headfilledwithsmoke

[headfilledwithsmoke]

On Feeling Pride

Pride, one of the ‘seven deadly sins’.

How funny that one of the things traditionally considered so detrimental to a person is something I am consistently told I need to have more of. 

I have been considering this a lot lately after some crises of confidence over the past few months. I should feel proud for a lot of things that I do, that I am, that I believe, that I value, but more often than not I feel indifference, sometimes disappointment. I write a blog post (like this one) and I post it with a ripple of appreciation and feedback, and that feedback is usually ‘Wow Richard! That is amazing!’, to which I tend to respond with a shrug and some mumbled ‘Yeah…’.

As such, it has lead me to try to understand why I don’t feel much pride. So far, I have come up with the following:

Why should I be proud when everyone else is doing it, or better?

Why should I be proud when it was so easy?

Why should I be proud when I have done something that negatively overshadows it?

I want to touch on each of these individually, as hopefully in doing so I can better understand myself and eventually not think them any more.

“Why should I be proud when everyone else is doing it, or better?”

I truly think this is one of, if not, my greatest shortcoming in life. I compare myself to everyone and to everything around me, and it usually has only negative results. It can be in the professional sense, the personal sense, the emotional sense, literally any way you shake it I can, and will compare myself to other people. As a result, I can do something that is good, positive and wholesome, and instead of feeling that pride and contentment for what I have done or achieved, I almost immediately think about friends, peers, colleagues, anyone else and how they have done it better. 

Within my profession this is a very real thing I think about. I perceive that most of my immediate peers have progressed beyond my level and I am being left behind. I feel that a lot of my friends have achieved more than I have in their lives and that I am way behind. It can be absolutely crippling. For this reason, when someone tells me to be proud of what I do for a living I always respond with ‘well all of my peers do the same, if not better, so why should I care?’. I guess the obvious answer to this kind of thought process is to stop comparing myself with others, but I find this difficult as often they have achieved what I want to. A ‘better’ job, a house, a solid relationship, a car, money, holidays, travel. 

All of the above and more. 

I suppose this is a symptom of modern life where we all are conditioned to want, want, want. Always striving for the ‘next thing’, and when that isn’t immediately attainable and others have it, it is unavoidable that some negative emotions will be stirred. I am such a quick and active person that I find it hard to stop the cogs in my brain whirring at thousands of RPM and take stock of what I have and why I should be a) thankful and b) happy with that. Some inner peace and contentment that my life is mine and mine alone, with my unique set of circumstances, gifts and challenges.

“Why should I be proud when it was so easy?”

This is possibly the easiest ones to pinpoint. In life I have had the privilege of being naturally bright and as a result, a lot of things come quickly to me. I think that for me to feel pride in something, I have to really have worked for it. When it comes to writing these blogs, I don’t know how good they actually are, but they only take me a matter of hours to complete. When they’re done, they’re fired in to the ether and that’s it. I don’t feel a massive sense of achievement or the aforementioned pride, just the mildest stirring of completing something and not wasting time. I suppose a way to combat this is through positive feedback, but then that would defeat the purpose of creating such introspective posts. If they were hard to create, taking me days or even a week to write something, then maybe the pressing of ‘post’ online would give me more emotion. Likewise, when I cook a good meal for someone else, unless it was a challenge then I just feel like it’s on the normal level of what I can do and as such I don’t feel pride. If it had gone badly I would be distraught, so why when it goes well don’t I feel elation? 

I think this does stem from always being an achiever and as such achievement is all I know and is my baseline. If, and when, I fall off that lofty (mostly self imposed) pedestal I am crushed. I need to start recognising what I can do is special and that regardless of how naturally things come to me, they are things that others may not be able to do. If I can create something impressive, do well professionally or have a small personal success I need to recognise these as the positives that they are, much more so if I can do them with ease.

“Why should I be proud when I have done something that negatively overshadows it?”

