hellishpath-blog

[hellishpath-blog]

don’t let your mind take over 

[hellishpath-blog]

Box of pain

I'm living in a box, a box of pain, of sorrow, of depression, maybe I'm misled by my own demons, I've lost track on my path, I never know what I'm doing right now, I've lost my purpose, I'm stuck in self deniable, I'm starting to hate myself, to loose my faith. I believe that there is a God, but when I fall in these life trailers, I become a non believer, maybe God messed up my blue prints, but I always say, why me in particular?

[hellishpath-blog]

The box

Living as a lost soul in a dark world, I've tried to find my path but I'm stuck in a sea of fears, deeply drowning in darkness, I miss the old days, the old laughs, but maybe this is how it meant to be, God mixed up my blue prints, and no matter what I try to numb this pain I'm feeling, I end up feeling empty. I can hear my demons scream inside my head, they've broke me down, and my deep thoughts, my overthinking, brought me to the ground, I feel so lonely in a seven billion people world, I've tried as hard as I can to get back up on my feet, but there's always something that holds me back, it's my unforgettable past, so life has been pretty much unfair to me, I guess I'll nevet know how to laugh again. I just grind in the face of the loved ones, the closest ones who once tried to help me to find my soul. Numbing the pain always leads me to a major mental break up, in these moments, I just listen to my depressive playlist and cry, this helps me somehow to decrease the pressure, but I'm sure, I'll always be living in the sorrow mode, it become a life code, to live in this pathetic condition.

Right now, I feel at my lowest, and I'm just waiting for a change, will it come? Or I'll die before that ever happens. I've been weak since the day I had this kind of consciousness, it's killing me, it's like climbing mountains without safety precautions, this is how I used to live my life, on the edge, waiting to reach my final moment, the last moment when I'll be pushed over the clef, but I'm hoping to be saved of myself, of my demons, I wish the almighty's hand saves me from what I've become, from feeling empty, I feel like ink on a piece of paper waiting to dry, I've become a lost soul, I'm turning into dust, I have no aims, no dreams, just breathing to live in a universe where bad meets evil.

[hellishpath-blog]

A moment

Those moments when you're stuck between deciding are you sad or happy, then you realize that you can't feel at all, you loose your soul, so you become empty, and everything looks the same no matter what you do to cheer yourself up.

Maybe the world is meant to be cold and dirty, full of heart breakers and hypocrites, but the good thing is that all of this pain and sorrow isn't permanent, everything is temporary, and one day we will break through the light and live the afterlife, I hope it'll be better.. These are my random thoughts, this is me, that lost anf lonely boy who's looking for the man in the moon, enemy, familiar friend, my beginning and my end.

[hellishpath-blog]

Random life

I woke up a soulless man who lost his angelic Aura, I woke up as a forgotten Egyptian tomb, or maybe as a knife in the chest of a Samurai warrior, what's the difference.. Maybe because living in this cold brutal world demands heartless men, or maybe the emotions I've felt before were just a lie, my existence, my life, are the almighty mistake, but I'm afraid to fall in blasphemy, I would rather say, it's my own mistake, but I still question my free well, it looks like a huge gift, but it's too limited because each choice is followed by consequences, I try to understand this complexity, these random timelines related to the choices we make, these consequences are either good or really bad, and I've encountered just the bad phases mostly. However, deep down inside me, I know there is a glance of hope, and I wish finding my purpose, or die trying..

[hellishpath-blog]

My killer

I'm a sinner, like all of you, I'm not supposed to be a saint, being human, is having the ability to commit sins, in this meaningless life, I'm just lost as Peter Pan, looking for the man in the moon, I tried to find myself in many ways, I couldn't understand who I am, it must be that complex.. Each time I fall, I try to get up on my feet, but my past is still holding me back, I couldn't sever myself from that momentum when I commited suicide, with no luck, I didn't succeed to put an end to my existence, which something I regret not doing it right. Am I breathing to live, or living to breathe, several questions on my mind, and I have an answer for none, this world is cruel, and I'm broken and bruised, wounded, and aching.

[hellishpath-blog]

Be there

Be there when I need you most, I can't leave you, you've been there when I needed you, I can infer your voice through a whole crowd because you're in my inner, deep down inside, you're mine, my own demon. Each second passes by, while hearing your soothing voice, dear demonic presence, I overthink my past, my present, and a future that I'm not sure if I'll reach it or not, you're telling me I'm the one, I'm perfect, and nobody's like me, I guess, it's true, we're both distinguished, we're both unlucky, you've been abondoned by your own creature, I know you're innocent, I can tell from the Sonata that I've heard, and me, oh.. I'm just lost between memories and wind breezes that take me far away back in time when everything was simple, when I didn't care about a thing called "tomorrow".. Now, I'm just trying to make up my mind and find an unknown path that'll take me away from every sorrow, every pain I've felt, we, humans, are so vulnerable, we fell in love with consistency, the second we feel a change coming, we get lost in some insecurities, we're weak, I'm weak, and if I had a chance to know what's coming, I'll surely sneak a peak, just out of curiosity, or maybe I would like to fix my blue prints, which is impossible in a world created of good and bad, God and Evil.. Along the way home, I should die to gain access to another way of life, I call it "the distinguished reincarnation", it looks creepy, the moment when I won't be able to breathe, when I'll have a flashback of my entire life, but, while waiting for that day, I'll be just that lost boy who's looking for the man in the moon, will he be there? Will he be my friend? Or I'll be stuck with just you, my lovely demon? These are question for another day, waiting for these clouds of pain to cloud away..

[hellishpath-blog]

Cafe, what else?

What a silhouette, a nina ricci perfume, a grey eyes color, a perfect woman of my dreams, and me, I'm just sitting on a bench next to the train station, a cup of starbucks coffee in my hands, waiting for the one to pass by. She's here, I'm acting like I'm reading a book, but I'm staring at her, my sentimental beautiful crush, I never cared about a future, but that exact moment when our eyes met, I knew that life is more meaningful. I'm still doing the same, until the day I saw her with someone who is apparently her boyfriend. Nowadays, I just enjoy my coffee, I never cared about my wounded heart, the fall was too deep, but my soul I'll keep, I found myself ina book called "John and the vibrating heart".

[hellishpath-blog]

At the death of me

Once, I died because I gave more than enough, I gave all, my soul, whole, I watched the pieces of my heart scattered in pieces like a shattered piece of glass, but I knew that feeling empty won't last, I moved on, I decided it's a past, my hellish past, the past of fears, the sea of tears, hallucination and nightmares, I was scared of a bad tomorrow, or even, a change of time, I followed the hours second by second, I counted every and each breath I breathe since the last time you made my heart wounded, but today is a new dawn, a new beginning, a new chance to make things right, and what's right is me without you, is a brave heart who learnt that life doesn't stop here at one fall, but it begins when you learn to get up and keep fighting. Today I'm someone else, maybe someone that you'll never know, I feel like I have a purpose in life, and my journey just started, so I'm ready for new lemons to squeeze.