herateck

[herateck]

Snippet Saturday!

Same deal as before, this is another snippet from the Buck Breakdown wip from prev post! which i may or may not be calling Cuckoo Egg after writing that last segment 🤔

“Yeah, hey,” Buck finally replies, his own voice surprising him with how normal it sounds. “What’s up?” Even without the phone pressed to his ear he can hear the relieved breath of air punched out of Chimney, and the way he tries to cover it up by continuing, “Oh, nothing really. Just thought I’d check in.” Bullshit. Buck wonders how long Chim is going to beat around the bush before finally getting to the point. “Eddie’s here.” Oh. Not long at all then. Buck’s quiet again, brain still a bit foggy. He stretches his legs out flat on the ground from where they’d been pulled up to his chest. The shards still decorating the floor from the shattered glass make quiet tinkling sounds as he nudges his bare feet through the mess, like tiny little bells. “Yep, he’s got a princess crown on and Jee is about to begin his coronation,” Chim continues conversationally. “You’re missing out.” “No, I’m not. I’ve been coronated before, I know the drill.” Yikes. What the fuck was that?

[herateck]

Fuck it Friday!

Because i said so! here's a snippet / messy wip thing involving a Buck Breakdown ~ I've never written fic before- at all not just for 911, so sorry for how clumsy this is! I have no idea what I'm doing lol

Shit. He’s really fucked it up this time. This wasn’t like the last time, when Maddie had shown up mid-episode- wait, can he call it that? Or was that appropriative to people who were actually sick and not just- wrong, incorrect, broken- like he was? Probably. Point was that Maddie had shown up unexpectedly the last time he had been 'freaking out', and there had been no broken glasses or furniture blockades, no physical evidence of his wrongness. So, Buck had an easier time of brushing off her worry. He managed to convince her that everything was fine, and normal, and that he had just needed a bit of a cry. To decompress. Which was normal. For normal people. Healthy, even. Maddie had agreed. In fact, she had joined him on the couch, wrapped her arms around him- she was wearing the softest cardigan he had ever felt- and had cried along with him. It was nice, actually. He could pretend for a moment that they were just two siblings sharing a moment to express the hurt of their traumatic childhood, and of the subsequent chaos of their adult lives. He could pretend that they were the same. That he wasn’t an invasive species in the nest of an unsuspecting family, the indisputable fact of his difference and unbelonging obvious to no one but himself. He had almost pushed her away in that moment, pushed her out of their little nest to the ground far, far below. Had almost cried out that he did not deserve her comfort, that every ounce of the hopelessness and fear that he had been feeling up until that point had been well earned. But that would ruin everything about the amateur but solid façade he had built for himself, would reveal things about himself that he never, ever wanted anyone to know. For as exhausting and lonely and scary as it was with this thing inside him, this knowledge that there was something fundamentally ugly and distorted about his very existence, the idea of anyone that he loves finding out about it and looking at him with disgust, or worse, confusion, is infinitely more terrifying to him than anything he thinks he might do to himself in his isolation. So, he stays in it. Comforted by the idea of keeping his secret close to his chest, like a tiny fledgling bird, ugly in its own featherless newborn way, but unable, still, to hurt a soul.