This final point is more of a general life assessment I am making of myself. I am, as it may have become apparent from earlier posts, ridiculously harsh on myself. I hold myself accountable for things that I haven’t control over, expecting far too much from myself when I need to recognise that I am human. Any action I take with a negative result, any event that negatively impacts me, anything that isn’t positive overwhelms me and overshadows anything good that I have done. For example, I took my girlfriend to Paris and we had an incredible time. However, because the flights ended up being seemingly overbooked (out of my control) we had to both cut the trip short and route back home via somewhere that wasn’t direct. Now, I should have felt proud that I had a girlfriend to take to Paris, I should have felt proud that I had the disposable income to treat someone to such a trip, and that despite the circumstance I still managed to get us home. Instead I felt this overwhelming feeling that I’d let her down, let myself down and generally done it wrong. This was in spite of her telling me it was okay and that she’d had a great time.

I think that this is the main thing I need to work on. To move on with what has happened, only worry about the things I can change and to feel pride in the great things I have and do in life.

I am not sure what this post is meant to be, or even if I should post it, but I have written it in the space of less than an hour so I guess that’s something, right?

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Expectations vs. Reality

I am currently sat watching the sun set at the end of a beer garden looking over a beautiful landscape of a river, fields and trees. It’s actually rather indescribable how calming this environment is, with only the gentle babble of a brook, the faint giggles of children past their bedtime and the quiet hum of birds signalling it’s probably close to being time for their companion’s bedtimes.

For some reason, maybe the events of the past few days, weeks, months or years I thought about writing about the unexplainable phenomenon of expectations and reality.

Now, some of you may be wondering what I’m talking about, thinking ‘My reality is fantastic, it lives up to all of my expectations and exceeds them!’. To you, I say you’re in the fortunate few. Others may say ‘My reality is exactly is exactly what I expected!’. To you, I’d say you’re lucky. A fair amount of people will probably say ‘well, reality doesn’t quite match my expectations, but that’s fine because my reality is a-okay!’. I wish I was you.

Unfortunately I am in the final of these (self identified) categories whereby I am constantly faced with reality never reaching my lofty expectations. To those of you who share this sentiment - I feel you.

I don’t think I ever considered this as a concept until I watched (arguably my favourite movie) (500) Days of Summer. For those who haven’t seen it, I will summarise in only one of the narrated opening lines of the film ‘now I must warn you up front, this is NOT a love story’. Foolishly, being the emotional sod that I am, I watched it. I will admit Ioved it, embraced it, sang along (eventually - great soundtrack!) with it. My mum even bought me a t-shirt of it with 499 hearts on and the 500th broken. With said description of the t-shirt, as you may expect, this ‘NOT a love story’ didn’t leave me feeling my best, as worst of all, I empathised with it. 

Now, people who know me may already have identified me as an emotionally charged, heart on my sleeve, go all in on it all kind of guy. I am also an over-thinker. This leads me to feeling every emotion that goes through the character Tom Hansen’s mind as Summer Finn gives him (possibly unknowingly) false hope. It all starts when, months after breaking up, Tom and Summer end up going to the same wedding and meet on the train to the venue. They awkwardly start to talk before enjoying one of the most relaxed experiences of the on-screen relationship so far. As they part ways post wedding, Summer invites Tom to a party, and this is where things start to fall apart.

What follows is one of my favourite and heart-wrenching movie scenes of all time. 

The scene starts with Tom excitedly walking the stairs to Summer’s apartment, with the narrator describing Tom’s inner monologue. Tom is excited at the prospect of what the evening could hold, filled with expectations following his experience at the wedding. However as Tom reaches the top floor the screen splits, and the labels ‘expectation’ and ‘reality’ adorn the bottom of each half. As the left hand scene unfolds, we see how the evening would have gone in Tom’s mind, from the thoughtful gift received with love, to her introducing him to all of her friends as a potential architect to their admiration. Sadly, what we see in the right hand of the screen is what actually happens. The lovingly chosen gift received with a friendly tap on the shoulder, him being mocked for his lack of a real career and then even him drinking a cocktail alone, watching from afar as Summer shows friends her engagement ring. As this happens, the left side disappears, as all expectations are thrown out and what’s left is the reality of what has happened.

