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hoseokhearts-blog · 7 years ago

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Bad For Me (Min Yoongi x Reader)

Word count: 60,000

Genre: angst, love, soft min yoongi

read on wattpad : https://www.wattpad.com/story/110264521-bad-for-me-min-yoongi-x-reader

It was wet and cold outside that day; the sky gray, and the rain coming down in ice cold sheets as the soles of Yoongi's white converse became coated in mud as he ran, paying no mind to the puddles.

He just needed to make it there on time. For once in his life, he actually cared about following the rules and being prompt. But, it had been a bad day, and his perfectly formulated schedule that he had made weeks prior had been forced to be disregarded.

Yoongi needed to make it to that audition on time. It was a simple job that paid minimum wage, but it offered him money, and something to devote his time to so he wouldn't feel so lonely anymore.

You were sitting at the counter within the warm shop, watching the rain roll down the large glass windows that were across the room. You were sitting calmly, having a cup of black coffee, and not thinking about much in particular. You were in a state of ease; a state of ease with everything in your life.

But then, a young adult walked in. He was tall and lanky, covered by a long-sleeved striped shirt and an additional hoodie, his hair a mess from the rain, his white converse stained in the dirty water that covered the city streets.

You were content with everything before this.

But then, Yoongi walked in.

1] all of them dreams

You set down your coffee as the bell at the top of the shop's front door rang, indicating that a new customer had entered. You plastered on your best customer service smile, ready to greet the guest that had walked in and offer them samples of the cinnamon twists you had just put on the display. Business had been slow that morning, and there wasn't a single other person in the store.

"Hi, welcome to Youth & Impulse Cafe, how may I help you today?" You began your typical spiel, looking up to finally make eye contact with the customer.

"Yeah, I'm, uh, looking for Stevens?" the young man seemed unsure, presenting his words as more of a question, rather than a statement. You looked him up and down, taking notice of how he lacked on an umbrella on a stormy day like this one, and how he was dripping water from his clothes on the floor.

He looked like a typical hipster, and you braced for impact. Given that it was "Youth & Impulse Cafe", you had served plenty of "typical hipsters" in your day, and your experiences with them had been anything but pleasant. They were the types of people that would come in, order a latte with a pretty design on top, take a picture, and then leave. They never even drank the coffee, and it drove you crazy!

Despite your negative thoughts, you tried to maintain a polite composure.

"Oh, he's out on a supply run- we ran out of cinnamon," you grimaced, glancing over at the abundant amount of cinnamon twists you had insisted on baking simply because they tasted so good.

"Oh," the young man replied, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. His uneasy and uncomfortable demeanor made you feel the need to ask why he was looking for Stevens, your uncle, and the owner of the cafe.

"May I ask what you're meeting him for?" You asked politely, attempting to make him more comfortable; you were slightly afraid he would write a bad Yelp! review about the cafe if you were rude without a reason.

"I'm Min Yoongi. I'm supposed to be meeting with him for an audition to play piano here on Tuesday and Thursday nights?"

"Oh okay!" You were instantly relieved to hear that he didn't just want a cool artsy latte to post a picture of, "We've been looking for somebody to fill that position for months now!" you said enthusiastically, eliciting a hint of an embarrassed smile from Yoongi. "He should be back soon, so do you mind waiting?"

"I don't mind at all," he replied, looking around the store, seemingly unsure of what to do next.

"Why don't you hang your hoodie up over there," you pointed toward the coat rack by the front door, "so that way it'll be dry by the time you leave," you offered. He nodded, sliding the rain-soaked jacket off to reveal his pale arms. You weren't sure why, but for some reason you expected him to be covered in tattoos.

Perhaps it was because he appeared as a hipster, someone too cool to even use an umbrella when it was raining outside. Although, his personality was coming off more shy and reserved; you should've known not to judge somebody by their outward appearance. You felt guilty for making false assumptions, then decided to try your best to be hospitable and make him feel less anxious. After all, the cafe really did need someone to perform, and he was the first applicant to come in for an audition in several months. You didn't want to run him off.

You stepped out from behind the counter, making your way to a supply closet in the back, bringing out a small hand towel. When you appeared back out in the front of the store, Yoongi was quietly looking around. You watched as his eyes landed on the baby grand piano in the left-hand back corner of the store. It was only for a split second, but you could've sworn you saw a hint of real smile creeping across his face.

"Nice, isn't it?" You asked casually, walking up to him.

"Very. I've never played on a grand before," he said, still looking toward the beautifully sleek piano in the corner.

"It was my Dad's. Hasn't been shown any love in almost 6 years. I would love for someone to be able to put it to good use," You started, stopping yourself before your mind went too far.

"Here," you said, holding the towel out to him. "For your hair." He turned toward you, graciously accepting the towel. "Thanks."

"So Yoongi, what kind of coffee do you drink?" You asked as you walked back around behind the corner.

"Oh, I'm not picky," he said as he began towel-drying his hair.

"Pshh, I don't buy it. Everyone has a favorite coffee," You insisted.

"Well, I know it may seem kinda girly..." he started, removing the towel from his hair that appeared to be much dryer than before. "But I like lattes," he admitted.

"You're kidding," you tried to contain a fit of laughter that you felt coming on.

"Not kidding. Vanilla lattes are the best." You took the towel back from him.

"Alright, one vanilla latte coming up then," you chuckled as you began preparing the drink.

"How much?" He asked, reaching for his wallet.

"Don't worry about it. It's on the house."

Yoongi sat down at a table by the front the windows. The rain was still persisting, and it seemed to be growing continually more gross outside. As you were making the latte, you couldn't help but wonder about Yoongi.

Where did he come from? How old was he? Why did he want a job here, of all places? Why was he so careless with his health, walking through the rain like that with no umbrella? These were all things that you were curious about, but you didn't really want to ask. You were excited by the idea that someone else might be working at the cafe, someone that was different.

You hadn't exactly been lonely lately, but it'd been a long time since you really went out to meet new people. Between working at the cafe and trying to pass your University classes, your amount of free time was practically nonexistent. You had no time for the friends you already had, much less time to make new ones. However, if someone new started working alongside you...

You set the latte down in front of Yoongi and he smiled. "Thank you." He took a sip of the latte, and you suppressed a laugh as the foam coated his upper lip. He reached for the napkin dispenser that resided in the middle of the table, blushing.

"This is really good," he smiled again, and you suddenly felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe Yoongi could really be a new friend for you, assuming he wasn't bad at playing the piano and that Stevens offered him the job. You crossed your fingers.

Before either one of you had a chance to further the conversation, the front door bell rang once again, revealing Stevens who was carrying a few grocery bags. You went over to take the bags from Stevens as he fumbled with his umbrella, trying to close it.

"Stevens, this is Yoongi, the piano player who's auditioning for us today," You had never once called Stevens "Uncle Stevens." He was an informal kind of guy, and refused any kind of labels or titles. He's was practically a hipster himself, minus the annoying latte picture-taking tendency.

"Ah, Yoongi! Nice to meet you," Stevens greeted him warmly as Yoongi quickly stood up from his seat, reaching out to shake Stevens' hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sir. Thanks for getting back with me about the job so quickly."

"Of course! So basically, we're trying to engage the older generation in our business, even though we're called "Youth & Impulse". I've been wanting to propose a tea and music night for older people for a while, but I haven't been able to find anyway willing to take the job as the pianist. Which is why you're here, yes?"

"Yes, Sir," Yoongi replied sincerely. You noticed how he was now standing a little straighter, and was choosing his words with more carefully. He really did want the job.

"Alright, kid. Show me what you got," Stevens said, gesturing toward the piano on the opposite side of the shop.

"Y/N, what are you just standing there for? Go put the groceries up," Stevens chuckled as you realized you had been awkwardly standing there holding the bags and watching their conversation unfold this whole time.

"Right," you mumbled, going to the kitchen as Yoongi and Stevens made their way to the piano. It wasn't long until you heard a soft melody ringing out, flowing through the entire cafe. It was a peaceful tune, one that made you feel at ease. As the piece progressed, it seemingly grew more intricate and complicated. You peeked out from over the counter, viewing Yoongi's profile as his face scrunched up in concentration as his fingers moved delicately across the keys of the piano. His talent was clear and blatant, and you wondered why he could only get a job working at a cafe. His skill warranted something much more important than a measly coffee shop job, and your curiosity was peaked once again.

Once the song ended, both you and Stevens were thoroughly impressed.

"Yoongi, that was great! I just have a few questions before I can offer you the job."

"Sure," Yoongi replied, his face still red- from nervousness or embarrassment, you couldn't tell.

"You're carrying around a lot of talent. Why do you want to work here?" Stevens asked and you continued eavesdropping.

"To be completely honest, I really need the money and the experience. There's a lot I want to do with music; I have a lot of dreams. But, I don't have enough experience for anyone to take me seriously. I figured if I need to start somewhere, it might as well be here. I can play whatever you need me to; classical, pop, or even originals. I'll do whatever," Yoongi explained quickly, almost sounding a bit desperate.

"I see. What's your availability like?" Stevens asked, and you were silently praying that he would give Yoongi the job. Not only were you curious about him, but the poor kid was so talented, and you didn't want him to be out on the streets.

"I work part time at a convenience store, but my evenings are always free. I'm taking a break from University right now, so I don't have any commitments there," he replied. You continued to watch their exchange, taking note that he must've been around your age, not even realizing that a customer had entered and was waiting in front of your counter. The customer cleared their throat, but your eyes were still trained on Yoongi and Stevens' ongoing interview.

"Great. Can you be here at 6 on Thursday night?" Stevens asked, and you beamed.

"Excuse me," the customer said politely, and you awkwardly jumped as you were pulled out of your daze.

"I'm really sorry!" You apologized quickly, standing in front of the cash register to take the customer's order.

You smiled as you wrote down the order, accepted the money, and the sent the customer off happy, with a hot coffee and a paper bag of cinnamon twists in hand.

"Thank you so much for the opportunity, Sir," Yoongi said as you glanced back toward them, "I'll see you on Thursday."

2] how much you shine

Yoongi showed up a half hour early on his first Thursday night of working at Youth & Impulse. You were wiping down some tables to prepare for the rush of older people that were to come at around 6:30; the first official launch of "Senior Tea and Piano Night."

You looked up as the door bell rang, and smiled as you made eye contact with Yoongi. He looked different today as opposed to how he looked on the day of the interview. His blonde hair, while still mildly curly and a bit unruly, looked much more uniform that it had the first time the both of you had met. He was wearing black slacks and a white button down shirt, and dress shoes to match.

"You clean up nicely," You teased him, but regretted it instantly. While you were quite a joking and playful person, you still barely knew Yoongi, and you weren't sure what his sense of humor was like. You bit your tongue, hoping that things wouldn't become awkward.

"To be fair, the only other time you've seen me is when I had just finished walking through a thunderstorm," Yoongi smirked, catching you so off guard with his sassy response that you couldn't suppress your laughter.

"Fair enough," you chuckled, picking up the the cleaning spray and dirty rag before making your way back over to the front counter. The cafe only had a few customers, but you knew that a bunch more were soon to be on their way.

"Another vanilla latte today?" You offered. Yoongi stuffed his hands in his pockets, the face of his watch catching the light that was bleeding through the large windows.

"Hmm," he perused your offer as his eyes floated on the room.

"C'mon, don't resist the call of caffeine," you taunted him, and he gave in. You giggled as you began to prepare the drink.

"How much is it? I'm paying for it this time," Yoongi started, but you shook your head.

"Employees are allowed 2 free coffees per shift," you said stubbornly, and he threw his hands up jokingly.

"Fine, I surrender. And I want a fancy leaf design on the top."

"I can do that," you chuckled, beginning to strategically pour the steamed milk into the espresso in order to complete the design that Yoongi had requested. He stood close, leaning over the counter to watch how you made it, in complete awe the whole time. You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment at the intense attention from someone else. Yoongi didn't notice how your face had flushed; if he had noticed, he didn't say anything about it.

"Ta-Da," You said, hands almost shaking slightly as you passed the cup to Yoongi.

"Thank you. A+ leaf design right here. Love it," he smiled at you, and it actually seemed genuine. You blushed a bit more.

"So, are you nervous for tonight? When's the last time you were up in front of a crowd?" You said quickly, changing the subject as you began cleaning up the counter in order to surpass the remaining embarrassment that you had just experienced. You weren't sure why you felt so flustered; you really needed to go out and meet people more often.

"I have some butterflies in my stomach, but I feel good about it. I'm actually really excited to play tonight. It's been years since I last played in a more formal setting like this one," he explained as you continued to clean up.

"Oh, what other kind of places have you performed at?" You began to ask, but Stevens appeared from the back room, interrupting the conversation.

"Min Yoongi! How are ya?" Stevens was already greeting Yoongi like he was an old friend. Again, your uncle was incredibly informal.

"I'm okay, Sir. How are you?"

"I'm absolutely fantastic!" Stevens exclaimed, giving both you and Yoongi 2 thumbs up before making his way around the cafe to talk to some of the current guests. Yoongi slowly turned his head and looked back at you, raising one eyebrow.

"He gets really excited whenever we launch new concepts here," you shrugged, explaining your Uncle's slightly odd behavior.

"That's understandable," Yoongi laughed, finally able to take a drink of the latte you had made him. His eyes were wandering curiously around the cafe as he drank, and you carefully watched him out of the corner of your eye. On the surface, he was quite pleasant; a bit shy sometimes and easily uncomfortable, but still overall, he was pleasant. However, you couldn't help but feel as if there was something else there, that maybe that exterior appearance wasn't all there was to Yoongi. There were so many things about him that you were curious about, but he was still practically a stranger. You couldn't ask him all of the intrusive questions you wanted to, and that was one thing that was bothering you.

It bothered you that not knowing things about him bothered you. It bothered you that you were so curious about someone you barely knew, and it bothered you that you couldn't have your questions answered.

You looked at Yoongi again, his profile facing you. He had foam on his upper lip again and was still looking around, seemingly lost in his thoughts about something.

You looked for too long.

He turned back toward you, and you quickly looked elsewhere, hoping that your random bit of staring at him wasn't too obvious.

"Isn't it about time to start?" He asked, and you were relieved that he hadn't noticed your gaze.

"Almost," you nodded, shaking your head at yourself as you walked to the supply closet.

|||||

Yoongi began playing on the piano at 6:30 pm, just as a delightful amount of people began to stream into the cafe. The age demographic was quite consistent in that it truly did seem to be mostly older people; mostly older women. They would swoon over Yoongi as they waited to be served their tea, and you overheard several comments about him, most of which not being about his piano playing. You had to bite your lip numerous times to avoid obnoxiously laughing in front of your customers.

"That boy would be great for my granddaughter. Cherie, sneak a peek and see if he's got a wedding ring on!" You overheard one older lady say to her friend as you were bringing walnut brownies to the table of people behind them.

That comment stuck inside of your head as you were at the counter, pouring cups of coffee. It was there while you were boxing up Green Tea mini cakes. It was especially there whenever you had a free moment to sneak a glance at Yoongi who, despite having the sheet music displayed in front of him, knew the pieces well enough to close his eyes while playing. The way his forehead would become scrunched up and his lips would purse as you literally watched him feel the music he was playing moved you in a way you had never been moved before. He was so engaging to watch that you became slightly resentful of customers who would come up the counter, forcing you to direct your attention onto something other than him.

Someone else wondering aloud whether or not Yoongi had a wedding ring on made you curious about it as well. You knew he wasn't married; you had seen his hands. But, you did wonder if he was in a relationship or not. Was he slightly lonely like you were? Or did he already have someone to spend time with, or to go home to? You weren't sure, and it wasn't something that had dawned on you before overhearing that one conversation.

Regardless, it was a great night for the cafe. An incredible amount of revenue was brought in, and you truly believed that between Stevens's clever marketing, and the addition of someone as talented as Yoongi was the reason Youth & Impulse had turned over such a big profit. The success of the night was exciting, and not only just to you.

"That was great! Yoongi, you were great!" Stevens exclaimed as he finally flipped the sign on the door to say Closed.

It was half past nine, and business remained going on for longer than expected.

"Thank you so much! I really enjoyed it," Yoongi said, showing off his gummy smile.

The three of you cleaned up the cafe together, even though Yoongi wasn't techincally required to stay and help per his job description. He fell into the flow of cleaning easily and without being asked, even helping to mop the floor.

"Ugh, I'm starving!" You complained, slumping against the counter after you had just finished cleaning every last tea and coffee mug that had been used that night. You sighed as you tried to picture what you had in the mini-fridge at your dorm. The only thing you could think of was half a box of cheap popsicles that your roommate had bought when her younger brother came to visit.

"Do you have food at home?" Stevens asked, eyes narrowing at you. He knew you had a bad habit of not grocery shopping often enough.

"Does half a box of popsicles count as food?" You replied, grimcing slightly. Yoongi chuckled from across the room.

"Min Yoongi," Stevens called out.

"Sir?"

"Do you have anywhere to be right now?"

"No, Sir."

"Do you mind taking this poor girl to the 7-eleven down the street and getting her some food?" Stevens's request sounded so casual, but it caught you so off guard.

"Uhm, Yoongi doesn't need to do that. I can go myself," you said through gritted teeth, embarrassed that Stevens was making it seem like you weren't capable of going alone.

"Your mom would punch me in the face if she found out I let you walk around the city alone at night," Stevens argued.

"I do that at University all of the time," You crossed your arms.

"Yeah, but you're not my responsibility while you're on campus."

"Maybe so, but still, I'm old enough to-"

"I don't mind taking her," Yoongi intervened smoothly, his hands back in his pockets.

"But-" You started.

"Really, I don't mind. I'm hungry too," He insisted, and you knew that you couldn't reject the offer again without making things more awkward than they already were.

"O-Okay," you agreed reluctantly, unsure of why you were so nervous.

"You two go ahead and go. I'll close down," Stevens said, waving the both of you off.

"Goodnight, Sir," Yoongi said politely as he began to make his way toward the door.

"See you on Monday, Yoongi! Bye Y/N."

You grabbed your jacket from the coat wrack, slipping it on slowly as Yoongi opened the door, waiting. The both of you began to walk down the sidewalk, a comfortable distance apart.

"You said before that you work at a convenience store, right?" You said, hoping that if you made conversation the nervous feeling in your stomach would go away.

"Yup. I work at a 7-Eleven actually. It's always weird to go to one outside of work now," he chuckled lightly.

"What's it like to work somewhere like that?" You were going to avoid a period of awkward silence at all costs.

"It's pretty boring honestly. I shouldn't complain, though. It's not a hard job and it's decent pay," he explained. "What else do you do when you're not at the cafe?"

"Well, I'm a full time University student and that keeps me pretty busy. To be honest, I don't really do much else aside from studying and making endless cups of coffee," you shrugged.

"That's cool, though," Yoongi replied earnestly.

"Really? I thought it made me seem pretty lame."

"I mean you work hard and you can make a mean cup of coffee. What's lame about that?" Yoongi asked honestly, and you couldn't come up with a decent answer. Luckily, the front of 7-Eleven was now right in front of you both. He swung the door open, allowing you to go inside first.

The two of you sat in the window seating together, having cup noodles and vanilla cokes. You made a mental note of how much Yoongi liked vanilla.

There wasn't much conversation over your 6 dollar and 38 cent meal, but the more time you spent in Yoongi's presence, the more relaxed you felt. You suddenly weren't so sure why you were nervous about spending time with him in the first place. Perhaps it was the fact that he was someone new that you were letting into your life. Perhaps it was because you looked at Yoongi and saw a huge mystery that you desperately wanted to untangle. Perhaps it was because he intrigued you in a dangerously infuriating way, and you were scared to find out what was behind all of the smoke and mirrors of him.

Either way, while looking at Yoongi that night in the florescent white lighting of 7-Eleven, you were sure of at least one thing; You wanted to know Min Yoongi. You didn't just want to know his name, or his appearance, or his piano playing. You wanted more than that.

You wanted to know the minute details about him; his favorite color, his hometown, his favorite thing in the world, his least favorite thing in the world, the details about his family. You wanted to know it all.

Min Yoongi had appeared like a complicated math equation before you, and you were determined on solving it.

3] crush!

"Listen up kids, I got a hot date tonight, so I'll be leaving a half hour before closing. You two are responsible for closing up, okay?" Stevens said the following Thursday. It'd been a week since your 7-Eleven trip with Yoongi, and you were pleased that after that night, things hadn't become awkward between the two of you. In fact, when Yoongi showed up for work the Tuesday after you'd had dinner with him, he seemed in a better mood than you had seen him so far.

"Sure," Yoongi said, sipping his latte. You had decorated it with a leaf design again.

"Another date?" You questioned your uncle while slightly rolling your eyes. Stevens was notorious for going on bizzare dates with random people that he met on offbeat dating sites, and those dates never had a bright outcome. In some ways you felt sorry for your uncle, seeing as he was simply going on those dates to try and fill the void that had been created after his wife had passed away. But on the other hand, you wished he would find a more proactive way to meet people- people that weren't total nutjobs.

"Her name is Patsy and she's a high school art teacher," Stevens said defensively.

"There's no way her name is "Patsy"," you scoffed, shaking your head.

"You don't know her life! Her name most definietly could be Patsy!" Stevens exclaimed, and Yoongi laughed, immediately covering his mouth after doing so.

"Sorry," he mumbled from behind his hands.

"Look, Stevens, go for it! Go on this date. But, if she turns out to be a catfish like last time, I don't want to hear you complaining about it," you shrugged.

"You got a lot of sass, you know-" Stevens began to lecture you, but was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and the first wave of customers entering. Yoongi glanced down at his watch and nearly jumped. He set his empty cup down on the counter and gave you a small closed-mouth smile before running off to the piano to begin playing. For nearly 5 minutes after, you could still feel your heartbeat in your ears.

|||||

Sometime around 9 pm, thirty minutes before closing, Yoongi was in the middle of playing Clair de lune by Claude Debussy. You had your hands resting in your face as you leaned against the counter, watching him intently. The rush of people had slowed as the cafe was now packed, and all of the customers were happily sitting with their tea and pastries, chatting amongst themselves and listening to the music.

You watched Yoongi's jaw clench as he reached a critical moment in the song, his eyes still closed, not depending on the sheet music. You were so into watching him that you didn't hear Stevens trying to talk to you. It wasn't until he literally snapped his fingers in front of your face that you acknowledged his existence and focused back into reality.

"You okay?" Stevens raised an eyebrow at you as you stood up straight.

"Fine," you cleared your throat.

"Okay then. I'm leaving for my date with Patricia," he informed you, flashing a grin.

"I thought her name was Patsy."

"Oh, right. My date last week was named Patricia...Anyway, I'm off. Do you feel comfortable being here with him?" Stevens asked, nodding in Yoongi's direction. He was still playing piano with his eyes closed.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm just looking out for you. If he makes you uncomfortable we can just close down before I leave," Stevens said, still eyeing Yoongi from afar.

"No, it's fine. Really," you reassured him even though you did appreciate his consideration.

"Alright. I'm a phone call away if you need me. See ya!" Stevens waved, half skipping his way to the front door before promptly exiting. You couldn't help but smile; he reminded you of the way his brother, your father, used to be. Sometimes this connection between their behavior would make you laugh, but other times it would make you cry.

Shaking the thought out of your head, you looked back toward Yoongi, who had moved on to Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. You sat there watching him, only looking away to tell customers goodnight as they slowly began to filter out. By 9:30, the place was empty and Yoongi had finished off his last song.

Raising from the piano bench, Yoongi looked content, a small smile on his face as he gathered his sheet music together and placed it back into his music folder. You flipped the door sign to closed and began to clean up the tables. He began helping you without you having to ask, as he had been doing.

"You did well," you complimented him a bit shyly as you were collecting cups from a table while Yoongi was wiping it down with cleaner.

"Oh? Thank you," he offered a small smile.

"You seem like you don't get told that often enough," you blurted out before you even had a chance to think thoroughly think about it.

"What do you mean?" he replied. The two of you moved onto the next table.

"People haven't told you how talented you are. It seems like you don't even realize the potential that you have," the words flowed honestly from your mouth.

"Ahh, come on. I'm not that good," he waved your comment off, but it didn't seem like an act. It didn't seem like he was being modest out of politeness; it seemed like he truly thought he wasn't that talented. And that made you upset.

"Yoongi, you're amazing," You said seriously, stopping your cleaning to look him straight in the eye. The tips of his ears turned pink as he broke eye contact, looking down.

"Thank you," he murmured, before picking up the cleaning spray and rag and moving onto a different table. Your heart thudded as you kept replaying his reaction to your compliment over and over in your head. There was something so pure and genuine about his response that made your chest hurt, a feeling that you couldn't put a name to.

The two of you didn't talk anymore as you finished the rest of the cleaning. By 10, everything that was finished. The two of you met by the door; he flicked the lights off as you put on your jacket. As he had a week before, he opened the door, allowing you to walk out first, then checking to make sure it was locked behind you.

"I'll see you on Tuesday?" You asked.

"Yup," he smiled a small smile and the two of you turned away from each other on the sidewalk, beginning to walk in different directions. Part of you felt disappointed as you breathed in the cool air, walking away from Yoongi. However, the feeling didn't last of long as less than 20 seconds later, you heard footsteps quickly approaching from behind you.

"Y/N!" It was Yoongi, calling out your name. You stopped dead in your tracks, turning around to face him.

"I was just, um, thinking that maybe, um, I should, uh, walk you home?" He stuttered, scratching the back of his neck.

"I-I was just thinking about what Stevens had said before...Uh about you walking alone at night..." From the light of the street lamps you could see his face had flushed. He was embarrassed.

"I m-mean it's cool if you don't need me to, I just thought maybe I should offer. You know, because-"

"Thanks, Yoongi. I'd appreciate that," you smiled, cutting him off because he couldn't stop nervously babbling.

"Sure," he nodded, his cheeks turning an even dark shade of red as he began walking alongside you.

"My dorm is only a few blocks away," you informed him casually, trying quite hard to keep your cool. He had turned around and came back for you, just to make sure that you got home safely. You bit your lip, trying your best not to full-on grin. The slight disappointment you had before had completely disenegrated. Yoongi had come back for you.

"Okay, cool," he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked a bit closer to you than he did the night you two went to 7-Eleven. You walked in silence for a few minutes.

"Yoongi?" you said suddenly.

"Yeah?

"That day you came in for the audition...Why didn't you have an umbrella?" You were hoping that question would cause him to open up a bit to you, and maybe share some information about his life with you. You'd been curious about his lack of umbrella since the first time you saw him, and you finally felt that the moment was right for you to ask.

"Oh...that," he hesistated slightly, "I wasn't having a very good day." Yoongi's shoulder brushed against you accidentally as you walked. You waited for him to elaborate further, but he shifted the subject slightly instead.

"To be honest with you, I haven't been having a very good past couple of years. I've been trying to work hard because I don't want my family to feel ashamed of me." You looked toward Yoongi, but he kept his gaze facing forward as he continued talking.

"My parents wanted me to go to University, but I can't afford it right now. But even if I could afford it, it's not what I want to do. I just want to persue my music, but my family doesn't approve of that, so I feel like I can't..." He trailed off. You glanced up at his face again. He looked melancholy, and it made your chest hurt. You really felt for Yoongi, and you felt sad that he was stuck between his parents' wishes and his own.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi. Honestly, I'm sorry you're having to try and juggle that." His shoulder brushed against you again.

"Yeah...So, right now I'm kind of caught in the middle. I'm working to save money to attend school when I don't even want that, and I'm playing music at the cafe and looking for random opportunities even though I know it's a long shot," he sighed and you suddenly found yourself filled with a rare form of bravery. You stopped walking and lightly pulled on the sleeve of his dress shirt, causing him to stop walking as well.

His eyes were wide as he looked at you with curiousity, and you wondered if maybe your gesture had made his heart beat faster.

"You'll get your shot, Yoongi. Talent like yours is few and far between. It's only a matter of time before someone more important than me or Stevens takes notice of it," you reassured him as he blinked a few times. "I mean it," you whispered.

"That means a lot," he nodded. He looked a bit emotional, biting his lip as if he was trying to avoid letting tears out. You both stood there for a few short moments before Yoongi spoke up, "It's cold. Let's get you home."

By the time you arrived at your dorm building, you had a lot on your mind. But, something felt different between you and Yoongi after that conversation. It was almost as if there had a been an emotional wall that had been broken down. He didn't feel so much like an acquaintance or just a work partner anymore; he was really starting to feel like your friend. He had been slightly vunerable in front of you, and you didn't take that gesture lightly.

"Thanks for taking the time to walk me home," You said as the two of you lingered outside the front door.

"No worries," Yoongi smiled at you, and it was real this time.

"So I'll see you soon?" you asked, even though you already knew what the answer was. For some reason, you yearned for confirmation that you would see him again. Confirmation that this was all real, and he was real.

"Of course you will," he assured you, and something about the way he looked at you compelled you to believe him. His eyes were soft and honest, and you were completely and utterly lost in them.

"Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep well," he said softly, before turning and walking away.

You stood on the front steps of your dorm building for several minutes, watching until you no longer could see the outline of him.

4] restless - infatuation

You and Yoongi began to fall into a rhyme and rhythm.

It'd been about 6 weeks since he first start working at Youth & Impulse, and the two of you had a rather consistent routine that was followed every single Tuesday and Thursday at work. Yoongi would always arrive at 5:30, a half hour before he actually needed to be there. You would make him a latte as you'd been doing before, but you began trying out different designs on the top. He would rate your new designs from one to ten, and help you decide on which ones were good enough to sell to actual customers.

Then, Yoongi would play piano for the next 2 and half hours after that, and you would watch him from behind the counter. Stevens had gotten onto you several times for not paying enough of attention to the guests, but no matter how many warnings you got about it, you found it nearly impossible to keep your eyes off of Yoongi. His charm and classy look about him as he played the piano drew you in, and you literally never wanted to stop looking at him. Even as Stevens was snapping his fingers in front of your face, or as your eyes began burning and drooping from drowsiness, you didn't want to pull your eyes away.

Your infatuation with him only grew every time you saw him and every time you learned something new about him. He could tell you something as trivial as how much he liked oatmeal raisin cookies and you would still be thinking about it hours later. This was the first time a single person had so much influence over your everyday thoughts.

After the shop closed, Yoongi would stick around to help you and Stevens clean up. Sometimes he would walk you to your dorm, other times the two of you would grab at a late dinner at the 7-Eleven down the street, and rarely, you two simply parted ways at the end of your shifts. You hated the nights where he just left. You didn't like it when you didn't get to spend the extra time with him, as that time after work was when he seemed the most real, and the closest to you. Those nights where you spent time alone with him, no matter how small the amount of time was, left you wanting more and more.

The uncomfortable and awkward tension that the two of you had previously experienced was no completely gone on both ends. You were learning to trust him and to believe him wholeheartedly, even though you knew it was a dangerous game to allow yourself to fall for someone that fast. You couldn't find it within youreslf to be overly cautious; all you wanted was to be close to Yoongi.

All you wanted was him.

~YOONGI'S POV~

As he clutched the contest flyer in his hand, Yoongi realized that he was nervous to go into work. He had exciting news that he was desperate to share with You, but there was something that he had to come clean about first. What he needed to tell you wasn't exactly a big deal, or a big secret, but it still was a rather large part about his pending music career. Truthfully, he felt guilty for not revealing this part of himself to you sooner.

He could tell how invested you were becoming in him, and that simple fact always managed to make his heart beat faster. He didn't take your time or attention for granted as he could acknowledge that he'd never felt so close to someone in his life. For the first time in a very long time, Yoongi was truly beginning to feel...happy. And it was all because of you.

He took a deep breath as he turned the corner, approaching the front of the cafe at 5:30 as he usually did. He couldn't help but smile as he watched you perk up from behind the counter when he walked in. After hanging up his coat, he went over to you. He still felt slightly nervous, but upon seeing your face, excitment began to drown out the other negative emotions and worries that he had.

"Yoongi! What's up?" you exclaimed, and he grinned at your enthusiasm to see him. He nearly blurted out the words "You're cute", but bit his tongue, knowing that the comment would be a bit out of line.

"Y/N, I have good news," He teased you, his excitement now blatant.

"And?" he watched your face spread into a smile, waiting not-so-patiently for an answer.

"I've been accepted into a music competition, and recruiters from small talent agencies will be there," He grinned, cheeks turning red as you ran out from behind the counter. Out of nowhere, you were flinging your arms around him, exclaiming, "Yoongi, that's so great! I told you you'd get your chance eventually!"

Yoongi stiffened under your arms, not because he didn't like you being that close to him, but because he was surprised at how casually you embraced him. He felt guilty as you pulled away, seemingly taken notice of how he had practically just rejected your hug. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly as you mumbled out an apology.

"Oh no, no! You just caught me off guard," Yoongi stammered, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "Anyway, about the competition," he changed the subject swiftly, desperately trying to recover from the uncomfortable moment, "There's something about my music I haven't exactly told you yet."

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not just a pianist," he began.

"Okay?"

"I'm a rapper," he said slowly, watching you carefully to gauge your reaction.

"Oh, really?" You sounded surprised, but your tone was full of curiosity, not judgement. "You always look so gentle and calm while you're playing music...I never would've pegged you as a rapper," You chuckled, and Yoongi was relieved.

"That's how I'll be competing in the contest...I'll be rapping, not playing the piano," he explained.

"I'm so happy that you're finally getting a real opportunity, Yoongi. You deserve it, honestly," you said sincerely to him, his heart becoming elated.

