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We were seven once

We were seven ones and we didn't get along right away. I met the first one, Beyza, through one of my friends I was in class with ones. We were like the sun and the moon, different to the core. While she was sweet and innocent, I was rough. But we got along quite well for 4 years. The second two who came along, Lena and Leah, shared quite a lot of similarities with me. We all loved certain TV shows, movies, and books, though we barely talked about those things. Then came along the fourth one, Jenny. She's up to this day still a close friend of mine and actually makes an effort to stay in touch. We go to a lot of concerts together. Leah tried to get to know the sixth person, Megan, who was supposed to be in our group but she was inseparable with the seventh person, Victoria, and while I never really minded Leah always said she never wanted Victoria to tag along, but apart from all those difficulties we managed to form a tight-knit friendship. However, somehow this friendship wasn't meant to last forever obviously. Somehow only Megan, Leah, Victoria, and I managed to stay really close friends while Beyza and Jenny turned into mostly classmates and Lena went to England after our graduation. However, it turned out that Leah wanted more than we were able to give her. She wanted to go out, have fun and eat good food but we all had little to no money so every time we declined one of her requests to go out she got angry. Sometimes she even ignored us for weeks and then it all fell apart. We, except for Victoria, fought, really bad. Around that time Victoria decided to move 6h away because of her mental health, this didn't really work out, though. So we struggled to keep in touch with Victoria and solve things with Leah. It didn't go as well as we wanted. We were all angry and started to insult each other. After two days of fighting we broke things off completely, and we ended up being only Megan, Victoria, and me. After a year Lena came back to Germany, but somehow after several tried attempts to keep in touch, I never talked to her again. Jenny still in touch with her, though, but I don't know what she's doing nowadays. I also stopped talking to Beyza, though we never really talked to each other except for in school. We wish each other happy birthdays, though.

We were now 3 out of 7. Well 4, but I'm the only one who still talks to Jenny. However, here's where everything really fell apart. Victoria went to Bielefeld and became Victor, getting really close with the friends he knew there. Megan and I  were still trapped in Schwenningen and Sulgen. Well, I felt trapped. Everything was great, I had my driver license, I had a car, I was on my way to graduate. And that was the problem. I turned into Megan's chauffeur. I always had to drive to her house, always had to get her to places. Some people may wonder why I let her do that. The thing is, I never knew I had to drive her to those places just because she didn't want to take the bus. She said "hi, do you wanna hang out tonight" and when I said yes she said "cool, you have to drive me back home first, though" because she was at her boyfriends who lived in Sulgen, too. Her boyfriend was always her priority. Sometimes she wanted to hang out with me so I could drive him over to hers. I felt used so many times but I didn't want to leave. Sometimes I'd come over with Gabriel and we would talk for 15min before she didn't know what to do with me anymore. It hurt.  She prioritized her boyfriends from day one, as Victor told me. We were only interesting when one of her boyfriends didn't have time or when she could use a driver. Every time we skyped I was told that my mental health was the healthiest from all of us because apparently, I don't have any issues because I don't talk about them. Every time I have something big going on in my life like my surgery I was ignored. Never asked how I was doing, how I felt. Apparently, I was doing great in their eyes.

I graduated and moved to Munich. Victor was still in Bielefeld and Megan was stuck in Schwenningen, where everything began. I met a lot of new people, people I couldn't imagine my life without anymore, and people who treat me the way Megan never did. I stopped being useful to her I guess, she didn't text me that much anymore and Victor never texted that much anyway, only in our group chat. 

A few weeks back everything reached its peak, though. Gabriel and I fought because of Megan. Because we told her one thing and she said something completely different. So we fought and, again, it drained so much energy from me. Then I was back in my hometown. You would think best friends would try to see each other at every given chance, right? Well, not my best friends. While I got my wisdom teeth removed no one even asked me how I was doing if I'm okay. Three days after the removal Megan brought me the money the owned me (there are still 88€ missing, though). She greeted me, told me to get well soon, and left. That's it. She also asked if we could hang out a few days earlier. We didn't hang out, though. On Thursday I had one appointment after another. On Wednesday she asked me at 11 pm if I had time on Thursday and I told her no, but I have time on Friday. However, she was busy on Friday and I drove back to Munich on Saturday. So, no, we didn't hang out and I was beyond furious and hurt. So I left again, didn't talk to anyone but Jenny and my friends in Munich. Yesterday I heard that Megan and Victor talked without me and I was, again, hurt. They said we were family, we were more than friends but apparently we weren't. Today we actually talked. After 1 1/2h I left. Megan ignored me and wouldn't stop talking about topics I can't talk about. And while Victor tried to talk to me, Megan just didn't stop. I don't know if she did it on purpose or if she was just that stupid but it hurt and opened my eyes. Maybe I could have done more to save our friendship but after being ignored, used, and treated like my feelings aren't important I gave up. I'm not a fighter after all.

So yeah, we were seven once. Now I'm all alone. Our time was great but never meant to be forever.

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“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

— A.A. Milne (via quotemadness)

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“Admire as much as you can, most people don’t admire enough.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

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“Some days it seems you do everything in your power to push me away, and in the end all I want to do is pull you closer.”

— @sixwordssayitall

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“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

— Kim Culbertson, The Liberation of Max McTrue

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“Do the things that scare you until nothing does. Do it every day. No matter how big, no matter how small. Talk to that cute person. Ask for that job. Do it until you gain momentum and life becomes exciting. Know that you are capable of so much more than you know.”

— T. Wuggles

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