herheavyheart

[herheavyheart]

lately i've been too much aware of time moving, always moving and never once waiting for me. i've been trying to hold on to memories while trying to enjoy the present all while worrying about the future, therefore time has not been gentle to me. nostalgia has been ruining my youth, and i've been so aware of the precious time i've been wasting stuck in the past that i've begun to feel nostalgic for the future me who'll regret not living her twenties to the fullest.

it is a never ending cycle. i'm in my mid twenties, aware that i'm young but feeling so, oh so old. i wish i could hold time in my fingers and tell it to slow down, if only for a minute. i wish i could tell it i'm not ready to be all grown up yet - though i am - i still feel like a child. can i live while being young without a care in the world a little longer ? can i still have dreams ? can i walk the earth without this heaviness in my chest that's been making me feel like i will never live to see my thirties ?

[herheavyheart]

you have made such an impact on me that my words are still, always, full of you ; i can't write if you are not the muse, you gave me the gift of love and took it back from me and that is a feeling i'll spend the rest of my life writing about

[herheavyheart]

loving you came to me as naturally as breathing, it always felt as if we knew each other in a past life, as if we were always meant to meet - i sometimes wish we were meant to have more time together, but the little time we had is more than anything i ever had and will ever have

[herheavyheart]

time is passing, death is coming, and for what it's worth i'll spend my whole life wishing it would've been you and no one else

[herheavyheart]

out of everything you taught me, the one thing that stuck with me is this : to be in love with each other was never enough. we had love, and somehow i thought having that was all we needed to make us work but i was so, so far from the truth. it takes more than love to keep two people like us together.

[herheavyheart]

At the end of everything, nothing matters that much. 5, 10, 40 years from now, you will look back on your wasted opportunities caused by fear and all the times you felt a crippling anxiety and regret you ever let the little things get to you. You only get one shot at life, one shot to make the most of it, to be carefree and live by your own rules.

Whatever you do and no matter the path you choose to take in life, always remember these things : you're human and therefore not perfect so don't be hard on yourself for every humanely mistakes you make, you are not responsible for the way people choose to act and for the things they choose to say, stay true to yourself cause you are the only one who truly know your own heart.

Life is not a straight line nor all gold. Life is a rollercoaster, it can turn to black in a second — and if it does, keep in mind that every single thing you go through will eventually pass. Temporary is what life is. And there is always, always light on the other side.

[herheavyheart]

I remember looking at you and thinking, "I've never loved anyone like that, and there's no one quit like him. There will never be another", and I remember feeling my chest hurt everytime I thought of a world without you in it. I was so sure, back then, of what we had, and I never wanted to lose that.

I did lose it. You. The world doesn't seem as bright and joyful as when you were right next to me ; it turned to black. At least my world did.

[herheavyheart]

i gave up on love a long time ago. i gave up when all of my love ended up in all the wrong hands, over and over again, and when it turned me into someone i hated. someone heartless, cold and scarred, when i once felt warm like the sun to everyone who was lucky enough to touch me.

[herheavyheart]

i need to remind myself that this is it — this is my life, and it is the only one i have and will ever have. i can't postpone it. i can't wait to live it. this is it, right now, the present. i am alive and breathing and i can't keep forgetting that i only have one shot at making the most of it.

[herheavyheart]

i thought the night of our breakup was unbearably hard — but the morning after, oh, the morning after was worse. waking up in a life that didn't include you anymore, stumbling on things that, somehow, always reminded me of you, and that morning-after-the-breakup pain in my chest, the kind of pain you know you'll spend a lifetime trying to heal.

i did not lose you that night. i lost you every morning that came after. you had carved your name in every simple thing like songs, movies, the way you took your coffee and how you loved rainy days. and it was all tainted now. i woke up every morning after wishing it would be a sunny day.

[herheavyheart]

Today I looked back at how my life used to be, how I had you and thought I always would. Was I naïve to think that nothing could ever change us, that we were infinite in a world where everything's temporary? Even the greatest lovers die, even us.

[herheavyheart]

i'm a memory keeper, i'm the kind of girl who's got a hard time letting go of her past and who deals with nostalgia and melancholy on a daily basis

[herheavyheart]

i want to be more, so much more, but i don’t know how, and i don’t know how to stop being so frozen by fear and doubts and the future

[herheavyheart]

I don’t know who I am, I’m a lost soul wandering the earth without knowing where to go, what to do. I often ask myself what my purpose is and I never find an answer, and so I wonder if I have any purpose at all, or was I just put in this living hell to question my existence all the time? Will I die having only experienced doubt, overthinking, fear, hate and tears?

[herheavyheart]

My issue with love is that I can’t seem to measure it... I love too much, or not enough. I never found the in-between and I fear I never will. I’m bound to either drown in the sea of my love or die in the lack of it.

[herheavyheart]

i'm always grieving, grieving, grieving. i'm grieving what we could've been, i'm grieving every version of me who died with the decisions i made, i'm grieving books i never read and music i'll never listen and every little thing that makes life not so unbearable

[herheavyheart]

never stay somewhere you don't belong. never hold on for dear life when things should be simple and easy. never shut the voices that tell you to run as fast as you can. never put yourself second. never ignore the uncomfortable feeling you get from someone you think you love. and never ever please anyone to make them happy if it makes your miserable.