"So, does that mean you'll come then?" He asked hopefully, biting his lip. He wasn't quite sure when it first started, but somewhere along the way in his relationship with you, he had suddenly begun to care a great deal about what you thought about him. He wanted you there, not just to support him, but also because he wanted to share that moment with you. He wanted you to see him doing what he was most passionate about; performing his music for others. He wanted you to be impressed with him, and to feel proud of him.

He cared what you thought.

"Come where? The competition?" You asked, seemingly excited by the idea.

"Yeah, if you can. I would like it if you came," he replied shyly.

"Of course! I would love to come! When is it?"

"Tomorrow night. 9 o'clock."

"I'll be there for sure," you nodded, and Yoongi really couldn't control the huge smile that was on his face. He wanted to play it cool, but he just couldn't.

"I'll meet you here tomorrow night then? We can go together?" He offered.

"Sounds great."

|||||

~YOUR POV~

Yoongi showed up at Youth & Impulse at 8:30 the next night, right at the end of your shift so the two of you could walk to his competition together. Given that the cafe was right in the middle of the city, most other things were in near proximity, making walking more convinient and cheaper than taking a taxi.

Yoongi walked in the door, gaining eyes from customers as he swiftly walked up to the counter to meet you. He looked different tonight; his hair was messier than ever, but it looked like it had been styled that way on purpose. He was wearing a black and white striped cut off T-Shirt and a black hoodie. But, the hoodie was only covering one shoulder, and slipping off of the other one, exposing his pale yet obviously toned arms. It took an incredible amount of conscience effort for you to remind yourself that it would be innapropriate to continue staring at his arm muscles, no matter how bad you didn't want to look away.

He was wearing hoop earrings, replacing the small black studs that he typically wore. He was wearing three different rings across his hands, with a chain bracelet and neclace to match. As he approached, you could tell he was even wearing makeup; it was faint, but black eyeliner allowed his eyes to pop. In that moment, Yoongi truly looked like a star. He looked like someone who was famous, someone who was rich, and someone who was important. Perhaps that's why his entrance into the cafe caused so many heads to turn, so many eyes to stare, and so many people to whisper.

"Y/N! You ready?" He asked through a gummy smile, fidgeting out of apparent excitement and nervousness. You felt shy as so many people's eyes were on you. You didn't like copious amounts of attention; you found it invasive and uncomfortable.

"I am!" You replied with enthusiasm, despite the fact you were uncomfortable with all of the intruding eyes. You slipped your apron off over your clothes, simply wearing a black sweater and skinny jeans as Yoongi informed you that the dress would be very casual.

"Stevens, Yoongi and I are heading out, okay?" You called out to Stevens who was busy making a caramel macchiato.

"Yeah, yeah. Go have fun! Good luck, Yoongi," Stevens said without even turning around, too busy drizzling caramel from a squeeze bottle onto the top of the drink.

"Thank you, Sir," Yoongi replied earnestly as you made your way out from behind the counter. "Alright, let's go then."

The two of you walked through the cafe to the front door, looking like a million dollar pairing. You blushed as you noticed people's heads continuing to turn to get a look at the two of you, while Yoongi seemed unphased by the attention, if he had even noticed it at all. You took note of fame would suit him well; you were happy he was the one that had the chance to become a star, and not you. You would never be able to handle all of the privacy intrusion, the demeaning eyes, the pressure. That kind of life wasn't something you wanted. However, Yoongi seemed perfectly cut out for it.

He was walking a bit faster along the sidewalks that night. You pegged it to be his nervous yet excited energy, and all of that energy began to rub off on you. You hadn't realized how excited you were to see Yoongi perform until the two were about a block way from the venue. There were cars parked bumper to bumper along the sides of the streets, making you realize how big of a deal this really was. Perhaps it appeared like some lame underground rap competition, but after seeing the amount of people that were going to be there, you began to think otherwise.

"You said that recruiters from talent agencies are going to be here tonight, right?" You spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence that you had been walking in.

"That's right," Yoongi breathed, his breath showing in the freezing cold air.

"So, this really is a huge opportunity isn't it?" You asked, even though you already knew the answer.

"It really is," he sighed, biting his lip as you looked over at him. He didn't look so excited anymore; he looked more nervous, and you couldn't blame him.

"Hey, listen. Try not to let the pressure get to you, okay? I'm sure you'll do great. And even if you don't, this won't be your last shot," you tried to reassure him, tried to bring him a bit of comfort even though you knew that no amount of words would remove the butterflies he was likely feeling in the pit of his stomach. You wanted to reach out and try to hold his hand, but after how weird he'd been about the hug yesterday, you decided against it.

"Thanks," he offered you a small smile as the two of you found yourself standing in front of the competition venue; an old warehouse. Through the open front doors, you could see the neon lights and the crowds of people that were already there.

Yoongi was at a standstill, taking in the crowd and the energy silently.

"Ready to go inside?" You asked quietly, glancing over at him.

"Yes," he said simply, catching your eye for a short moment, before moving forward, you right beside him.

|||||

Yoongi was the 8th person to perform, so throughout the first performances, he stood out in the crowd with you. While the people performing were Yoongi's competition, you could tell how much fun he was having while watching everyone rap. You spent a lot of time looking at him, how his facial expression was influenced by different lyrics and different emotions from the various rappers. You watched him have fun through the flashing of the neon lights and in the midst of several other sweaty bodies in the crowd. You were pressed against Yoongi's side due to the mass amounts of people that were cramped into the small space, but you didn't feel uncomfortable being beside him like that.

When his name was called out, he grabbed your hand quickly, meeting your eyes for a short second and offering one of those knee-weakening smiles, before leaving your side and running up to the stage.

The only way you could describe his performance was by using the word "flawless." He didn't skip a single beat, each word comfortably rolling off of his tongue with confidence. The emotion behind the lyrics made your heart ache for him, that he had felt that way. But that aching was distracted and disrupted by his incredible charisma while being up on that stage. You eyes were so stuck on him, you weren't sure if you had even blinked once throughout his entire performance.

You saw a different side of Yoongi come out while he was on that stage; a darker and a wilder side. You could see how much he loved what he was doing, and how much heart and passion he truly put into it. You felt true awe while standing there amidst the flashing lights and the energy and the chaos. You watched the sweat roll down his forehead as he gripped the microphone tighter, his words flowing even faster.

You watched as he worked to make his dreams come true.

Coming down from off the stage, Yoongi was clearly ecstatic. For once, he seemed entirely confident about his performance, proud of himself for a job well done. You watched as he made his way to you, unable to even register what was happening as his arms were around you, pulling you into a hug. He was hot and sweaty and practically panting because he was so out of breath. But, instead of rushing for some cold water, he went straight to you.

The moment was so surreal as Yoongi tightened his arms around your waist, you almost wondered if maybe you were dreaming. But as he whispered in your ear, "Y/N, I think I might really make it," you finally could acknowledge how real the entire situation really was. You hugged him, pressing your hands into his back to bring him closer even though his entire shirt was soaked through with sweat.

But for some reason, even though his sweat was getting all over you and several people were watching you and you were incredibly hot, you didn't want him to pull away.

You would've stayed there, embracing Yoongi, tucked against his chest for hours if you could've.

You would've stayed there, heart beating out of your chest, cheeks flushed, Yoongi pressed against you for days if you could've.

You would've stayed like that forever, really.

But like all good things, the hug had to end. And when Yoongi pulled away, there was a smile brighter than the sun on his face. He was seemed so happy and so proud, you wished you could've frozen time and taken a snapshot of that exact moment.

"Thank you, Y/N," he said softly, before hugging you quickly one more time.

5] dream, reality

You were completely and utterly exhausted by the time you made it home from Yoongi's competition. You and Yoongi were at the venue till nearly one am, as there were eleven other performers to go after Yoongi.

"Are you tired? I can take you home now if you want," Yoongi offered as he finally pulled away from hugging you, still barely having caught his breath.

"No, let's stay," you replied. The winners of the competition wouldn't be announced until they were put online the following day, meaning that it wasn't necessary for you and Yoongi to stay until the end of the competition. But, you could tell how much Yoongi was enjoying himself being there, and you were honestly having fun as well.

So, they two of you stayed until the very end, listening and cheering and swaying along with the rest of the crowd. There was something about the way the energy radiated off of people, the way that people vibed off of one another that made you feel incredibly content. You had nerver experienced being in a crowd and feeling all of that heavy passion at the same time. It was such an elating feeling that you could see yourself likely yearning for it later on in the future. The way you felt that night and the moments that you shared with Yoongi were once in a life time, and you knew that.

The way Yoongi was right there beside you, drawing the same emotions from the music that you were made you feel connected to him in a way that you had never been connected to another person. When he would look down and smile at you every once in a while, you could acknowledge how blatantly right the whole situation felt.

You were explicitly happy that night.

Yoongi walked you home, offering his hoodie since you were cold and he was still drying to desperately cool down.

"It might be kind of sweaty, but you can use it if you need to," he offered, chuckling a little bit. You accepted the jacket, figuring that Yoongi's sweat was already all over you anyway; you didn't want to be shivering for the remainder of the 5 block walk back to your dorm.

"Thanks again for coming tonight," Yoongi sighed out contentment, looking up at the stars in the sky as he walked alongside you on the deserted sidewalk.

"I'm glad I came. I've never been to anything like that before," You said as you pull his hoodie on. It was far too big for you, but you still found it comforting. It smelled like his cologne; some soothing cross between lavender and chamomile.

"Did you have fun?" he glanced over at you.

"To be honest, that's the most fun I've had in a while. And I really loved seeing you on stage," you admitted, somehow not feeling shy to throw out that compliment. Perhaps your new found honesty and bravery blossomed because Yoongi had been brave earlier. He was searching for you the moment he stumbled off that stage, taking you in his arms as soon as he found you. You couldn't help but wonder about that moment.

Why had he done that? Was it all because of all the adrenaline? Was it because he felt about the awkward interaction earlier that day? Or was it merely because he was proud of himself, wanted some physical contact, and you were there? Those questions bounced all over your mind, but you didn't want to ask him. In some strange way, you were almost comfortable with there being some mystery there. Either way, no matter what the real truth was, you just knew that you liked that he had done it.

"That makes me happy," Yoongi murmured simply, and nothing else was said all the way home. You and Yoongi walked shoulder to shoulder in comfortable silence as you had done many nights before.

You didn't even realize until you were already in your dorm room that he hadn't asked for his hoodie back.

You slept in it that night.

|||||

Thursday, the day following the competition, you found yourself constantly checking your phone, anxious for Yoongi to forward you the results of the competition. You felt that he had outperformed several of the other rappers there, but you had to remind yourself that your opinion was rather biased.

All day, from the time you woke up, to the middle of your classes, to the walk to Youth & Impulse, and even minutes before Yoongi was supposed to show up for work, you were checking to see if you had a text from him. But, a text never came. You figured that he just hadn't received the results yet, and that's why he wasn't reaching out.

He arrived later than usual, only about ten minutes before his shift rather than the full thirty. He only nodded as he came in, not initiating any kind of conversation as he hung up his coat. After seeing how wild and different he appeared on stage, it was almost funny to you to see him back in his formal atire.

You had just started making his drink as you typically did, when he walked past the counter on his way to the piano mumbling, "No latte today." You frowned, setting down the coffee mug, watching as he sat down on the piano bench, his facial expression unreadable.

In all of the time you'd spent around Yoongi, you'd never once seen him like this. And it worried you. What had happened between one o'clock last night and 6 pm today? What had changed? He was practically floating and glowing last night he was so happy. But now, he looked detached and irritable.

You tried to shake off your bad feelings, despite the fact you were bothered about how you'd barely even gotten a chance to talk to him before the shift began. As people promptly flooded in, you did your best to maintain a friendly customer service attitude, even while you were sneeking sly glances at Yoongi.

You noticed a few small slip-ups towards the front of his performance; nothing major, just a few wrong keys pressed that he managed to recover quickly. But, as time wore on, he was messing up more and more frequently. His eyes were open, reading the sheet music this time. You had never seen him actually use the sheet music; he was usually too busy feeling and getting into the music. You had never heard him mess up like that either. You began to feel sick to your stomach, wondering what was wrong with him.

Even Stevens noticed that something was up, poking his head out from the kitchen to ask, "Is everything okay with Yoongi?"

You and Stevens gave it a little more time, but as his mistakes persisted and his entire body language was stiff and frustrated, Stevens eventually decided to step in. He approached Yoongi at the piano, whispering something in his ear. Yoongi stopped playing then as Stevens turned back to the crowd of tables.

"Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen. We will be having a short interlude with our musical talent tonight. Please, enjoy some complementary cinnamon twists that you can pick up at the front counter! They go great with all kinds of coffee and tea," Stevens smiled to the crowd, eliciting some grunts from the old ladies as they made a run (or as much of a run as they could manage) for the pastries that you were now busy handing out.

You managed to catch a glimpse of Yoongi, walking across the cafe and then exiting out the door. Your blood ran cold as you assumed the worst. Stevens had just made his way over, planning to help you out with the customers.

"Where did Yoongi go?! Did you just fire him?" You exclaimed under your breath as your back was to the customers for a short moment.

"Fire him? What are you talking about? I told him he seemed like he needed to a break so I told him to grab some fresh air," Stevens replied, attending to the customers that you were practically ignoring.

"Something's wrong with him today..." You trailed off, biting your lip as you tried to see over the crowd and to the windows. It was already dark outside though, so you knew it was really no use.

"Did everything go okay last night?" Stevens asked.

"It was great, actually. We-" You began, but then paused as you remembered what he'd been expecting all day. The competition results.

"You what?" Stevens questioned as you had stop talking mid-sentence.

"Stevens, I know we're slammed right now, but I would appreciate you forever if you would let me go out there and talk to him for a few minutes," you practically begged.

"Y/N," he started uneasily.

"Please," your eyes pleaded with his.

"Fine. Go," he sighed, and you thanked him quickly, running out from behind the counter and to the front door.

Upon making it outside, you found Yoongi sitting on the curb, a nearby street lamp glowing just enough for you to be able to make out his profile features.

"Yoongi?" You called out as you approached him. He looked up at you, but he didn't smile. Hesitantly, you sat down beside him on the curb, leaving a small gap between you and him.

"Are you okay?" you asked quietly, worry and fear continually rising in your chest. He was quiet for a few moments.

"I got the results back," he said finally, jaw clenching slightly. In the dim light, he almost looked mad. You waited silently, figuring it was best to just let him talk, rather than trying to pull the words out of him before he was ready.

"I placed 6th out of the 20," he sighed, head suddenly in his hands as he was rubbing his eyes.

"What's the problem them? You beat 14 people Yoongi, that's great," you said, unsure of why he seemed so down about it.

"'That's great'? 6th is not good enough. There were recruiters there, Y/N. You really think they're going to go for anybody past the top 3, top 5 maybe? I blew my chance," He said, clearly growing frustrated as he finally made eye contact with you.

"But Yoongi, you did your best, and it's so obvious that someone like you and with talent like yours belongs on a stage," you insisted, your eyebrows wrinkled up as you grew more and more confused as to why he was counting this a loss.

"Y/N, you're not listening to me. 6th is not good enough. I wasn't good enough." It wasn't until voice slightly cracked when he said "I wasn't good enough" that you realized he was beginning to tear up.

"Yoongi..." You said his name softly, heart hurting for him.

"I-I just really thought this was going to be it, you know? I thought that it was really my chance to finally make it big. And I just, I don't know, I guess I choked," he whispered, tears slowly beginning to leak out of his eyes. He swiped them away quickly, looking down as if he was embarrassed to be crying at all.

"You didn't choke, Yoongi. You did your best, and you beat 14 other very talented people. And all of those talent agency reps were there, watching you perform your heart out. After a performance like the one you gave last night, I doubt they'll be forgetting the name Min Yoongi any time soon," you reassured him gently, a hand resting on his knee now.

"I don't know...I just feel like it's all ruined now," he sniffed, facing toward you. His tears were still flowing even though he was clearly trying to very hard to fight them. You hated seeing him like that. It made your heart twist and burn in a very uncomfortable way.

"It's okay to be disappointed," you told him, another surge of confidence and bravery coming over you. You reached out with slight hesitance, gently wiping the tears off of his face. You half expected him to push your hands away, or for him to jerk away as soon as you touched his face, but he didn't.

In fact, he actually let his eyes close for a short moment, being one hundred percent and completely vunerable with you.

"It's okay to be disappointed, but your dream can still become reality. Don't give up, Min Yoongi," you whispered. He sniffled again, nodding and slowly opening his eyes.

"Thank you for building me up again," he managed as you carefully removed your hands from his face. "I feel like I've been telling you thank you a lot these days...I feel like I'm not giving enough back to you. Saying thank you just doesn't feel like enough..."

"Stop saying you aren't enough...You are," You murmured, a whirlwind of emotions filling you up.

Yoongi sighed, and in a split second, he had carefully taken the sides of your face in his hands, pulling your face slightly closer to his. With seemingly no hesitation at all, he pressed gentle, but still firm kiss upon your forehead, causing your cheeks to heat up in flames.

"Thank you...again," he almost laughed as he pulled away, looking at you with an expression you couldn't read. You were both sitting there, just looking at each other. You wondered how long you would've stayed like that if it hadn't have been for Yoongi's cell phone going off. He reached for his phone, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at the screen.

"Who is it?" you asked, and he shrugged, accepting the call button.

"Yes. Speaking. Yes. Really? Of course! Thank you so much!" The entire conversation only lasted about twenty seconds, and buy the end Yoongi was grinning uncontrollably.

"Y/N, that was one of the talent agencies that was at the competition last night. BigHit Entertainment."

6] heartbeat

He had a skip in his step the following morning as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"What are you so chipper about?" Jae grumbled, pouring a bowl of cereal through tired eyes. Jae was Yoongi's best friend from high school; Yoongi had been crashing on his couch for the past several months, no longer wanting to deal with the scrutiny from the people in his home.

"I got a callback from BigHit entertainment. I'm visiting their office today," Yoongi smiled behind his coffee cup before taking a sip. He frowned slightly, thinking that the coffee you made him was so much better.

"Oh, from the rap competition thing?" Jae replied through a mouthful of Froot Loops.

"Yeah," Yoongi said as his mind dipped back into the memories of that night. It was an amazing feeling to him; to feel his heartbeat in his ears as he dominated the stage. He loved all the sweat and tears and raw emotion and energy. He loved the high feeling he acquired from being on stage, from sharing his music with other people. He truly loved performing, and he wanted nothing more than for an opportunity to let the whole world hear his voice and his music.

But stacked on top of that love for performing were Yoongi's feelings for you. He loved being on stage regardless, but something about looking out into the crowd and seeing you brought him more joy than any other performance had ever given him. Your compliments about his music meant more to him than any prior comments ever head.

There something special about the way he connected with you that night.

"What are you thinking about?" Jae laughed, raising an eyebrow. Yoongi hadn't even realized that he was a standstill, frozen in thought with his coffee mug awkwardly half-lifted to his mouth like he was about to take a drink.

"Oh, nothing," he snapped out of his daze, finally taking another sip of the coffee before frowning again.

"Is there sugar anywhere around here?" he asked, beginning to look through the cabinets.

"Since when are you so picky about your coffee? You've been drinking black coffee since I first met you," Jae observed, beginning to pour himself a second bowl of cereal.

"My taste has changed," Yoongi said absentmindedly as he continued looking for sugar.

"There's Splenda packets in the cabinet by the microwave," Jae said, "But what do you mean your taste has changed? Is it because of all the time you've been spending at that hipster coffee shop?"

Yoongi crossed the kitchen for the Splenda. "You could say that."

"Yoongs has a secret doesn't he! Spill it!" Jae teased, pointing an accusing finger at him. Yoongi grabbed a splenda packet and returned back to his coffee, ignoring Jae at first.

"Oh c'mon, when have you ever kept secrets from me? What's up with you these days, man? You're happier than I've ever seen you," Jae pressed.

"It's nothing, really,"Yoongi shrugged the comment off again, beginning to stir the artificial sweetener into his coffee.

"I don't buy it," Jae chuckled, still shoveling massive spoonfuls of Froot Loops into his mouth. "There must be a girl."

Yoongi was quiet for a bit too long.

"I'm right, aren't I? There is a girl!"

"Okay, maybe," Yoongi blushed slightly, trying his coffee again for the third time. He still frowned, then sighed, turning to pour the cup down the drain.

"You must be really into her..."

The tips of Yoongi's ears grew pink.

"Ah, I knew it! You're really really into this girl aren't you?" Jae began laughing, some Froot Loops promptly falling out of his mouth.

"Can you chill? Yeah, okay, I really like her," Yoongi began getting defensive, mostly just because he was embarrassed.

"Have you kissed her yet?"

Yoongi shifted uncomfortably.

"Well?" Jae waited impatiently.

"Does on the forehead count?" Yoongi grimaced slightly.

"You kissed on her the forehead?! Are you really that much of a wimp?" Jae began laughing again.

"Hey! It's not like I chickened out from kissing her on the lips, alright? Y/N is different...I don't want to force anything or rush anything with her. Get off my case about it," Yoongi replied, irritated about Jae's annoying intrusion.

"You know I'm just messin' with you, man. If she makes you happy then I'm happy for you" Jae shrugged, finally getting up from the table and putting his empty cereal bowl in the sink.

"But, if you like her, and you think she likes you too, you need to tell her. Don't string her along," and with that, Jae left. Yoongi was slightly bothered, but sighed as he grabbed his coat, knowing that Jae was right.

|||||

~YOUR POV~

iMessage from: Min Yoongi Piano Genius ^~^

About to go in for my interview with BigHit and I'm really really nervous :/ save some time for me later?? ~Yoon :D

You smiled down at your phone, holding your thumb over the picture of Yoongi and pressing the 'save' option.

New iMessage To: Min Yoongi Piano Genius ^~^

Sure, give me a call when you're done. Don't be nervous, you r amazing \^~^/

|||||

"So you've officially signed with them?" You asked excitedly, taking a bite of the vanilla ice cream that Yoongi had bought for you. The two of you were walking through the park that was only a little ways down the street from the cafe.

"Basically. I mean, I'm still a techincally a trainee right now, so it's not like they'll be releasing my music any time soon. But, this is a really big step," Yoongi confirmed, a smile forming on his face as he looked down at the ground, blushing.

"I told you so," you said suddenly.

"Huh?" Yoongi looked back toward you.

"I told you that you would get your chance, didn't I?" You teased, "Admit it! I was right! And I told you so!"

Yoongi couldn't help but laugh, "Alright, fine! Yes, you told me so. You were right."

You grinned, taking another bite of the ice cream while looking around the park. It was already the evening, a little bit after six. Yoongi had called you at five, and came by your dorm when he was finished at BigHit. He simply asked, "want to hang out with me tonight?" and you said, "Yeah." But, somewhere in the back of your mind, you couldn't help but wonder if it was supposed to be a date.

Other than going to the rap competition together, you and Yoongi had never hung out on a day where you didn't have work beforehand. Sure, there had been plenty of times where he had walked you home or grabbed a late dinner with you, but he had never randomly called you up and asked you to hang out. This fact prompted you to wonder exactly what his intentions were, furthermore making you irritated at yourself that you were jumping to so many conclusions.

You and Yoongi were friends; asking each other to hang out outisde of work shouldn't have been something that you questioned anyway.

"Hey, are you gonna share that with me or what?" Yoongi asked, nodding toward the ice cream.

"You bought it for me, remember?" You replied jokingly.

"Yeah, but haven't you ever heard the phrase "sharing is caring"?" Yoongi smirked at you.

"You're going to end up running into a tree if you keep looking at me like that while we're walking," You chuckled, passing him the ice cream as he rolled his eyes at you.

"It'd be worth it," he mumbled, taking a bite.

"What'd you say?" You glanced back over at him.

"Nothing," he played it off, running ahead of you, leaving you scrambling to catch up.

"Min Yoongi stop running with the ice cream! You're gonna drop it!" You screeched, chasing after him, knowing that everyone else in the park was probably gagging at how flirty the two of you were being. For once, you didn't care about what other people thought.

The two of you ended up wandering around the city for the next couple of hours. You went shopping, mostly just looking rather than purchasing. You watched Yoongi practically drool over the old vinyl records that he managed to find in a vintage music shop. He watched you contemplate whether or not to buy a really cute pair of socks that were decorated with llamas.

You bought the socks.

He ended up taking you to dinner when you started complaining about how you were still hungry since he had eaten over half of the ice cream that he bought for you. The two of you sat the dimly lit restaurant for over an hour, even after you were finished eating, too wrapped up in your conversation to get up and leave. Long gone were the times when either of you were left with nothing to say and when awkward silence filled the air. Gone were the times when you would scramble for something to say, some noise to fill the air.

Conversation flowed naturally between the two of you, and the topic of conversation shifted with ease. During that time, you were so focused on Min Yoongi, the whole world around you might as well have been dead. And it appeared that Yoongi was feeling that same way about you. He would rest his head against his hand, eyes softly looking into yours the whole time you were talking. He wasn't distracted by anything else. He didn't just want to talk about himself, but about you too. And if you were honest, that was attractive to you.

He paid for the meal, even when you tried to protest against it, claiming that he had already paid for you earlier. He shrugged off your attitude, paying anyway after saying, "It's not a date if you pay for it."

You were so caught off guard by how straight-forward he'd suddenly been that you couldn't even say anything in response. So it was a date. You smiled to yourself when you thought he wasn't paying attention, secretly happy. Somehow, things still didn't grow awkward, even after he said that.

He began walking you home around 9 pm, shrugging his jacket off and giving it to you after noticing goosebumps on your bare arms.

"There's something I want to say," Yoongi spoke up suddenly after several minutes of walking in comfortable silence. You looked over at him, curious and concerned all at the same time. The two of you were quite close to your University campus now, and you wondered why he waited so long to say what he wanted to say.

"What's up?" You asked hesitantly.

"You know better than anyone that I've had a rough go of it in the past couple of years...But, uh ever since I came to the cafe, things have gotten a lot better for me..." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. He was nervous about something, and you hadn't seen him nervous to talk to you like this in a while. Nevertheless, the two of you continued walking, almost on campus now.

"Working at the cafe and getting that experience of performing and working with other people has been good for me in more ways than one...I'm definetly really grateful that Stevens took a chance on me when I didn't have many other credentials..." He trailed off again, and you began desperately trying to piece together where this conversation might be going.

"I, um, I'm really enjoying being there, and I finally feel like I'm getting my life back together. And it's true that the job has helped me a lot, but that's not all there is to it..." He stopped walking, and you did too, furrowing your eyebrows at him.

"To be honest with you, Y/N, things have been a lot better for me lately. And I think a lot of the reason things have been better...is because of you..." He bit his lip momentarily as your heart rate spiked.

"Y/N...I-I like you. A lot, actually. I, uh, I don't know when it started, but all of the sudden I just really started to care about your opinion, and how you were feeling...And I wanted to see you all of the time, and talk to you...I, um...Yeah...I just...I like you," he stuttered, cheeks turning pink as he trailed off again.

You laughed, and he frowned at you, misreading your emotion about it all.

"Why do you seem so nervous to tell me that?" you chuckled.

"Huh?" Yoongi looked back up at you.

"There's no reason for you to be so nervous...I like you too, and I thought it was obvious," you grinned at him, and laughed as you watched his frown turn into a huge smile.

"Yah...You really scared me for a second," he laughed, covering his face for a moment, seemingly to try and hide how much he was blushing.

"C'mon," you giggled, grabbing his arm and pulling him forward so he would walk you all the way to your dorm.

"Here's your jacket back," You said, removing it and handing it back to him when the two of you reached the front doors to your dorm building.

"You could've kept it and given it back later," Yoongi replied, taking the jacket back from you and putting it on.

"I would've ended up stealing it," you said, thinking back to the hoodie he gave you on the night of rap competition, and how it was still hung over the back of your desk chair. "Thanks for a fun night, Yoongi."

"Thanks for spending it with me."

The two of you stood there for a short moment.

"Well, I uh guess I'll see you on Tuesday?" Yoongi cleared his throat, and you nodded.

"See you then," you said as he began to turn around and leave. As you turned to open the door you thought, Min Yoongi, more like Min Coward! He's not even going to try and kiss me, I'm so-

But then, Yoongi was grabbing your arm and turning you around. "I forgot something."

You barely even had time to react before one of his hands was on your face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ears. He smiled at you briefly, before leaning and finally allowing his lips to press against yours.

His kiss was returned almost immediately. Seemingly encouraged, Yoongi brought his other hand to your cheek. But, you were holding him too; you arms were tangling their way around his torso, sighing into the comfort of finally being that close to him.

He pulled away first, but only momentarily, as the need to breathe became a bit too large to ignore. The two of you stayed close; breath mingling and eyes still closed before you initiated the second kiss, barely pecking his lips at first before Yoongi reacted back, his mouth carefully meshing with yours.

It was partially surreal to you; that you were kissing Yoongi, that you were kissing the man that you'd been daydreaming about for so long. And you weren't disappointed-not a single bit. His lips felt exactly how they'd always looked; soft and warm and inviting. And Yoongi's kiss somehow didn't feel needy to you. It wasn't demanding and it wasn't rough.

When the kiss finally ended, you were slightly flustered, but he seemed cooler than ever.

"I'll make sure not to forget that next time," he said with a wink, and then he was gone.

7] things will change with time

For the next several weeks following Yoongi's confession of his feelings, your relationship with him went through a time of change and readjustment. The two of you began behaving more like a couple rather than just close friends, and change on that front excited you.

For one, the two of you started doing more things outside of work whenever you were able to cram them into your busy schedules. Yoongi would take you around to various shopping centers, parks, nature paths, or literally anything else he thought would be fun to explore with you. Sometimes, you woud track down other small coffee shops in the area, and the two of you would go and spy, wanting to see how Youth & Impulse's competition was. Sometimes you would try a place that was somewhat decent, but Yoongi would always frown at the lattes, claiming that the ones you made beat the competition by a long shot. You always tried to deny your talent at making coffee, but Yoongi was rather insistent about your skills.

Skinship became more of a common occurence between the two of you. You weren't shy about hugging him whenever you wanted to, or holding his hand in public, or generally just being close to him. He wasn't shy about any of those things either, although the one thing he didn't do was kiss you all the time. It wasn't that kissing between you two was uncomfortable, but more something that Yoongi only liked to do when he felt the moment was right for it. Kissing you on the forehead or the cheek or the back of your hand were common occurences, but kissing you on the lips seemed to be reserved for special moments. And you were okay with that.

But, among the positive growth and changes, you had to acknowledge that were some things that were changing for the worst, and not for the better.

Late winter was quickly turning into spring, and as the seasons changed, school for you became more and more demanding. As the end of the school year and final exams were looming around the corner, you were busy studying and working on end of term projects, meaning that you had to spend a lot more time on campus than you would've liked to.

But, you weren't the only one whose schedule had changed; Yoongi's life was changing as well. Upon signing the contract with BigHit, he became significantly busier as he was desperately trying to juggle his other work along with what his new manager wanted him to do. He was in dancing classes, singing classes, and even a couple of acting classes. On top of that, he suddenly was extremely conscience of his weight, diet, and overall physique, making you a bit sad at times to see how much he worried about it.

You were happy for him that he finally had scored such a great opportunity, but there were times where you couldn't help but wonder if this was truly the best thing for him. You wondered if all of the pain and time he put in now would pay off later. You hoped so, because seeing him strain himself that much became hard for you to watch.

Despite of all of the chaos, you and Yoongi still had one thing that you could always count on; Tuesday and Thursday nights at Youth & Impulse. No matter how busy the both of you were, you always knew that you would have Tuesday and Thursday nights together. Even though Yoongi couldn't always make it early like he used to, he was always able to stay late, allowing the both of you to spend some quality time together.

The cafe became almost like a security blanket for your relationship; a place that was consistent, comforting, and safe.

Things were constantly changing, but at least at Youth & Impulse, everything always remained the same.

|||||

"What are you thinking about?" Yoongi murmured one Thursday night, a few hours after Youth & Impulse had closed. You two were sitting on a bench outside the cafe beneath the dim lighting, watching cars and taxis and random people go by; the city never sleeps.

You were tucked into Yoongi's side, allowing your eyes to close for a bit as he absentmindedly played with your hair.

"Change," you mumbled, sliding an arm around his waist.

"What do you mean?"

"It's weird to think how everything has changed. So fast too," you replied, still not opening your eyes. He stopped playing with your hair, moving his hand to gently graze across your shoulder and back.

"Does the change bother you?" his voice was particulary low and soothing to you that night, although you couldn't put your finger on why.

"No, it doesn't bother me. It's just funny to look back to a few months ago when I barely knew you...And how much my life has changed since then," you said simply.

"You're right. Things have changed a lot," he agreed, smoothing the back of your hair in a calming way that he had a habit of always doing.

"I can barely even remember what is was like to work at the cafe before you were there. I knew as soon as you walked in that first day that everything was going to change...I hoped that that would be the case anyway. I was pretty lonely, Yoongi, and having you around was so nice. I know it sounds cheesy, but I'm really glad that you came," you confessed, feeling safe in being vulnerable with him.

"My time before Youth & Impulse seems like forever ago...I wouldn't change how things worked out for the world, though. I'm perfectly content with everything that's happened over the last few months...I have a job, I got signed, and I have you..." he trailed off. You opened your eyes just in time to see him leaning down towards you, looking at your lips.

"Things will change with time, and that's a good thing," he whispered, before closing the small space that was left between you. His lips softly grazed over yours so lightly and so gently that you could barely feel it at first. Feeling dissatisfied with that, you cupped your hand around the back of his neck in attempt to pull him closer and deepen the kiss. He sighed, giving in and taking your face in his hands, shifting slightly in order to continue kissing you how you wanted to be kissed.

He laughed gently as he pulled away, encircling you close to him so that he could continue to cuddle with you. "I forgot that we're outside for a second. We've become one of those couples."

