn't have to be an intellectual masterpiece, it could be 'The Top Ten Sexiest Classical Writers' for all I care. Just make it fun. Plus it's always an added bonus to that pile of messy papers that aesthetify your desk.)

Research (as above.)

Daydream about how you could have prevented the burning of the Library of Alexandria

Plan a murder / heist. Thoroughly.

Read something light (Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Wilkie Collins or Colin Dexter novels are really good for relaxing. Murder mysteries are always good for winding down a little, whilst still keeping an active mind, so I would recommend those, but really, read whatever you want.)

Dress up

Read aloud

Perform a play alone (or to a pet, if you have one)

If you play an instrument, play through all of the pieces in your repertoire

More daydreaming

Take baths

Fake your death (by murder, of course)

Draw or paint something (no, it doesn't have to be good. Just do it to relax. See what kind of things you can create, like designing Frankenstein's monster)

Write a narrative piece

Watch a movie. A whole movie. Just sit down and watch a movie, no getting up and walking around, no flicking back and forth, no checking your phone. Just enjoy a movie without distractions.

Watch every single 'Greek Gods as vines' video on YouTube and count it as studying.

Congratulations! You made it through!

Please, add to this list. I really want this to be expanded on, as I'm interested to see whether or not I've missed things, and if people agree.

[hotchocolateandmilk]

How to study like me!📝🎀

Because it is exam season, I have created this post to help you dolls out! (I meant to make this post earlier but I just didn’t have the time.) So now here are my 6 tips to studying!!📝🎀

Tip #1: Set a specific time/schedule for when you study

You have to have discipline yourself when it comes to studying. If you keep procrastinating, it will never get done. So set a schedule for yourself, that is non negotiable. Everyone in your house should now that at this time you are studying and that they should let you be. This also means you should get any excess work done before, so you are less distracted when you start studying.

Tip #2: Find a quiet space with zero distractions

You have to have a set place for when you are studying. A table that you can just lay out all of your notes and work to study with. A room/place that no one can bother you. I know some people can work better with background noise but if there are too much things going on around you. Your are more likely to get distracted. So having a space to study is a must.

Tip #3: Make it fun!

This is the best part. Romanticizing school will literally SAVE YOU. Pretending your Elle woods or Rory Gilmore, or even Cher Horowitz when studying. Will make it so fun. I recommend buying cute supplies. Pink highlights and books etc. I also recommend creating a motivational playlist for when you’re studying.

I have created a Spotify playlist as well.

Tip#4: motivation

If you do have a specific career you want or even just a lifestyle that you want for yourself. That is your goal. That is what you are working and studying for. I know people have said this before but creating a vision board of what you want your life to be like. To remind yourself and motivate yourself to study. Because if you go through your education that will get you to your dream life.

Another idea that I got from @2pretty is to never let anyone out study you! You don’t want any one out work you. Especially if you have the potential. Like literally do the most extra credit assignment, hand work on time or even early. Grades above 90 as well as average, study while excersizing, get a tutor (if you can). Like there should be no reason for you to fail. Or for someone to be working harder than you.

Tip #5: Study the day before the topics you struggle with

This is something I have just learned. Because I used to spend so much time trying to make sure I cover EVERYTHING. But when it comes to the day before I never know what to study. So even though it’s a no brainer. Study the stuff you don’t know are didn’t look over too many times the day before. Focus on the things you struggles with. So when the test comes you are ready. I’m the words of @2pretty “Don’t study till you get it right, study till you can’t get it wrong.”

Tip #6: Quizlet and things alike

There are so many apps and websites that can help you study, that there is no excuse to not use what you have. Use your resources, watch YouTube videos, use apps, look up answers/old tests etc. You have the world at your fingertips!!! Use it!!!

Well, that’s all the tips I have for y’all. Have fun studying & good luck on exams!!!🫶🏽

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Elle Woods is my absolute favorite female film character of all time. There has never been a single character that I have related to more or who has inspired me like she has. I post a lot about my love of school and the 8-12 hour study days I frequently partake in, which lead to @awesomefitgirlstuff asking for some study motivation. I figured, why not use the queen of beauty and brains as a perfect model for the topic? Without further ado, here are a few tips on how to study like Elle Woods 💗💓💕💘

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

You do not know everything. No one does. One of the most honest and courageous things we as humans can do is to admit that we are lacking knowledge and seek help from others. People want to help! They want you to succeed! If you need help studying, ask for help. If you need a better explanation, ask for help. If you need to see an example or two, ask for help. You have friends, you have classmates, you have teachers, and you have the internet. Help is there. Use it. Seek help as often as you need it. Even if it takes a village, who cares? As long as you end up knowing the material confidently and independently, it doesn’t matter how many sources or methods of assistance it took for you to get there. The results are what’s important.