I love this scene. I think it perfectly encapsulates what happens in life when you are an over-thinker, a sensationalist, a dreamer. I have had this happen to me many times in my life whereby the exceptions of what could be pale and are even in cases the polar opposite to what is the reality. I must admit this occurrence has mostly happened in (unsuccessful) romantic situations. However, as life has gone on and I have ended up in relationships, I have experienced this phenomenon time and time again, and it isn’t to my benefit. I find myself forever expecting something and getting something different. I even wrote a song with the lyrics:

‘And I find each day I wonder what comes next, desperately wanting something, but always getting nothing’

I know this may seem a tad dramatic, but it is how I feel at times. 

And I have realised that ’Tom Hansen’ and I not alone. Dan Mace, one of the most profound YouTube creators I have seen in some time, recently posted a video online where he describes this exact phenomenon. However, I truly believe that Dan finished the concept. In his video he presents that it is not just a competition between the two, it is in fact an equation, where:

I love this concept as it is fundamentally true. My happiness (more often than not) is directly related to my expectation of how something will go against the reality. That is to say, the more I (or anyone) expects of something, the lower the happiness value will be. Vice-versa, the lower the expectations of anything in life, the reality of it is ‘diluted’ less and therefore the happiness experienced is greater. I am endeavouring to take this concept and push it in to my day to day life. Simply put, don’t worry about the things that are coming, don’t put any expectation on them, as this will only serve to lessen the reality and the happiness attained.

The video Dan made is beautiful, as are his others and I thoroughly recommend checking them out. (Link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-4IdvwVdN8&frags=pl%2Cwn)

Remember, live in the moment, learn from, but don’t dwell on the past, and let the future come as it will.

All will be okay.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Evolve Solosis 6/5

※サイズ大きすぎて動いてなかったから差し替えたよ

[headfilledwithsmoke]

On being me, the ‘Sabbath Child’.

Who am I?

Well my name is Richard, and I was born in June 1991 at Bristol’s Southmead Hospital. I was the ‘Sabbath Child’ making me ‘fair and wise and good and gay’. I would say that I try to be all of those things in life (taking that last in it’s more traditional form of course!), but I do find that from time to time I don’t always achieve this lofty goal. Isn’t it unfair that according to that rhyme every other child only has to aspire to one goal?! Why couldn’t I just be ‘Tuesday’s Child’ who is ‘full of grace’? Wouldn’t that make life a lot easier?

I do find these sorts of rhymes and old wives tales incredibly interesting as despite their obvious lack of factual connections they do seem to translate fairly well to real life. For example, about a week ago my ears started burning at the same time that someone I know was going to meet a close friend where I have no doubt they discussed me! Now I know that there isn’t even the remotest chance that this was because she was talking about me but it isn’t half a coincidence!

Likewise, living up to the ‘Sabbath Child’s’ attributes seems to translate to my life fairly well, whether I mean them to or not! I seem to put a lot of pressure on to myself to be all things and everything to all people, be that the happy and enthusiastic person in the workplace to the strong and confident friend or even the super successful son. I always feel I have a lot to live up to, and as a younger me I found this incredibly easy. 

I was always brought up to be fair (as per the rhyme) and treat people how I wished to be treated. Back in a time before saving face and personal gain were remotely important in life I always tried my best to be a good person and do good by others regardless of my personal feelings and have continued to ever since, sometimes to my detriment. I do believe that people should (in the words of the wonderful lyricist and musician Frank Turner) ‘Be More Kind’, not only to others but also themselves. I am tremendously unfair on myself and put myself under immense pressure when it really isn’t required. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. 