"What do you mean 'one of those couples'?" you giggled, repositioning your arms around him.

"Making out in public."

"We were not making out in public. Innocent kisses are sweet, and cute, and do not count as gross PDA," You argued, letting your eyes close again.

"Okay, think what you want. But, that was definietly PDA," Yoongi began full-on laughing, eliciting even more laughter from you.

"Yoongi, shut up! You are ruining what was a perfectly sweet moment," you playfully hit his chest as he tried to control his laughter.

"Sorry," he caved, letting his hand graze across your back and shoulders again, "I'll stop."

"You're such a dork," you mumbled into his chest, "But I love you."

"What was that?" Yoongi asked, not having heard that accidental confession that you'd let slip out of your mouth.

"I just called you a dork. You know, 'cause you are one," you smoothly tried to recover, even though your heart was practically beating out of your chest at the realization of what you had actually just said.

"If I'm a dork, then so are you," he snorted.

"How so?" you continued pushing the playful conversation, hoping he couldn't literally hear how fast your heart was beating.

"You're a dating a dork, so by default that makes you one," he said matter-of-factly and you laughed again, grateful for the time you were getting to spend with him and the stupid conversations that the two of you got share.

"Fair enough," you said.

Truthfully, you did love Min Yoongi, and you were fairly certain that he felt the same way about you. And you would tell him eventually.

Just not today.

|||||

A few days later, Saturday, Yoongi was in the middle of one of his several dance classes. This one in particular was the most difficult, and as a BigHit trainee, it was also required. Even though he found the life of a trainee to be particularly exhausting, he took everything that was thrown at him graciously, knowing that the staff here had taken a chance on him. He was going to do his best, and he was set on not letting anyone down.

He worked hard. Out of the few other people within the tiny company, he was probably the hardest worker as he was so grateful for the opportunity he'd been given. BigHit had practically thrown him a life-line right when he had needed it the most, and for that, he felt like he owed them everything.

So no matter what meeting he had to attend, or what song he had to present, or what dance he had to learn, or what diet he had to go on, he was happy to be doing it. Sure, it was all mentally and emotionally and physically draining by every stretch of the word, but he knew that down the line, it would be worth it.

The dance practice that day was a particularly intense one. For some reason, he just couldn't get the choreography down well enough, and was getting a lot of heat from his intructor for it. He was already tired that day for some reason. He'd woken up with a headache, his sore body frustrated at how far it'd been pushed, and he was missing you. He'd just seen you two days prior, but he found himself physically begin to ache that morning from your abscense. He chalked his strange burst of emotions up to be a side effect of over-exhaustion, and brushed them aside as he tried to force himself to get through the day.

During a five minute break right in the middle of his 3 hour long dance class, he was happy to see that you were calling him. He knew he would have to tell you that he literally only had a minute to talk, and he hated having to deliver bad news. However, he was also grateful that you had managed to call at a time when he could really use the pick-me-up that was hearing your voice.

After downing another gulp of water he accepted the call, "Y/N!" he started, before being promptly interrupted.

"Y-Yoongi, I-I'm sorry, I know you're at BigHit r-right now-"

"Y/N? What's wrong?" Yoongi's blood began to run cold as he immediately could tell something was seriously wrong.

"S-Stevens has been in a r-really bad accident. I-I don't know what t-to d-do," you were stuttering over the end of the line as panic began to fill Yoongi.

"Where are you? I'll come to you," he pleaded, glancing over his shoulder at his instructor that was giving him a frown.

"N-No, you'll get in trouble f-for leaving-" you began to argue, but Yoongi was too insistent.

"No, you are my first priority. Send me your address and I'll be there as soon as I can," he insisted, and you couldn't help but comply.

"O-Okay."

"Y/N, listen. Breathe. Everything's going to be okay. I'm on my way."

8] i’ve been upside down

"Min Yoongi, you do understand that if you leave right now, you're going to be put on trainee probation right? This is a mandatory class and your attendance is imperative," Johnson, the dance instructor narrowed his eyes at Yoongi, crossing his arms in a disapproving way. All eyes were on him as he could feel every student in the class judging him. Even though the words "trainee probation" terrified him, the thought of what was happening with You and Stevens scared him even more.

"Sir, I understand, but this is an emergency," Yoongi pleaded, panicking even more as time went on. Every second that he was not able to be there and by your side was like shots to the heart. He just kept picturing you alone in the hospital, crying and scared half to death. The mere thought of it sent shocks of pain throughout his body. He couldn't stand it.

"Everyone always says "it's an emergency," Johnson rolled his eyes, panicking Yoongi even further.

"My girlfriend's uncle, my employer, has been in a major accident, okay? I have to go," Yoongi argued, feeling fear and panic and anger rising in his chest all at the same time.

"Yoongi..." Johnson trailed off, seeming uneasy.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I am. But I have to leave," Yoongi resolved, grabbing his duffle bag before walking out of the room.

He didn't second guess himself as he made it out of the building. He knew that taking care of you needed to be his first priority, especially at a time like this. He would reap the consequences of walking out on class, but he could wait to deal and worry about that later. The only thing on Yoongi's mind at that point was getting to you.

Nothing else mattered.

|||||

He made it to the hospital a mere 15 minutes later, calling you on the phone to find out where you were, not wanting to waste any time by aimlessly running around and looking for you in the wrong places. He hadn't even bothered to change his clothes from dance practice as he was still wearing basketball shorts and a grey hoodie. His hair was probably really messy and his body was still sweaty but he didn't think wasting time on a shower was a smart idea at a time like this.

All you said when he called was that you were on the third floor of the hospital, the OR, and that Stevens was in surgery. Yoongi took the stairs rather than the elevator, moving as quickly as he could. Not only was he worried about you, he was terrified about what condition Stevens may have been in. You hadn't give him any details at all, so it was all left up to his own imagination.

And he was imagining the worst.

-YOUR POV-

He found you sitting completely alone among an array of waiting benches propped along the sides of a hallway. At the end of the hall resided a pair of double doors that read "Authorized Personnel Only" in big black block letters. You were doubled over in the chair, your hands covering your face as you tried to silence the loud sobs that were forcing their way out of your throat. You knew that you needed to calm down, and that you were risking giving yourself a full-on panic attack. But, no matter how you tried to rationalize things in your brain, nothing made sense anymore. The world was spinning and logic was fuzzy.

"Y/N!" A voice called out to you. You knew that voice. That voice that you had come to know so well was enveloped with warmth, and love, and kindness. It was a voice that was comforting to you. And while drowning in the darkness that was your own mind, that voice was like a beacon of bright light.

You looked up immediately at the sound of his voice, your eyes wide and swollen and streaked with tears. Yoongi's expression was pained, and the second you stood from your chair, he was rushing toward you, engulfing you in the tightest, warmest hug you had ever received.

Your weak arms wrapped themselves around him, your fingernails nearly digging into his back as it felt like you were one wrong breath away from falling apart completely.

"Y-Yoongi," you stuttered through your tears as he immediately adjusted his hold on you, making you feel more secure; one arm around your waist and his other hand on the back of your head, continuously smoothing your hair.

"I'm here," he spoke in an impossibly soft tone; a tone that began fighting against the icy sting of fear and anxiety that was manifesting itself within your heart.

"I-I'm so scared," you whispered, pressing your face into the warmth of his chest.

"I'm here," he said again, his hot breath brushed against your ear, calming you in some strange way. Maybe it because it was reassurance that his words weren't empty or forcefully fabricated; that he really was there. That he was holding you. That you weren't alone.

And things remained that way for the next several hours.

Yoongi refused to leave the hospital and go back to BigHit for the day, even after you tried to convince him to do so. Even through all of your other worries about the condition of Stevens, you were concerned that Yoongi was hindering his entire future just by sitting at the hospital with you for a day. It made you feel strangely guilty in a way, and also sad that it was something that you had to worry about to begin with. But, Yoongi reassured you that he would work things out at BigHit, and that you were his first priority.

Nearly 3 hours after Yoongi had first arrived, the two of you were still wrapped up with each other. Except somewhere in the midst of all the crying, you finally ended up sitting down. Even after your breathing had returned to normal and your panic died down a bit, Yoongi continued to hold you without you having to ask him to do so. You were incredibly afraid that with the loss of the warmth you were provided while being tucked into his side, the panic and fear might overcome you once again. You were curled up against him, a hand softly gripping the excess material of his hoodie.

Once calm enough, you were finally able to explain what you knew about the situation with Stevens. He had been hit by a car a few blocks away from Youth & Impulse while on a supply run. The car had ran a red light, hit Stevens and continued driving; a terrible hit and run case. You had been sitting at the cafe, working, and wondering what was taking him so long to return from the corner store. It wasn't until you received a call from the hospital 20 minutes later, as you were listed as one of Stevens's emergency contacts, that you had found out what had happened. The scary part was, you didn't know many details about Stevens's exact condition. They had told you that he didn't suffer any major head or neck trauma, but that a few of his vertebrae had been crushed, and he needed surgery on his right leg. You weren't sure what all of those things meant for Stevens and his future, and you were too panicked and delirious to think logically at that point. You were left but with no choice but to call Yoongi. If it hadn't been such a major situation, you never would've called him. You knew how important it was that he always performed well and looked good for BigHit. But, Stevens and Yoongi were the only people in your life that you were close to. You had no other options, and as much as you may have wanted to be tough and handle the situation alone, you just couldn't. You craved warmth and reassurance and love from another person. You wanted someone to hold you and dry your tears and calm you down. You wanted another person to split the pain with.

You needed Yoongi.

"You should get some rest," Yoongi encouraged you a while after he first arrived. Before he got there, you would've been far too keyed up to even consider the idea of sleep. But, now that he was here, sleep sounded like something that was not only now possible, but something that you desperately needed. The entire morning had been incredibly emotionally exhausting; you hadn't even realized how tired you truly were until Yoongi had proposed the idea of a nap.

Nodding, you shifted, allowing your head to rest in Yoongi's lap. He was able to soothe you so easily, gently running his hand through your hair until you were completely asleep.

|||||

Stevens was moved from surgery and into the recovery wing of the hospital a few hours later. He was stable, but was still asleep due to the sedatives he'd been given. The surgery was on his leg; it required metal rods to be inserted in order for him to maintain full use of his leg. The nurse encouraged you and Yoongi to go out and get some dinner because it'd be a while before Stevens was allowed any visitors. Even though you hated the idea of leaving, you were honestly starving, and so you jumped at the idea of getting some food.

While walking hand and hand with Yoongi down the street, your mind began to wander. It began wondering about the future of Youth & Impulse. What did Stevens injury mean for the business? There was no way he could immediately jump back into work, and there was no way that you could handle it all by yourself. You'd likely have to close the cafe for a few weeks at the very least to allow Stevens some time to rest and recover. And if Youth & Impulse closed, that would mean that you wouldn't be seeing much of Yoongi during the weekdays anymore. Your time with him at the cafe had been the only constant within your relationship with him, and now that was getting taken away.

On top of that, you weren't sure what consequences he was going to face after what he'd done today. You were starting to feel uncomfortable with the whole thing, worrying that it was only a matter of time before Yoongi began resenting you for getting in the way of his work. That it was only a matter of time before he realized you were only a roadblock, and pushed you away for good.

On the flip side of that, you also worried that it was only a matter of time before you started resenting him. His schedule was getting crazier and crazier by the week, he was tired and worn out, and those things would only continue to progress and become worse.

You were feeling so confident before the accident with Stevens. Before all of this happened, you felt that you could deal with the negatives that were starting to bloom within your relationship with Yoongi. But, even though he had dropped everything and come to you today when you needed him most, you couldn't help but feel like he would come to regret that later. You knew there would come a time where he just couldn't drop everything and come to you, and that the more his career progressed, the farther from you he would be.

Things will change with time, Yoongi had told you. Things were changing with time.

They were changing for the worst.

9] can you come hold me again?

The following morning, once his head was clear enough, Stevens made the decision to close Youth & Impulse for a minimum of three weeks, per advice from his doctor. After forgoing such a mentally and physically taxing accident, the doctor suggested that Stevens spend a few weeks focusing only on his health and nothing else. The doctor was concerned that as a small business owner, Stevens would stress and concern over keeping the business up to par throughout his injury, and this would ultimately tax Stevens's body even more.

So reluctantly, Stevens agreed, and talked to you and Yoongi both.

"I understand why you're doing it, I just wish there was some way I could handle it on my own. You aren't worried about not having any income for the next several weeks?" You asked, feeling glum inside and out. You and Yoongi were sitting beside each other on the couch across from Stevens's hospital bed. He somehow had managed to score a rather large room with no up-charge.

"I have more than enough in savings. Don't worry about the business, kid. It'll be fine," Stevens reassured you. You nodded your head even though you wanted to keep arguing. And any other time, you probably would've kept arguing. But, Stevens looked tired. And you were tired. And Yoongi was tired. It wasn't worth the fight.

"We'll let you get some rest," you muttered, rising from the couch and exiting the room, Yoongi trailing close behind you. You walked through the glaringly white hospital in silence. It wasn't until the two of you were outside in the sunshine that Yoongi spoke up.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked, squinting due to the sun in his eyes.

"Nothing to talk about."

"I can tell you're upset."

"So?"

"What is it that's really bothering you about this whole Youth & Impulse thing? I mean it's temporary, and I agree that Stevens should just focus on his own health," Yoongi replied, lifting a hand to shield his eyes.

"It's nothing. You're right," you said shortly. He eyed you for a moment, clearly not believing you. He cleared his throat and nodded anyway, not pushing the issue any farther.

"I have a meeting with BigHit management in a few, so I have to go. Maybe dinner tonight?" He took a step closer to you, face questioning.

"Sure," you said calmly, even though you were filled with anxiety at the mention of Yoongi's meeting. His management was likely going to tear him to shreds not for only leaving in the middle of the class, but also for skipping an entire day of training. You felt guilty, still, even though he had already insisted you shouldn't.

He looked at you again, some serious expression covering his face that you couldn't quite read.

"You're going to be okay, right?" he murmured. You felt as if his eyes were staring right into the depths of your soul without your permission.

"I'm fine, Yoongi. Go. I don't want you to be late."

And with one more hard look, he left.

|||||

~YOONGI'S POV~

"We want you on our team, Yoongi. We like you and we think you have a lot of talent. However, what you did yesterday is not acceptable." Yoongi was in a meeting room with Bang PD himself, as well as 4 other people that were in the top tiers of management at BigHit.

Yoongi nodded, looking down at his hands that were folded in his lap. He wanted to argue, to explain that the situation truly was dire, and he absolutely had no choice but to leave. But, he bit his lip, for once afraid that talking back might make things worse.

"You know our training and classes are mandatory, and it looks bad that you ran out in the middle of them yesterday. Johnson told us that you claimed to have an emergency, but he didn't seem to believe that..." Bang PD trailed off, and Yoongi took that as an opportunity.

"I swear to you, all of you, that it truly was an emergency. I play piano part-time at Youth & Impulse cafe in downtown, and the owner of that cafe was in a really bad hit and run accident. His niece and other part-timer, and my girlfriend, so I rushed to the hospital as soon as I got her call," Yoongi explained so quickly he was practically throwing up the words. He just wanted them to understand that he was still very committed, and that his one absence had simply been a fluke. The room was silent for a moment, almost too long for Yoongi to bare. But then, Bang PD spoke up.

"I'm not heartless, Yoongi. I don't blame you for leaving when you did. I probably would've done the same thing. But from the experience I want you to learn something. Being famous, being an idol is a very demanding lifestyle. Yes, you will have money and fame and vast attention from others. But, on the flip side of that, you will be scrutinized, your privacy will be torn away from you, and you have to be willing to say goodbye to people you're close with in order to advance your career. There will come a time where you want to be there for that girlfriend of yours, but you're out of the country, or you're playing a concert. I want you to understand all of these things before you progress any further. I won't hold your contract against you; I'll nullify it if you end up changing your mind. So think, Yoongi. Go home and think about the future and the glory and the fame. But, consider the kickbacks of all of those things. You need to decide what you really want. Meeting adjourned," and with that, the meeting was suddenly over. The room cleared, leaving Yoongi sitting at the round table alone, blinking slowly as he tried to digest everything that was just said to him.

He had an uneasy feeling, one that made his stomach hurt.

|||||

~YOUR POV~

Yoongi showed up at your place around 6 that night. After running downstairs to let him into your dorm building, the two of you went to your room.

"I still have a few math problems to finish before we can get dinner," you informed him while on the elevator.

"No worries," he shrugged, looking down at the ground. He was wearing a black shirt and an oversized black zip hoodie. The majority of his hair was hidden by a black baseball cap, but small tufts of his now brown locks peeked out of the front. He had dyed his hair from blonde to brown just a few weeks ago, and you were still having trouble getting used to it.

You admired Yoongi's physical appearance often, and he would catch you looking from time to time, leaving you blushing and embarrassed. But, all of that time spent staring at him caused you to learn how to read his body language incredibly well.

When he lightly bounced on the balls of his feet, he was excited and giddy about something. When one hand was tucked into his pocket and he made direct eye contact, he was confident and sly. When he smiled, truly smiled, he was content and happy. But, when he looked down and was short in replies, he was either mad or worried about something.

You snuck another glance at Yoongi, whose eyes were still intently trained on the ground. You frowned, fearing the meeting hadn't gone well. You wanted to ask him about it, but in a way, you were scared to hear his answer as it might convict you even more.

As the elevator dinged and the doors opened, you walked out and unlocked your dorm room door, holding it open for Yoongi to walk inside. It wasn't the first time he had been inside your dorm. While you two never hung out in there because of the typical looming presence of your roommate, he had still sat in there on occasion while you finished something up before going out with him.

Your roommate was out. Her side of the dorm was neatly kept, almost meticulously kept. Your side wasn't exactly messy, but it wasn't nearly as clean as Clara's, your roommate's. Your half of the tiny dorm somehow seemed more real, more like a college student's.

The comforter on your bed was only half on, but the sheets were properly tucked into the mattress. Your desk was a bit cluttered with workbooks and pens and highlighters and snack wrappers; you failed at keeping your desk an organized place. The floor was clean except for a pair of vans that were sitting next to your bed.

You sat down at your desk, picking up your pencil to resume the calculus problems you had been working on. Yoongi sat down on the edge of your bed, rubbing his eyes.

Since the desk was directly next to your bed, you had trouble blocking him out of your peripheral vision, therefore causing you to be ultimately distracted from the schoolwork that you needed to be doing.

"Are you okay?" You asked hesitantly, turning so you could see him better.

"I'm tired...just have a lot on my mind," he replied quietly, still not making eye contact with you.

"Get some rest, then. This is going to take me a while to finish," you offered.

"You sure?" He seemed hesitant, but he finally made eye contact with you.

"Yeah, take a nap. You probably could use the extra sleep."

He nodded then, slipping his shoes off and laying down, his head against your pillow. His eyes were closed immediately, and it was then you could tell that he really wasn't kidding about being tired. Clearly, he was exhausted. And while this made you feel bad for him, you were happy that at least now he could get some uninterrupted rest.

You forced yourself to direct your attention back to your homework now that Yoongi was sleeping peacefully. It took you nearly an hour to get everything finished.

Feeling relieved, you rose from your desk chair, eyes landing on Yoongi.

For some strange reason, he looked so small while curled up on your bed like that. He looked peaceful and innocent while sleeping, and you couldn't help the smile that spread across your face.

He was sleeping hard, his breathing heavy but even. If you had known he was this exhausted, you would've just told him to forget dinner and to go home and go to bed.

You reached for the covers that were piled up at the end of your bed, and carefully rested them on top of Yoongi. He stirred slightly in his sleep, rolling over onto his side, but didn't wake.

Carefully, you sat on the edge of your bed, reaching out to remove his hat so his head could rest completely against the pillow now that he had turned. You set his hat on your tiny bedside table and gently ran your hand through his hair. His hair was surprisingly soft for someone who seemed to dye it relatively often.

You sighed as you watched Yoongi in a state of passive calmness. It seemed as if in that moment, time had briefly paused. You had an intimate moment where you could just sit with him as he was in a state of peace. You weren't worrying about what his management had said to him, or about Stevens in the hospital, or about your future. You had a short moment where you could just look at the boy you loved so deeply without fear overcoming you for even a second.

|||||

The next thing you knew, you had fallen asleep as well. Your head was resting against something soft, but it didn't feel like your pillow.

The air conditioner kicked on and you found yourself unconsciously cuddling against something warm. You squinted, barely opening your eyes enough to see that the warmth you were feeling was radiating off of him: off of Yoongi.

Your head was resting on Yoongi's chest, and his arms were around you. Somewhere in the midst of all the watching and admiring you had drifted off. You bit back a laugh, feeling lucky you didn't fall off the bed.

You peeked up at Yoongi, only able to see the outline of his face and the curve of his chin. You lifted your head up for a moment, straining to see out the one window in the dorm. Shadows were being cast across the room as deep orange light seeped through the cracks on your blinds. The sun was just now going down, so you figured you must've been asleep for at least an hour.

You knew you needed to get up-and rouse Yoongi as well- but then Yoongi shifted slightly. He yawned quietly, his hand suddenly in your hair, carefully smoothing the back of it like he had recently gotten in the habit of doing rather often.

"Did we sleep for a long time?" he murmured, sounding sleepy.

"Not too long, it's probably only 8," you yawned this time. He curled in closer to you, his chin resting on top of your head.

"Did you sleep okay?" You asked adjusting the arm you had across his stomach.

"Yeah. Your bed is surprisingly comfortable for a college dorm room. And your pillow smells like you."

You chuckled, "I'm glad you could get some good rest. You needed it."

"You probably needed it too," Yoongi sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You were quiet for a moment, relishing in the feeling of being so close to him while being at such ease. But that ease began wearing away as you considered reality for a moment.

"Yoongi?" You said quietly.

"Mm?"

You were quiet for another moment.

"Y/N, what is it?" His words were surprisingly gentle.

"Is everything really okay? I've been worried..." you trailed off, heart beginning to beat a bit faster as you anticipated his answer.

"Don't worry about me or about my work, alright? You don't need to carry that weight," Yoongi's voice had an edge to it.

"Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Yoongi was silent for a few moments. You wondered if he was trying to gather his thoughts.

"I didn't exactly get in trouble with management today. But, they presented me with a lot of questions and a lot o things I need to think about."

"Like what?" For that short moment, you felt a sense of relief.

"Like what I really want. What I'm willing to risk and give up for having a career like this. What I'm willing to deal with..."

You bit your lip, nervous again. "And...? What exactly would you be sacrificing?"

"Privacy, a sense of normalcy, normal relationships, normal work hours. Everything normal will be out of reach for me if I debut and my popularity peaks like they hope it will. They're asking me to consider everything and back out now if I don't want to make those sacrifices," Yoongi explained carefully. You understand what he was saying, but for some reason, it made you feel incredibly insecure. Where did you fit into that equation? Where did you fit into that consideration? Were you something he would eventually have to give up? Those were questions you didn't have the answers to, and that bothered you.

"And how are you feeling about it all?" You asked. It was a safe question.

"I'm honestly not sure. I think I really just need to take the time to think about it," he admitted, "But regardless of my decision, you don't need to worry about it." He began to play with your hair again. The act was calming, and the words he said should've reassured you, but they didn't.

You must've really tensed up, because he noticed.

"Really, Y/N. Please don't worry about me," he said again, his hand now running soothingly over your back.

"Okay," you said shortly, feeling too many mixed emotions to offer him a better response.

Luckily, the door to your dorm was swinging open just a few moments later as Clara walked in, carrying a bunch of books from the library.

"Ugh, Y/N! Haven't you read our dorm policy? No boys allowed after 7. It's 8:30!" She exclaimed, setting her books down and tossing you both a dirty look.

"Oh, sorry," Yoongi blushed as the both of you sat up. You were both irritated by and grateful for Clara's untimely appearance.

Yoongi put his hat and shoes back on before awkwardly standing up from the bed. "Sorry for the intrusion," he said quietly, and he exited, you following him behind to walk him down.

"She's kind of scary," he joked on the elevator down, but you didn't laugh. Your conversation with him had left you feeling more weird than reassured, and you didn't know what to make of that.

"Rain check on dinner, then?" Yoongi chuckled once outside and on the front steps of the building.

"Sure," you agreed.

"See you Tuesd-" he started out of habit before the both of you remember that Youth & Impulse was now closed, "I'll call you?" He said instead, and you nodded.

"Goodnight, Y/N," he leaned in then, carefully brushing his lips against yours. You barely kissed him back, however, as your mind was too plagued with worries and fears about the future with him.

"Goodnight," you whispered back, and then he was gone.

10] becoming reality

~YOONGI'S POV~

"That's all we'll cover today. You're improving a lot, but you still need to work on controlling your breathing in between lines. Pronunciation and clear speech for you has only improved, so don't feel too discouraged. I'll meet with you again next Wednesday as well, alright?" Yoongi's vocal trainer Cami said as she grabbed her book bag.

"No problem. Thanks Cami!" Yoongi replied politely as she left the rehearsal room. Sighing, Yoongi reached for his music and gathered it up. He glanced at his watch as he slipped the sheets into their designated folder. His classes were finished early today; it was only 4 pm. Smiling, he reached for his phone to call you. He knew your schedule rather well, and you were just now getting out of class.

Feeling excited to surprise you with an evening together, he scrolled through his contact list to get to your name. But, just as he was about to press "call", Cami was standing in the doorway.

"Yoongi," she called out, "Bang PD wants you to come to his office."

"Ah, okay. Sure. Thanks for letting me know," Yoongi forced a small smile to be polite, but he wasn't able to mask his disappointment. Cami nodded before promptly leaving again.

Yoongi sighed, gathering his things and starting down the walk to the main office. Jaw clenching slightly, he was filled with both irritation and disappointment. He really wanted to surprise you with some extra time, especially after he noticed how weird you had acted on Saturday.

At first he thought part of your strange behavior had been due to the stress of what was happening with Stevens, but Stevens was fine now. Sure, his accident was an ongoing case, but physically and mentally, Stevens was okay. He'd been checked out of the hospital yesterday morning. So now Yoongi felt that maybe your strange behavior had more to do with himself, rather than Stevens.

The confusing part for him was that you had been fine for a while on Saturday evening. He woke just shortly after you had fallen asleep. You had been slumped over in an uncomfortable position, one wrong move from falling off the bed completely; it was clear to him then that you had been watching him sleep, and that you had been watching him for a while. That fact warmed his heart, that you would want to sit there with him while he rested.

And so he had carefully helped you lay down completely, leaving plenty of space between you two. But, unconsciously, you were the one that had curled into him. You were the one that gripped the fabric of his worn out T-shirt as you slept. You were the one whose warmth and steady breathing was enough to coax Yoongi back to sleep. He thought everything was okay.

But then the kiss happened. He had kissed you so carefully and so sweetly, but you had rejected it, and he noticed. Your lips didn't mesh with his in their typical effortless way. Had your eyes even been closed? Never once had you simply stood there in the midst of a kiss; half of the time you were the one initiating the follow up.

So it wasn't the fact that you didn't kiss him back that worried Yoongi; it was the fact that it was so out of character for you. He went home that night with an uneasy feeling, one that settled uncomfortably within him, one that wouldn't go away.

He wanted to see you. He wanted to clear up whatever the issue was. He wanted to see you happy again. He wanted you to stop worrying about him. He wanted things to be how they were just a few short days ago, before the accident.

And in the back of his mind, deep down, a part of him wanted things to go back to the way they were before he got signed.

Because somehow, things were simpler then.

|||||

"You wanted to see me, Sir?" Yoongi knocked on the half-open door to Bang PD's office.

"Yoongi, come in! There's someone I want you to meet."

Taking a silent yet extremely deep breath, Yoongi pushed the door open and walked into the office. Even though he really wasn't in the mood to talk, or to be excited, or to deal with literally anything, he plastered a smile on his face.

Bang PD's office consisted of a desk, two chairs residing in a front of it, a flat screen on the wall to the left, and a fish tank. Posters of famous singers and old vinyl records hung neatly on the walls, clearly organized with a lot of careful thought. Rising from the chair on the left was a tall guy with brown hair. He wondered again what this meeting was about.

"Yoongi, I'd like you to meet Namjoon. Namjoon, this is Min Yoongi, the other trainee I was telling you about."

The guy turned around, bowing shyly and introducing himself, "I'm Kim Namjoon. Nice to meet you." Yoongi bowed as well, introducing himself in return.

"Have a seat, you two."

Yoongi awkwardly shuffled across the room to sit in the chair on the right, and Namjoon did the same.

"I'll cut to the chase. I think both of you are incredibly talented artists, and I want to see what kind of music you could make together. You are both trainees now, and this is the time for us to experiment and see what your potential might be with other artists in your field," Bang PD explained, and Yoongi was suddenly excited and intimidated all at the same time.

The thought of working with someone else sounded incredibly fun to him. Collaborating with someone that felt as passionate about music as he did would help him be more inspired, and perhaps even make a new friend. But, he was also intimidated. He didn't know Namjoon. He didn't know what Namjoon's credentials were, but whatever they were, he likely had better ones than Yoongi. Being a trainee at the company wasn't exactly a competition, but there was a slight competitive atmosphere. Yoongi's goal was to keep the eyes of head managament, to keep them confident in him. So the introduction of another rapper could be seen as somewhat of a threat.

"That sounds great to me," Namjoon began, looking over at Yoongi, "They played some of your music for me and I really liked it. I'd be happy to work with you on something if you're up for it." Namjoon's confidence threw Yoongi off a bit, but the guy seemed nice.

"I think it would be fun," Yoongi agreed, and Bang PD clapped his hands together.

"Great! Because I already reserved a spot for the both of you in an undergound rap concert this Saturday. I want to see how the both of you work with other people. If you can't write something together in time, then perform one of your other originals. This is merely a test of chemistry, so don't feel too stressed either way. That's what sets BigHit apart from other talent companies out there; we want you guys to have creative freedom and succeed at the same time. Understand?"

Yoongi and Namjoon both nodded respectively. Hope was rising in Yoongi's chest at the opportunity he'd just been given. Regardless of whether or not he realy became friends with Namjoon or if they worked well together, he was going to be put on stage again. He was going to gain more experience, and get to what he loved at the same time.

"Now, gather your things. We've cleared a studio for the both of you. Go! Have fun!" Bang PD sent them off with a laugh.

Yoongi and Namjoon bowed before leaving, and Yoongi had to stop himself from skipping down the hallway.

"How long have you been at BigHit for?" Namjoon asked, his voice sounding casual and not too pushy.

"Hmm, not too long. It's been over a month now," Yoongi replied as they continued to walk down the hallway together. "How about you? I haven't seen you around before."

"Bang PD just brought me in today, actually. Be honest though, do they seem fair here? Everything Bang PD told me sounded good, but I wasn't sure how much truth there was to it," Namjoon explained.

"I think so. I mean the hours can be a little crazy and the classes strenuous sometimes. But, they seem to really care about us. I know that well from a recent experience," Yoongi nearly chuckled.

"What happened?"

"I left in the middle of a mandatory dance class because I had an emergency to attend to."

"What kind of emergency?" Namjoon raised an eyebrow.

"My girlfriend's uncle got hit by a car. I mean, honestly he's lucky that he's alive and the worst thing wrong with him is a messed up leg. She called me crying on my 5-minute break, and I couldn't not go to her. My instructor gave me a hard time for it, but Bang PD was understanding..." Yoongi trailed off as his memories were flooded with all of the questions that Bang PD had presented to him. In the midst of the excitement of meeting Namjoon, he had momentarily forgotten his troubles. But now, they were all coming right back.

Yoongi sighed.

"He's okay with you being in a relationship?" Namjoon sounded suprised, and honestly, Yoongi understood why. Relationships and pending fame didn't go well together.

"He's okay with it, but he did give me a lot of warnings," and in a split second, Yoongi's mood had stooped from low to lower.

"Like what?" Namjoon asked, but then corrected himself, "I'm sorry. It's not my business."

"No, it's okay. He just wanted me to consider that if I debut and become popular, it's going to be hard on the relationship. It'll be hard on me, and it'll be hard on her. He's given me the choice to back out on our contract actually..." Yoongi trailed off again, more bothered about the whole situation than he wanted to admit to Namjoon.

"Have you decided, then?"

"No. I don't know what to do or how to feel about it. I understand his point about things becoming more difficult, but I don't want to accept that kind of reality. I want both, you know? I want my music out there. I want to perform. I want to tour. But, I want her too. So, I guess that's why I'm stuck," Yoongi said quietly.

"Have you talked to her about it? That might actually make things clearer for you," Namjoon suggested kindly, and Yoongi was suddenly happy to have someone to confide in. He had literally just met Namjoon, but already felt like he could trust him.

"Barely. I don't want to give her that burden. She's already stressed that I'm in trouble for leaving class for her before. If she knew I was considering giving up my contract to be with her, I don't know what she'd do. She might be relieved. But, I think it's more likely that it's going to make her feel guilty, even though she shouldn't. She's watched my entire career bloom and grow, and she's been so supportive. I don't think she could stand it if I threw away my career for her. I think that in it of itself would end our relationship. But, I wish she wouldn't be that way. It's my decision," Yoongi shrugged.

"But have you ever considered that maybe she does want this for you? You're saying that she's been really supportive of you so far, so what's the issue? Why would it be so bad for you to continue on how things are? You persuing your music and her?" Namjoon presented ideas that Yoongi hadn't quite thought all the way through.

"Maybe I'm just scared," Yoongi sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"Scared of what, exactly?"

"That eventually I'm not going to be able to be there for her. That my work is always going to be in the way. That she's going to resent what I do because it takes away my time with her."

