hiraethshaven - Tumblr blog

[hiraethshaven]

On my way to work before the long weekend,

So far, it just triggers my past of being left out, not included and ignored. Although it is normal for us to have different lives, human nature does not lie. I still felt hurt whenever someone does that to me. Eversince, I want to mind my own business too. It is also really hard that kind of feeling does not remove on me.

Specifically, my friends. They just ignored me. Yes, I am like that before but seeing my small group treated me the usual. It is so far different not being reciprocated. I hate them.

Moreover, there is that Leo afro who did not introduce me to his boyfriend. Each of my colleagues has been part of the party except me. Then, a small favor from her is so hard to follow. I just want the freaking groufie. I can say that we are not compatible in terms of friendship. I can tell that is my boundaries. I hate them.

I guess that would be it. Life is short. Looking at the bigger picture always connected with acceptance. We cannot please everyone. I cannot escape this hellhole of triggers so as long as I am alive and breathing. Having my paycheck, my standardized experiences before letting the others enter it, and surviving every single day.

[hiraethshaven]

On my way to work, Rest day OT fyi.

I am currently reflecting in which I am living in an echo chamber. Somehow, sticking to only one value. Like growing up in a church. Focusing on one strength. I guess there is really a cons of not figuring out the essentials.

Then, now I feel impatient. My toxic trait adds up to the fuel regarding my comparison to other people's life and sms. Do not blame me if my only solution comes from unfollowing and blocking them on my sms.

There are lot of delays: my passport, prc certificates, and master's degree. However, opening myself up on other people seems gradually progressing. How organize my email is, connecting with clients, asking for help towards my bosses, being psychologically safe with them despite of my introversion and independence.

My bank savings are gradually increasing. I tend to gather some fuel for my next year's degree. It was like I should gain my colleague's trust firt before I take a leap on another field for the sake of upskill. Asking them a favor on how can I pursue my master's.

Will continue to stand in my ground whatever these adulting shits and shenanigans .

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

Source: poeticalphotos

[hiraethshaven]

hello tumblr, it is my birthday today!

I realized that I have been so harsh on myself lately. I don't know if it is part of my hormonal imbalance or maybe overwhelmed on what is happening on my work. I just embrace it and cry a lot. It feels like this loneliness may kick out of the blue. This one day happiness must be forever but I wil live as an escapist. I really should have known how this adulting stuff is slapping me on point.

I also got plans for the next few months, I ask some help on other people but I should manage my expectations. I will try to get out on my comfort zone without the help of anyone. I am planning to get another valid id outside of my hometown.

I do not want to wait sometimes at other people. I have to do it by myself. Me vs. Me. Before my birthday halted, I should probably snap back to reality. I may be slow-witted but I really know that I am capable! Gradually, it is time. My potential should not go to waste.

[hiraethshaven]

Hey tumblr, it is been awhile. A lot went on in the past few months. I found my new work, it's a mix of corporate ladder and school offices. I work as an enrollment adviser, more on counseling, proctoring and marketing communications. It was a different kind of setting compared on teaching inside the four corners of a classroom. But hey, it is one way of getting out of my comfort zone and exploring different fields. The only thing that is similar would be the people: parents, students and colleagues. The transition was not easy but there is always a room for improvement.

My birthday is fast approaching. I do not know what I want yet. Money only comes to my mind eversince. The humble celebration with my family at home/church? Practical photoshoot or studio? I am not quite sure and undecided. I only wait for my monthly salary and backpay from my previous -shitty-employer. As a water sign ♋️, I just want money. Aren't we all?

Turning 23 to 24, my mother starts to oblige me to give her money every payroll. Felt like she's lowkey compairing me to other sons/daughters of her colleagues in terms of returning investments. Cannot help but to frown, and I literally told her that my savings for my masteral degree will proceed with a few portions to her. That was some harsh reality.

I also blocked my old friends (I rant about them here before, I still heard gossips, but pls idgaf in terms of their updates at least) and turned on the privacy of my birthdate. Of course, they have no longer contributed to my life at the moment. Eversince, I ignore all of their whereabouts. I only focus on my career and earning money now, rather than being their fan, viewer, or follower (unless they are TWICE or will gain me anything once I like/replied to their chats/post).

Anyway, I am doing better than I ever was. I attended TWICE OT9 fanmeet. Saw them twice like... AAAhhh! They are all so pretty. They are part of healing my inner child. I am grateful for it.

I am also planning to get one valid ID such as passport. Here in my family, we do not experience going abroad yet, that is why traveling would be my bucket list. Before I disappear into this world, I dream solo travels, car glampings, more concerts, ride on airplane, wear daring swimsuits and more. Sometimes, this conservative family sucks but then I am modestly progressing. Aside from granting my parent's wish: retirement plan/investment and public school teacher 🙃🥱🫠. I have my own dreams as well. I am just their eldest daughter. 🙃

That would be all, tumblr. It's raining tonight. I have my duty tomorrow. Gotta go, Ta-ta!

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

BY: https://www.instagram.com/its.a.purple.thing/

[hiraethshaven]

Dear self,

Stood on your ground. You will get what you want. Stay firm. Be still.

[hiraethshaven]

Ohio Total Solar Eclipse

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

too confused to compromise

I've been drowned by a lot of circumstances. I tend to be sensitive in criticisms. The damage it caused me. There is a positive and negative. Sometimes, it makes me stronger and wiser. Otherwise, I second guessed whether if I am that type of person they criticize with. I am confused with my real identity. These types of obligation as a teacher, as an eldest daughter, as a worship leader, and as a girlfriend. It all fell by all of their remarks. Relapses in betweens, it was taken by blood, sweat, and tears. I keep trying and changing for the sake of being a better teacher, worship leader, daughter, and girlfriend.

How about the things I want to be for myself? Am I being selfish again? Neglecting my obligations?

Dear Angel, you should not forget your own visual, aesthetic, financial aspects, and other ambitions. Despite the responsibilities, you have time to validate your intrinsic and extrinsic perspectives on who you really want to be. You love to dress up, pamper at salon, fangirling, discover new places, meet strangers, hop onto cafés, gossip with few but true friends, play genshin, shopping, buy another perfumes, and more!

Life does not end after all those criticisms.

Holding it together! Two heavy months before my contract ended. 15 months of relationship and counting. Family and forever waiting to travel out of this house. Sticking to the tradition until our church progresses like the other branches. I pray that every day that passes, glimmers will come on its way.

[hiraethshaven]

[hiraethshaven]

every decision, no matter how small, has its own greater risk

[hiraethshaven]

Hello again tumblr, this post must be raw.

I had decided not to renew my contract on the institution I looked up to. After brainstorming without plan B, I passed my intent letter.

I keep praying to work on a dream school whatever position other than faculty. I am interested to perform my skills and knowledge beyond teaching. Perhaps, office staffs, teacher aide, assistant librarian, and other admin tasks. Before my birthday on June, I wish a new workplace shall welcome me.

I am having a hard time. At the same time, It was sort of relief. That standard salary cannot compare to the disrespect I received from colleagues and students. They have no exit interviews. I really want to tell them that there has to be an open communication once a week every conflict they face. Somehow, the employee would be psychologically safe hearing the other side, minimizing the bias.

I pray that whenever regret comes in, I would always remember the constant battles I faced in there. Lord, please give me courage. There is still a room for blessings. Hopefully, before my birthday, I would grab the chance and someone might hire me in a better surroundings, fair colleagues, best students, proper management and standard pay.