hiraethshaven

[hiraethshaven]

24 years of absorbing the anger issues of other people. This could be one of my talent.

[hiraethshaven]

So, yeap. My carmic cycles continues. I did not end up securing s concert ticket call me a crying baby throwing a tantrums but it is my childhood idols that I grew up on. I do not have yet enough money to secure the upper tiers. Right now, I am bawling my eyes out. It also hurts wherein me and my boyfriend outnof the blue where not alright. I guess this will be my turning point to stop. Hopefully, next year will be my year. Improved wardrobes, career soars high, opportunities will find me, high chances of winning and financial growth.

[hiraethshaven]

Happy Teacher's Day !

Despite of not being in service anymore makes me feel nostalgic. 5 months passed after I left the teaching industry, I guarantee it was also a turning point. Made me realize that as an admission personnel, my world is hella lot different compared last year. Right now, my defense became so high, weird treatment of new colleagues, walking more on eggshells, upgraded yet endless adjustments, faced challenging students and over-privileged parents. Although, not perfectly fine. I want to do my job after of all the hate and microcriticisms I received.

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

I do not know, pero parang lumala yung pag-out of place sa akin ng tao. Ramdam ko din naman. I just need to fight it. As introvertedly stoic, may gusto din akong patunayan pero parang they did not let me. Kailan kaya yung time ulit? Parang never ako naging stable. Temporary lang yung peace of mind, praise and joy lalo sa work. Isinasaisip ko nalang yung mga materialistic goals ko. I can't have it all yet, karmic cycles, no one to depend on, or else I have something to prove but they just keep suppressing me. Maybe, I am not a team player at all. Hypersensitive even on microcriticisms. A lot of two-faced colleagues.

I pray that God will give me the big break wherein I can also receive praise again on all my efforts despite of my weaknesses. Hindi lahat tatanggapin ako or bibigyan ng chance yet I hope there will be some days that I can still prove again that I am smart and cooperative. 5 months of staying here, yung trust nila parang di ko makuha slash I feel like I am not always welcome in terms of my capabilities. They did not believe me.

My ideas will get acknowledge that benefit the workplace. Ako na nga yung tumulong, ako pa din yung mali? Until now, I am still coping. Cannot please everyone. Pinapakinggan pero hindi consistently in favor on my terms. Sometimes, I want to cry. However, yung materialistic goals ko nalang muna yung nillook forward ko. I feel so stuck again. I always keep going from the start. May progress ba ko? Masyado ba akong tahimik? But whenever I talk in substance, they keep neglecting my reasons. Bihira ako lagi mapakinggan.

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

This is my first time to spend my Saturday without work, nawalan pa ng wifi, I am just using my data. It felt like I am so laid back and stuck. I can't help again but to feel jealous onto people who travel internationally or domestically. A lot of stories and mydays na nakita ko. Kailan kaya ako?

I overheard my parents also talking about retirement plans. I guess this is the turning points of adulting, my mother and father is getting older, uulitin ko padin na nasa point pa din kami ng hindi makapagtravel. They are getting sick and older pero parang stuck padin kami. Nasa bahay lang din sila lagi. My mother keeps mouthing me to have kanya-kanyang resources. Kailan kaya yung for once in a while, maka-sakay manlang ng airplane altogether? If hindi man mabiyayaan ng kaming pamilya lang, I hope magawa ko yun on myself. I wanna travel that requires to ride an airplane. It's already been part of my bucket list before I disappear onto this world. I just do not know when and how :") I have my own budget but hindi ko pa kaya alone.

I am still not sure pa kung tuloy kami sa Palawan next year. Hindi siya totally staycation, since there is a mix of church tradition doings. Tinanggap ko nalang yun since dun yung stepping stone ko to ride an airplane. Although, my biggest dream is to travel lang. To enjoy lang sana, no such thing activities, so much freedom and rest ba. Pero, kung tuloy man yun magiging kuntento nako. Kaysa maudlot na naman. Back then, our church org also invite me to join but I have no salary yet and ayaw ng family ko na sustentuhan ako don. Kaya ang sama-sama ng loob ko that time.

Right now, I am waiting sa news if tuloy ba kami and my church org sa Palawan on the second time around. I am still managing my expectations tho I have my own budget too. I am balancing my dreams according on what I am tolerating externally. Kung will ni Lord, ibibigay naman Niya.

Sa ngayon, if hindi man plane ticket. Concert ticket nalang. I am also praying and manifesting, na maka secure both. End of 2024 and beginning of 2025.

[hiraethshaven]

On my way to work before the long weekend,

So far, it just triggers my past of being left out, not included and ignored. Although it is normal for us to have different lives, human nature does not lie. I still felt hurt whenever someone does that to me. Eversince, I want to mind my own business too. It is also really hard that kind of feeling does not remove on me.