Keep your chin up when others look down on you and just focus on your educational goals

Some people feel personally attacked when they see others putting in hard work to achieve their goals. Sometimes it’s jealousy, sometimes it’s a feeling that their position is being threatened, and sometimes they’re just afraid of losing you when you reach a new level. No matter what the reason is, you can’t let it stop you from pursuing your academic endeavors. Firstly, you can’t take it personally. Just let it go in one ear and out the other. Secondly, you must keep in mind that if you bend to their naysaying, you are letting your dream life slip away. That’s certainly not a good idea. Unfortunately, you may have to disappoint a few people on your way to the top. Just keep your nose in the books, forgive those who have malice towards you because of it, and study study study.

Beauty & brains

Just because you are making studying your top priority doesn’t mean it has to be your only priority. Don’t let your personal grooming slip or use school as an excuse to forgo your beauty routine. You can still make time for nail appointments, hair treatments, a bit of shopping, and putting together cute outfits even when you are deep into your toughest semesters. Plus, it will make you feel better! When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, your performance is good. Nothing beats a nice hot bubble bath after a satisfying day of answering every single flashcard correctly. Typing up a 10 page essay is a lot more fun when you have the sound of your new manicure click clacking as a soundtrack.

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.

Exercise is very beneficial to our ability to use our brains so intensely for long periods of time. Make sure you stay sharp, stay fit, and stay active. You’re gonna really appreciate the extra movement when it gets to a point where you’re spending 10 hours at a desk everyday. And like the I said about beauty, you won’t want to use studying as an excuse to let your fitness goals crumble. Even a 30 minute workout will lead to big results in your studying and keep you on track. Not to mention, exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t!

Success is for those who believe it already belongs to them.

Do you think I study all day and night with just the hope that I will get good grades and a mastery of my skills? No!! I already know that a perfect score is in my future. I already know that high salary job opportunities are waiting on me. I already know that success belongs to me. I just have to go take it. You must have 100% faith that excellence is in your future. You can’t doubt yourself for one second. This is no time for humility. Set your goals high and be confident that you will reach them with hard work and diligence. You can achieve it.

Don’t let anyone outwork you.

Being known for your insane work ethic is such an honor. It means you’re putting in so much effort that no one can deny it or ignore it. You must be dedicated to your studies. You must be passionate about mastering the material. You must have a true craving for knowledge. You have to put in long hours day after day after day. You will earn the top spot in your class because you’re putting in top spot work ethic. You will receive an A+ on your exams because you’re putting in A+ work ethic. Make such a large gap that no one can even come close to you. If a survey is conducted where they ask your classmates, “who studies the hardest?”, make sure that you’re the uncontested #1 champ. Be the shining example. Be the one they aspire to emulate.

Dont study until you get it right, study until you can’t get it wrong.

To be a master of your field, you need to study like one. You can’t “kinda” know. You can’t “mostly” know. You need to be 100% sure that you have the right answer. When you perfectly understand the material and can easily teach it to others. When there’s no chance of you getting the wrong answer. That’s when you’re done studying. Strive for excellence, not to just “pass”. Remember that a perfect score is absolutely possible.

And lastly:

[hotchocolateandmilk]

the lowest grade I've ever gotten at university is a B, and that was on my most severely procrastination-brained, low effort given, under prepared assignment. I have never once gotten lower than a B on any single assignment/exam/class and I don't plan on it happening anytime soon. I mentioned before that I treat academia like a sport. It's something that I literally train for and give it the effort that an athlete would. B's are F's in my mind bc I know that I am capable of getting A's if I put forth A-student effort and training. I have a lot of school related asks to go through when I get some time for them and I'm gonna help y'all out with a nice long 'study like 2pretty' masterpost. we do beauty AND brains around here, I can't have y'all falling behind!

[hotchocolateandmilk]

this is going to be difficult -> i am capable of doing difficult things -> i have done everything prior to this moment -> this difficulty will soon be proof of capability

[hotchocolateandmilk]

friend: so what did you do last week?

me: stress

[hotchocolateandmilk]

School year

I feel tired

Exhausted

I feel my mind slipping away

Away from the present

To the past

The cringe worthy writings

The dreamland

The scenario pretends

I shake my head

Slap myself mentally

Tryin' to get my get my head into the game

Medieval like music

Playing in the background

Frantically

I try to focus

My heart silently racing

I can't afford to slip-up

Not even a single one

My shoulders drop with the weight

But I keep it all inside

I cannot break

I can't afford to break

Again like the last time

It's become a past time

[hotchocolateandmilk]

15 June 2021

I feel myself slipping away,

And in my place— a cold-hearted monster.

Someone so familliar

Yet at the same time a stranger.

Is this how the story ends?

With me dying at my own hands?

Will my demons escape my soul

And swallow my loved ones whole?

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Why am I like this?

Unsatisfied

The deep yearning inside of me unquenched,

like a time bomb about to explode

I want to be content with what I have

With who I am

But the truth is,

I don't feel that way

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Why is it that people never stay?

Why is it that they always go away?

I'm hurting and broken, shattered to pieces.

Is it something I've done?

Where did I go wrong?

I guess some things are just not meant to be.

I keep telling myself to stop being so selfish,

Reminding myself that they've better things to do.

I keep saying it's for the best,

But

[hotchocolateandmilk]

Darling sweetheart

Hold me close

Wrapped in your embrace

Wholly yours

Love me once

Love me twice

and Love me forevermore