hikikomorimo
I Wanna Be Happy
Ryleigh | 20Sorry
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Detail from the painting Iris (1886) by John Atkinson Grimshaw (1836-1893)
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#idkw but i just remembered when i was back in highschool and my mom forced me to go to a all girls catholic school#i told my friend about it and she cried and on my last day of school she kissed me on my temple and told me that shed miss me#im not sure why but it made me feel really loved#i don’t have siblings but idk it felt as close to sisterhood as I could get
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#if you’re seeing this its your sign to pursue things that matter#i got my degree because I had to be pragmatic#i couldn’t afford to not have a job#i would have ended up homeless#but for the first time in idk 6 years i thought id look at the coursework for the degree i actually wanted#its kind of soul crushing if im honest#i want nothing more to be doing that rn#i think its too late now and it might be my greatest regret
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Loving myself heals me and nourishes my mind and soul ♡ ｡⋆
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#im so bitter because of everything my mom took from me#before it was my home and familiarity and like really? safety#now its connection#not only did she rob me of a mother but she isolated me from aunts and uncles#cousins and my dad’s family so i could only depend on her but could never ask for help#im proud of myself and the charge i took in protecting myself and building a life but she took that natural safety net kids w parents have#i am sensitive like extra sensitive and really not well suited for the career i choose#i actually had a professor tell i would fail#its funny how he was right in retrospect#but i cant stop moving forward and the deeper i go the less control and confidence I have of my life and my choices#im bitter because i didn’t get the opportunity to mess up and learn and change course and grow and then become who im meant to be#im bitter because there is no justice for me and she wins#every minute i feel this way she wins!!
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