Namjoon nodded, pursing his lips as he perused Yoongi's response.

"You, my friend, sound like you have a lot of conflicting emotions," Namjoon began.

"Yeah. So?"

"It sounds like you need a creative outlet. Let's go write that song."

11] observations + frustrations

"Good, Yoongi. That's the final take on your part," Namjoon said, eyes trained on the computer screen as he began splicing Yoongi's final vocals, backup vocals, and the synth music together.

It was around 8 pm, two days after the meeting with Bang PD. There was only 2 more days until the underground rap concert. While they had the entire song written, they still needed to record Namjoon’s part and decide on the final touches. Performing live with Namjoon no longer stressed Yoongi, as working with him for those past few days had been some of the most fun he’d ever had in the studio.

Sliding his headphones off, Yoongi sighed. "I can't believe that made me start sweating," he chuckled, using the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

“It’s kind of hot in here,” Namjoon paused for a moment, popping a piece of gum in his mouth as he continued to stare the screen intently. “Yoongi,” he murmured, moving a section of audio after playing it back, deciding it didn’t fit in its original spot.

“Yeah?”

“Ever thought about a stage name?”

“I’ve had a few ideas over the years. Never used one, though,” he shrugged, getting up from the stool that resided in front of the mic and dragging it to over beside Namjoon. The studio that Bang PD gave them was on the small side, but it was good enough to get the job done.

“I was thinking that maybe we could use stage names at the concert. “Yoongi and Namjoon” doesn’t quite sound like the name of a rapping duo,” Namjoon replied, laughing a bit.

“I mean you have a point,” Yoongi agreed, “Do you already have a stage name for yourself?”

Namjoon hesitated for a moment, “Don’t laugh.”

“Okay?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Namjoon, chill out,” Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“Rap Monster.”

“Huh?”

“My stage name is Rap Monster.”

“Why are you so shy about that?” Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh. They guy called himself a “Rap Monster” but he was too embarrassed to even say the name up front.

“My other friends always thought it was too much,” Namjoon smacked his gum, looking back over at the screen. “This is ready for my vocals. Do you have time? I could lay down the track in like 30 minutes.”

Glancing at his watch, Yoongi bit his lip.

“Are you supposed to her tonight?” Namjoon raised an eyebrow. They’d only know each for a few days, but already, he was too good at reading Yoongi.

“Yeah…I can call and tell her that we’re finishing the track, though. She’d understand…” Yoongi offered, but his words weren’t very convincing. He didn’t want to skip out on you tonight, especially since he hadn’t seen you since the nap at your dorm. You two hadn’t even talked on the phone all week. He could feel the distance, he could feel a wall going up, and he didn’t like it. Cancelling tonight was the last thing he needed to do. But, duty calls…

Namjoon shook his head, “She’s expecting you already? Like, you made plans?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you should go.”

“But what about the track? We haven’t finished all of the raw files, much less practice it together with the instrumental track,” Yoongi argued, even though he wanted to just take Namjoon’s advice and leave. But he couldn’t let Bang PD or Namjoon or any of the other staff down. Not after his slip up that happened less than a week ago.

“Come in early tomorrow. 6 am. We can finish it then. The track doesn’t have to be completely finished by the concert, but it needs to be done by the following day at least. We’re supposed to put it on SoundCloud. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have needed to record it with such precision,” Namjoon made a counteroffer, seemingly trying to make allowances for Yoongi.

“Are you sure?” Yoongi felt uneasy.

“Look, man. I haven’t known you for very long. But the fact that you have already told me so much about Y/N makes it obvious that she’s an important part of your life. Don’t neglect her just because of the concert,” Namjoon said matter-of-factly, reaching for the power switch on the back of the computer.

“I’m not neglecting her, okay? I’m just trying to put work first right now,” Yoongi began to defend himself, cheeks heating up in anger and embarrassment.

“That’s your problem right there. You’ve been stressed all week because you’re worried about her, and yet you haven’t even taken the time to go and see for an afternoon,” Namjoon’s eyes narrowed.

“Isn’t that a bit out of line for you to say? I haven’t seen her because I haven’t had time—“

“That’s not true,” Namjoon cut him off, “That’s an excuse, and you know it. You haven’t go to see her because you’re scared. You told me that yourself.”

“Hey, that’s not fair. I didn’t tell you that for you to use it against me,” Yoongi was angrier by the second, but he wasn’t sure if he was really all that angry at Namjoon. Maybe he was just angry at himself.

“I’m not using anything against you, Yoongi. I’m trying to be honest. If we’re going to work together and have any kind of relationship- work or friendship- I’m always going to be honest with you. And that includes telling you the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it,” Namjoon said calmly, clearly having a much easier time at controlling his emotions than Yoongi was. “It’s not fair for you to keep pushing her away because you don’t want to deal with the issues. If you really care about her like you say you do, then man up and act like it. If you don’t want to deal with the issues, then break up with her. It’s not fair to string her along and make her be sitting by the phone, waiting for you to call.”

“I’m not stringing her along!”

“Are you sure about that? Does Y/N even know how you really feel about her?”

“If she didn’t, then she wouldn’t be my girlfriend,” Yoongi snapped, rising from his seat, prepared to leave the room.

“What have you told her then? Have you told her what you’ve told me? Huh?” Namjoon pressed, seemingly grow more irritated and frustrated.

“I confessed that I liked her! I’m her boyfriend! What else is there?” Yoongi already knew the answers to his own questions, he just didn’t want to admit them to himself.

“Yoongi, take a minute and really think about this! Her knowing that you “like her” is not good enough if you’re going to be gone all the time. That’s good enough if you’re going to go days without even bothering to call. All I’m trying to say, is that from an outsider’s point of view, you aren’t being fair. If you really care about her, stop for a minute, and consider her feelings. Not just your own,” Namjoon insisted.

Yoongi’s shoulders slumped as he sat back down, his hands covering his face.

“…I’m sorry…I know you’re right,” he mumbled.

“Yoongi, talk to me,” Namjoon’s voice was suddenly softer, “What are you really afraid of? I know you’re scared of not being able to be there for her, and I know you’re scared that she may resent you. But, those things are all preventable. You could be there with her right now, and you aren’t. She won’t have a reason to resent you if you just communicate…. So, what is it really that’s bothering you so much? What’s bothering you enough that it’s been keeping you from seeing her?”

Yoongi’s eyes were brimmed with hot tears. He tilted his back slightly, rubbing his eyes and groaning in frustration at his outward projection of emotion.

“I’m scared of being alone again, okay? If I become a point of drama and uneasiness in her life, then it’s only a matter of time before she cuts me out of it,” Yoongi admitted, and to his dismay, the tears started falling. “I’ve tried to avoid conflict, because Namjoon, if I’m honest, she’s one of the only people that still wants to be around me. That deals with me, and puts up with me. And I’m just so scared that all of this fame business is going to break her and make her push me away…”

“Yoongi, you don’t have to feel that way,” Namjoon started, his words gentle as he handed Yoongi a tissue, “You need to ask her she feels instead of assuming. It’s possible you made a lot of this up in your head. But, running away from it won’t make it any better. You pushing her away first won’t make it any easier. You’re just going to regret it later.”

“I know…”

And then Yoongi’s cell phone was ringing. Sniffling, he pulled it out of his pocket and blinked a few times to get the tears out of his eyes.

“It’s Y/N,” he breathed, new tears replacing the old ones.

“Answer it.”

Nodding, Yoongi took a deep breath and accepted your call.

“Yoongi! I know we were supposed to hang out tonight, but my history professor just pushed out an email saying that we have to complete our paper by tomorrow’s class instead of Monday’s and I haven’t even started it yet,” you began, sounding incredibly sincere and frustrated, “I’m really sorry. I know this is so lame, but I have to pass this class if I want to graduate on time.”

“Calm down, Y/N. It’s okay. I understand,” Yoongi said, trying to mask the emotion in his voice, but was unsuccessful.

“Are you okay?” you demanded from the other end of the line.

“I’m fine.”

“Then why do you sound like that? Are you crying?” Your worry was apparent and Yoongi looked at Namjoon, desperate. Namjoon only shrugged with an apologetic expression covering his face.

“Um, just worry about your history paper for now, okay?” Yoongi attempted to change the course of the conversation.

“You do realize that you saying that makes me worry even more, right? What’s wrong?” You pressed, and Yoongi began feeling frustrated again. Why were you so observant? Why could you read his voice so well? How come the one time he wanted to keep something from you, you wouldn’t let him?

“I don’t want to be a distraction for you tonight. I promise I’m okay,” he said, but his words failed him as his voice was beginning to break.

“Yoongi…” you sounded so worried, “Do you need to come over? I can spare some time,” you began insisting. Yoongi let out a heavy breath.

“No, it’s okay. Just finish your paper. I-uh I have an underground rap concert on Saturday night with another BigHit trainee. Would you come?” He asked, changing the topic yet again.

“Um, yeah of course. But, Yoongi…”

“Yeah?”

You hesitated for a moment, leaving Yoongi waiting in anxious anticipation at the words to come.

“What is it, Y/N?”

“Is there a reason that you haven’t talked me all week? Is that what this is about?” You said the words quietly, and Yoongi’s heart clenched.

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you on the phone,” he fought more tears, but they continued falling anyway. Jaw clenching, he wiped his eyes again.

“Yoongi…”

“Saying my name over and over isn’t going to change my mind. Your education comes first. Please, focus for now and we’ll talk later,” the shakiness in his voice was incredibly clear then. Yoongi’s eyes flickered over at Namjoon, who was looking down, picking at a thread on the sleeve of his sweater.

“Are you breaking up with me?” your voice was tiny, and for some reason, it ignited a spark of anger with Yoongi.

“No, Y/N! Stop. I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things lately, and I’m stressed, and over tired, and honestly, I just need you to stop pushing me right now,” Yoongi resolved, words carrying a note of finality in them.

“Okay,” You said simply, flatly. And even though Yoongi felt terrible, he couldn’t take back what he said, nor did he really want to.

“Will you still come on Saturday?” his voice was low, emotions suddenly becoming masked as he forced himself to put up a better front.

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“Great. I’ll text you the details,” Yoongi mumbled, before hanging up the phone without even bothering to say goodbye.

Namjoon grimaced slightly as Yoongi sat, staring blankly as the remainder of the tears fell from his eyes.

“Yoongi,” Namjoon began, but Yoongi immediately shook his head.

“Let’s get back to work,” he said, emotionless as he stood from his stool, dragging it back in front of the microphone.

12] love is a game to you

New message to Yoon: hey.

-is typing-

New Message from Yoon: hey. everything with history class work out alright?

-is typing-

New Message from Yoon: i’m really sorry for the phone call on wednesday.

-is typing-

New Message from Yoon: and i’m sorry i haven’t reached out since then.

New Message to Yoon: it’s whatever. do you have time today?

-is typing-

…

-is typing-

…

-is typing-

…

New Message from Yoon: no. i’m sorry. but please come tomorrow.

New Message to Yoon: i wish you would stop acting like this and just talk to me.

-is typing-

…

-is typing-

…

Yoon has logged off.

|||||

Checking your hair once more in the mirror, you sighed. It was the day of the rap concert, and you were about to be on your way to the venue per the directions Yoongi had sent you. And even though you were not in the mood to go to something like this, he kept being insistent that you come. You couldn’t figure out why, and it was bothering you.

But what was bothering you even more was why he had seemed to have lost his mind within the past week. It had only been a single week since he skipped out on dance practice, running to the hospital, holding you in his arms for several hours while you cried and worried about Stevens. That all had only been a week ago, but Stevens was already at home, well on his way to a steady recovery. Stevens now seemed like the least of your worries.

It had only been 6 days since he came to your dorm room while you worked on frustrating calculus problems as he slept, exhausted and worn down. Since you napped with him for a bit, feeling guilt and worry about his situation at the same time. Since you practically refused his careful kiss.

And it’d only been 3 days since your phone conversation with him. The way he communicated with you that night seemed strange and distant. Overall, it made you uneasy to your core. It made you second guess yourself. It made you feel guilty about not kissing him back; what if he read something into that? He probably did. It made you worry that he was mad at you after all, that he lied about not getting in trouble at BigHit. It made you scared that he was considering his future and giving up so many things just so he could debut. His tone of voice, the shakiness behind it, and the way he was so abrupt caught you off guard that night. He had never talked to you that way, and never once treated you that way. And while he was technically even being rude, your feelings were so hurt he hung up. There was so much miscommunication and unknowns between you two, and that hurt.

It had only been a week, and yet everything had changed so drastically.

You flagged down a taxi because the venue was just out of a comfortable walking distance. And if you were honest, you were already starting the night off in a bit of a bad mood; you didn’t feel like walking through the ridiculously crowded city streets on top of that.

However, half-way through your taxi ride, you were beginning to think that perhaps walking would’ve been a better choice. The traffic was horrible. Given, it was a Saturday night. Still, you found yourself sitting for minutes at a time in a line of traffic. Nervously checking the time on your phone, you debated whether to get out and walk the rest of the way. You were running late now, and as much as pain everything with Yoongi had been lately, you didn’t want him to think that you had bailed on him.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m going to get out here,” you apologized to the man for the slight inconvenience, and dock of pay, as you handed over the cab fare along with a generous tip. Letting yourself out of the car, you quickly made your way to the sidewalk. You opened Maps on your phone and quickly entered the address as you began walking rather swiftly.

And as much as the strangely chilly weather for late spring was biting at you, and the shoes you were wearing were fiercely uncomfortable, you kept on walking. Because despite everything, you still cared.

You still wanted Min Yoongi.

|||||

~YOONGI POV~

“Namjoon,” Yoongi began from backstage, already sweating even though it wasn’t hot in the venue yet. It was cold sweat and his hands were clammy.

“Are you okay?” concern was spreading across Namjoon’s face as he turned, seeing how sick Yoongi looked.

“I don’t think she’s going to come,” his face paled even more as he peeked out from behind the stage curtain, seeing that the spot he’d reserved for you was still empty.

“There’s still ten minutes until it starts. And we’re in the third slot,” Namjoon reminded him. Yoongi sighed, stepping back and away from the curtain.

“Bang PD is here and yet I don’t even care about that. I don’t feel nervous about that at all. I’m more scared that she’s not going to show up. I think I really screwed things up,” the stress in Yoongi’s voice was incredibly blatant. His hands were on his temples, trying to massage away the pounding headache that had been bothering and hindering him all day.

He was really starting to regret the phone conversation now; he was becoming worried that he had acted too quickly and strongly because he was overwhelmed with emotions. He figured that phone call probably upset you more than you were letting on, and he’d been short with you ever since.

And if he was honest, he knew Namjoon was right.

He wasn’t being fair.

“Breathe, okay? Try to calm down. I know this a lot on you right now, but I need you to make it through this performance. If you can’t even handle this, Bang PD is going to lose confidence that you could handle the stress of a performance on a larger scale,” Namjoon said, his voice even and calming in some strange way.

“I understand that, but it’s not the performance I’m stressed about,” Yoongi groaned, beginning to pace in attempt to calm himself down.

“She’ll come,” Namjoon tried to reassure Yoongi. But, Namjoon didn’t know you, so his reassurances didn’t mean much to Yoongi. “I’m sure it’ll be fine-“

“Calm down, Joon. I’m not going to bail on you.”

Namjoon pursed his lips then, nodding slightly, and letting the conversation drop.

The ten minutes seemed to melt away at an incredibly surreal speed, and the concert began. Yoongi couldn’t check to see if you were in the audience anymore; people could easily see him poking his head out from behind the back curtain. That wouldn’t be fair to the artist performing as it would be a distraction.

The first 3 acts seemed to rush by even faster, and before they knew it, it was time for them to go out on stage and perform their song together.

“We got this,” Namjoon said in a low voice, whispering in Yoongi’s ear as they were being announced on the stage.

“I know,” Yoongi breathed.

“Calling to the stage, Suga and Rap Monster!”

The crowd was roaring outside, and suddenly, Yoongi and Namjoon were running out on the stage, microphones in hand as the lights faded up, spotlights on them.

One, Two, Three

And then Namjoon was rapping and Yoongi was beside him, eyes adjusting to the changing light. His heart was beating out of his chest and his skin was sweaty and his adrenaline was pumping as every single one of his senses were set on fire. And he felt a slight edge, wondering about you once again as Namjoon continued to rap, Yoongi knowing in the back of his mind that his part was coming up soon. He made eye contact with Bang PD who was smiling, looking impressed and excited. That should’ve put him at ease. But it didn’t.

And then he looked at the empty seat, the one that you belonged in. And it was suddenly hard to remember what he was supposed to be focusing on. It was hard to hear the words that were leaving Namjoon’s mouth. It was hard to care about putting on a good show, about leaving a good impression for Bang PD, about the fame in general. His stomach churned and the hot fire that had been burning within him was turning into an icy cold consistency.

Where were you?

Why didn’t you come?

You said you would come?

What’s the point of all of this if you aren’t even here?

What’s the point if it gets in the way of time with You?

Why did you break your promise?

Why didn’t you come?

Thoughts were racing as his heart kept beating at a both uncomfortable and alarming level. Namjoon’s verse was coming to an end, and Yoongi felt himself choking on his own feelings all over again. He could only hope that the audience couldn’t see the pain and the fear in his eyes. He was breathing, as deeply as he could, hoping that his facial expression made it same that he was just lost in the music. He held his microphone at his side, knowing he only had seconds before he had to raise it and give the best performance of his life. His eyes squeezed close as he attempted to force himself to go numb to everything for a few moments, just long enough to get through the song. Just long enough to perform. Just long enough so he could make it through.

And as Namjoon’s mouth closed, and as Yoongi was raising the microphone to his face, he caught a glimpse of something. A glimpse of something that made his stomach stop hurting. A glimpse of something that pushed the away the choking feeling that had settled in his throat.

You were there. You did come. And you looked stressed, quickly running for your sweat, eyes wide, likely sweat on your forehead-he couldn’t completely tell.

And then he was rapping with everything he had, newfound inspiration and a fresh set of emotions blooming with himself. Because after everything, you showed up. You still showed up even though he didn’t deserve that from you, and that meant more to Yoongi than he could ever express with words.

His eyes squeezed shut, the words flowing and flicking off his tongue desperately yet effortlessly now. Emotion and feelings and everything related and in between poured out of him. The sweating grew more intense. His heartbeat was faster, but for now, that was okay.

And then the song ended, and the stage was fading to black again. Namjoon tapped Yoongi’s shoulder, “You did a great job.”

“She came,” Yoongi managed to get out through his uneven breaths. Namjoon’s eyes widened.

“Go, then. Go!” Namjoon exclaimed in a rush, running backstage as Yoongi ran down the side steps of the stage, going toward you. The lights were flickering back on as the next act made their way out on stage. But, Yoongi didn’t even bother to look back. He didn’t even hear their names being called. His eyes were focused on you, and he focused on closing that gap between you and himself.

And he wondered only briefly if you would shove him away. If you would push back, refuse.

But then he had already made his way to you, and your arms were around him as soon as he was in reachable distance. He hugged you in a way he never had before. There were a lot of things he was trying to convey with that hug.

I’m sorry.

I miss you.

I’m an idiot.

Please forgive me.

But, even as he was embracing you, burying his face in your neck, your warmth pressed against him, he knew that this didn’t solve everything. He knew that the two of you still had a hard conversation to suffer through together. He knew he had a lot of faults to admit to.

But in that moment, it was just him holding you and you holding him. It was just you drawing in closer to him, as close as you could get, even though he was horribly sweaty and hot. It was just him, his face in your neck as he tried to hold back another set of tears. He’d been crying so much lately that was beginning to grow worried about himself.

“I-I’m sorry I was late,” you stuttered, and Yoongi was barely able to be hear what you said over all the external noise.

“I’m glad you came,” he whispered in your ear, and for a short and fleeting moment, nothing else really mattered.

13] cry baby

~YOUR POV~

You knew you would always distinctly remember the look in Yoongi’s eyes as he walked off the stage that night, coming toward you swiftly and seemingly without a second thought about it.

Maybe it was the atmosphere of the concert that made you feel okay for a few moments. It made you nostalgic for that first time you had seen him perform. It made you remember what it felt like when he came down off the stage, off the high, and went straight to you. It made you remember how things were back then, before anybody knew his name.

It made you miss those times.

And because of all those feelings, your heart was weak. So, in turn, you didn’t push away when he came down off the stage and hugged you this time. He was holding you tighter than you were holding him, but you didn’t hang limp as you had when he had kissed you before. That small decision probably did more damage that you intended for it to, and you weren’t about to make the same mistake again.

You hugged him for a minute, and the memories of why you really loved him and wanted to be with him came rushing over you during that time. Even though tensions were rising and things were changing more drastically by the day, he was still Yoongi. Despite everything, you still wanted to him to succeed. You remembered the image of a boy who was crying on the curb about how he wasn’t good enough to accomplish his dream. And now, he had arrived; right on the edge of everything he’d ever wished for coming true.

“I-I’m sorry I was late,” you stuttered, and Yoongi leaned in closer, his lips against your ear.

“I’m glad you came,” he whispered in your ear, relief somewhat lining his voice.

“The traffic was insane. I ran the rest of the way here,” you admitted without thinking, cheeks growing hot in embarrassment at the realization that you told him that.

Yoongi pulled away then, still close to you, but holding back so that he could see your face. You couldn’t read is eyes or his body language; it was impossible to tell what he was really thinking, how he was really feeling. You looked at him and felt confused in your heart in mind, uncertain of when exactly things became so blurred and muddy between the two of you. Why did it feel like he was still far away, even though he right in front of you? Why did it feel like there was some invisible wall keeping you apart?

And why did those things hurt so much?

The rappers on stage were practically spitting fire, and the crowd surrounding you was entirely too hype. But, you and Yoongi were still. You were staring at each other, no more words leaving your mouth nor his. He looked at you, and then at your lips, and then back at you again, seemingly debating something within his own mind. And truthfully, you were having a debate of your own.

Was it okay to just act like this past week of bad behavior never happened? Was okay to pretend that he hadn’t hurt your feelings incredibly badly, and just move on without a word about it? Was it okay to ignore issues that were clearly there between the two of you?

You bit your lip, watching his movements carefully, desperately trying to gauge what his next move may be.

And just like that, his mind was apparently made up. He moved farther way and stopped touching you completely. Again, you couldn’t read his expression.

“Let’s go to my greenroom so you can meet Namjoon,” he finally spoke up, being loud enough for you to hear over the music. You nodded and he began walking out and down the side aisle, going out of the concert hall to get to the greenroom.

You both quickly arrived at a door that had a piece of paper hung on it, reading “Suga & Rap Monster”.

You looked over at Yoongi, raising an eyebrow, “’Suga’?”

“Namjoon thought we needed stage names, and that’s the one I chose,” he explained, swinging the door open without bothering to knock first.

“Yoongi!” Namjoon exclaimed, whipping around to put his back to the door as you turned away. He was in the middle of changing his shirt, his entire bare chest exposed.

“Whoops, sorry,” Yoongi replied awkwardly, turning you around once Namjoon’s shirt was on and covering him.

Namjoon forced a smile, although his blushing cheeks gave away his embarrassment.

“You must be Y/N,” he said politely, bowing slightly in greeting.

“Yes,” you smiled, “You must be Namjoon.”

He nodded, cheeks still red, trying to recover from the previous extremely awkward moment. “Did you enjoy the show?”

“Well, I only got here just when Yoongi started rapping. I’m sorry I didn’t see you too,” you apologized honestly. You wished you could’ve seen the entire performance.

“Don’t worry about it,” Namjoon waved your comment off and suddenly Yoongi was standing beside you. He’d been quiet for the whole exchange.

“Are we supposed to stick around and talk to Bang PD?” He asked.

“I’m not sure…There’s still over an hour left in the concert,” Namjoon seemed to be considering something. “How about you two go out for bingsu?”

“Bingsu?” you raised an eyebrow.

“It’s Korean shaved ice,” Yoongi replied before his eyes darted back to Namjoon, “How about we all go? Wouldn’t want you to have to hang out here alone,” Yoongi said through slightly gritted teeth. It was obvious then that he didn’t want to be alone with you, at least not yet.

Namjoon and Yoongi seemed to have a silent debate mostly carried out by intense stares tossed at one another before Namjoon finally caught on, “Oh sure! Ha-ha I’m always down for bingsu!” he chuckled awkwardly and you glanced over at Yoongi who was forcing a smile.

“Let’s go then,” you said before they forced you to sit through another thirty seconds of awkward smiling.

After reminding them of the terrible traffic you encountered on the way to the concert, the three of you decided to walk instead. The bingsu place was only two blocks away from the venue anyway.

“So, Y/N,” Namjoon began, “What’s your major? You’re in University, right?”

“Right. I’m majoring in business,” you replied. Somehow the walking formation had ended up being Namjoon flanking your right side, and Yoongi flanking your left. You were walking in between two very attractive boys down the street on a crowded Saturday night. And people were staring.

“Oh, business. That’s cool,” Namjoon said half-heartedly as he too had noticed how many people were looking at them as they made their way down the street.

“Yeah,” you replied flatly, growing incredibly self-conscience at the unwanted attention.

“Guys?” Namjoon said, looking around intensively, “Why are so many people looking at us?”

The street they had turned onto was full of young people as there were mostly PC rooms and coffee shops and karaoke rooms in the surrounding area.

“Hmm…this is weird,” Yoongi agreed, closing a bit of the space between the two of you that he had purposely left before. “I mean I know I’m kinda hot…But I’m not that hot,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“If there’s staring at us because someone is hot, then they’re obviously looking at Y/N,” Namjoon teased, crossing his arms.

You opened your mouth to combat his statement but there was suddenly a small group of teenage girls grouped before the three of you. You looked over at Yoongi, confused.

“Are you guys Suga & Rap Monster?” one tall girl asked, smiling so hard it looked like it probably hurt her face.

“Yeah, are you?” another one asked before anyone physically had a chance to answer.

“Yeah? What she said! Suga? RapMon?” Yet another girl piped up.

The three of you turned your heads, looking at each other with confused expressions before Namjoon took the initiative to answer the questions.

“Um…Yes…?”

“We knew it!” one girl called out, seemingly celebrating

“Oh my gosh Sarah is gonna be so jealous!”

“But honestly, they’re not as cute in person,” The tall girl smacked her gum, and your eyes widened at her ridiculous comment.

“Excuse me?” you started, but Yoongi’s hand was the clasped around yours, silently telling you to stop.

“How do know who we are?” Namjoon asked, his voice still polite even though the bratty girls didn’t deserve the kindness.

“Didn’t you know? Someone at the concert recorded a video of you and Suga. BigBang’s official twitter retweeted it and it’s going viral,” the tall girl replied, still smacking her gum. You felt yourself twitch with annoyance, at first assuming the girl was making everything up.

“Wait, what?” Yoongi said, his face serious now. “But we only performed like 20 minutes ago.”

“Oh, Suga. You really don’t know anything, do you? Anything can go viral in 20 minutes,” she replied in a bored tone before spitting her gum out on the sidewalk.

“Come on girls, these guys can rap but they’re kind of dumb. Oh, and RapMon, I think you should lose some weight if you’re going to become a K-Idol. Toodles,” the tall girl said as she began walking away, her pack of disgusting followers in tow.

“I’ll fight her,” You exclaimed, blood boiling at the way she had just barged in and insulted your boyfriend and his coworker. “I WILL FIGHT THEM!”

“Y/N, stop,” Yoongi attempted to calm you down, but it was no use.

“Who do they think they are? You guys aren’t objects! They can’t just tell you to your face that “you’re not that cute” or that “you need to lose weight”! Are they even human?!” You shouted, growing angrier by the second.

Namjoon just stood there and Yoongi let go of your arm.

“I’m serious! Namjoon, you have some of the biggest abdominal muscles I’ve ever seen for crying out loud! And Yoongi! You are a thousand times more attractive in person, and picture and video of you doesn’t even do your beauty justice!”

Suddenly, Namjoon was laughing, and Yoongi was laughing right along with him. Your eyebrows furrowed, confused and mad that they were laughing at you while you were so upset.

“What are you laughing for?” You asked in a small voice, now embarrassed about your extreme defensiveness of them.

“I’m flattered that you think I have “the biggest abdominal muscles you’ve ever seen for crying out loud,” he chuckled, “But I’m not worried about those girls.”

“What?”

“Y/N, didn’t you hear what they told us?” Yoongi laughed, smiling at you.

“What? The part where she called you guys ugly or the part where she called you fat?” you snapped, irritating at them both.

“Y/N. A video of Namjoon and I has gone viral on twitter. And BigBang noticed us. Don’t you know how big of a deal that is? We haven’t even debuted and it seems like we already have fans,” Yoongi grinned, explaining why him and Namjoon weren’t phased by the girls’ rude comments.

“Oh,” you said, absorbing his words and the reality of this situation really meant.

Namjoon giggled, “I think Bang PD is going to be very pleased.”

“You’re right about that,” Yoongi agreed, and the three of you began walking again. And while you still had the occasional set of eyes follow you, no one else came up and invaded your peace or privacy.

Conversation was light at the bingsu place as it was mostly just Namjoon asking you questions about your life and plans for after University. He also asked a few basic questions about you and Yoongi’s relationship; such as where did you both meet, when did you start dating, etc. But you had a rather strong feeling that he probably already knew the answers to the majority of those questions. Namjoon was acting like he already knew you, and you figured that meant Yoongi had done quite a bit of talking about you. Boys have to express their feelings too.

Yoongi was quiet, but he didn’t seem upset or angry. He seemed to be pondering over a lot of things so you just let him be.

On the walk back, however, Namjoon ended up calling his mother on the phone to tell her the news, leaving you and Yoongi walking alone, a little ways behind him. The streets had mostly cleared by the time you were walking back, so there weren’t any prying eyes, which you were grateful for.

“Y/N,” he began, and your heart dropped as you prepared yourself for what you assumed was going to be a hard conversation. “First of all, I just want to say that I’m really sorry for the way I acted this week. It was selfish and immature, and I know I was sending you way too many mixed signals.”

“Okay,” you said quietly, waiting for him to continue.

“I’ve just had so much on my mind, and I’ve been scared of a lot of things lately. I think between the stress of everything that happened with Stevens and my conversation with Bang PD, all my fears and worries kind of built up and overwhelmed me all at the same time. I’m not using that as an excuse for my behavior, I just want you to understand where I was coming from,” he continued, not making eye contact with you. It was a telltale sign that he really was sorry.

“You said before that Bang PD gave you an out with your contract if you wanted. And you said you needed to consider all of the things you’d be giving up if you debuted.”

Yoongi nodded, “Yes…And I’ve thought those things over.”

“And?”

“It doesn’t matter now anyway, because I’ve just become famous,” he said, his voice suddenly sadder than it was earlier. He wasn’t piping with excitement about the news of the viral twitter video anymore.

“Why do you look sad about it? Did you decide last minute that you didn’t want this?” You asked, fear rising in your chest. Because now, you were no longer mad at Yoongi. You understand that he had a lot on his mind, and he had apologized for his behavior. There was no need to hold a grudge. But now, your heart ached for him as you feared the worst. You feared that he had decided to terminate his contract, and now that choice had been ripped from him completely.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to debut…I was just worried about…Us,” he finished, grimacing as if he didn’t want to admit that, but he didn’t want to lie anymore.

“What does that mean?” you asked, your voice more scared than defensive.

“I was scared that after I debuted you’d eventually break up with me because of hard it’s all going to be…” he trailed off again.

“Why would I do that?” you demanded, angry again now that he assumed so much without even talking to you. Was this why he’d been so distant for any entire week?

“Because I don’t think you understand how hard it’s really go to be with everyone knowing my name. What just happened with those girls back there, that kind of stuff will happen all the time,” He argued, the both of you finally stopping your stride to continue talking. “I’m going to be away a lot. People will recognize me in public. It’s going to be different-“

“Stop! Just stop!” You cut him off, “Do you really think that little of me? That I’m going to run off and leave you behind because of all that? You really think that I don’t even want to try?”

“Stop putting words in mouth! I didn’t say that you didn’t want to try this, but I’m saying that I don’t think you understand how difficult it’s going to be! I was just worried I was going to lose you! I’m human, okay?! I get insecure too!” He yelled at you for the first time ever. And you were shocked. Blinking slowly, you took several seconds to form a response.

“Yoongi…I-I’m not just going to walk away from all of this. Not after everything we’ve been through to get this far…I don’t want that to be something that you’re afraid of,” you said, face becoming wet when you hadn’t even realized that tears had brimmed in your eyes in the first place. “I want this to work,” you cried, “I want us to work.”

Nodding, Yoongi’s eyes became soft and understanding as he pulled you against him.

“I want us to work too,” he murmured into your ear, arms around you in a noticeably gentle manner.

“A-Are you s-sure you c-can deal w-with it all?” you mumbled against his chest, the words coming out in stutters.

“Y/N,” he had never said your name with such intensity before. He pulled away from the hug, your face then in his hands. “I don’t want all of this if it means I don’t have you.”

And before you could reply, the two of you were kissing. It had only been a week since his lips had last been on yours, but that one hardly counted. You couldn’t think of the last time you had shared a kiss like this with someone, if you had ever shared a kiss like this with anyone.

This kiss was desperate, unlike all of the other cute ones you’d shared with him. This one felt like you were the last person he was ever going to get to kiss, and he was putting his all into it. This one wasn’t sweet and gentle and calming. This one was a bit rougher, a bit more careless.

And you were aware that Namjoon was probably awkwardly standing down the street behind the two of you, waiting for your session of PDA to be over with. And you knew that Bang PD was probably waiting on them get back. And you knew that maybe you should’ve thought of all of this through and peruse the slightly possibility that perhaps Min Yoongi was bad for you.

