headsplit2008

[headsplit2008]

writing thing where jamie and santiago wait for the bus at night. contextually i guess this takes place pre-redacted pre-headsplit ok. thx mari for editing it so my weird writing habits (like run on sentences and no caps and 'these quotes') are gone and its actually readable.

The streetlight reflects off the bus stop glass, the beads of water left over from the light showers glinting like sequins. Santiago sighs. Jamie had already thrown up, emptying his stomach outside the bus stop in a way the commuters the following morning were sure to appreciate. He leans against Santiago’s shoulder, now, too wasted to even sit up on his own. Santiago glances down the street as if the bus’ll appear at the exact moment he looks. His phone had died, so it’s not like he could check to know when the next one was coming. The night buses always came much less frequently, anyways… they should’ve brought the car. But it isn’t like Santiago is exactly sober, either.

Jamie lets out a little huff of a sigh as he leans more against Santiago.

“Mnnnghh… when’s that bus gonna come…” he grumbles.

“You think I know?” Santiago says back tiredly. He instinctively goes to turn on his phone to look at the time, but, yep, it’s still dead.

“Ughhhhh…. this blowssss….” Jamie groans as he rolls his head a bit to Santiago’s chest. Santiago watches to make sure he doesn’t fall over.

“Yup.” he agrees.

There’s another bit of silence, the pit-pit-pit of the restarted rain hitting the glass softly.

It’s a beautiful night. But it’s always a bit of a beautiful night— one of Santiago’s favorite things about going out is seeing the quiet, empty city when they have to make their way home. Something about the lack of people calms his nerves. Nobody watching, nobody caring what they get up to all alone and anonymous in the night. Something something enjoying the freedom of youth, he supposes. The stoplight the next block over turns from red to green, but there’s no one to cross the street.

“Santi… you know, you’re a great guy, man…” Jamie mumbles, apropos of nothing. He always gets weirdly sappy the drunker he is, the more alone they are. Not that Santiago minds. It makes him feel really nice, actually, to know that even without his wits, Jamie still likes him.

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Santiago dismisses, “Sure.”

Jamie blinks open his eyes halfway, obviously woozy. “I’m serious, dude… you’re so…” And Santiago can almost see the gears in his brain turning, him reaching for whatever big word he’s too out of it to recall.

“So what?” Santiago lets out a little huf-laugh.

“…cool.” Jamie settles on.

Santiago can’t help but snort unconvincedly to that. “Cool? Yeah, right.” And he looks at his phone in his hand, absentmindedly turns it over and back, “Not sure what wires are crossed in your brain right now, but I’m gonna take what you say with grains of salt.”

“I’m soooo serious, dude,” Jamie leans up a bit to look at him more. Santiago smiles skeptically. “I mean, like, you totally killed it back there. You always do.”

Okay, now he knows Jamie is REALLY out of it. Santiago never “kills it” anywhere he goes, unless “killing it” is to be taken literally. Santiago feels like he sucks the life out of whatever room he enters. Like a candle snuffer.

“Alright, dude.” Santiago waves Jamie’s comment off, tries to think of a way to direct the conversation away from himself.

“I’m serious…” Jamie says, looking at him, tilting his head a bit. He just sort of stares, like he’s expecting something. Santiago has no idea what.

“…what?” he asks.

“…?” and Jamie leans closer to him.

“Hey, dude—” Santiago leans away a bit, looks around nervously. Jamie tilts his head more, leans closer. Santiago’s trying not to get uncomfortable, but Jamie’s a bit of an enigma in general. Not that everybody isn’t, to him.

“I’m… I’m, like, telling you, dude. You’re way cool.” Jamie’s words trip over each other in leaving his mouth.

“I’m really not,” Santiago smiles grimacingly, “no clue where you got that idea from.” A car drives past, the whsshhhh of the tires over the damp street, the flash of the headlights passing over Jamie’s face from back to front illuminating him momentarily in 3d. He’s a handsome guy, Santiago supposes subconsciously. Just as an observation, not a compliment.

“Why do you always say that ssort of stuff, dude…” Jamie looks so sad hearing the self-deprecation.

Santiago looks away, anywhere but at his face. “Gh, I dunno…”

“You’re super great, dude. You do- all kinds of great stuff.” Jamie’s vocabulary is limited by his inebriation. It’s almost a bit funny.

Santiago scoffs. “Like what?”

“Mn… like, you… you go places… you do stuff…” Jamie shrugs a bit while talking, his eyes wandering.

“Wow, how specific.” Santiago snorts.

“You know what I mean, yeah…? You, you… come with me. you… you come with me. to things.” And he scratches at his chin disorientedly. Brings his hand to his mouth and runs his teeth under his nail absentmindedly.