Specifically, my friends. They just ignored me. Yes, I am like that before but seeing my small group treated me the usual. It is so far different not being reciprocated. I hate them.

Moreover, there is that Leo afro who did not introduce me to his boyfriend. Each of my colleagues has been part of the party except me. Then, a small favor from her is so hard to follow. I just want the freaking groufie. I can say that we are not compatible in terms of friendship. I can tell that is my boundaries. I hate them.

I guess that would be it. Life is short. Looking at the bigger picture always connected with acceptance. We cannot please everyone. I cannot escape this hellhole of triggers so as long as I am alive and breathing. Having my paycheck, my standardized experiences before letting the others enter it, and surviving every single day.

[hiraethshaven]

On my way to work, Rest day OT fyi.

I am currently reflecting in which I am living in an echo chamber. Somehow, sticking to only one value. Like growing up in a church. Focusing on one strength. I guess there is really a cons of not figuring out the essentials.

Then, now I feel impatient. My toxic trait adds up to the fuel regarding my comparison to other people's life and sms. Do not blame me if my only solution comes from unfollowing and blocking them on my sms.

There are lot of delays: my passport, prc certificates, and master's degree. However, opening myself up on other people seems gradually progressing. How organize my email is, connecting with clients, asking for help towards my bosses, being psychologically safe with them despite of my introversion and independence.

My bank savings are gradually increasing. I tend to gather some fuel for my next year's degree. It was like I should gain my colleague's trust first before I take a leap on another field for the sake of upskill. Asking them a favor on how can I pursue my master's.

Will continue to stand in my ground whatever these adulting shits and shenanigans.

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

Source: poeticalphotos

[hiraethshaven]

hello tumblr, it is my birthday today!

I realized that I have been so harsh on myself lately. I don't know if it is part of my hormonal imbalance or maybe overwhelmed on what is happening on my work. I just embrace it and cry a lot. It feels like this loneliness may kick out of the blue. This one day happiness must be forever but I wil live as an escapist. I really should have known how this adulting stuff is slapping me on point.

I also got plans for the next few months, I ask some help on other people but I should manage my expectations. I will try to get out on my comfort zone without the help of anyone. I am planning to get another valid id outside of my hometown.

I do not want to wait sometimes at other people. I have to do it by myself. Me vs. Me. Before my birthday halted, I should probably snap back to reality. I may be slow-witted but I really know that I am capable! Gradually, it is time. My potential should not go to waste.

[hiraethshaven]

Hey tumblr, it is been awhile. A lot went on in the past few months. I found my new work, it's a mix of corporate ladder and school offices. I work as an enrollment adviser, more on counseling, proctoring and marketing communications. It was a different kind of setting compared on teaching inside the four corners of a classroom. But hey, it is one way of getting out of my comfort zone and exploring different fields. The only thing that is similar would be the people: parents, students and colleagues. The transition was not easy but there is always a room for improvement.

My birthday is fast approaching. I do not know what I want yet. Money only comes to my mind eversince. The humble celebration with my family at home/church? Practical photoshoot or studio? I am not quite sure and undecided. I only wait for my monthly salary and backpay from my previous -shitty-employer. As a water sign ♋️, I just want money. Aren't we all?

Turning 23 to 24, my mother starts to oblige me to give her money every payroll. Felt like she's lowkey compairing me to other sons/daughters of her colleagues in terms of returning investments. Cannot help but to frown, and I literally told her that my savings for my masteral degree will proceed with a few portions to her. That was some harsh reality.

I also blocked my old friends (I rant about them here before, I still heard gossips, but pls idgaf in terms of their updates at least) and turned on the privacy of my birthdate. Of course, they have no longer contributed to my life at the moment. Eversince, I ignore all of their whereabouts. I only focus on my career and earning money now, rather than being their fan, viewer, or follower (unless they are TWICE or will gain me anything once I like/replied to their chats/post).

Anyway, I am doing better than I ever was. I attended TWICE OT9 fanmeet. Saw them twice like... AAAhhh! They are all so pretty. They are part of healing my inner child. I am grateful for it.

I am also planning to get one valid ID such as passport. Here in my family, we do not experience going abroad yet, that is why traveling would be my bucket list. Before I disappear into this world, I dream solo travels, car glampings, more concerts, ride on airplane, wear daring swimsuits and more. Sometimes, this conservative family sucks but then I am modestly progressing. Aside from granting my parent's wish: retirement plan/investment and public school teacher 🙃🥱🫠. I have my own dreams as well. I am just their eldest daughter. 🙃

That would be all, tumblr. It's raining tonight. I have my duty tomorrow. Gotta go, Ta-ta!

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

BY: https://www.instagram.com/its.a.purple.thing/

[hiraethshaven]

Dear self,

Stood on your ground. You will get what you want. Stay firm. Be still.

[hiraethshaven]

Ohio Total Solar Eclipse