But, you kissed him back anyway. The damage was done. The decision was made.

You were in for the long haul on this one, whether you liked it or not.

14] you get my eyes

~YOONGI’S POV~

“I hate to break up this emotional love fest, but Yoongi, I just got a text from Bang PD. He wants us to meet him at the office,” Namjoon called out, waving his phone in the air. Unfortunately, all that waving caused it to slip right out of his hand and fall on the sidewalk, leaving Namjoon cursing as he scrambled to pick it up and assess the damage.

Yoongi finally stepped away from you, unable to stop smiling. If it hadn’t have been for Namjoon’s interruption, he might have stood there and continued to kiss you until morning came. Because finally, he felt better about everything. Obviously, the future was unknown and anything could happen, but for now, there was clarity. And because he’d finally been honest, he felt incredibly relieved. He didn’t need to avoid you anymore while he tried to work through his own issues. Now, if the two of you could just be honest with each other from here on it, nothing could get in your way.

“I’ll just leave from here,” You smiled back at him.

“I’d rather you not walk alone,” Yoongi said uneasily, “Why don’t you just come back to the office with us and I’ll take you home after?”

“Are you sure that’s okay? Sounds like you’re having a meeting,” You shifted.

“It’ll be fine. I doubt it’ll take long, anyway. Bang PD is a pretty easy-going guy,” Yoongi reassured you, sliding an arm around your shoulders, “Let’s go.”

“Guys, I think I just killed my phone,” Namjoon called out in a cry, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s gotta hurt,” Yoongi chuckled, leaving Namjoon scowling at him.

The three of you walked back to the BigHit office within about 15 minutes time. Yoongi couldn’t keep his eyes off you, that whole way back. He was just so happy. And to feel that happy for once felt pretty good.

|||||

~YOUR POV~

“I’ve been informed by my assistant that a video of you two has gone viral on Twitter! Isn’t that great?!” Bang PD exclaimed.

Yoongi and Namjoon were standing inside their studio, talking with Bang PD while you were hiding in the doorway. You tried to stay in the foyer to wait for them, but Yoongi insisted that there was no reason for you to stay out there alone. For some reason, being around his boss made you feel nervous and on-edge. You kind of assumed that people like Bang PD had it out for significant others of their artists; relationships almost always produced bad press.

“Yes, Sir! We’re very excited,” Namjoon replied. You couldn’t see Yoongi’s facial expression from where you were standing, but he sounded happy when he said, “Yes, we are!”

“Good work tonight, boys. Make sure you’re here early on Monday. I’m bringing in another rapper that I want you both to meet. His name is Jung Hoseok. Make him feel welcome, yeah?” Bang PD explained, leaving both Yoongi and Namjoon nodding in agreement.

You left the doorway then, running back down to the foyer area as you were too scared to talk to Bang PD just yet. Yoongi and Namjoon met you there just a few minutes later.

“That went well,” Yoongi breathed in relief as they walked up to you. “Why’d you run off?”

“I got nervous,” you admitted shyly, looking down at the floor.

“Ah, don’t worry about Bang PD. He’s a nice man,” Namjoon waved off your comment, reaching for his phone but then frowning, seemingly remembering that he had just shattered it. “Well, I don’t know about you two, but I’m exhausted. So, I’m going to go. Y/N, it was nice to meet you. Yoongi, good job tonight.” Namjoon smiled, then waved, and was off.

“He seems like a cool guy,” you offered, you and Yoongi starting on the trek back to your dorm.

“Honestly, yeah. He’s cool. But, brutally honest,” he said, taking his hand in yours once walking on the sidewalk.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s already talked some sense into me and I haven’t even known him for a whole week yet,” Yoongi admitted, squeezing your hand gently.

“What? Did he talk some sense into you about me?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe.”

“What did he say?” you were curious now, but also laughing on the inside. You had a hunch that he’d been discussing the relationship with Namjoon.

“That I wasn’t being fair. That I needed to clear things up.”

“Namjoon is one smart cookie,” You chuckled.

“Oh, trust me, he hurt my feelings though,” Yoongi replied, smiling a little bit.

“He hurt your feelings?”

“It hurt because everything he said was right. I was in the wrong and he let me know it.”

“Sounds like a good friend to me.”

Yoongi shrugged, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

You glanced down at your hand that was intertwined with his, “I mean, look where his advice got us.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but smile, echoing your words, “Namjoon is one smart cookie.” His words were light and carefree, unburdened. He really seemed happy. And that made you happy.

“Min Yoongi,” you said suddenly. He seemed surprised, looking over at you.

“Hm?” He questioned, an eyebrow raised.

“I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

“For making it this far.”

And then he blushed, thanked you, kissed you, and walked you the rest of the way home.

|||||

~YOONGI’S POV~

“Are you nervous about meeting the new guy?” Yoongi asked as Namjoon was cleaning up the studio.

“Dude, we gotta start throwing our trash away more often,” Namjoon seemed a bit frazzled, trying to make the studio somewhat presentable before Hoseok arrived. He had already gathered Styrofoam ramen cups, empty cartons of banana milk, and several Hi-Chew wrappers.

“You’re totally nervous, aren’t you?” Yoongi chuckled, leaning back in his chair, relaxed.

“You know, you could help me clean up,” Namjoon grumbled, tossing everything in the trash.

“Hey, chill out. What are you so worried about?”

“I just don’t want to make a bad first impression, especially if we’re about to be stuck working with this guy,” Namjoon sighed, sitting down in beside Yoongi.

“I wonder why Bang PD has been bringing people in lately. First it was me, then you, now Hoseok. Who’s next? I mean, what’s his plan here?” Yoongi wondered aloud, combing through various possibilities within his mind.

“Honestly? I think he’s trying to form a group,” Namjoon popped a piece of gum in his mouth before holding out the box, offering Yoongi a piece.

“A whole boy group? How does he think we could even being to compete with those bigger companies? SM? JYP? We can’t stand against groups trained by those companies. If we debuted as solo rappers, then maybe…” Yoongi trailed off, unwrapping his own piece of gum.

“That’s not true though, because you and I have gained popularity online. If we fan that flame and keep it alive while Bang PD is putting the group together, it’s not impossible-“

Namjoon was cut off by soft knocking on the door.

“That must be him.”

Rising from his chair hesitantly, Yoongi went over and opened the door. Standing outside of it was none other than Bang PD himself, and a cheerful looking boy beside him.

“Boys, good morning! This is the other rapper I was telling you about, Jung Hoseok. Hoseok, this is Yoongi and Namjoon,” Bang PD grinned, and Hoseok bowed politely. He didn’t necessarily seem uncomfortable; he looked more shy than anything.

After a few more awkward introductions, Bang PD announced that he wanted a repeat of what had happened last week.

“What do you mean a repeat?” Yoongi asked.

“You know how you and Namjoon worked together all last week, and then performed on Saturday? The same thing is happening this week, except we’re adding Hoseok to your group,” Bang PD explained.

Hoseok smiled awkwardly, “I look forward to making music with you both.”

“Great!” Bang PD shouted, “I’ll check in later!” And then he left, leaving Namjoon and Yoongi having a strange face-off with Hoseok.

“Um, welcome to the team!” Namjoon awkwardly chuckled, trying to break the awkward silence.

“I think you might be right, Joon,” Yoongi said suddenly.

“Hm? About what?”

“Bang PD really is trying to make us into a boy group.”

|||||

~YOUR POV~

“What do you mean Bang PD is trying to make you guys into a boy group?” You asked through a mouthful of animal crackers.

“How can you stand to eat the kind with no icing?” Namjoon shivered, shaking his head in disgust.

“Yeah, Y/N you know how I feel about you, but plain animal crackers are terrible,” Yoongi piped in, leaving Namjoon nodding in agreement.

“Can you two stop judging my snack habits and answer the question?” you rolled your eyes, popping a few more crackers in your mouth just to irritate them. It was Wednesday afternoon, and Yoongi had invited you to come hang out in the studio while him and Namjoon worked on the instrumental mix for their new song. Hoseok was required an extra Wednesday dance class because Bang PD saw “extra potential” in him, so it was just you, Namjoon, and Yoongi for the meanwhile.

“Yeah, Joon has a theory that Bang PD is going to keep bringing other people for us to work with, and eventually form a boy group,” Yoongi finally answered the question.

“A group of how many members?”

“Oh, who knows. This hasn’t even been confirmed; it’s just a hunch,” Yoongi shrugged his shoulders, getting up from his spot at the computer beside Namjoon to come and sit down beside you on the tiny couch.

“How’s your homework coming?” He asked, nodding toward the abundant amount of papers that were scattered across the coffee table.

“Umm…” You trailed off, not wanting to admit to him that you hadn’t gotten one bit of studying done since you had arrived. Too bad that Yoongi caught on anyway.

“Y/N, I’m going to stop inviting you here if you can’t focus,” he chuckled, looking over all the worksheets you had that were still blank.

“No! It’s fine, I’ll get it done,” you said at a little bit more forcefully than you meant to, leaving you blushing slightly.

“I know, I’m pretty distracting, right?” he smirked. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you found yourself smiling instead.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he said playfully, so much so, that you forgot Namjoon was less than five feet away.

“If you guys are going to make out, can you do it somewhere else? I saw enough of that on Saturday night. And I’d rather eat all those animal crackers than listen to you flirt any longer,” Namjoon let out an exasperated sigh, clicking away on the computer.

“Rude,” Yoongi threw a pillow at the back of Namjoon’s head. “And I was going to ask you to be best man at our wedding.”

You knew he was joking, but the phrase “our wedding” caught you off guard. Yoongi apparently had noticed how you’d become frozen in the moment, likely blushing like crazy.

Yes, you were in love with Yoongi. That much was obvious. And while you two were serious about each other, “I love you’s” had never been exchanged. And sure, you had thought about a future with him many times. But as his life kept changing, the image for your future with him kept changing as well.

The prospect of marrying Yoongi had been something that you had entertained on more than one occasion, but hearing him say something like that, even in a joking matter, made you feel a lot of feelings.

“Sad, because I would be the perfect best man after hearing all of your complaining and seeing you cry about her,” Namjoon spun around on his chair, throwing the pillow back at Yoongi.

“Wait, you cried?” You snapped out of your daze filled with Yoongi-Husband thoughts. “So you really were crying on the phone!” You accused.

“Well…um,” Yoongi awkwardly scratched the back of his head just as he had the first day you met him.

��Don’t even try to deny it,” Namjoon said before turning his gaze to you, “Tears everywhere. Complete waterworks.”

“You’re so cute,” you gushed, playfully hitting Yoongi on the arm.

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

You could tell he was embarrassed, but you cuddled up next to him anyway, “I can’t believe you really cried over me.”

“Stop,” he groaned, rolling his eyes, leaving Namjoon cackling from his chair. A phone sounded.

“Hey, Hoseok just texted and said he’s on his way back from dance practice. You two might want to break off the cuddle party. We’re risking running him off,” Namjoon called out.

And even though Yoongi was being grumpy and Namjoon was teasing you and you hadn’t finished any of the homework that was due tomorrow, you were incredibly content and happy that day.

Because finally, for once, things seemed to be going well. Everything was on the right track.

For now, anyway.

15] icing on the cake

~YOONGI’S POV~

“Y/N, are you okay?” Yoongi asked, looking over his shoulder from where he sat at the computer with Namjoon and Hoseok. You were hunched over the coffee table in the studio, hands covering your face.

“I’m fine,” you said, the sound coming out muffled. Not believing you, Yoongi got up and stretched before making his way over to you.

It was the following Monday night after the rap concert with Hoseok. More videos were posted online, and it seemed that popularity was growing every day. Yoongi had started to think that maybe Namjoon was right; maybe they would be able to debut successfully.

Since everything at the concert had gone well with Hoseok, Bang PD was very pleased, and said that he wanted Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok to continue producing together. Yoongi and Namjoon were surprised when Bang PD hadn’t announced, “Surprise, here’s yet another new person to work with!”

Luckily, Yoongi and Namjoon actually really liked working with Hoseok. He was a positive presence to be around, and he worked really hard.

“C’mon, what is it?” he asked again, sitting down beside you and gently pulled your hands off of your face.

“I’m not going to be able to pass this test,” you groaned in frustration.

“What test?”

“My last final exam. You know, the one I need to take tomorrow and pass so I can graduate University on Friday? Ugh, I’m done for,” you complained, covering your face with your hands again.

“Uh oh, Y/N needs a pick-me-up. I’ll be right back,” Hoseok said suddenly, running out of the room.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re a good test taker,” Yoongi reminded you, reaching out to once again hold your hands.

“There’s just so much pressure on this test, and it’s really stressing me out. I’m one more problem away from ripping my hair out,” you complained, leaning back into the couch, seemingly giving up.

“Okay, look. You can’t be that negative. You’re just going to psych yourself out even more,” Namjoon suddenly butted in, removing his headphones. “I can hear your freaking out even over the music.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, and Yoongi laughed.

“Joon is right, Y/N. Overthinking it is just going to stress you out even more. Have some confidence. You’ve had some of the highest grades in your entire department this year, right?” Yoongi tried to convince you, his voice gentle.

“Yeah, you’re right.” You sighed.

“So, study a little bit more and then stop. Make sure you get a good night of sleep, eat breakfast before you go in the morning and you’ll be fine,” he replied. He would usually hate seeing you this stressed out, but he really believed that you would do fine on the test. In fact, he actually thought it was a bit cute how worried you are for something he knew you were well equipped for.

Hoseok entered the room again, waving around a bag of Skittles, “I thought something sweet might cheer you up,” he grinned, handing it over to you.

“Thanks, Hoseok,” you smiled, and Yoongi did too. He appreciated how Namjoon and Hoseok had immediately accepted you, treating you well and with kindness.

“Oh, but you’re not allowed to share them with Yoongi. I know how he is with snacks,” Hoseok snickered.

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “I’ve known you for a whole week, and I’ve only stolen ONE banana milk.”

“Yoon,” Namjoon called out, turning from the computer again.

“Yeah?”

“I was going to ask, why hasn’t Y/N invited us to her graduation yet?” Namjoon chuckled, raising an eyebrow at you.

Yoongi turned and looked at you, “That’s actually a good question.”

“I wasn’t going to give you guys the invitations until I passed my last exam,” you admitted a bit shyly, shifting uncomfortably beside Yoongi.

“Are you really that unconfident about doing well?” Hoseok seemed concerned, his face contorting into a frown.

“Maybe?” You grimaced slightly, ripping open the bag of skittles.

“That’s right, eat those Skittles. Candy makes everything better; that’s my life motto. Candy also makes me have to go the gym more; that’s my second life motto,” Hoseok said, eliciting a laugh from you.

“Well, since all of us except for you feel confident about your test, why don’t you go ahead and give us those invitations?” Namjoon proposed the idea, and you complied, reaching into your backpack.

“One for you,” you said, passing the card to Yoongi. “One for you, and one for you,” you said, getting up to give Namjoon and Hoseok their invitations.

Yoongi opened his card, overlooking the printed “You’re Invited” message, and looking on to the handwritten message at the bottom.

Yoon-

Thanks for helping me get through this school year. We’ve had many ups and downs, but I’ll always be grateful for the day you showed up at Youth & Impulse looking like a scared puppy. We’ve both come so far since then, and I would be really happy if you would come to my University graduation ceremony.

~Y/N <3

A smile spread across Yoongi’s face as you sat back down beside him on the couch. “Thanks babe,” he said quietly, giving you an extremely quick kiss on the lips.

“How many times am I going to be forced to see you guys kiss?” Namjoon complained.

“Well, technically, no one is forcing you,” You replied with sass that caught everyone off guard.

“I agree with Y/N,” Yoongi smirked.

“C’mon, Joon. I think they’re cute,” Hoseok gushed, tossing you two a smile so big it caused his face to scrunch up.

“So, you’re all going to come on Friday, right?” you asked, changing the subject from kissing before things became any more awkward.

“I’ll be there,” Namjoon waved his hand, slipping his headphones back on and facing toward the computer.

“Me too,” Hoseok nodded.

“And I’ll obviously be there,” Yoongi smiled at you, sneaking one more kiss while Namjoon wasn’t looking.

“Obviously.”

|||||

~YOUR POV~

You had successfully passed your final exam, as the boys previously tried to convince you that you would, you were on track and ready for graduation. It was a surreal feeling; to finally be graduating after so much time and work you had put in while being on campus. But, in another way, it felt good. You had accomplished something huge, and you were proud of yourself for that. You were proud of yourself for continuing on, even throughout all of the drama and issues in your personal life.

And fortunately, Stevens was feeling up to attending your graduation as well. You were so happy you didn’t have to have the awkward boyfriend introduction conversation with him, seeing he had known Yoongi for practically just as long as you had.

The boys arrived to the event hall early so that you had some time to see them and help get them to their seats before graduation began. You tried your hardest not to stare as they walked through the door, though, because they had come in practically looking like models.

You had seen Yoongi in nice clothes from his time at Youth & Impulse, but there was something about the way he looked with a full suit and jacket on that you feel a little weak in the knees.

And you had never seen Namjoon or Hoseok in anything other than glittery outfits and street clothes. To see them both in formal suits made you realize how attractive they really were. To see Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok all looking that fine and walking together was definitely an experience.

The funny part was, you weren’t the only one who noticed their beauty. Several eyes were on them as they walked in, you met them in the middle of the aisle.

“You look beautiful,” Yoongi greeted you, grinning and leaning in to modestly kiss you on the cheek.

“Thanks for coming,” you said looping your arm with his. “Thank you, guys, for coming as well,” you nodded at both Hoseok and Namjoon with a smile.

“Happy to be here!” Hoseok smiled back, seemingly giddy as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Bro, do you need to pee or something?” Namjoon asked.

“I’m just excited. This is exciting!” Hoseok defended himself, shooting a frown at Namjoon.

“Do you guys want me to show you to your seats?” You interrupted before Namjoon and Hoseok had the chance to get into a full-fledged argument about being “too excited.”

“Sure,” Yoongi agreed, and you led them to their seats. Just as you all arrived, Stevens had too. He must have entered from the opposite door.

“Stevens! I hope you don’t mind, but I have you sitting with Yoongi and some of our friends,” you exclaimed, happy to see him. You knew you should’ve been going to see him more in the past few weeks, but your visits had been few between school and all of the prior drama with Yoongi.

“No problem at all. Yoongi, great to see you again,” Steven’s grinned, momentarily letting go of a crutch to shake his hand.

“Good to see you again too, Sir. I’ve missed seeing you around. Uh, Namjoon, Hoseok, this is Stevens. Y/N’s uncle, and my boss at the café,” Yoongi introduced them, and Stevens shook their hands as well.

“Nice to meet you, boys,” Stevens said politely before you helped him sit down.

“You too, Sir,” Hoseok smiled, his dimples showing.

“Yes, you as well,” Namjoon nodded.

“So, you guys can sit here, and maybe after we can all go out for dinner or something?” you offered, hopeful.

“Sounds good to me,” Yoongi shrugged, sitting down beside Stevens.

“Count me in,” Namjoon complied, taking a seat next to Yoongi.

“Wait, but Y/N?” Hoseok seemed confused about something.

“What is it?”

“What about the rest of your family? Your Mom? Dad?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. You were quiet for a moment, shocked by the question, and also unsure of how to answer it. Yoongi immediately jumped to your defense.

“Yah, shut up! What’s with all the questions anyway?” Yoongi waved him off and Hoseok gulped, nodded, and sat down. He was frowning slightly, and his feelings seemed hurt even though he wasn’t admitting it.

“It’s okay, Hoseok,” you forced a smile, trying to reassure him because he honestly hadn’t done anything wrong, “This is it. Just you guys and Stevens.”

He nodded, not saying anything else.

“Well, I uh have to get going. It’s going to start soon,” you said, and then left.

The entire ceremony went by much faster than you were previously expecting it to. You were gleaming with pride and excitement as you accepted your diploma, feeling incredibly accomplished and slightly embarrassed- Namjoon, Hoseok, and Yoongi were making a rather large amount of noise from their intense cheering to say the least. Nonetheless, you were happy, and happy that they were proud of you too.

Someone must’ve left after you had walked to go and by you some flowers, because after the ceremony was over, they were all holding four individual bouquets, handing them to you all at once.

“Guys, this gesture is very sweet, but I can’t hold all of these,” you chuckled, heart soaring and filled with more love than ever.

After taking an insane number of photos and saying goodbye to a few fellow classmates, you were ready for a nice dinner out with the four of them. But, Stevens decided to leave early as he was really getting tired. He encouraged you to go have fun with the boys anyway and to not worry about him. Reluctantly, he agreed.

“I know a good place, and it’s not far from here,” Namjoon offered once you were all outside and ready to walk to dinner. Yoongi carrying your heels for you as your feet hurt and you were tired of being taller than him.

“Lead the way,” you agreed. The sun was just going down and the weather was amazing outside; everything just felt blatantly right.

Then, the first group of fans came up to the boys. It didn’t bother you at first; they were nice, and just wanted a few quick photos before being on their way.

And then, the second group came. They were just as nice as the first, and the boys treated them with kindness. So, you were fine with it. They were attractive boys who were rising to stardom.

And a third group came. Three different groups of fans interrupted you guys before you had even made it off the first street. But, you forced a smile. It was okay. This is who Yoongi was. This is who his friends were. Yoongi was apologetic to you about the interruptions on a night that was supposed to be at you, but you waved him off. It wasn’t his fault.

But then, finally as you guys were comfortably settled in the restaurant, something else happened.

“You know, Y/N, I just wanted to say I’m really proud of you. Graduating is a huge accomplishment, and you’ve worked really hard to get here-“Yoongi was saying sweetly before there were 5 girls suddenly beside the booth.

“Are you Suga?”

“Rap Monster?”

“J-Hope?”

And that’s when Yoongi really got mad.

16] forever isn’t for everyone

~YOUR POV~

“Are you Suga?

“Rap Monster?

“J-Hope?”

You sighed, looking down into your drink while you waited for them to finish speaking with the fans. If you were being honest with yourself, you were frustrated. But not with Yoongi, or Namjoon, or Hoseok, or even the fans necessarily. You were frustrated about the interruptions, and it frustrated you that it frustrated you. You and Yoongi had already had a long-drawn out argument about the changes that were coming due to his career. And he had already warned you about this. And you had already made up with him about it.

It wasn’t fair for you to get mad now. So, you didn’t get mad.

But Yoongi did.

“Who’s the girl?” One asked, raising an eyebrow while reaching for her phone.

“Yeah, is it a girlfriend?”

You shifted uncomfortably beside Yoongi, the whole situation spiraling to a place in which you didn’t want it to go.

“Can’t you all tell we’re kind of in the middle of something here?” Yoongi snapped, eyes narrowing at the group of girls.

“Yoon,” Namjoon said in disbelief, smiling apologetically at the fans.

The girl that had reached for her phone was raising it, seeming like she was trying to take a picture of you. Yoongi scoffed, moving so that you could practically hide behind him.

“It’s rude to interrupt people when they’re clearly in the middle of dinner. And it’s even worse to take pictures of people without permission to do so,” Yoongi continued. You watched as the tips of his ear grew red and his whole face become flushed. He really was mad.

“Yoongi,” Hoseok said through gritted teeth.

“O-Oh. We’re s-sorry,” one of the girls stuttered, hurt spreading across her face as she motioned for the other girls to move. They began walking away.

“Why did you have to do that?” Namjoon mumbled, getting up from the booth, Hoseok following. You turned your head, watching as they rushed over to console the fans. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you assumed that they were apologizing on Yoongi’s behalf, offering the girls hugs and photos.

You turned back around, sighing, and glancing over at Yoongi who hadn’t said anything else.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you said quietly, feeling overwhelmed and guilty that he had lashed out because of you.

“I know,” he nodded slowly. You couldn’t read his expression, couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Maybe you should go apologize to those girls,” you suggested. He looked down, ears still red.

“They were the ones being rude. Do you want your pictures plastered all over the internet?!”

“I mean not really, but you didn’t have to be so rude to them…Reputation matters for a career like yours,” you reminded him gently and he nodded, jaw slightly clenching.

But then Namjoon and Hoseok were returned, sitting back down in their seats.

“You’re lucky we caught them before they left. You made one of them cry. Great way to treat your fan base, isn’t it?” Namjoon scolded Yoongi.

“Look, we’ve been interrupted since the second we left graduation. I dealt with it on the streets, but inside a restaurant? Taking pictures of Y/N? Do people not realize that we’re actual humans?! Does that not bother you guys at all?” Yoongi exclaimed, clearly growing angry. You weren’t sure if you had ever seen him quite this mad.

“I get that, okay? They were out of line, but the fans always have to come first. Especially while we’re pre-debut. What would you have done if one of them had recorded that whole interaction and posted it online?!” Namjoon shot back.

“They weren’t recording anything!”

“You don’t know that. You can’t be this careless, or our debut is never going to be successful. And Bang PD is going to blame you for that, and so will I. You are accountable for not only the image of yourself and this group, but also for BigHit Entertainment,” Namjoon argued. Hoseok was silent, and you were too. What was there to say? Fact was, Namjoon was right, but you knew Yoongi had only been trying to protect you.

“This night was supposed to be about Y/N!” Yoongi said angrily, clearly not planning to back down to Namjoon anytime soon.

“And it would’ve been if you would’ve just give those fans your autograph and shut up about it!”

“Namjoon- “Hoseok tried to intervene, but his efforts were rendered unsuccessful.

“I’m serious, Yoongi! You can’t do crap like that!” Namjoon was full on shouting, and now people around the restaurant were looking at them.

“Can you guys keep it down?” You said through gritted teeth, tossing them both irritated glances.

“Why do you think you have the right to talk to me that way?” Yoongi spit back, now far angrier than you had ever seen him.

“I told you from the beginning that if we’re going to work together, I’m always going to be honest. You’re acting stupid, so I’m calling you out for it just like I did when you were crying to me about Y/N! You were being selfish then, and you’re being selfish now. Everyone can see that but you!”

“Don’t bring me into this-“Hoseok was interrupted again.

“You know what? I’m getting sick of you always telling me what to do. You aren’t my boss, Namjoon! You aren’t my father! You aren’t even older than me! Have some freaking respect!” Yoongi scoffed.

Now you were growing angry at them all. Instead of just letting it go so you all could have a nice night together, they continued to blow it out of proportion; all the way into a full-fledged fight that everyone in the restaurant was watching.

And someone was filming it.

“Guys, shut up!” You screamed, catching both Yoongi and Namjoon so off guard that they actually followed your instruction.

“This was supposed to be fun. And now you’re all screaming about each other’s faults, and guess what! That guy over there is filming it,” you jabbed your hand in the direction of the guy who was filming the interaction on his phone. He gulped, slipping his phone back in his pocket.

“Y/N,” Yoongi began, his voice already changing from angry to apologetic.

“All I wanted was one evening out with all of you to celebrate. This last year has been really freaking hard, and I just wanted to celebrate how far we’ve all come. And what do you all do? Act like a bunch of middle schoolers!” You snapped, really mad now.

“We’re not acting like middle schoolers, okay?! This is a big deal!” Namjoon was standing up to, causing a chain reaction to where all of you were standing now, angry.

“You fixed it! You told him what he did wrong! Now back off! And Yoongi, is it really necessary to argue with him over everything?! Why can’t you both admit your faults and let it go?!” You knew your face must’ve been turning red at that point.

That finally shut them up, momentarily stunning both Yoongi and Namjoon.

“You know what? I think I’m just going to go home,” you sighed, the anger draining out and being replaced with annoyance and disappointment.

“Y/N, no. You don’t have to leave,” Yoongi started softly, shaking his head.

“Yeah, Y/N, I’m sorry,” Namjoon said quietly, seeming sincere.

“I’ll go pay for the bill. Why don’t you guys try asking everyone that was filming to delete the videos,” you mumbled, grabbing your purse and walking to the front desk to sort out the payments.

And just like that, your perfect graduation celebration had completely fallen apart.

|||||

~YOONGI’S POV~

Yoongi was almost stunned for a moment, standing and watching you walk away to take care of the bill. He made a mental note to pay you back for the charges later; he wasn’t about to let you pick of the tab on a dinner that he was responsible for ruining.

“I’m going to talk to the guy that was filming,” Yoongi said quietly, turning before someone caught his arm.

“Let me do it,” Hoseok offered, and Yoongi nodded, slightly relieved. He was already upset, and if that guy had refused to delete the videos, then he might’ve ending making a choice that he would later regret.

“Yoongi…I’m sorry,” Namjoon started, but Yoongi held his hand out, shaking his head.

“Don’t. It’s both our faults.” Truthfully, he was a bit mad at Namjoon for some of his harsh comments, but he was also mad at himself. He knew shouldn’t have treated the fans that way, but he was already so irritated by how many times they had interrupted his time with you already that day. He was irritated that those people can’t seem to see that singers and idols are real people.

And he was scared that it would really bother you. He was worried about you pushing him away again, now that you had really had a taste of what his life was becoming. Because now that you had experienced, you were able to understand how it was just going to progressively get worse. And even though you and Yoongi had already tried to sort through that issues, the incident tonight just resurfaced all of those fears for Yoongi.

That hurt, and ultimately caused him to lash out.

“I didn’t mean for Y/N to get upset like that. I shouldn’t have fought with you about it. I’m sorry if that puts you in a bad position with her,” Namjoon humbly apologized, looking at the ground.

“It’s fine. We’ll work it out. Let’s just go. She wants to go home,” Yoongi said with resolve, walking away from Namjoon and toward the front of the restaurant where you were already making your way out the door.

“Y/N, wait,” Yoongi caught your arm once outside. It was dark now, but there was enough lighting from the streetlamps and the restaurant that you could see each other rather clearly. “I’m really sorry about what just happened. Like, really, really sorry. I was out of line, and I know it. I should’ve just bit my tongue,” Yoongi confessed, hoping and praying for some kind of redemption of this night that had gone so incredibly south.

“I know. I know you were just irritated and jumping to my defense,” You replied quietly, letting out a small sigh.

“I feel like I ruined everything,” he frowned, truly bothered by the way that everything had gone down tonight. This was definitely not the way he had pictured tonight going. “I really wanted tonight to be special for you…And it’s my fault it got messed up.”

You shook your head, taking a step closer to him, “I know your intentions were good.” Your words should’ve made him feel better, but for some reason, they just didn’t. He felt absolutely awful.

“It doesn’t matter what my intentions were…What matters is how I acted. Again, I’m really sorry,” he said once more. Selfishly, he just wanted you to say that everything was okay. He wanted you to say that they should just forget it even happened and go back inside and get dessert. He wanted you to say that you weren’t bothered a bit by what happened, and that it hadn’t impacted the night at all.

He wanted you to say all things so that he would be able to make himself feel better. It was selfish of him, and he knew it. But you didn’t say anything of those things.

“Let me make it up to you?” Yoongi asked once at your door, squeezing your hand lightly.

“Sure,” you nodded, and he couldn’t tell if your smile was forced.

“Congratulations, Y/N. I really am proud of you. Please don’t ever forget that,” he hugged you tightly, and to his surprise, you hugged him back just as tightly.

“Thank you,” you said against his shoulder before he pulled back, resting a warm kiss against your forehead.

It was hard for him to watch you go inside that night, shoulders slumped slightly, your uncomfortable pair of heels in your hands, and your mind a bit more stressed. He wished he could undo that entire dinner. He wished he could promise you that nothing like it would ever happen again.

But he couldn’t.

17] baby, i know it’s not fair

New Message from Yoon: are you free tonight? 6?

New Message to Yoon: sure.

New Message from Yoon: wear something nice. i’ll pick you up :)

New Message to Yoon: see you then :p

|||||

“Min Yoongi, you look hot,” you giggled, reaching out to fix his tie that was a little bit off-centered. It was Monday night and he was picking you up for dinner; the “I’ll make it up to you” dinner. He made it out of dance practice early enough to shower and make himself presentable, and even scored reservations at one of the nicest restaurants in town. These things made you happy, and you knew that he really was trying his best to make up for the fiasco of a dinner on Friday night. And you were looking forward to a nice evening alone with him; it’d been a while since you two had had one.

“Well, thank you very much,” he smirked, “You look quite hot yourself.” And then he winked, and you rolled your eyes.

The two of you took a taxi to the restaurant that night. Yoongi had suggested it, and since you were wearing heels again, you didn’t really see a reason to argue with him. Maybe he was just trying to be nice and save the two of you some time. Maybe it was because it was growing progressively hot outside as spring was bleeding into summer. Or maybe he didn’t want to risk getting stopped on the streets again.

“How was your first day of summer break? What does it feel like to be a legitimate adult now?” he asked once in the back of the taxi, his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Honestly? Incredibly boring,” you replied, “I’m working on packing everything up so I can move to my new apartment.”

“It’s going to be so weird to never walk on that campus again,” he said, suddenly leaning back in the seat a bit awkwardly, seemingly avoiding the window now that the driver had turned onto a main street and was driving rather slowly.

“Yoon, you aren’t that famous yet,” you chuckled at first, but then suddenly, his efforts made you a feel a bit sad for him.

“I’ve been stopped on this street a lot lately,” he said simply, tossing you a weak smile. You squeezed his hand gently, trying to reassure him.

“You know I’m not mad at you about what happened on Saturday, right?” you said suddenly, not even taking the time to think through if you should even say it or not.

“I know,” he murmured, sitting normally in his seat again as the driver turned onto a new road.

“Can’t blame girls for swooning over you,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood again. You wanted to have fun with him tonight, not talk in useless circles filled with apologies.

“What do you mean?” You saw a hint of a grin on the corner of his lips.

“Like I said before, ‘Min Yoongi, you look hot.’”