“Alright, whatever, man.” Santiago gives a little shake of his head, trying to put the topic to rest.

“I’m serious…!” Jamie looks over to him, stops biting the other nails on his hand, “…why do you think I’d say that? …if… I wasn’t?”

“Jeez, god! I don’t know!” Santiago doesn’t want to play this guessing game with him right now. It’s hard enough to tell what people want. He doesn’t need to start missing the mark socially and making Jamie hate him.

Jamie looks away, hurt. “…alright…” he mumbles.

Santiago sighs and rolls his eyes exasperatedly. “Listen. I-…” And Jamie looks at him again, “I- I like you, man. You’re-” and he realizes how that sounds, “NOT LIKE THAT! I just… like,” And he runs his thumb over his phone nervously, taps out a little rhythm with his index finger, “You’re… nice, I guess. To me.”

Jamie looks confused. “…Yeah? …Why wouldn’t …someone be.” “I don’t know!” Santiago raises his shoulders stiltedly, “Just- you… are!” Jamie cocks his head, the follow-through of the motion a bit too heavy. He’s obviously still very drunk. He leans closer to Santiago again. Santiago inhales sharply, his shoulders stiffening. “…Why don’t you think people like you?” Jamie asks in a simple, soft tone. “KHHAH- DUDE-” Santiago anxiously laughs, “You can’t just ask a guy that ??” “Why not…?” Jamie tilts his head to the side, confused, but not backing away. Santiago stares at him for a moment, trying to think of how best to respond, his mouth a pressed line. “You… can’t just go up to someone and start asking them personal questions!” God, he feels like he’s explaining something to a baby. The rain picks up speed outside.

“Why not…?” Jamie asks again. and Santiago knows it’s not out of malice but can’t help feeling frustrated. Jamie just doesn’t get stuff sometimes. Another car drives past and Santiago notices the way Jamie’s hair haloes in the headlight-glow. “You just….” Santiago tries to find a way to explain what he means in a way Jamie will understand. But Jamie leans up to him and kisses him on the lips softly. Santiago isn’t as taken aback by it as he’d expect. He lets it happen. And when Jamie pulls away Santiago looks at him angrily. “…” Jamie looks at him half-focused. Like it doesn’t even register to him what he just did, what it could come across as, what most people would think of the act. “Sorry.” he says after an awkward pause, like his brain catches up to itself. But he doesn’t seem very sorry. “Yeah, yeah, what- whatever.” Santiago mutters out, looking away embarrassedly. Jamie shrugs limply. “I didn’t… mean it like …that.” And he states it so plainly, with so little anything, that it pisses Santiago off. He knows Jamie didn’t mean it “like that”. He wouldn’t even want him to. It’s just… he’s always so impulsive. And he’s always making it Santiago’s problem. Leaving Santiago to pick up the pieces, keep up appearances.

“…yeah. I know.” Santiago says, trying not to look mad. “Do you wanna have quesadillas when we get back…” Jamie asks, leaning against Santiago’s shoulder and closing his eyes again. And Santiago wants to stay angry at him, but he can’t. He puts his arm around Jamie’s shoulders and holds him closer. The rain slows back down, pit-pit-pit-pit rippling the reflection of the stoplight as it turns red again.

“Not really.” he says.

[headsplit2008]

if i write a thing where The Characters '''''''kiss''''''' can we all be normal and understand i mean it in a complicated platonic way. ill prove it to you. i can write The Characters fucked up friendship dynamic and youll all get what i mean right? youll all be normal ?

im very serious about this actually. im not saying this shit for The Bit or ironically or whatever. characters who arent romantically involved r important to me. i care more about Not romantic relationships. I like friendships. friendships in all their complexity. I like that The Characters' relationship is so frigged. i could talk about this for a long time because its IMPORTANT to me but yeah.

[headsplit2008]

been thinking a lot about this guy

[headsplit2008]

peopleve been telling me i have a bizarre way of writing so heres a random all in one go jamiething i wrote a few days ago ok.

