hiwelcometoua

[hiwelcometoua]

Katsuki: I'm thinking of going on testosterone, but I'm thinking of injecting it directly into my cranium so that I can access a higher brain functioning power.

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Neito: I’m not asking this to be rude, but do you have a mental illness?

Kaminari: When I checked my Spotify stats yesterday, my most listened to track for this year was the angry bird theme song. Hope this answers your question!

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Kirishima: I told Bakubro I would make dinner because he always does it but I have no idea how to cook.

Kaminari, pouring milk directly into the cereal box: How would I be able to help?

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Kaminari: Polycule destroyed by emotionally charged game of among us.

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Kaminari: "I could fix him" "I could make him worse" I need Adderall.

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Shinsou: Okay but Neito, who like- who really determines if an animal is real. I think we kinda made a decision-

Kaminari and Neito: *laughing*

Neito: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN SHINSOU?!

Shinsou: I think we made a decision- as a podcast, as a group, as a collection of friends- one might say, that uh, turtles are not real and that we-

Neito: WE DID NOT AGREE!

Shinsou: Can turn- AND- we can turn their shells intro straws okay? Now- Now, don't get me wrong Narles, tortoises completely different story alright we're not gonna go and start making- we're not gonna go and start making straws out of 250 year old Galapagos tortoises alright? We love the Galapagos tortoises-

Kaminari: Chuckle Sandwich- I wanna put out an official statement; Chuckle Sandwich loves tortoises.

Shinsou: ...-As my grandfather always said, "you show me a turtle I show you a gun. And I shoot the turtle with the gun."

Neito: What did he do?

Shinsou, speaking like it was super obvious: He was a turtle killer!

Small moment of silence

Shinsou: So my grandfather fought in the pacific theater in World War 2, um and, one of the things they noticed was that- *laughing*- and one of the things that they noticed was that the turtles- were not normally- in this instance- turtles.

Everyone loses their shit

Kaminari: What the fuck are you talking about!?

Neito: I have no concept of where reality ends anymore.

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Bakugou: Important message! Say tuna sub backwards.

Izuku: Bus a nu-

Izuku: You have betrayed me for the last fucking time.

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Iida: Are you hiding something from me?

Koji: yeah *opens jacket to reveal a pigeon with a small hat*

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Kaminari: Hey hey hey you remember ratatouille? that movie was fuckin wild. In the first 20m a woman points a shotgun at the protagonist and tries to shoot him multiple times, brings down the roof of her own house, and subsequently gasses it. Then the rat goes to paris and meets the bastard son of a dead chef and almost dies. Again. Several times. Many times! Almost gets locked in an oven. And then drowned. Then some shit happens and he controls the bastard son by pulling on his hair. Also the bastard chef gets drunk at least once. It’s explicit too like the scheming sous chef brings this 18 y/o or whatever into his office and gets him drunk because he wants the kid to admit that he’s a successful chef because of a tiny hair-pulling rat puppeteer who lives in his hat. And all throughout it the rat is grappling with the ethical conflict of whether stealing is right, and how to reconcile the wasted excesses of capitalism with his belief in private property and self-earned worth, especially when he comes from an impoverished background where stealing was necessary. And the underlying motif is how art isn’t an exclusive club, and how making art accessible to everyone is critical to the expansion and success of art itself, and the importance of honesty in relationships. Also the human protagonist’s name is Linguini.

Bakugou: Kaminari its three am go the fuck to bed.

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Aizawa: Okay problem child, the worst thing you can do in these situations is taking matters into your own hands.

Izuku: Got it!

Izuku: *hangs up the phone*

Izuku: OKAY EVERYONE WE’RE TAKING THIS SITUATION INTO OUR OWN HANDS.

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Iida: A good romance starts with a good friendship!

Shinsou: A bad romance starts with "rah rah ah-ah-ah ro ma ro ma ma ga ga ooh-la-la."

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Momo: People ask us how we manage Class 1-A so easily.

Iida: The secret is we don't. We have no control over them whatsoever. This morning, one of them called for me and when I checked to see what was going on, I got shot in the throat with a Nerf gun.

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Tokoyami: Kaminari.

Kaminari: Yes?

Tokoyami: Why is there glitter in my bed?

Kaminari: Party time baby

Kaminari: 🎉🎉🎉

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Izuku: He's trying to lure me into a false sense of security, jokes on him, I've never been secure in my life and I'm not about to start now.

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Kaminari: Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Bakugou: Sometimes I wonder how your mind works.

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Sero: Ah yes, baguettes, the snakes of bread, I'll take to of your freshest yeasty eels my good chap.

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Tsu: A villain who commits crimes because they want to impress the hero and get their attention but they don’t know how to flirt like a regular person.

Villain Kaminari about Hero Shinsou: I just don’t understand it. Last week I airlifted an entire bus full of tourists to the top of a skyscraper and rigged every floor with fun, non-lethal booby traps. I wore my best cape, my tightest black leather pants AND I added 5 more flirty winks and seductive smirks to my monologue. How could iI possibly have been more obvious?

Villain Jirou: Have you considered just… talking to them?

Villain Kaminari: Have I what now?