“You’re too much sometimes, you know that?” he was laughing now, showing off his adorable smile that you didn’t get to see nearly as often as you would’ve liked.

“I know.”

|||||

The seating of the restaurant was mostly outdoors; there were fairy lights, white table cloths, and live instruments being played. The setting was romantic and formal, and at any other time, it might’ve even made you feel a bit nervous. But with Yoongi alongside you, the atmosphere didn’t make you feel nervous; it made you feel elated, and hopeful, and happy, and inspired, and…in love.

“This place is so nice…I love it,” you grinned at him.

A part of you couldn’t help but wonder if he was planning to say those words to you tonight. He pulled out your chair for you, making sure you were comfortable before he sat down as well. As you watched him do those things, you wondered.

You didn’t really doubt that Yoongi felt the same way as you did, not as this point, not after everything the two of you had been through together since you first met. You figured that if he didn’t love you, he would’ve already moved on by now. He wouldn’t have made the great efforts he did to tend to you and comfort you when he had girls lining up for him now. He put up with a lot, and there must’ve been a reason behind that.

You were smiling too much.

“What are you so happy about?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his lips tugging into a smile.

You hid behind your glass of water for a moment, busy taking in the sight of him looking so beautiful. The whole moment just felt so…right. After all the turmoil and issues lately, to sit there and admire him that way again felt better than you could even begin to explain with words.

But perhaps your eyes were conveying those thoughts for you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked softly, slightly tilting his head to the side, looking at you.

“I’m just really happy to be here with you,” you said, and you weren’t even shy about it. That was the truth, and you wanted him to hear it. He reached across the table, holding your hand in his and tracing circles with his thumb over the back of it.

“I’m really happy to be here with you too,” he smiled, and there was a sparkle in his eye, one that you rarely ever saw.

And in that moment, you forgot everything. You forgot all the frustrations, all the worries, all the doubt, and all the fear. You were too wrapped up in the good sides of him, in the good sides that came with the two of you being together. For some unidentifiable reason, you were overwhelmed with how much you loved him, and how much you wanted him. You were caught up in thinking of all the little moments with him; countless late nights at 7-Eleven, walks home from work while he endured the cold because he had given you his jacket, the way his eyes searched for yours in the crowd while he was on stage. How he went to extreme lengths to always make sure you were happy and comfortable.

How he nearly sacrificed his entire dream just to maintain a healthy relationship with you.

You heart hurt, but no so much in a bad way that evening as you sat across from Yoongi wordlessly. It felt full to the brim with adoration and admiration and respect for that boy; so much so that it made your chest hurt. So much so that you needed to get it off your chest.

“Yoongi,” you started. He looked up from the menu, eyes soft.

“Did you decide what you want to get?” he asked.

“Oh, I haven’t looked at the menu yet,” you admitted, face suddenly being overcome with a flush of heat.

“No worries. Get whatever you want,” he smiled, looking back down. His phone rang and he furrowed his eyebrows, seeming irritated by it before he silenced it, going back to reading his menu.

You stared at him for another moment, heart beating faster as you considered the words that you wanted to say. As you considered how real they were finally about to become. The time where you had accidentally confessed them on a bench outside of Youth & Impulse didn’t count, and that seemed like it was years in the past. You had loved him then, that wasn’t a lie. But, it was different now. It was deeper now, more real; it wasn’t just a case of puppy love anymore.

The waitress came over and took both of your orders, and then it was just the two of you again, without a single distraction left.

“Yoongi,” you began again, more nervous than you were before because this time, there would be nothing to stop you from saying it.

He looked at you easily, straight into your eyes, giving you his full attention. He was casually looking at you, but it felt as if he was staring into the depths of your soul. You blushed again, and then blushed some more, knowing that he would notice the way your skin had turned red.

“What is it, Y/N?” he said so softly, in such a comforting way that the words almost just fell out of your mouth. He was looking at you intently now, and the world around you both might as well have stopped.

“These last few months with, Yoongi…T-There have been some bad times, but I-I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the good,” you began shakily, internally cursing yourself for being so nervous to simply confess your true feelings to a man that you loved.

He nodded, silently encouraging you to continue.

“Despite all the negatives, I wouldn’t change a single thing about how the past few months have gone down. Some of it was really hard, but I believe that without going through those rough patches together, we wouldn’t be the same couple,” you continued, gaining a bit more confidence the longer you spoke.

“And I’m so proud of you. So proud of you for everything you’ve done, and how far you’ve come. I have had my eye on you and your talent since the very first song you ever played at Youth & Impulse. I remember thinking, ‘Why isn’t this kid a star?’. I remember seeing you all decked out in street clothes before the first concert I went to with you and thinking, ‘He seems cut out for the Rockstar lifestyle.’ And to finally see you getting the recognition you deserve, getting the success you deserve makes me so incredibly happy…”

His hands were holding yours across the table again; he looked emotional, and you did too.

“I feel so lucky to have met you, Yoongi. I feel lucky that by some miracle, you wanted me too…I feel lucky to be sitting here with you right now…”

You took a deep breath, because now was the time. Now was the time to just out say the three little words you’d been holding in for such a long time. The time was finally right, the setting was right; you could finally say it. The wait was over.

“Yoongi…I lo-“

And then his phone was ringing again, and he was grimacing, “I’m so sorry.” He removed his hand from yours briefly to silence the call before reaching for you again.

“What were you saying?” he asked, clearly apologetic for the interruption. The phone call had thrown you off your game a little bit, but you weren’t upset about it. It wasn’t his fault. The universe just happened to have some wicked timing.

“Like I said, I just feel really lucky to be here with you. And I care about you so much, Yoongi and I just want you to know that-“ His phone went off for the third time, and you sighed. The moment was pretty much ruined, and the perfect timing had pretty much slipped right through your fingers.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve just turned it off,” he said quickly, pulling away from you to reach for his phone again.

“Who is it? Must be important if they keep calling,” you pointed out, suddenly wondering who the repeat caller was, and why they were being so insistent.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Yoongi sighed, clearly frustrated as he unlocked his phone. He paused for a moment, and you could’ve sworn you saw some of the color drain out of his face.

“Who is it?” you asked again, concern was growing rapidly as he hesitated to answer.

“It’s um-I have 3 missed calls from Bang PD,” Yoongi said slowly.

You raised your eyebrows, “Is that a weird thing to happen?”

“He never calls us after hours because he believes so much in resting time,” Yoongi was completely pale now, and you grew even more panicked as you watched him.

“You should go call him back right now,” you insisted.

Yoongi was quiet for another moment before arguing, “No…It’s after work hours, and I’m with you right now.”

“Yoon, I appreciate that but Bang PD probably isn’t someone that you should be ignoring,” you argued straight back, not willing to a reason for him to get in trouble yet again.

“But it’s always getting in the way!” He was frustrated now, and even though you understood where he was coming from, you didn’t want him to get in even more trouble for ignoring the calls.

“Yoongi, please call him back,” you said a bit firmer this time.

“No,” he said flatly, “My career shouldn’t get to dictate my whole life-“

“Yeah, but it does! And someday, you’re going to have to learn to deal with that,” you were growing anxious and irritated that he wouldn’t just return the call. If Bang PD was calling him after hours, then there was probably a good reason.

“I’m sick of this,” he muttered, eyes welling up with tears that caught you completely off guard.

“Of what?” you asked hesitantly.

“Of not just being able to do what I want, or say what I want, or see you when I want without being interrupted, or told not to, or corrected,” he met your eyes then, and the hurt that had been growing there was now blatant.

His phone rang again.

“Answer it, Yoongi,” you said once more, doing the very thing he just told you was sick of; getting told what to, being interrupted, and being corrected all at the same time.

He gave you a hard look before accepting the call, the phone to his ear. The only word he said for the 10 second conversation was “Yes.”

“What’s going on?” you practically demanded out of fear.

The tears that were gaining in Yoongi’s eyes finally spilled over.

“I’m in big trouble, Y/N,” his voice broke. You had never seen him break down like that, give up so easily. And that scared you. You got up from the table then, carefully going over to him. You squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, trying to silent coax the rest of the words out of him.

“What is it, Yoon?” you asked quietly, gently, trying to help him calm down.

“T-The guy at the restaurant on Saturday who was recording…I-I guess he didn’t delete the videos even after Hoseok asked him to…Because Bang PD saw them, and he’s furious.”

18] emotions and paying the rent

~YOONGI’S POV~

“What do you mean the videos didn’t get deleted?” you asked, seemingly panicking just as bad as he was.

Yoongi’s jaw clenched, but his tears kept spilling anyway. “T-There’s videos of my interaction with the fans, and my fight with Namjoon online.”

“B-But I thought you said Hoseok talked to the guy?” you questioned, seemingly not wanting to believe the information you were being given. Yoongi didn’t want to believe it either.

“He did, but the guy must’ve lied about deleting them. And he probably wasn’t the only one recording either. I think our fight drew a lot more eyes that I had thought…Namjoon was right…I should’ve been more careful,” Yoongi’s voice broke again, and he looked down. He hated the fact that he was crying, but he hated the fact that you were there to see it even more. He didn’t like looking weak, especially not in front of you. But, he couldn’t help himself. He was panicking and worried and guilty and frustrated all at the same time; his body’s response to the emotional stress was something that he couldn’t control, no matter how bad he wanted to.

“W-What did Bang PD say?” you asked hesitantly. You squeezed his shoulder again, and he was overcome with another pang of guilt. Another thing had been ruined because of him, and now you were upset too.

“He told me that he saw the videos and then asked if I could come to the office right now, and Y/N, he sounded angry. I’ve never seen him angry like that,” Yoongi said wearily, “I mean, what if he fires me? This is cause enough to get me kicked out of BigHit altogether!” He still wouldn’t meet your eyes. You didn’t need to see them while they were swollen and red and filled with tears.

“Yoongi, calm down,” you attempted to coax him, but it wasn’t any use.

“Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down? I’ve already created bad press for his company, and they haven’t even debuted us yet? How is he supposed to trust me after that?” Yoongi stood up then, feeling the need to pace to keep himself from having a full-blown panic attack.

“I mean he’s a reasonable guy, so maybe he’ll let this slide,” he could tell that you were just blindly reassuring him now, trying to saw anything that would help him calm down. It wasn’t working, and he was growing more frustrated than anything.

“I can’t even defend myself, though! Because everything I was yelling about in the video is what he originally warned me about, don’t you get that? Everything I complained about what was he told me I needed to consider before I accepted the job! But I took the job anyway, and here I am, videos of me screaming about the same dumb stuff on twitter!” He threw his hands up in the air, his voice growing louder and louder with each sentence. With each second that passed, his mind became more confused and overwhelmed with everything. He was at a complete and utter loss.

You were silent for a moment, realizing something, “This is all my fault.”

He sighed out of frustration and agitation, “What are you even talking about?! How could this possibly be your fault?”

“I-I’m the reason that you lashed out at them in the first place. If it hadn’t have been for me then you wouldn’t have been so frustrated with the fans in the first place; it probably would’ve flattered you otherwise!” you exclaimed, now looking like you were going to cry as well.

“Y/N, you’re being ridiculous! I’m a grown man, and I make my own choices. Not everything is about you! Bang PD offered me an out, and I didn’t take it when I should’ve. It’s my fault for not doing that, not yours. I’m the one that got mad at the fans, not you. I’m the one that got in a huge with Namjoon right in the middle of a crowded restaurant, not you!” Yoongi was straining to lower his voice, trying to not attract unwanted attention just like he had on Friday.

“So you really did want out of all of this?”

He met your eyes then, and there was blatant hurt there; whether it was sadness or anger or guilt, he couldn’t tell. He sighed, “Maybe so.”

“Why did you bother with everything then?! Why did you drag our relationship through all of this if you didn’t even want it?!” You were suddenly mad, maybe even furious and your voice was raising.

“If you want to fight with me, fine. But don’t do it here,” he said through a hushed breath. “And you already know that there was a part of me that wanted out; it’s not like that’s new information! I almost gave up my contract before but then the videos of me and Namjoon went viral, so I didn’t really have a choice anymore,” he exclaimed, fighting again to keep his voice quiet.

“But you did have a choice, Yoongi! If that one video was all there ever was of you, it would’ve only taken a few weeks for everyone to forget you,” your arguing really caught him off guard.

“I’m sorry, but who’s side are you on here?” Yoongi scoffed, backing away from you.

“There are no sides here, Yoongi. I just don’t understand why you went through all of this trouble to get to where you are, and then say you wished you would’ve backed out when you had the chance!”

He bit his lip for a moment, eyes dark as they stared into yours for a few moments before he spoke up. “What is that you really want from me, Y/N?”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” you countered, arms crossing.

“You get upset when my work gets in the way, you get upset when I say I don’t want to do this work anymore. You make me feel guilty for working because I’m away from you, but you feel guilty when I don’t work because of you. Then you say you support my music and career, but it makes you sad when I have to make sacrifices for it. No matter what, we can’t win. What is it that you really want?!”

His words apparently silenced you as you digested them, your arms dropping back down to your sides in defeat.

“If you can’t even answer that question, then maybe we have more problems than I previously thought,” Yoongi said quietly, right as the waitress brought over the food, seemingly confused as to why the two of you weren’t sitting at the table.

“We’ll take a check for that now, ma’am,” Yoongi requested without taking his eyes off you. She nodded, leaving almost as quickly as she had arrived.

“I don’t want to keep fighting with you. I feel like all we’ve done for the past month is fight,” you whispered.

He hesitated then, the rawness of the emotion in your voice caused him to second-guess what he had been thinking. Why was all of this so hard? None of it should’ve been this difficult, but it was. And that wasn’t something that two of you could push aside and continue ignoring for any longer.

“M-Maybe we just aren’t good for each other, Y/N. Maybe that’s why we can’t stop fighting.” As soon as he said the words, he was overcome with a flush of regret. But, he couldn’t take those words back now. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t really mean it. Regardless, it hurt him to say the words just as bad as it hurt you to hear them.

You looked at him in disbelief, the clear shock in your eyes sending jolts of pain through his heart.

“Y-Yoongi-“

The waitress was back with the bill now, and Yoongi took a quick glance at it before reaching into his pocket to retrieve his wallet. He left a one-hundred-dollar bill on the table, the untouched food beside it.

“Bang PD is waiting, so I should go,” He resolved quietly as he put his wallet away.

“Are you really going to leave things with us like this?” you challenged him, taking a step closer.

“You’re going to be mad if I stay and mad if I leave anyway. I can’t win. Call yourself a cab and get home safely. Don’t walk,” his words were somehow cold and rigid, all warmth and life that previously occupied him just a short 20 minutes ago completely faded. Because in that moment, he could only handle so much. Something in him broke. Maybe his faith in you had been shattered.

Or maybe it was his faith in himself.

|||||

“Do you the three of you understand how bad this looks?” Bang PD began slowly. He was sitting in his chair, his hands folded on top of his desk. Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon were standing before his desk.

“Yes, Sir,” the three of them said quietly at the same time.

“If the three of you hadn’t already figured it out, I was planning on adding to your group and debuting you as a boy group…” Bang PD pursed his lips.

Yoongi’s blood ran cold at the word “was.”

“Sir, please don’t involve Hoseok in this. He didn’t do anything wrong,” Namjoon spoke up bravely, surprising everyone else in the room.

“Hoseok is in this group too. He could’ve tried to stop the two of you from going at each other like a bunch of immature junior high girls,” Bang PD said sharply, and Namjoon quickly recoiled. Yoongi thought back to your words from that night, “You guys are acting like a bunch of middle schoolers” and winced. And then he thought about everything he had just said to you a few minutes ago, and how you had probably ignored him about the taxi and walked home alone anyway. He winced again.

“You all are definitely not giving me a whole lot of confidence in debuting you,” Bang PD genuinely looked disappointed, and that made Yoongi feel even guiltier than he did before.

“We’re really sorry, Sir. Especially me. Honestly, this whole thing was my fault. I was the one who was short with the fans to begin with,” Yoongi pleaded, not wanting the other two to suffer because he had made a mistake.

“It wasn’t just Yoongi’s fault, though. I’m the one that started blowing it out of proportion and yelling at him for it,” Namjoon countered, defending and protecting Yoongi without a second thought. And for that, Yoongi was incredibly thankful.

“None of that matters, because it’s all of your fault. And now I’ve already paid to fly in a new vocalist, Kim Seokjin to work with you guys! Nonrefundable tickets! He just uprooted his entire life on the hopes to come here and debut with you all. If you three can’t behave yourselves now with the very minimal pressure that you have, how do you expect to perform well under pressure that’s a thousand times greater than this?” Bang PD questioned, sounded angry, but still, disappointed.

The three of them were quiet for a moment.

“That wasn’t a rhetorical question; I’m legitimately asking. How do you think you’re going to be able to handle this?” Bang PD pressed.

“I-I…” Namjoon began before falling flat, “I’m not sure.”

Hoseok looked down at the ground, face now pale, “Me either.”

Yoongi took a breath, “I don’t know either.”

Bang PD’s mouth was set into a hard line, and it was clear that he was considering something. “If anything like this ever happens again, or if I get one more bit of drama from you guys, I’ll replace you all without a second thought. Got it?”

“Yes, Sir.”

19] allergic to the waiting

~YOUR POV~

You sat across from Stevens at the table, hands around your glass of iced coffee.

“What do you look so sad for? Aren’t you excited about Youth & Impulse reopening after a whole month?” Stevens frowned, disappointed at your clear lack of enthusiasm. You took a drink of your coffee, not willing to meet his eyes. Normally, you would’ve been ecstatic for the reopening of the café, but after what happened with Yoongi on Monday night…Not so much.

“Did something happen?” Stevens raised an eyebrow.

“I’m fine,” you lied, but from the expression on his face, you weren’t confident that he was buying your paper-thin words. He could see right through you.

“Did something happen between you and Yoongi by chance?” the specific mention of Yoongi’s name made your chest hurt as you replayed Monday night’s events over and over within your mind. It was Friday now, and you and Yoongi hadn’t had a single bit of interaction. You had tried to call him once on Wednesday, but he didn’t answer, and didn’t ever call you back.

You were angry at his immaturity and pettiness on that front; after leaving you like that on Monday, the least he could do was return your calls. You didn’t really care that he was upset, you two had already established that letting problems fester never made them go away, it only made them worse. Not to mention, you were worried about him and how things went with Bang PD. For all you knew, he could’ve gotten fired!

He was ignoring you, and you had absolutely no idea where you stood with him. Was that a breakup on Monday? A “maybe we should take a break”? Or something else? You had no idea, and it was eating you up inside. Yoongi was just so quick to blame everything on you, and that hurt. You were more confused than ever…Did you even want to keep seeing him anymore?

“Y/N?” Stevens was snapping his fingers in front of your face as you had zoned out completely. “You don’t seem okay.”

“Yoongi and I got in a huge fight on Monday, and I haven’t talked to him since,” you said quietly, pushing your coffee away from you. You had lost your appetite.

“I see…Wanna talk about it?” Stevens offered but you shook your head.

“No thanks.”

“In that case, I hate to ask you to do this, but I need you to call him and let him know about the reopening. The piano job is still his if he wants it,” Stevens replied and you couldn’t help but grow frustrated with him.

“Why do I have to do it? You’re his boss, not me. I don’t want to call him again,” you said firmly.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s probably just going to keep ignoring me, and I don’t feel like dealing with that.”

“If he doesn’t answer, then leave a voicemail. You should try to work this out with him because leaving it alone won’t do you any good,” Stevens slipped into his “parenting” mode and you sighed out of agitation.

“Stevens, you know I love and respect you, but please don’t give me relationship advice.”

He eyed you for a moment, “You really think that I haven’t noticed that way you look at him?

You sighed again, a hand massaging your temples as you felt a throbbing headache coming on. “What’s your point?”

“Don’t throw away your relationship with him because of one fight.”

“You don’t have a clue what it’s like to date someone like him. This isn’t just a typical couples’ spat. There’s a lot more to it than that,” you argued.

“Maybe so. But, I still think you’re going to regret it if you let everything fall apart so easily. But, hey. It’s your life, not mine. Do what you want,” Stevens shrugged before getting up and leaving to take inventory.

|||||

-Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Please record your message after the tone.-

H-Hey Yoon…Yoongi. I’m just calling to let you know that Youth & Impulse will be reopening this Tuesday. I-um, I…Stevens wanted me to let you know that the job is still yours if you want it.

…

I…I miss you.

Call me.

But he didn’t call.

|||||

~YOONGI’S POV~

“Yoongi can we do one more run-through on your verse that comes after Jin’s?” Namjoon asked without taking his eyes off the computer screen. Yoongi and Jin were in front of the microphone; it was their first time to record with Jin after meeting him a few days prior. Namjoon was at the computer, and Hoseok was lying on the couch icing his ankle which he rolled in dance practice earlier that day.

Yoongi glanced at his watch, “I have to go. Can we do it tomorrow?” Jin sighed a breath of relief, clearly tired. He got up from his spot and plopped down on a chair beside Hoseok, reaching for a banana milk out of the mini fridge.

“Okay. Where are you off to?” Namjoon asked nonchalantly.

“Work.”

Namjoon raised an eyebrow.

“Youth & Impulse is reopening tonight.”

Namjoon nodded his head slowly, “But you still haven’t made up with Y/N yet, right?”

“Yep.”

“So…What are you planning to do about that?”

Yoongi stood up, grabbing his backpack from the corner. “I have to go change my clothes. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” He wasn’t about to get into yet another argument with Namjoon about the way he was treating you. He didn’t want to be lectured. He didn’t want to hear it. Namjoon didn’t know how Yoongi felt; not even close.

“Oh okay. Bye,” Hoseok and Jin both waved. Namjoon didn’t say anything else.

To Yoongi’s surprise, the guys really hadn’t pestered him with questions about you over the past week. The only thing they had asked is why you weren’t around during recording sessions anymore, which prompted Jin to ask questions about who you were. That conversation ended rather quickly, Yoongi plainly saying that the two of you weren’t talking for now.

Yoongi changed into his nice work clothes, and it almost felt a bit strange. It’d been a whole month since he last played at Youth & Impulse. Playing there and spending time with you there had become such a second nature to him, and being without it for this long made him feel strangely sad and weird on the inside.

But now that he had it back, he couldn’t help but think about how it just wouldn’t be the same. Gone were the times where the two of you faced no problems. Gone were the times when he could freely walk around the city with you, eating ice cream or going for ramen without fear of someone intruding on it. Gone were the times when his world only consisted of you, and the café, and Stevens, and playing piano for old people.

Things will change with time.

And that they did.

|||||

~YOUR POV~

You stood behind the counter, going back and forth between tossing unconvincing fake smiles to Stevens and checking the time. Yoongi had never called you back, so you had absolutely no idea if he was going to show up or not, and that made you incredibly anxious.

You knew that Stevens was right, that you would regret letting your relationship die without even trying to sort through the problems again first. Truth was, you and Yoongi needed to fight, you needed to talk things out. But, that couldn’t happen unless he stopped ignoring your calls and showed up for work. It would be easy for him to just drop off the face of the planet and never have contact with you again, but you hoped and prayed that he was a better person than that.

By 6:25, 5 minutes before “Senior Tea and Piano Nights” officially start, you were starting to lose hope in him showing up at all.

You wiped down the tables with more intensity than was necessary to get the job just so you would have something to keep you busy. It was no use though, you still glanced over at the door every few seconds, hoping for sight of him.

“Hey, those tables are clean, you know?” Stevens called out from the kitchen entryway. “Do something more useful with your time, please? We open in 5,” he chuckled and you sighed, picking up the cleaning supplies and making your way back to the front counter. You checked your watch again. 6:27.

He wasn’t coming.

You put the cleaning products back in the supply closet, and just as you were turning back to the front of the store, the front door bell was ringing.

And there he was, entering the store just as you had watched him do countless times before. Except now, he had no jacket to take off and hang up, and his sleeves were rolled up a bit higher than normal. He was back in the nice pants and white button-down shirt attire, his hair looked like it had actually been combed, and he was lacking makeup.

This was Youth & Impulse Yoongi, the one you originally fell in love with.

He walked up the counter, taking what seemed like forever before he was finally standing in front of you. You waited for him to speak first, wondering what kind of mood he was in, how he was planning to approach the situation.

What he ended up saying was something that you had heard countless times on countless other days. But for some reason, today, it caught you off guard.

“Think I could get a latte?” His voice was lower than usual, almost a bit rough sounding. You figured he had just gotten done rapping, likely recording with Namjoon.

You only hesitated for a short moment before nodding, moving to start making his drink. He stayed there, right in front of the counter as you made it, but he didn’t say anything else so you didn’t either. This tension that was between the two of you was something new, something that you didn’t like.

You created the leaf design on top that he was always a fan of before passing him the drink, getting a soft “Thanks,” in reply. And with that, it was time for Senior Tea and Piano Night to begin, and Yoongi was taking his mug and sitting down at the piano.

Word had easily gotten around about the reopening of Youth & Impulse after Stevens’s accident, and the place was packed a mere 20 minutes later. You were busy getting everyone their drinks and desserts; busy enough that you successfully were able to tune out the sound of his playing, at least for a little while.

Your emotions were all confused in your head and the last thing you wanted was to hear some super emotional piano piece from Yoongi to confuse you anymore. Watching him play that piano was what made you initially become fascinated by him, and watching him play it now was bound to make all of those feelings resurface.

Once the rush calmed down, however, you couldn’t exactly avoid the sounds of the soft melodies that floated away from those black and white keys. You found yourself with your head resting on your elbow, watching him intently like you had many times before. You found yourself comparing the way he behaved while rapping onstage with Namjoon and the way he looked while playing calmly by himself. It was almost like they were two different people.

There was Suga the rapper, the one who dressed in dark clothing and sang about dark things and got into fights with people.

Then there was Min Yoongi, the one who dressed in white, played the piano gracefully, walked you home at night, was gentle in every way…

You couldn’t ignore the fact that you were seeing a whole more “Suga” these days than you were seeing “Yoongi.”

By the time the place cleared out that night, it was clear that neither one of you were entirely sure what to do. He stayed to help clean up just like he always used to do, but he didn’t speak a single time while doing so. Perhaps the hesitation came from the fact that you both realized that if you spoke, it would likely turn into a screaming match. Maybe you both were scared to talk about real life, and to admit the truth. Maybe you were scared the truth was something that you didn’t want to hear.

Because maybe Yoongi was right…Maybe the two of you weren’t so good for each other after all.

"Y/N," he called out suddenly. Stevens had left to take out the trash, and it was just the two of you left in the store.

You were so confused on how you felt about the whole thing that you weren't even sure if you were mad anymore. "Yeah?"

"Take a walk with me?"

"N-Now?"

"I shouldn't wait any longer," he shifted uncomfortably, tossing the dirty rag on the table.

"Any longer for what?" you asked hesitantly, nervous and missing him and angry and confused all at the same time. He was literally driving you crazy. Your mind was more jumbled than it had ever been.

He was look you dead in the eyes, but he didn't say anything for a few moments. It was likely mere seconds in which he was mute, but it felt like lifetimes to you. The waiting was going to drive you crazy too.

"Are you intentionally trying to play mind-games with me?" you asked, eyes narrowing at him.

He shook his head no, but still didn't reply with words. So you sat there, waiting, almost challenging him with an equal amount of silence.

"Did you just come here to mess with me? Huh? You leave me completely hanging on Monday night, then ignore my calls all week, and now you're here, but you're refusing to speak. Wow, Yoongi, that's real mature of you. Honestly, I really can't believe you're-" and then you were interrupted by three quiet words from Yoongi. Words that didn't fit the mood nor the vibe of the situation. Words that were unexpected and out of place. Nonetheless, they were words that shut you up.

"I love you."

20] let me know

~YOONGI’S POV~

“I love you,” Yoongi said slowly, watching you as you digested the words, clearly taken aback by the sudden confession.

“What?” your voice barely came out as a whisper. He took another step toward you, desperately wanting to bridge the physical and emotional space between you and himself.

“I love you, Y/N. And I have for a long time,” he confessed, his heart swelling with fear and anticipation.

“W-Why are you saying all this now? What about everything you said just a few days ago? ‘Maybe we just aren’t good for each other’?” Your reaction wasn’t what he wanted, but it was what he expected. He was already prepared to apologize and to plead with you and to beg with you.

Because that short week without you had been one of the worst of his entire life.

“I know I can’t take back what I said. And honestly at the time, I really meant it,” Yoongi started, but you were already shaking your head at him, looking like you were about to start crying.

“Where inside of you do you think it’s okay to say something to me like you did last Monday, let me dwell on that for over a week, and then randomly confess that you love me? I don’t understand you, Yoongi. I don’t understand this,” you argued with him, and he could sense rejection beginning to radiate off you.

“It wasn’t okay! I know it wasn’t okay, and I’m sorry. I was upset and worried about Bang PD anyway, and I just got so overwhelmed with everything-“

“And it took you a whole week to realize that maybe you shouldn’t have so those things? To realize that maybe you should at least attempt to talk to me? I’m condemning for having a problem with me, or for being angry. But, letting us sit apart like that while I have absolutely no idea what you’re thinking…That was devastating to me. For all I knew, you were never going to talk to me again based on the way you left things!” tears were falling down your face now and Yoongi felt nauseated.

“Look, Y/N. Please, listen to me. Please just hear me out,” Yoongi was practically begging by then, eyes pleading with yours.

The bell at the top of the front door rang, causing both of you to look over. Stevens had walked back in, and was obviously confused at why the two of you were at a face off, and why you were crying about it. “What’s going on here? Y/N?”

Yoongi was silent, not wanting to answer for you.

“It’s fine,” you waved him off, sniffling.

“You sure?” Stevens asked, but it didn’t seem like he was pressing the issue too much. With as upset as you were, Yoongi wasn’t surprised by the idea that you may have talked to Stevens about it.

“We’re um, we’re just going to go for a walk. I’ll see you later, Stevens,” you said, lifting your hands to wipe some of the tears off your face.

“Okay, then,” Stevens still seemed unsure, but he didn’t ask any more questions.

The two of you silently made your way to the door. Yoongi opened it, letting you walk out first. It was warm outside, a light breeze billowing through the air. For first time ever, he didn’t have a jacket to offer you. That bothered him.

“Do you want to sit and talk this through?” Yoongi asked, glancing at the bench that resided by the storefront. He couldn’t help but think back to just a few short months ago when the two of you sat in that exact same spot, laughing at each other, and kissing one another. He looked down then, saddened by how long ago those sweet moments felt.

“No. Let’s just walk for now,” you said quietly, also looking down at your feet. So the two of you began shuffling along the sidewalk just as you had done countless times in the past while on a walk home, or on the way to the 7-Eleven on the corner. Tonight, though, the walk felt different.

“I know I really screwed up, okay? I think the fear of the videos being released just made everything that had been building up in my mind come flooding out…It’s not an excuse. I didn’t handle things the right way,” he began, the tension between the two of you suddenly dying down into a less defensive and angry form. Maybe a breath of fresh air and a moment to reflect was all the both of you needed to calm down and rationalize things. You nodded, acknowledging that you were listening to him.

“And I’ve been trying to think through everything all week…Think through everything that happened, and what I’ve done, and the future...Y/N, I don’t think that we’re bad for each other. Us as people, we complement each other in the best way. I truly believe that we make up what the other person lacks. Those old times when it was just us at Youth & Impulse…We were beautiful together. It was easy, and thoughtless, and natural. It was simple then, because it was just you and me. We weren’t worried about anything else, or anything at all. We could just be ourselves without threats of potential things that may eventually get in the way…We aren’t bad for each other, but my lifestyle is bad for us…”

You stopped walking then, causing him to stop in his tread as well. Your eyes finally met his, but he couldn’t tell what you were thinking. Was he about to win you back over? Or where you finally going to push him away, once and for all?

“So, what are we supposed to do?” you whispered, on the verge of beginning to cry again. “You love me, but you love your dreams. And they’re so close to becoming true. I’m not ever going to ask you to give that up for me either…I know how much it all means to you.” Your voice was no longer harsh toward him. It didn’t sound angry. Now it just sounded sad and defeated.

Yoongi bit the inside of cheek, thinking over your words before carefully crafting a response. “We’ll make it work.”

“Yoongi-“ he could already tell you were beginning to protest, but he interrupted you.

“Would you rather us break up? Then we’ll both just be unhappy all the time,” he countered, but his voice was still soft. You looked like you wanted to give into him, but there were still things that were holding you back, and he could tell. He pressed again, “Don’t you want to keep trying?”

You hesitated again, seeming unsure of yourself. “But what about you said before? About how we can’t win?”

Yoongi took another careful step toward you. “I’m really starting to think that whether we win or lose in this relationship is up to us…It doesn’t have to be this difficult.”

“I want to believe that, Yoon. I really, really do,” your voice was wavering, and you broke eye contact with him.

“Then why can’t you? What’s stopping you?” The desperation in his voice was clear then. And it was the same desperation he was feeling around the time of his first fight with you. He wanted this to work. He desperately wanted this to work. He wanted to be alongside you without question. He wanted it to be as comfortable and easy as it was to breathe.

He didn’t want to ever see you cry because of him again.

He wanted this to work.

“Because I’m scared. What if one day the pressure really is too much for you? And what if I’m not enough for you?” you seemed desperate too, but fear and anxiety was still holding you back from doing what you really wanted to do. Yoongi could see that, so he kept pushing, trying to tear down all the walls that gone up between the himself and you.

“You can’t keep thinking that way, and I can’t either. It’s a two-way street, okay? We have to take this slow, one day at a time, one step a time,” he was right in front of you now, close enough to reach out and touch.