[headsplit2008]

you know there's just a couple of things that i like

[headsplit2008]

he's so cute when he's not happy in the slightest

[headsplit2008]

its still priDEMONth right heres hcs idk. explaination below

i think jamie aromantic could be really cool and interesting... feeding into that whole thing of he doesnt understand 'Normal' relationships between people and might be part of the reason he hooks up, because it offers a modicum of the physical intimacy a relationship is supposed to provide yknow? i can see him confusing strong sexual/platonic feelings for romantic ones, because he Literally Lacks romatic feelings and equates the closest things he can feel to them.. i also think 'heteroflexible' would fit him because i think he'd consider himself straight but not be totally against trying summat with a guy/nb person under the right circumstances (not a Relationship ofc).. hes sorta lackadaisical in that way. i dont think any of it would be like 'intentional'/concious ie he doesnt actually use these labels and probably would just call himself straight.

and santiago i think repressed bisexuality is both funny in a torture nexus way and fits his character as someone who suppresses and denies himself based on what he thinks is 'proper' in societys's eyes (albeit probably subconciously). i might say gay but 1. for all we know he Did have girlfriend and maybe it was even a good relationship at first 2. its funnier if hes bi and still cant get a partner and 3. dear god it would be so so funny if the person he cheated (if he did cheat) with was a man

[headsplit2008]

ok rethink becose

thinking about my relationship to media i like and something something realised i tend to like things as a way of lookig for approval and forgiveness because i think the worst fate a creator could recieve is Me liking their thing so i just constantly go im so sorrryyyyy im so sorryyyy ahhh ill shut uppp im sorryyy ... but hey guys what if im not the devil and its cool for me to see myself in things and care about something that isnt my own? also something something society puts so much emphasis on being the Creator/Owner of a thing (probably has to do with IP obsession [profitability] etc) vs a 'fan' -- i.e. the Creator is smart and the Fan is the mindless content eater. so i would be like ah liking someone else's thing makes me stupid because i have no control over how it pans out. ignoring or missing the fact that half of what makes art meaningful is what the person experiencing the art takes away from it/how it affects them, even if its in ways that weren't intended by the person/people making it.

also thinking about Other Media helps act as like a 'warmup' for me to think about my own stuffs too !! :-D everybody wins

TLDR yes i will continue to TOLpost however i like because i do not owe anyone anything [except basic human respect] + it means something to me :-)

Whats Up i am an busyman with much to do andso i haven't the time nor energy to put 2wards An External Media asteur... love TOL, is AWESOME, but i get really uncomfortable being associated with a 'fandom' for a media as that's not really how i like interacting with things i like (i normally just stay in a little corner and barf out thoughts/art for 2-3 months before getting better). in restrospect most of my theories & artz were more projection than anything else LOL so i feel kinda bads about that (hence 'privating' blogue) but i also know some ppl mite likes them going foreward (hence 'keep as archive'). brilliant peopke of the world wide web aid me in my hour of indescision...

^just as i foretold....

[headsplit2008]

hey guys whats up. the cycle continues

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you make it look so easy.

[headsplit2008]

do u think jamie and santiago ever hooked up

not at all. but if they did it would be really, really fucking funny and just another fun and creative way to torture santiago specifically (which is a favoured hobby of many people, myself included) so for the sake of The Bit i indulge you

[headsplit2008]

also. before i poof into the ether, umn. am opening commishuns for about a week so feel free ta dm me if ur inch rested okayy yayy ♥️♥️ (ill delete this post later when they close Ok! have a good day)

[headsplit2008]

Whats Up i am an busyman with much to do andso i haven't the time nor energy to put 2wards An External Media asteur... love TOL, is AWESOME, but i get really uncomfortable being associated with a 'fandom' for a media as that's not really how i like interacting with things i like (i normally just stay in a little corner and barf out thoughts/art for 2-3 months before getting better). in restrospect most of my theories & artz were more projection than anything else LOL so i feel kinda bads about that (hence 'privating' blogue) but i also know some ppl mite likes them going foreward (hence 'keep as archive'). brilliant peopke of the world wide web aid me in my hour of indescision...

^just as i foretold....

[headsplit2008]

jamie pride flag

hmmmm on one hand i wanna have a prideful icon... on the other hand i wanna keep santiago.... agghhhhh...

[headsplit2008]

sorry not sorry

Beautiful world

[headsplit2008]

i would honestly rather die than post my writing publicly because its lame and i dont know if itll hold up in the long run of the comic but i must admit i do like some of it 💯 can i get a yahoo for people with violent intrusive tjoughts and impulses 👈 😀

[headsplit2008]

ok fuck it this is my blog i do what i want heres sum shit weirdfrench translation test thingys for TOL. yes that is the scott pilgrim font i dont have the og TOL one. mostly just an excuse to make jamie talk like me oké. using french canadianisms but as well a bit of franceisms (mostly québécois/acadjonne/joual/'parisien'/[not here but i would use verlan] etc). imagine he does the french canadian thing with 'a's (fais -> 'fa').santiago is kinda more 'average' (chose to use 'hein' and 'non' instead of 'han' and 'nan' for him)but still kinda weird, kinda like how he tries to suppress himself personalitywise. i could literally write a whole thing abt how i would handle a tol french translation (imposing my chewpid dialecte onto it) (please god at very least it would not be in frigging Academie ass french. ill settle for average québécois even).