“But Yoongi-“

“Y/N. You’re going to have to make a choice. I asked you before what you really wanted, but I hadn’t bothered to ask myself that same question. But now I know. I know that I want you, and I want my career, and I want them to peacefully coexist. I know that I want a future with you, unlimited time with you, and everything that has anything to do with you. I know what I want…Now it’s your turn to decide…And I think you already know what the answer is…You’re just afraid to say it,” and with that, Yoongi had broken through the last wall, the last barrier between the two of you.

You sighed, an invisible weight seemingly lifted off your shoulders as you let go of the last of those reservations, those deep-rooted fears and anxieties about the future.

“I want you.”

“You want me?” he whispered, the moment too surreal for him to believe your words the first time around.

“Yes.”

“Why?” he pushed you once more, for the last time.

“Because I love you too.”

And there it was, the words he’d been yearning to hear from for so long. There they were, finally out in the open, reality. A flush of heat overwhelmed his skin as he was now closer to you than he’d been a long time, his face only inches from yours.

“Y/N,” he murmured, a tone of voice softer than any other he’d ever used. He gently brought a hand to your face, his thumb grazing over your lips. “I love you.”

He leaned into you then, lips parting slightly as they moved to meet yours. Your eyes were closed, not protesting him, or fighting against him at all. It was clear to Yoongi that you had completely given in, letting him know “yes, I want this to work too.”

He only deepened the kiss after those internal realizations by bringing his other hand to your cheek, your arms around his neck. The kiss lasted for so long by the time he finally broke it off, you both were drawing ragged and much-needed breaths. He leaned his forehead against yours, “We can make this work.” And then your mouth was on his again, interrupting the other sweet things he was going to whisper to you in that moment. But, he didn’t mind the interruption at all.

He didn’t know how long the second kiss was. Or the third. Or the fourth. But eventually, he was just holding you in his arms, his face pressing down against the warmth of the crook of your neck as you encircled him closer to you. Your hands were slowly running through his hair as he sighed, so comfortable in the feeling of being close to you like that.

“You don’t know how badly I’ve missed you,” Yoongi breathed, pressing a small kiss against your neck.

“Promise you won’t ever disappear from me like that again?” you whispered back.

“I promise.”

“Yoongi,” you said suddenly, giggles lining your voice. He pulled away slightly, caught off guard by your burst of laughter.

“What?” he couldn’t help but laugh too, your smile infectious and light.

“You know what I just realized?”

“What?” he asked again.

“We just did so much PDA,” you giggled again, and he did right along with you.

“That’s okay,” he smirked slightly.

“I thought you didn’t like PDA,” you countered, still grinning like crazy.

“Tonight, I’ll make an exception.” And then the two of you were hugging again, in the middle of the sidewalk, and there was a likely a lot of random people that had just watched the two of you make out.

But for once, what other people thought was the least of your worries.

21] first love

~YOUR POV~

Since that night, you and Yoongi tried to fall into a new rhythm of normal. He made it clear to you that if the two of you wanted this to work, it was going to have to be an active effort. You both would have to get creative on ways to spend time with one another. Luckily, since Youth & Impulse reopened you were always guaranteed those nights with him. You couldn't even explain how badly you had missed those simple work nights with him, even though the two of you weren't physically beside each other for the entire time. Those nights would always be special to both you and him; the simplicity of that time spent together not only refreshed the two of you to be able to handle the times that you were apart, but it also reminded you of where and how it all began. It made you both appreciate how far you had come. Times at Youth & Impulse were always good times.

As far as spending time together outside of Youth & Impulse, it was anything but consistent. Some Friday nights he was free to spend with you, but others he would stay late in the gym, or in the studio working on writing with Namjoon and the others. Yoongi always had classes on Saturdays, and while those days were always severely draining for him, the two of you still spent time together during those evenings. And even though those evenings never consisted of anything more than a movie and some cuddles, it was still time with him. And that was something you were always grateful for.

He'd been spending Sundays in the studio with the boys, working on writing and producing new songs. Bang PD was keeping a watchful over them after their previous screw-ups. He'd only brought in one more person after Jin, a younger boy by the name of Park Jimin, but he was chatting about soon bringing in another, Kim Taehyung. And even though the worked through the morning on Sundays, by the afternoon, he'd usually invite you to come hang out with them in the studio. Sometimes you would review whatever new sound they were working with and offer your opinion. Others, you would just sit and admire them as they worked. And others, you would read or work on finding a job.

So even though not all your time spent with him was completely alone, the two of you were proactively working to make sure you were around each other for a healthy amount of time. Since the fight, you almost felt closer to him. Sometimes all couples need is to have a good argument; it helps both people to understand how the other thinks and feels. And that was definitely the case with you and Yoongi.

Things were changing; things were getting better.

|||||

"Think we could stay in tonight?" Yoongi proposed while stretching his arms after a half-hour of Youth & Impulse clean-up.

"I thought you wanted to go see a movie?"

Yoongi sighed, continuing to stretch.

"Are you feeling okay?" you asked as you collected up the last of the cleaning items to stow back in the supply closet.

"Honestly, I'm just really tired today. And sore. Dance practice with Johnson today was crazy intense. I'm just feeling a little fussy," he admitted while chuckling slightly, crossing the room, and hopping up to sit on the edge of the front counter. You were glad that he openly and outright just told you how he was feeling and what he wanted to do. If he was already in a "fussy" mood, it was better for him to stay in anyway to avoid potential clashing with fans on the streets or comments from random people. Communication is always the key to successful relationship, and you could truly tell how much Yoongi was trying to communicate more effectively with you.

"I'm down for whatever. We can stay in if you want," you agreed, "Stevens, do you care if Yoongi and I hang here for a while?" you called out as he was still in the kitchen, washing dishes. He appeared from the back room just moments later, seemingly finished with his work.

"I don't care as long as you don't burn the café down," he shrugged indifferently.

"And how would we do that?" Yoongi chuckled.

"I don't know. Just don't," Stevens ordered and Yoongi flung his hands up defense.

"Sir, yes Sir."

"Well, I'm off-" Stevens began before you cut him off.

"Wait. Wait! Stevens...are you wearing a bowtie?!" you questioned, leaning against the counter beside where Yoongi was sitting. He was dressed up in attire that was very abnormal for his typical pattern of dress, immediately causing you to be intrigued, and slightly concerned all at the same time.

"What's it to you?" Stevens frowned.

"You weren't wearing that earlier."

"So?"

"So, why did you change? It's like 9:30 at night," you pressed, a smile creeping across your face as you uncovered the real reason Stevens was dressed up. "You have a date, don't you?"

"Um." Stevens's faced flushed slightly.

"You do!" Yoongi exclaimed, pointing at Stevens's blushing face.

"Okay, fine. Yes, I do. And it's Patsy again."

"Catfish Patsy?" You raised an eyebrow. You weren't sure about that girl.

"For the last time, she's not a catfish!" Stevens glared at you, looking somewhat like a angry six-year-old. "She looks exactly like she did in her pictures!"

"Whatever," you smiled, "Have fun," you ignored Stevens's obvious pouting. You weren't sure about this Patsy girl, but if she made Stevens happy, then you supported it 100 percent. He deserved to find another companion that understood him and made him happy. Even though he probably wouldn't admit the extent of it, you had always been able to tell how lonely Stevens seemed after the loss of his wife.

"I will," Stevens smirked then, sassily spinning around and walking out the door.

|||||

"Right. Then it's the black key next, and the white one down after that," Yoongi instructed you, his voice quiet and soothing. Soft lighting lit the cafe as the two of you sat side by side on the piano bench, legs touching each other. Somehow, the two of you had gone from cracking jokes at the front counter to Yoongi teaching you how to play one of his songs on the piano. The setting and mood was strikingly intimate; the reason behind this was unidentifiable.

Perhaps it was because Yoongi was sharing something that was so close to his heart with you in such a personal a way. Or perhaps looking at him in the dim lighting as his tired eyes lit up at you with every right key that you pressed made your heart ache with simple love for him.

Maybe it was both of those reasons put together, but you'd never know for sure. All you were sure of was that this moment was incredibly special, and that you were overwhelmed with love for Min Yoongi. And he was overwhelmed with love for you too.

You played the keys in the order that he told you to, and then recognized that the tune you were playing was the very basic beginning of one of his songs.

"Ah, Yoon...Is this First Love?" you inquired, momentarily looking away from the keys to look at him. He nodded, soft smiles forming on his face. "You know, I think this is my favorite song of yours."

"Why is that?"

"The lyrics are just so real. I know how much this song means to you, so it means a lot to me too." You both had turned, facing each other now.

"It does mean a lot to me...Thank you for saying that," his eyes looked tired but they still glimmered at yours, leaving your heart hurting and hopelessly full of emotion. He could change your mood, your feelings in an instant. All it took was one look, or one word, one movement to move you. Min Yoongi had you wrapped right around his finger. But, fortunately, you had him wrapped right around yours as well.

"You never told me much, you know...About your teen years," you inquired carefully, not wanting to push him to talk about something that he wasn't comfortable with. You still hadn't opened up about your family situation with him, leaving you with no room to drag information out of him that he wasn't ready to reveal on his own yet.

"It was a dark time for me. I was in a place in my head that I never want to be in again," he admitted, taking his hand in yours, caressing the back of it.

"And music helped you?"

"Music saved me," his words were incredibly soft, and yet they held such deeper meanings, deeper emotions. Emotions you'd barely ever even touched the brink of. "I honestly don't know where I would be without it."

His raw honestly struck a chord in you. "That's why your dream and this job have been so important to you...right?" you asked even though you already figured what his answer would be. He brought his lips to the back of your hand for a moment, pressing soft kisses against you before finally answering.

"...Yes."

"Well, Min Yoongi, I have some good news for you." He met your eyes then, those same beautifully tired eyes sending waves of affection through you. "You've made your dream come true. You have a lot to show for your hard work. And your bare talent it what got you there...Congratulations," you smiled, gently squeezing his hands that were still intertwined with yours.

"I love you," he murmured, leaning in, his forehead resting against yours. You were slightly caught off guard by the sudden act of affection, but you welcomed it nonetheless. The two of you remained that way for several moments, Yoongi's even and steady breathing calming you and filling with a rare sense of ease.

"I love you too." It amazed you how easily those words rolled off your tongue when they were directed at him. Before Yoongi, you had never openly said those words to anyone that wasn't in your family. Maybe you were a bit guarded before, or shy, or perhaps awkward about admitting your feelings. But, when you were with Yoongi...His presence was intoxicating and easily wiped away all of those prior reservations you may have had about being honest with someone.

"But I love you more," he whispered lazily, pulling back just slightly to place a kiss on the tip of your nose, looking at you after he did so.

"You're cute," you giggled softly, reaching out to fix a piece of his hair that was sticking out at a strange angle.

"But you're cuter," he argued, swatting your hands away gently so that he could pull you against him. He leaned against you, his arms snugly around you, sighing. "I've never been so comfortable in my life," he mumbled against your neck. You could tell he was getting to be overtired; the day's demanding activity finally catching up with him.

"Min Yoongi," you said, your voice turning a bit stern.

"Mm?"

"Don't you dare fall asleep on me."

"Why not? You're warm and comfortable," he complained, his words beginning to slur with exhaustion.

"Because we're sitting on a piano bench and I can't support your weight like this," you chuckled at his pleas and complaints, not bothered by them because he was so hopelessly adorable.

"But Y/N," he began, but then his words suddenly came to a stop, and his body weight suddenly felt a lot heavier against you.

You knew you would have to wake up him eventually, and the you couldn't just hold him while he slept on that piano bench for the entirety of the night, no matter how badly you wished you could. You would have to end this sweet night eventually. You would have to interrupt his rest.

But, not quite yet. You were going to relish in those few moments where Yoongi was so easily vulnerable with you, drifting off to sleep in your arms. You were going to memorize how it felt to hold him that way before you let the moment disappear into thin air.

Eventually you arms were going to get tired and the rest of your body would to. You'd have to wake him then.

Just a little longer, you thought. These precious moments are not something that should be taken for granted.

22] dream = reality

THREE MONTHS LATER

~Yoongi’s POV~

Yoongi’s phone rang at an unreasonable hour that morning. He could hear the others in the room groaning at the sudden noise and burst of light from his cell phone screen. And even though he was sleep deprived and slightly irritated, he somehow managed to find the strength within himself to be roused, and to accept the call.

It was Bang PD, asking him to wake the other boys and for them to be in the conference room by six thirty; he didn’t specify the reason. Regardless, Yoongi sighed, removing himself from the warmth and comfort of his untidy bed. He dressed quickly, waking his other roommates, Namjoon and Jimin, after doing so.

“What does Bang PD want this early?” Jimin mumbled, looking around in the dark for a clean shirt to put on.

“I don’t know; he didn’t say. I’m going to go wake up the others, yeah?” Yoongi replied as he put on a hoodie, suddenly cold after being away from the covers of his bed.

“I’ll go out and grab coffees for everyone. You guys text me what you want.” Namjoon managed even though it was obvious that he was exhausted, waving at Yoongi as he walked out of the room.

“Will do,” Yoongi answered without turning around, yawning again, wondering what was about to become of his future.

|||||

“I have an important announcement to make, and that’s why I’ve called you all here today,” Bang PD said, bright and early on that Monday morning. There were seven boys now, including Yoongi, and all were crowded around the round table in the conference room. Their eyes were all still swollen from being tired as the meeting was called so early; the room smelled of seven different coffee orders.

Namjoon glanced over from his spot beside Yoongi, raising a suspicious eyebrow. Yoongi shrugged a bit, lifting his to-go cup of coffee that Namjoon had bought for him as he wondered what the meeting may be about.

There were a few things it could’ve been; new song, new live show, maybe even a new producer, or extra required dance class or something…But for some reason, those things felt a bit unlikely to Yoongi. There seven boys now, and it had been over a month since Jeon Jungkook, the last addition, had been brought in. If Bang PD was planning to bring in an eighth member, Yoongi had reason to believe that it likely would’ve already happened.

And without any more additions, the boys were continuously working on music and being faithful to all their classes. Everyone was being extremely productive and working hard. There hadn’t been any other incidents since the fight video fiasco, and everyone was getting along just fine. In fact, all seven boys were now moved into dorms, and were around each other constantly. With these things put together, Yoongi concluded that there was only one clear foreseeable thing that could occur in the near future…

“It’s time,” Bang PD said, and Yoongi was suddenly straightening up in his seat, setting his coffee down, now listening intently. Yoongi took a sharp intake of breath at the realization that this conversation with Bang PD was progressing just as he was expecting.

“It’s time for all of you to debut, as one cohesive boy group; Bangtan. It’s time for the whole world to see the music; your music,” Bang PD clarified, his tone somewhat serious, yet excited at the same time.

Glances were tossed between the members as they all considered the reality of the news.

“With all due respect, Sir, are you sure we’re ready for that? Jungkook is still in school, and he hasn’t been here for that long. I haven’t even been here for that long,” Taehyung spoke up in a quiet manner, looking over at the young boy sitting beside him. Jungkook looked down at his coffee and mumbled, “Hyung is right.”

“I wouldn’t be proposing the idea of debuting now if I felt that you weren’t ready for it. You all just need to trust me and my judgment,” Bang PD sighed, sitting down in his chair at the head of the table.

“If Bang PD feels that we’re ready for this, then we can handle it. Right, guys?” Namjoon attempted to encourage the seemingly unsure boys, naturally leading like always. “If Bang PD has confidence in us, then we should have confidence in ourselves as well.”

The others nodded, and Jin spoke up in agreement, “I think it’s time for the next step, no matter how scary it may seem.”

“I’m glad to hear that everyone is on board. I know it may feel like things are moving a little quickly, but I truly feel that you are all ready to make a name for yourselves. You’ve all been working hard, and it’s finally time to continue feeding that flame that Yoongi and Namjoon originally acquired for us,” Bang PD explained, “Your debut music video is already in the works.

Yoongi was slightly caught off guard by how quickly it was all coming together; how quickly everything was becoming reality.

“We’ll start shooting in just a few weeks; you all will need to put in extra time in the gym until then, and talk with the nutritionist about appropriate diets before you’re on camera like this for the first time. We have a choreographer coming in tomorrow to work with you all on the dance routine, so the rest of your classes will be dismissed for now. Understand?

The boys all nodded in unison.

“Great. I’m looking forward to the future, and I hope you all are as well. You’re excused, so go hit the gym.”

And with that, the seven tired boys grabbed their half-empty to-go cups of coffee and exited the conference room.

“Can you believe how fast this all came together?” Yoongi asked Namjoon as he tossed his cup in the trash can.

“Honestly, I had a feeling that this was coming for a while now…I’m trying to talk the others up, but I don’t know that all of them are ready yet. Taehyung is right; Jungkook is still really young,” Namjoon admitted, throwing his cup away too. Yoongi and Namjoon turned a corner in the hallway, heading toward the gym as Bang PD instructed, the others not too far behind them.

“Do you think he’ll be a problem?” Yoongi questioned in a hushed voice, not wanting the young boy to overhear and have his feelings be hurt.

“He’s really working hard, so I’m not worried about him on that front. But, fact is, he’s only 15. He’s got a lot of maturing to do,” Namjoon shrugged, and Yoongi nodded in agreement.

“We’ve made it this far, though. With the help of the rest of us, I think he’ll be fine,” Yoongi was overflowing with confidence, and hope, and excitement. So much so that it made Namjoon’s worries and fears fold over and then disappear completely.

“You know what? You’re right,” Namjoon smiled, and Yoongi smiled right back.

Everything was coming together; the dream was now reality.

~YOUR POV~

“Can you pass me that screw driver?” Yoongi asked as he was sitting on the floor, reviewing the paper instructions for the umpteenth time. He was at your apartment later that night, helping you assemble a new bookshelf. He had his glasses on, and was biting his lip slightly as he worked, eliciting a smile from you.

His hair was all messy as he had just come from the gym; you had encouraged him to go home and rest, but he insisted that he wanted to come over and help you out.

“I think it’s almost finished,” he said, standing up to add the final board. You smiled, thinking about how cute he looked while focused and concentrated like that. You turned away then, going to grab your final boxes of books.

It had been a while since you had first moved in, but you were still trying to get everything put together and in order. Yoongi didn’t know much more about assembling furniture than you did, but you both figured that two heads were better than one.

“Alright, it’s ready for your books,” Yoongi said in a slight triumph, smirking as he looked at the finished product.

“Thank you!” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before reaching for your books to begin organizing them on the shelves.

“How do you want these organized?” Yoongi asked, helping you sort your books among the various shelves.

“Study books on top, and fiction more toward the bottom,” You replied, hesitantly sliding a book on the shelf, almost waiting for it to collapse in on itself. Yoongi noticed.

“Do you really doubt my bookshelf building skills that much?” He chuckled, beginning to stack books as well.

“I was just making sure.”

He rolled his eyes playfully at you, “Okay, sure.”

“Do you want me to order dinner or something?” you asked, swiftly changing the subject.

“I’m good,” he replied, “My nutritionist is requiring certain foods for now because we’re on restricted diets until-“ he began, but then suddenly cut himself off. You furrowed your eyebrows, turning toward him.

“Until what?”

Yoongi bit his lip again before sighing, setting down the book he was holding and turning to face you as well. “Well, I kind of wanted to surprise you with the news while doing something more significant than putting together your furniture for you,” he chuckled, grabbing your hands to hold in his.

You were definitely curious now, “Surprise me with what news?”

“It’s official, Y/N,” he whispered, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smile.

“What’s official?” you could feel yourself reciprocating his smile, but you weren’t willing to get too excited before he confirmed the hypothesis that was bouncing around in your head.

“Bang PD told us today. The seven of us are officially debuting, and we shoot out first music video in just a couple of weeks,” Yoongi grinned, beaming with complete and utter happiness.

“It’s really happening? You’re really debuting?” You exclaimed, squeezing his hands gently.

“It’s really happening,” he confirmed as you let go of his hands, encircling him into your arms.

“I’m so proud of you, Yoongi,” you smiled against his chest. You were smiling so hard that your cheeks hurt upon the news, and your heart ached with pride for the boy that you had come to know and love so much.

“I couldn’t have done it without your support,” he whispered into your ear before pulling back, pressing a warm kiss to your forehead. “But,” he began uneasily.

“What is it?”

“I’ll be pretty busy for the next few weeks, and I won’t have a lot of time to spend with you. And I’m going to have to take a little bit of time off from Youth & Impulse. Bang PD wants us either in the gym or working on the choreography,” his eyes were filled with disappointment. You were disappointed as well, but you were still so excited that everything he had dreamed about was now being set into full motion. It bummed you out that you would miss time with him, but this was a fact that you had finally gotten used to. You had finally been able to accept the fact that a life with him would be abnormal. And while it would be abnormal and sometimes frustrating, it was ultimately worth it to you. He was worth it.

“That’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you replied, but he still shifted uneasily.

“I hate when there has to be gaps of time without us seeing each other. We’ve proven more than once that silence and distance is bad for our relationship.”

“You have a music video shoot coming up, Yoon. I completely understand, okay? Don’t stress. Just come over when you can, and if you can’t, call me on the phone before bed or something,” you reassured him, your words finally enough to convince him. He nodded, smiling again.

“Thank you,” he kissed your forehead again, and you giggled at him.

“Stop flirting with me and help me finish unpacking the rest of these books,” you poked his side and he laughed, pulling away.

“Fine, fine. I will.”

And in the comfort of your apartment, you two were hidden away from the world for a while. You were both at a point in your relationship where things finally felt comfortable; you had gotten used to the routine and the lifestyle.

But the debut was coming, and change was yet again looming around the corner.

You simply hoped that the faith you now had in each other would be enough.

23] don’t tell them anything

~YOONGI’S POV~

“Yoongi! Jin! You’re both too far over! How many times am I going to have to give you these corrections?!” Johnson exclaimed angrily, pausing the music yet again. The other members audibly sighed, but whether it was a sigh that stemmed from being grateful a break, or a sigh that stemmed from being mad they had to stop yet again was unclear.

“Sorry,” Jin apologized, struggling to even out his breathing while Yoongi remained silent. He was beyond exhausted, and now growing irritable and frustrated. Over the past week since the announcement of the debut and music video, Yoongi’s body had been pushed unbelievably past its breaking point. He’d been enduring a rather unrealistic diet and workout regime, all on top of the excessive time spent working on the choreography for the music video. He was struggling to drink enough water, to get enough sleep, to find time to even talk to you on the phone for a minute. These things on top of one another resulted in a terribly foul mood, and an overall foul physical feeling.

“Run it again. Now,” Johnson ordered as he started the music again. A flare of anger overwhelmed Yoongi, his body rejecting the idea of another full-out run of the dance. But, the others straightened out into their positions, and Yoongi knew he didn’t have any other choice but to fall in line, running the choreography for the 15th time that day.

He stumbled through this performance, but fortunately, most of the other members did too. The dance studio smelled of sweat, and it was finally obvious to Johnson that he wasn’t going to be able to push them much farther today.

“Whatever, just stop for the day,” Johnson began, glancing down at his watch. “Be here in the morning at seven, sharp.”

Assorted sighs of relief flooded the room as some of the members sat down on the floor, the others beelining for something to drink. Yoongi’s legs were shaky, he suddenly began feeling extremely lightheaded, and his breathing was abnormally fast. The unfamiliar sick feeling sent shocks of panic throughout his body, but he remained quiet and complacent in his spot, hoping the symptoms would quickly pass.

“Yoongi, are you okay?” Namjoon asked, concern filling his voice as he approached him, “Do you want some water?”

“I’m okay,” Yoongi lied rather weakly, his breath accelerating at an alarming rate.

“You don’t look okay,” Namjoon argued, seeming unsure of Yoongi’s well-being, the worry in his voice becoming clear. Truth was, Namjoon was right. Yoongi wasn’t okay, but he was hesitant to say that or to admit anything. The last thing he wanted was for the others to think that he was too weak, that he couldn’t handle this; the pressure, the hard work, the mental and physical exhaustion of it all.

“I’m fine,” Yoongi lied again through his uneven breaths, but his physical appearance was giving him away. He was suddenly overwhelmed with an intense wave of nausea, and he swayed slightly, springing Namjoon into action as he reached to catch Yoongi’s arm.

“You should sit down,” Namjoon pressed, still holding onto Yoongi tightly, truthfully the only reason he was still standing upright.

“Something’s wrong,” Yoongi breathed, admitting then that something really was wrong, and that his terrible feeling wasn’t getting better, but worse and more intense as time went by. Never in his life had he felt this bad and this unstable.

“I got you,” Namjoon supported Yoongi’s weight, helping him get to the floor. Most of the other members had filtered out of the gym, leaving only Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok left.

“J-Joon,” Yoongi managed, the sudden movement from standing to sitting furthering his disorientation.

“Try sitting up and putting your head between your knees. That’ll help get more blood flow and oxygen to your head,” Namjoon instructed, a hand on Yoongi’s back. While his voice was calming to Yoongi, it was starting to feel like it was far away. There were spots in his vision, and chills were beginning to overwhelm every inch of his skin. But with Namjoon’s help, Yoongi managed to make it into that position.

“Woah, what’s wrong with Yoongi?!” That was Hoseok, his voice expressing concern that was even heavier than what Namjoon’s had been.

“I think he’s about to pass out,” concern was blatant in Namjoon’s worried voice, “Can you run and get Johnson or someone? Ask if any of our medics are still here?” Namjoon asked, causing Yoongi to lift his head. He was immediately disoriented again, another extreme wave of nausea and dizziness passing over him.

“Don’t call anyone,” he groaned, wiping the cold sweat from his upper lip. Hoseok crouched down beside Yoongi, opposite of where Namjoon was already beside him. “I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“Yoon, you should keep your head down. You look really pale,” Hoseok suggested softly, attempting to keep Yoongi calm.

Yoongi complied, putting his head back down between his knees.

“Hoseok, you stay with him? I’m starting to get worried, and I really think I should go get someone,” Namjoon removed the hand he had on Yoongi’s back, standing up after doing so. Hoseok put a hand on Yoongi’s back in place of where Namjoon’s had been, fearful about how stable he really was.

“No worries, I got him,” Hoseok agreed.

“I’ll hurry back,” Namjoon replied, footsteps retreating.

Yoongi whipped his head up once more to protest, but that one more bit of disorienting motion was all it took.

That’s when Yoongi passed out.

|||||

“Is he okay?”

“He’s probably fine, but I’ll take a closer look at his vitals to be sure. He should wake up anytime now.”

“Are you sure we handled it right?”

“You did right by getting him to the floor. If he had fallen wrong then he could’ve broken one of his arms or legs, or maybe even gotten a concussion. He’s lucky you caught his head when he started to fall back, Hoseok.”

Yoongi stirred slightly, eyes slowly fluttering open even though they were at first unable to register the light and the people leaning over him.

“Yoon? Are you okay?” He thought the voice came from Namjoon, but he wasn’t sure. He blinked a few more times, and suddenly things were clear, like everything had finally been snapped into focus.

“I’m okay,” Yoongi finally managed some comprehensive words. He was more aware of his surroundings then; he was still lying in the floor of the dance studio, and there were a few people sitting beside him. Hoseok, Namjoon, and one of the nurses on staff.

“Lay there for a minute before you try to sit up,” the nurse instructed.

“What happened? Why did I faint?”

“I’m not positive, but based on what Namjoon and Hoseok have told me, I have a good guess. You’re malnourished, dehydrated, over-exhausted, and you over-heated in dance practice. All of that put together is a perfect recipe for a fainting episode,” the nurse explained and Yoongi let out a sigh. He was frustrated that the way his body had been treated had finally caught up to him, but he was somewhat grateful that not all the members were around to see it. “Why don’t you try sitting up now?”

With the help of the others, Yoongi slowly rose to a sitting position, and was pleased to find that the disorientation and dizziness he was feeling before had finally completely subsided. He sighed.

“First, I know you all are on rather strict diets right now, but I’m overruling some of that for everyone. You guys can’t be at your best if you’re having fainting episodes. I’ll be speaking with the nutritionist to work out a better plan. We want to take care of you guys, okay? We want you to be healthy. Second, part of this was self-induced; drinking enough water and getting enough sleep is vital to your success,” The nurse wasn’t just talking to Yoongi, but to the other boys as well. “You all need to take care of yourselves.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Namjoon said, and Hoseok nodded.

“How are you doing Yoongi?” she asked.

“Better, now.”

“Good. You should go back to your dorm and take it easy for the rest of the day, alright? Make sure you eat dinner and drink a lot of water. If you start feeling bad later, call me or come to my office. Here’s my card,” the nurse passed her business card over and Yoongi accepted it graciously, putting it into his pocket.

"Thank you for all your help," Yoongi offered a smile, and the nurse nodded, getting up and leaving.

"Want us to help you up?" Namjoon offered, but Yoongi shook his head.

"I think I got it."

The three boys stood, and began to make their way back to the dorms.

"Yoon, why were you so insistent that we didn't get help for you?" Hoseok asked, curious.

"I just didn't want to cause a scene, or to make the others think that I wasn't working hard enough," Yoongi admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"You fainting would be a sign that you weren't working hard enough? Yoongi that was a sign that you were overworking yourself," Namjoon replied, seemingly sad that Yoongi had felt that way at all. "You should know by now that none of us would look at you any differently just because you had some health issues."

"I know..." Yoongi sighed, "I was honestly just embarrassed in the moment. It was dumb."

"We're here for you, Yoongi. You shouldn't feel that way next time," Hoseok added sincerely.

"Thank you, guys. Really."

|||||

"Delivery!" Namjoon called out as he walked through the dorm door, three boxes of pizza occupying his hands.

"Nice," Yoongi sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, just woken up from a nap. Jimin hopped down from the top bunk, overly excited at the arrival of food.

Yoongi yawned and reached for his phone, turning it back on.

"Yoon, come on. Let's eat," Namjoon said, sitting down on the floor alongside Yoongi, beginning to open up the pizza boxes.

"Coming," Yoongi yawned again, disconnecting his phone from the charger and joining the other boys on the floor.

New Message from ^^ Y/N: yooooooooooonnnnnnngiiiiiiiiiii. how was ur day?

Yoongi set down the piece of pizza he was eating, and contemplated his response for a moment.

"Do you guys think I should tell Y/N about what happened today?" he sighed, looking down at his phone.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't you?" Namjoon replied through a mouth-full of food.

"I just don't want her to worry about me," Yoongi said uneasily.

"But if she finds out that you kept it from her, it's just going to make her mad," Jimin spoke up, much to Yoongi's surprise. It was rare for Jimin to speak up, or to be bold at that point in time. He was still a bit shy around the members, especially around the older members.

"Yeah, you guys are probably right," Yoongi shrugged, "But, um, if it happens to come up, just don't say anything, okay?"

"Sure, whatever," Namjoon said indifferently, starting another slice of pizza.

Yoongi bit his lip, still unsure of whether he wanted to tell the truth. It felt wrong to hide it from you, but he also didn't want you to be worrying about him and his health more than you already were. He was better now, and the fainting likely wouldn't happen again as long he followed the nurse's directions. So, there was really no reason to burden you with the truth. He sat there for a few more moments, thinking it all through again before he made his decision.

New Message to ^^ Y/N: it was pretty good ~ joon and jimin and i are eating pizza lol. how was yours, babe? (:

24] the conflicting afflictions

~YOONGI’S POV~

Two nights before the music video shoot, Yoongi was sitting on your bed with his computer, working on mixing a solo song of his own. He was resting comfortably against the insane plethora of pillows you had on your bed, while you were at your desk across the room, researching jobs. His hair was still damp from the shower he’d taken shortly before arriving at your apartment, and he knew that it probably looked like a complete mess. But, your hair was tied up in a knot atop your head, clear that you had been working hard all day and that you just wanted it out of your face. The two of you had reached such a point of familiarity and comfort within your relationship that neither of you worried about how attractive you appeared to other. Being beside each other was as easy as breathing in that respect, and it was a nice feeling to have.

Since his fainting episode, Yoongi was desperately trying to work harder at taking care of himself, and was working harder to make time for you. It wasn’t that his entire mental health was centered around you, but he generally felt happier and more motivated when close to you. So, for the past several nights, he’d been spending time at your apartment. Even though the two of you had other things to work, being in the general vicinity of each other was good for the relationship.

Yoongi still hadn’t mentioned his fainting and health issues to you. The diets for every member were adjusted after it was clear that they couldn’t be successful with the original restrictions. Bang PD also held a meeting with everyone, stressing the importance of hydration and proper rest; basically saying the same thing that the nurse had told Yoongi in the dance studio. Bang PD was heartbroken that his performers had been suffering so much without his knowledge, and he offered his sincerest apologies. He claimed that from now forward, he wanted there to always be an open dialogue for the members to be upfront and honest about what they wanted and needed.

So, Yoongi did what was asked of him. He conformed to the new meal plan, paid careful attention to his water intake, and the amount of sleep he was getting. With the support of his fellow members and the advice from the nurse, Yoongi had been feeling a lot better, and no symptoms were returning. He truly realized how important it was for him to be mindful of his health and overall well-being. However, this realization, mixed with the fear that perhaps fainting would become a regular affliction, an uncomfortable anxiety began to sprout within him. He was worrying about his health more than he ever had, to the point of it constantly weighing on his mind. The guilt from keeping it a secret from you didn’t exactly help that anxiety either.

He was in a state of confliction; whether to provide transparency and honesty to you, or protection from worry and anxiety. He still wasn’t sure what the right thing was to do. So, he kept quiet, focusing on his health as he was convinced that if nothing like the fainting happened again, he could justify not telling you about it. But for some reason, he still just couldn’t shake the anxiety he was having over it, leading to even more foul moods and off days. Despite this, he didn’t pull away from you, and didn’t push you away. Unlike all the times before, Yoongi was determined to not cause a rift by closing off emotionally and staying away from you. That always made things worse, not only for you, but for himself as well.

You closed your laptop and sighed as you leaned back into your desk chair. You let out a huff of frustration, one loud enough that it caused Yoongi to remove the one headphone he had in his ear, glancing over at you from his spot on the bed.

“You okay?” he asked, also closing his laptop, and setting it to the side. You swiveled around in your desk chair to face him, unable to hide the fowl expression that had formed on your face. Yoongi raised an eyebrow at you, wondering what the problem was.

“I honestly didn’t expect that finding a job would be this difficult. I mean I did internships to gain experience while in University, but it just wasn’t enough. I’ve only gotten one offer for a part-time position. I guess I don’t have the credentials that I really need,” you explained glumly, fidgeting with the ring on your pinky finger as you did so.

“Well, you could try starting out with a part-time position. I know it’s not exactly what you want, but it’s possible that after you get in there and show how hard of a worker you are, you could get promoted,” Yoongi offered, moving from his spot against the pillows to sit on the edge of the bed.

“That’s true,” you replied, but you still didn’t seem convinced.

“And even if you don’t get promoted, then you’ll have another bit of experience on your resume, which could result in scoring a better job later,” he added, attempting to provide you with some hope, or maybe a more positive perspective that you couldn’t see before.

“Yoon, can I be honest with you?” you said suddenly, meeting his eyes.

“Of course, you can. Always,” he reassured you.

“It’s really not even money that I’m worried about; I have a lot in savings from money I’ve inherited. It’s more of a self-esteem issue…That’s why I’m so bothered by the fact I haven’t been able to get a job…” you began quietly.

“What do you mean by that, exactly?”

“I worked so hard in University. I got good grades. I was known as someone who was good to study with because I had such mastery in all my courses. But now…It’s been four months since I graduated, and I still don’t have a job that isn’t working at a café…It hurts my pride to be honest. I want to be doing things, and accomplishing my dreams. Watching you work so hard and accomplish so much inspires me, and I hate that I’m just sitting at home, not doing any of the things I want to do. Honestly, I’m a little jealous of you,” you explained, looking back down at your hand to continue fidgeting with your ring.

Yoongi was overwhelmed with a small pang of guilt as he listened to you pour out your feelings with barely any hesitation. Here you were, being completely vulnerable and honest with him, and yet he hadn’t returned the same kind of vulnerability with you with what was going on in his life. He also didn’t want you to feel like you were less than him, just because your career hadn’t taken off.

“Come over here,” Yoongi replied, patting the space beside him on the edge of your bed. You looked back up at him as he motioned you to come toward him, sighing as you stood from the chair, moving to sit next to him. Yoongi turned slightly in his spot, facing you as he reached to hold your hands in his.

“Having trouble finding a job that fits you doesn’t translate into you not knowing enough or not having enough skills. Most people struggle to find a job right out of school, and that’s not anything to be ashamed of,” Yoongi began. You looked down at his hands that were intertwined with yours.

“And I don’t want you to compare your career to mine. I don’t ever want you to feel insecure around me, either. Y/N, I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did without your encouragement, and honestly, plain luck. Please don’t ever feel like you’re less than or that you’re not good enough, okay? You are…” he said softly, trying to meet your eyes. “Look at me.”

You looked up at him then, “Thanks, Yoon.”

His eyes were soft and understanding as he squeezed your hands, “I’m here for you always, you know? I’m glad you talked to me about it.”

“I know…Maybe I’ve kept a bit quiet lately as to not bother you and add to the stress you’ve already been under,” You admitted, sighing again as you did so.

“Y/N, you don’t have to protect me from that. I just want to be here for you,” Yoongi said, but as soon as the words rolled off his tongue, he was overcome with another wave of guilt. He was being a complete and total hypocrite and he knew it.

“I know…And I want you to feel the same towards me, okay? You can talk to me as well,” you reminded him, and he felt his chest clench again.

“Um…In that case, I, uh, have something I need to tell you,” Yoongi began hesitantly, still unsure of whether he was making the right decision or not. All he knew was that he couldn’t keep it a secret from you anymore, and he honestly didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore. Your demeanor clearly changed quickly, worry spreading across your face as you anticipated his words.

“About a week ago, I passed out in the middle of dance practice,” he started, and your expression was full of shock, and even more worry.

“What?”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay and it hasn’t happened again. The nurse told me it was because I was malnourished, over-exhausted, dehydrated, and that I had probably overheated in dance practice. So, they’ve adjusted all our meal plans and such to hopefully ensure that none of us get sick like that again,” he explained, you visibly calming down as he did so.

“Why did you keep it from me?” you seemed hurt that he hid it, but also relieved that he was okay.

“I just didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want you to be stressed about my health. But, I’ve been feeling really guilty that you didn’t know. And I’m sorry,” Yoongi apologized sincerely, a weight off his shoulders now that he wasn’t keeping anything from you any longer.

“I’m really glad you’re okay. I mean, I’m a little upset that you kept it from me. And that you basically lied about how everything was going. But, I understand what your intent was,” you began, “I just don’t ever want you to do that again. We’re partners, Yoongi. We’re supposed to help each other carry the burdens of life, right? Maybe we’ve both been bearing too much weight alone lately. Let’s not do that anymore.”

“You’re right. And, I think I knew it was the wrong decision from the moment I decided not to say anything about it. I think it’s a bit of a pride problem for me as well. I don’t like having to admit that things aren’t going well, or that I’m struggling. I know I can trust you with anything, and that you’re not going to judge me. But, transparency is still hard for me sometimes.”

“I know it is, and it can be hard for me too. It’s just something we need to work on, okay? I think we’ll both feel better if we’re always just honest. Sometimes it seems like a good idea to keep something from someone; sometimes it seems like that telling the truth will do more harm than good, and I get that. But, not with us. We’ve proven multiple times that secrets, and distance, are no good. They’re bad for us. So, we need to work harder about not letting those things come between us,” you explained, but your voice was still soft. It was clear you really weren’t angry with him, and he realized then how stupid it was for him to try and hide it in the first place.

“I wished I would’ve told you sooner. Honestly, the whole experience kind of freaked me out, and I’ve been having a lot anxiety since it happened. I know that some of that would’ve better if I would’ve opened up to you about it…I regret that, but thank you for being understanding, and for being her for me now. It means a lot,” Yoongi replied, gratitude and admiration filling up his voice. He was so lucky to have someone like you, and he was humbled for that time and time again.

“Of course, Yoon. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he removed his hands from yours. “Now, come here,” Yoongi murmured as he leaned closer, sliding his arms around you.

“Don’t worry too much about getting a job, okay? It’ll all work out,” he encouraged you, now warm as you leaned against him. It was nice to just sit there like that for a few moments, wrapped up in each other’s embrace. He’d been busy lately, and upon all the anxiety and stress, some simple time spent holding you made him forget all of that. The feeling of you softly gripping the excess fabric of his tee shirt, and the way you rested so easily against him, and the sound of your steady and even breathing put him in a state of ease that was only tangible when he was close to you.

“Don’t worry too much about your work, either. Your health comes first, okay? Promise you’ll pay attention to it, and that you’ll be honest and ask for help when you need it,” you replied, move your hands to gently trace shapes and patterns on his back.

“I promise.”

And so, you and Yoongi sat curled against one another for a while, each of your worries and fears melting away with each passing second spent with one another. Soon, he would have to leave, needing to go to sleep early to be able to take on the following day. Soon, he would have a lot more pressure. A lot more weight to carry. A lot more stress. A lot more anxiety. Soon, things were going to change again, in more of a drastic way than they ever had before.

But, the two of you were learning how to love each other, how to be there for each other without hesitation. You both kept stumbling, kept making mistakes, and it was all leading up to this next part of your lives where everything was bound to become more difficult.

Yoongi simply hoped that after all those fights, conversations, and special moments spent together, the two of you would be able to endure the next chapter that was to come.

Through change, conflict, and then growth, he was learning how to love you. He hoped it would be enough.

25] heart like yours

~YOUR POV~

“There should be a rule about cuddling in the studio,” Namjoon complained as he walked in, finding you and Yoongi lying on the couch together. Yoongi’s head was resting on your chest, his breathing steady and even, calm. You were planning to hang out in the studio that night as some of the others worked casually, but Yoongi showed up complaining about how tired he was, and ended up falling asleep mid-conversation with you.

“Shh, he’s sleeping,” you scolded Namjoon quietly, looking back to your phone. Stevens was texting you, trying to arrange the schedule at Youth & Impulse for the next month. While both you and Stevens only wanted Yoongi there, it was clear that he was going to have to retire from the job rather soon. Bangtan’s debut music video had been released a few weeks ago, their first concert together was in two days, and after that, there would be their first tour. Yoongi was about to be in and out of town quite a bit, and it was time that Youth & Impulse found someone else to come in and replace him. However, the piano bench was always open to Yoongi anytime he wanted to step in and play for a night.

“Dance practice was exhausting today, so I don’t blame him for passing out like that,” Namjoon chuckled, sitting down at the chair in front of the computer. It felt strange to be sitting in the studio like that with just the two of them; it reminded you of the old times. You didn’t particularly miss those times, as you were happy with how things were going, but sometimes you longed for the simplicity of how things were back then. Sitting together with them like that brought those feelings back up, nostalgia easily overcoming you.

“Johnson is working to get you guys ready for the concert, and then the tour I assume?” you offered before shooting a text back to Stevens, letting him know the rest of Yoongi’s upcoming schedule.

“Yeah, he��s been pretty tough of on all of us lately. Especially him,” Namjoon replied, nodding at the sleeping boy curled up against you.

“Yoon? Why?” you questioned, curious about why Johnson would have to be pushing Yoongi more than the other members.

“He sees a lot of potential in Yoongi’s dancing, and he’s trying to bring the best out of him. Johnson really cares about us, so he’s been doing everything to make us the best we can possibly be before our live performances begin,” Namjoon explained, “It’s been really exhausting, if I’m honest. But, you should be proud of him, you know? He’s working hard.”

You glanced down at Yoongi who sighed in his sleep, heart yet again overwhelmed with simple admiration for the boy.

“I am proud of him. I’m proud of the rest of you as well, though,” You reminded Namjoon, feeling like perhaps people in his life didn’t give him enough credit. He didn’t even give himself enough credit. “Obviously I’ve known Yoon longer than I’ve known you, but I’ve had the opportunity to watch you grow as an artist as well. You’ve really earned all of this, Joon. And even through all the difficulties, you’ve been a great friend to Yoongi, and that’s something I’m appreciative for,” you admitted sincerely, the words effortlessly floating off your lips. These were words you’d been meaning to say to Namjoon for a while, gratitude you’d been meaning to express. You just hadn’t had a real opportunity until now.

“Thank you, Y/N. That means a lot…I haven’t said this before now, and honestly, I’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to tell you. But, you’re really good for him. I know you guys have been through some bad stuff in your relationship, but I still believe that you both compliment each other in the best ways. Yoongi shed a lot of tears throughout the rough patches in your relationship with him; he really cares for you. And with how supportive you’ve been of his career, I can see that you really care for him too. I’m happy that he has someone like you close to him,” Namjoon returned his gratitude, the words slightly surprising you as conversations between you and Namjoon had never gotten quite this personal before. You were grateful for his kind words, and they meant a lot to you. You opened your mouth to reply, but Yoongi was suddenly shifting slightly, his head lifting in a tired manner as his eyes opened.

“All of this sappy talk woke me up,” he complained, sounding incredibly sleepy and groggy.

“Sorry,” you chuckled as he laid back down against you, allowing his eyes to close again.

“It’s okay. I know it’s hard to resist bragging about me,” Yoongi mumbled, a smirk ghosting his lips. You looked up at Namjoon who was rolling his eyes, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks, Namjoon. I appreciate that a lot,” you thanked Namjoon for his kind words, ignoring Yoongi’s smart remark.

“Let’s not get too sentimental now,” he winked, “I’m still not a fan of all the PDA,” he teased.

“Deal with it,” Yoongi argued, half-asleep, but somehow still finding the energy to lift his head, peck your lips, and then lay back down.

“You’re out of control today, you know that?” you laughed at Yoongi, beginning to play with his hair.

“I know.”

“Ugh! Stop flirting!” Namjoon screeched, turning around in the desk chair, and sliding on his headphones.

“We love you, Namjoon,” you snickered, and he replied with a simple shake of the head.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

|||||

~YOONGI’S POV~

“I’m panicking,” he said, beginning to pace around the dressing room. He was only half dressed; his leather jeans on while he still lacked a shirt, his stylist frantically wandering around as she had misplaced the rest of his outfit. Fortunately, his hair and makeup was already finished.

“Racheal will find your shirt. Calm down,” Hoseok chuckled from nearby, sitting in his chair as he was having his stage makeup done.

“Hoseok, please stop moving,” the makeup artist commanded politely, but irritation was still lining her voice.

“Sorry,” he said, facing forward again.

“It’s not the shirt I’m panicking about,” Yoongi breathed, continuing to pace. “I’m worried about the performance.”

“Why?” Jin randomly jumped into the conversation, walking up to Yoongi. He was the only member that was in full clothing, makeup, and complete hair so far. There was only thirty minutes till the beginning of their debut concert, and all the stylists were in over their heads, running behind.

“What are you so nervous for?” Hoseok chimed back in without moving his head toward Yoongi and Jin as his makeup artist was clearly agitated with him. “It’s not like this is the first concert you’ve ever done.”

“Yeah, I know, but this is so important! It’s been months since my last live performance as well, and now I’m worried I’m going to forget my lyrics, or the choreography, or that I’m going to rip these ridiculously tight pants, and that I’ll always be known as the K-Idol who flashed everyone at his first concert, and then I’ll forever be ridiculed on the internet, and then you guys will forever be ridiculed for having anything to do with me, and- “

“Dude. You need to calm down,” Jin chuckled, Hoseok joining in on the laughter. “You’re way overthinking this. We’ve been preparing for a long time for this; it’s all going to be fine.”

“I CAN’T CALM DOWN!” Yoongi shouted, gaining looks from every single member and staff person that was in the room.

“Is this about your shirt, Yoongi? Because I found it!” Rachael called, letting out a nervous laugh as she rushed over to him, passing him the shirt.

“Thanks,” Yoongi sighed, slipping the shirt on, feeling slightly calmer than he did before now that he was completely physically ready for the concert.

“We still have like a half hour until show time. Go talk to Y/N or something because you need to chill,” Hoseok suggested, rising from the makeup chair as he was now finished getting ready as well.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Yoongi breathed, pulling out his phone to text you to meet him outside the dressing room. You showed up a mere two minutes later, easily getting security clearance from the badges that Yoongi had acquired from his management for you.

“Are you wearing lipstick?” you chuckled when you met him in the hall, giving him a hard time even though it was obvious that he was a nervous wreck. Your attempt to make him laugh didn’t work.

“It’s tinted lip balm, but that’s the least of my worries right now,” he exclaimed, looking like he was ready to pull his hair out.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“All of this suddenly feels so real, and I don’t feel like I’m ready for it,” he rubbed the sides of his head, trying to force away the headache that was coming on. He wasn’t sure why he was freaking out so much; it was more intense stage fright than he’d ever experienced before. He felt like there was a lot riding on this performance; that it really mattered how good there were live together for the first time, that this would set the pace for the rest of their careers together.

“It’s okay to be nervous, Yoon. But, don’t psych yourself out. You’ve been giving it your all for several months, all to prepare yourself for this moment,” you reminded him, your words slowly beginning to get to him.

“I know, I know. I don’t know why I can’t calm down. I’m scared I’m going to go out there and choke,” he admitted uneasily.

“C’mon, Yoongi. You won’t and you know that. You’re going to have the time of your life out there,” you smiled at him, and a small amount of the fear he was experiencing slowly began to deteriorate away. “I have complete confidence in you. I mean that.”

Yoongi pulled you into a tight hug then, sighing again in attempt to force all his bad feelings out. “I would kiss you but I don’t want to mess up my makeup,” he said before bursting into a fit of giggles, “I never thought that would be something I’d have to say to you.”

You laughed into his chest, “Now you understand why I get frustrated at you when you kiss me and mess up my makeup before we go out somewhere.”

“I never realized how much girls sacrifice. This stuff is annoying,” he continued laughing, and then made the sudden realization that he felt much better. Your happy moods and laughter were incredibly contagious to him, and you few and simple words were enough to calm him down. That, he was grateful for.

“Now,” you began, pulling away from his embrace, “Go back in there and drink some water, and get ready with the rest of the members. You got this, and I’ll be right there on the front row. I am your biggest fan after all,” you smirked at him.

He grinned, “And you’re the cutest.”

“You’re so cheesy,” you chuckled, “Now go! Conquer the world, Min Yoongi!” You cheered him on as he stepped away from you, going toward the door.

“I love you more than anything, Y/N.”

“I love you too! Now stop spouting sappy lines at me and go get ready for your concert!”

He waved, finally complying, before disappearing back into the dressing room.

|||||

~YOUR POV~

All seven members of Bangtan stood proudly on the stage, bowing before the audience that was cheering so loudly, you could barely even hear yourself think. You watched as Yoongi gleamed with passion, and pride, and excitement among his members, relishing in the feeling of accomplishing something great with the rest of them. He was drenched in sweat, like he always was after a performance, but he seemed more awake and aware than ever. He was grinning, showing his gummy smile to a few thousand people, his arms now around both Namjoon and Hoseok.

And you stood from the audience beside Stevens, in a front row seat that had been reserved just for you. Your face stretched into the biggest smile it could possibly manage as your heat swelled with pride and love for the boy on stage, overwhelmed with happiness for him and the things he had achieved within the amount of time you'd known him.

The stage lights went dark as Bangtan's first concert officially came to a close, the crowd still screaming as loudly as before, cheering the names of each of the boys. You turned to Stevens, your smiling out of control; his was as well.

"Can you believe how far he's really come?" you shouted over the noise, wanting to reminisce with Stevens, wanting to brag on Yoongi and his accomplishments simply because you were so proud.

"It's pretty amazing, honestly," Stevens agreed, sharing an equal amount of pride for Yoongi as you did.

You sat in your spot for a few more short moments, taking in the atmosphere, trying to document everything within your mind so you could remember this day forever.

“Let’s go, Stevens,” you said eventually, “We have a celebration to get to.”

26] perfect for me

~YOONGI'S POV~

Just you, Yoongi, and Stevens sat in Youth & Impulse later that night, following the after party that included all BigHit staff and the Bangtan members. Now, the three of you were celebrating and reminiscing on your own, over cups of coffee in the place that meant the most to all of you.

A lot of sappy memories and thoughts were exchanged; You telling Yoongi how truly fascinated you were by him when he first walked into Youth & Impulse all of those months ago. Stevens telling Yoongi how impressed he was by his initial talent and skill. Yoongi sharing how much of a play Youth & Impulse had in changing his life completely.

Yoongi felt warm and elated that night while being in the close presence of two people he now considered family. He loved the feeling of sharing uninterrupted quality time with the both of you, spending hours talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.

But, there was a negative feeling that was creeping out of the corners of his heart, nagging at his mind without warning. He remembered that in just one week, he'd be leaving for two whole months on Bangtan's first tour. In just a week, he'd have to say goodbye to you for the most extended period of time that he ever had, and that was a tough pill to swallow.

"Are you tired, Yoon?" you asked in between sips of your caramel macchiato, seemingly taking notice of his change in demeanor, or perhaps the blatant dark circles under his eyes.

"I am, but I don't think I would be able to sleep right now. I still feel like I have performer's high," he chuckled, not willing to admit the sadness that had settled on his heart. He instead took a drink of the vanilla latte he had convinced you to make for him; it'd been too long since he'd last been allowed to have one.

"You must be exhausted; it's been a really long day," Stevens chimed in from across the table before becoming momentarily distracted by a notification from his phone.

"Yeah, but I'm really happy with how things went tonight. Thanks for coming back there and telling me to calm down," Yoongi tossed you a smile. He could barely even begin to describe in words how thankful he was for everything he had accomplished, and for everything that he had; it all almost felt surreal. He owed so much to every single person who had taken a chance on him, every single person who had believed in him. Because without those people, he knew he never would've made it this far.

"What else are girlfriends for?" you smiled back at him, the two of you holding a rather flirtatiously long period of eye contact. Yoongi was the first to snap out of it upon remembering that your uncle was sitting less than two feet away. Fortunately, Stevens hadn't been looking. He was still absorbed in his phone, smiling, and seemingly texting somebody.

Yoongi looked back to you, raising a suspicious eyebrow while you leaned closer to Stevens, trying to see what was on the screen of his phone. Yoongi could tell you were straining, but your efforts were rendered unsuccessful. So, Yoongi, as silently as he could manage, rose from his chair and made his way to Stevens, peering over his shoulder. Your hands were covering your mouth, biting back a laugh at how completely obliviously Stevens was to the situation.

It took him longer than it probably should've to notice Yoongi hovering over his shoulder, causing Stevens to jolt, his phone flying out of his hands and landing screen-down the floor.

"Really?" he let out an exasperated sigh, clearly irritated and shocked all at the same time. Yoongi jumped into action, picking the phone up off the ground. Although, he was too scared to flip it over and assess the damage.

"I just bought that," Stevens cried, accepting the phone back from Yoongi and turning it over. Luckily, there was only a tiny scratch on the screen, one that was barely even noticeable. Stevens sighed in relief, before unlocking his phone, and returning to texting at an insanely rapid pace.

"Um,Stevens?" you questioned, standing to peer over his shoulder as Yoongi had been.

"What?" he replied without lifting his eyes from his phone.

"What's with the rapid texting?"

Stevens was quiet for a moment as he appeared to be contemplating something. He then set his phone down. "Sorry I got distracted."

"We don't mind. I think we're more curious with who it is that you're texting," Yoongi chuckled, sitting back down in his chair.

"What Yoongi said," you agreed, sitting back down as well.

"It's um...Patsy."

"Catfish Patsy?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that she was not a catfish. We've been dating in person for just about as long as you've been seeing Yoongi," Stevens complained at your persistence with that joke, even though he knew that you were kidding.

"You must really like her, Stevens," Yoongi smiled, shifting the conversation to a lighter tone before you and Stevens started arguing again over online dating.

"Honestly, yeah...I really do like her," Stevens admitted, almost seeming shy about the entire ordeal.

"Do you love her?" You grinned, leaning forward as if you were ready to hear some good gossip.

"Do you?" Yoongi egged Stevens on, partially because it was fun to tease him, but also because he was genuinely curious. This conversation the three of you were having reminded Yoongi a lot of a conversation he had with Jae many months ago...

"Yes," Stevens didn't hesitate on his response, eliciting an eruption of cheering from both you and Yoongi.

"Stevens is in looooooveeeeee," you said in a sing-songy voice, jumping up out of your chair and shaking his shoulders.

"STEVENS IS IN LOVE!" Yoongi shouted through his laughter, joining you in teasing and dancing around Stevens.

He had the best time with the three of you that night, a night so good he knew he would remember it for many months to come. It would be a memory that he would hold onto while away from you both, causing him happiness that it happened, but heartache that it was in the past.

Because yet again, things were changing with time.

|||||

ONE WEEK LATER

"It's not for forever, you know?" he reminded you as he held your hand. The two of you were standing in the doorway of your apartment, beginning the journey that was saying goodbye. You were both in broad daylight, and he only hoped that for once, no fans, or reporters, or random people would interrupt. He not only wanted this last chunk of time with you, but he needed it.

"I know," you confirmed, your eyes trained on the ground below you. You weren't throwing a fit. You weren't crying. You weren't begging him to stay. But, you were sad, and that was clear. It pulled and tugged on Yoongi's heart, bothering him more than he was willing to admit aloud.

"I'll call every morning. Night too. I promise," he added, even though he had told you all these things before.

"I know," you confirmed again.

"It's only two months; 8 weeks. It'll go by faster than you think."

"I know," you said for the last time, finally looking up to make eye contact with him. "You don't have to convince me that everything is going to be okay; I know it is."

Yoongi nodded, "I just want to be clear with everything. I don't want you to worry or to feel insecure while I'm gone," he said, his voice and body language giving how uneasy he truly felt about touring for two months. It had been proven repeatedly that distance and miscommunication was bad for the relationship, but you both were now being put ina position where that didn't really matter. He was going to have to leave anyway, whether he liked it or not. And neither of you could really complain, because you'd both known all along what you were signing up for, what you were getting into.

"I'm not going to worry, Yoon. You shouldn't either. I'm confident in us, and I'm confident that we're going to be just fine after this," You were the one reassuring him this time, and you were words were enough to put some of his anxiety at ease.

Yoongi sighed then, quickly slipping his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "I need to go."

He watched as your face fell, but you didn't say anything other than, "Okay."

Yoongi put his phone, hesitating on how to approach the next few moments. Was it a bad idea to say goodbye quickly and leave before it became too difficult? Before he lost the will to leave at all? Or was it a bad idea to not linger for a moment, perhaps causing him to regret not staying longer down the line. Would it be better to kiss you quickly? Or to draw it out, giving you both something to hold onto? He wasn't sure, and those swirling considerations made the entire moment more difficult than it already was.

In a way, you almost made the decision for him as you stepped forward, embracing him tightly. He had always loved when you had initated hugs or kisses, or affection of any kind, but today, it made his heart hurt. You didn't want him to leave, and he didn't want ot leave you.

You were silent as your hands gently pressed against his back, drawing him even closer to you than he was before. Yoongi closed his eyes as he returned the hug, trying to memorize how it felt to hold you like that within his arms. Trying to remember how it felt when the warmth of your body was pressed against his.

He had experiened the joy that was hugging you so many times before, but he had never considered it in this perspective. He had almost come to take you for granted, only now realizing what he would be missing out on for the next two months.

Yoongi decided then. Screw easy goodbyes that consisted of pulling too quickly as a weak attempt to lessen the pain; it never made the pain better anyway. It only made a person regret not going deeper in that moment, not giving themselves something to store away and hold onto. And that was the thought in Yoongi's head as he pulled back and dipped his head down, eyes rolling closed as he kissed you without any hesitation. That was the thought in his head as he allowed his mouth to open slightly, his tongue beginning to mingle with yours. That was the thought in his head when he continued to kiss you in the doorway of your apartment, in the plain view of the public, likely running very late for the plane he was supposed to be catching with the rest of the group.

Saying goodbye wasn't going to be easy, no matter how he approached it. So why give it up so quickly?

Both of your breathing was a bit uneven as the kiss was mutually broken with reluctance, Yoongi's forehead pressed against yours in a way that he had done so many times in the past. He hesitated in that position for a moment, debating how much more time he could afford to share some oxygen with you before he really did have to leave.

"I love you," you whispered, sending more shocks of sadness throughout Yoongi. He moved again, just once more, allowing his lips to only softly graze across yours. It took every single ounce of strength he had within himself to pull away that final time when all he wanted to do was stay there like that with you forever.

"I love you so much," he replied, hesitating for a few short moments more before finally pulling completely, the two of you no longer physically touching at all.

"Don't forget to talk to me or I swear I'll kill you," you started, joking as a way to mask the emotion in your voice. Your attempts to remain strong were unsuccessful, however, as the tears that had been building in your eyes finally spilled over. Yoongi desperately wanted to take you back in his arms, kiss the tears of your face, and hold you until the sadness went away. But he knew that if he touched you again it'd be too difficult to pull away again.

"I won't forget," he promised, forcing a small smile before giving you one last look, and turning away.

27] epilogue: it’s definitely you

~NARRARATOR/THIRD PERSON POV~

Several months later, after Bangtan returned from their first tour, everyone finally gathered together again in a church, for the wedding. While you and Yoongi quickly slipped back into your normal routine of seeing one another after he had returned home, it became a rare occurrence to see everyone in Bangtan together at once. Their careers and lives were changing and becoming busier, and there was a significantly less amount of downtime these days. You saw a lot of Namjoon and Hoseok, simply because they were the closest to Yoongi. The other boys, however, you could go weeks without seeing a glimpse of. That’s why it was exciting to have everyone finally together in one place again.

The time in which Yoongi had been away had not been easy on either one of you. There were a lot of days in which he felt tired and discouraged, knowing the only thing that would lift his spirits would be seeing you. There were days where he felt sad, wishing that you were alongside him, seeing the world with him. There were days where you overly emotional, wanting nothing more than a hug from him. There were days where you be excited about something and want to share it with him, only to be disappointed while remembering that he was thousands of miles away.

But, those days were often manageable thanks to modern technology. He called you perhaps a little bit too often, but it never bothered you. Sometimes he could only talk for a minute or two, before getting on another plane, or before another concert. But, there were also numerous skype sessions in the early day or in the late night that lasted for hours. It wasn’t as good as being with each in person, but for you to be able to see his face, and for him to be able to see yours, it was good enough. This was a time to catch up on each other’s lives, to be refreshed by seeing one another smile, to tease and make jokes like always. “Have you been sleeping in my T-Shirts because you miss me?” Yoongi would often ask you, joking, and not all at the same time.

You would often pester him about eating proper meals, getting the right amount of sleep, and drinking enough water. So, he started sending you a picture anytime he ate a proper meal or when he was drinking water. He did this partially to tease you, but also to put your mind at ease that he was really taking care of himself.

He would pester you about branching out at your newfound job, telling you that you should try to make friends and go do things with them. He didn’t want you to be lonely while he was away. So, you began trying to make friends with someone of your coworkers, sending proof anytime you went out to a meal or a movie with somebody.

And truthfully, at the end of the day, neither of you grew worried or insecure while being away from one another. After everything that the two of you had been through together, you both had finally learned how to navigate the career and the relationship. You both finally learned how to love one another, how to take care of each other. That stability in the relationship was wonderful to have, and you both were content and comfortable in it. It was hard for him to be away from you, and it was hard for you to be away from him. But, it was okay. It was bearable. And you both realized it wouldn’t be a big deal when it was necessary to endure it again in the future. Your relationship with Yoongi was in the best place it had ever been in, and it was stronger than ever.

So, you stood beside him in the front row of the church, the rest of Bangtan in the row behind you. They had all dressed their best, in full suits and jackets, and they had all been excited to be invited to the wedding.

Because today, Stevens was marrying Patsy.

Yoongi’s soft fingers reached for yours, smiling at you as the music began playing and Patsy started her descent down the aisle. Stevens was waiting at the altar, his eyes decorated with tears as he waited for his Bride-To-Be.

To say you were both happy for Stevens was an understatement. He was more content with life than you had ever seen him before, and you were glad that he now had a new companion to enjoy life with. Yoongi felt that same way, excited that Stevens wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore. Because in a way, Stevens had become somewhat of a father figure for Yoongi after all those months together, and Yoongi only wanted the best for him.

The ceremony was simple, short, and to the point. There were very few people invited, making the entire gathering very intimate. You weren’t the only one trying to choke back tears as Stevens kissed his bride, and they were announced husband and wife. The wedding was followed by a small cake and punch reception at Youth & Impulse before Stevens and Patsy jetted off to the Bahamas for their honeymoon.

"So, should we be expecting to have another one of these soon?" Taehyung asked through a mouthful of cake, his eyes directed toward you and Yoongi. The two of you were standing together by the piano, chatting casually when Taehyung and Namjoon both approached.

"Another one of what?" You questioned.

"A wedding. Duh," Taehyung rolled his eyes, taking another bite of cake.

"Another wedding for who...?" you questioned again, clearly not catching on to what the boy was alluding to, leaving Yoongi chuckling beside you.

"You and Yoongi. Duh," Namjoon answered for Taehyung this time, smirking at the both of you.

"What?!" you exclaimed, choking on your drink, garnering attention from nearly everyone else at the reception.

"Are you okay?" Yoongi laughed, patting your back as your coughing wildly.

"Fine," you managed as you tried to get your breathing back to normal.

"We've been expecting Yoongi to pop the question for sometime now," Taehyung added, now on the last bite of his cake.

"You've what?" you exclaimed again, luckily not while in the middle of a drink this time. You eyed Taehyung. And then Namjoon. And then you turned and eyed Yoongi. He cleared his throat a bit awkwardly, sliding a hand into his pocket.

"Ah, don't listen to them. They're just trying to make us both feel flustered," Yoongi chuckled, and lied as he felt the diamond ring that resided within his pocket in order to make sure it was still there. He'd been carrying it around with him for a few months now, plotting and holding onto it until he found the perfect time to propose. It wasn't a matter of whether or not he was going to propose, it was now simply a matter of when. And the other boys knew that, making it for them to tease you both.

"It's fun to make you embarrassed," Namjoon joined in on the laughter, slyly winking at Yoongi when he thought you wouldn't notice.

The reception rounded off just an hour later, as Stevens and Patsy had to leave to catch their flight on time. Namjoon and Taehyung's comments had left you slightly paranoid and shaken up, but Yoongi seemed cooler than ever. You were on edge for the entire walk home with him, waiting for him to say something as you wondered what the strange comments were about. And just as you had finally calmed down and decided that you were being irrational, Yoongi spoke.

"Do you have plans on Tuesday night?"

"Youth & Impulse is closed for Stevens and Patsy's honeymoon, so no."

"Go out with me then?"

"You don't have to work?"

"Nope."

"What do you want to do then?"

"You'll see."

You crossed your arms, irritated by how vague he was being. "What does that mean?"

"I mean I haven't planned anything, so you'll see on Tuesday what we end up doing," Yoongi flashed a teasing smile, irritating you even farther.

"Does this...by chance...have anything to do with the comment Taehyung made earlier?" you pressed, even though you knew it was unlikely you'd get a serious answer out of him. He chuckled at your poor attempts to gain information.

"You'll see," he smiled again, the ring between his fingers as the two of you walked in silence the rest of the way home.

-end-

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