On being wise, I guess that’s open to interpretation. I have always been told I am a bright person, and I will concede that things do come naturally to me. However, where I most certainly fall short in this is with my social interactions. I (fortunately/unfortunately - delete as appropriate) wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an incredibly emotive person and most of the time people can tell how I am before I even open my mouth. I can take this too far and unload and express my feelings to people that may be inappropriate for the information being passed, or even to implicate someone in the way I didn’t intend. I would suggest in these instances I was not wise, and I endeavour to make good on this in the days, weeks, months and years to come. 

Am I good? I really do question this at times, and quite honestly I don’t know. I have good intentions, but my execution isn’t always the best. I have times where I am incredibly quick to act (or more often than not, react) which can leave me in a difficult situation. I never outwardly try to hurt or upset but my lack of ability to recognise other people’s reasons for thinking and acting in the way that they do can be at best frustrating and at worst extremely upsetting to those around me. I unfairly assess people’s decisions and actions against my own morals, judging them and even berating them for this. This is not good. This is not how a good person acts. I am aware of this behaviour and I still don’t even find the ability to act in a different way, like the demon in me is deep rooted and can’t be quelled. I must admit that I think that this stems from my emotive side and I am trying to work on this.

As far as being ‘gay’ is concerned, I think that I am known for my overly enthusiastic attitude towards a lot of things in life. However, on the whole, I wouldn’t say I always display the happy-go-lucky attitude that the traditional ‘gayness’ would suggest. It is a weird thing for me as I long for that happiness, that joy, that eternal contentment that I see (rightly or wrongly, mostly through social media) in others, yet for some reason I don’t seem to be able to attain it. An element of this is that I continually feel like something is missing or something in my life needs to change for me to feel that contentment. I guess I am struggling to find what that is. As a child this was easy, just go out and play in the street or read the latest Harry Potter book under the covers until my eyelid’s drew heavy. However, in this anxiety inducing world that we live in, full of expectation and pressure to be the picture perfect human, being the happy soul that I could (and probably should) be isn’t that easy.

So, in summary, I don’t really live up to the ’Sabbath Child’ nomenclature. I am, in my eyes, inadequate as a person, as a human being, as a potential boyfriend, a housemate, a friend, a brother, a son. I need to do more and I need to be the best version of me I can be, living up to these things that most people I encounter do, be they ‘Sabbath Child’ or not.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

yup, so that’s me.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Germany, December 2017 - Day 2

No sooner had my head hit the pillow, I awoke in our bedroom in the apartment. After a much needed lie-in, my girlfriend and I got ready for the day ahead - our trip to Cologne. She had mentioned on numerous occasions that it was her preferred of the two cities we’d planned to visit whilst I was in the country and as such I was eager to get underway!

We took the short walk to the Neuss Süd train station and arrived with a few minutes to spare allowing us to get our tickets (surprisingly easy with both a) a German speaking girlfriend and b) the ‘English’ button on the touchscreen), and as soon as I received my change the train pulled up to the station. We boarded into a quiet carriage and made ourselves comfortable for the 45 minute ride. The scenery went through the motions of residential to industrial to countryside and back again as we made our way between the two cities.

Eventually the announcements started to involve the world ‘Köln’ (Cologne in German), indicating we were close to our destination. Presently we arrived at Köln Hauptbahnhof and as we exited the busy, almost shopping mall-like station I was immediately struck by the incredible structure towering above me; Kölner Dom, or Cologne Cathedral. It’s a massive gothic Roman Catholic church, and according to Wikipedia (I did some research!) it is the largest in Northern Europe!

As with the previous day we were rather hungry by this point so opted to find somewhere for an early lunch. I had spied a traditional German bakery off of a side street and so we headed there. Thankfully the menu was easily translated by my girlfriend and as such we both ordered a classic German sandwich with sausage, egg, salad and sauerkraut and a coffee. It was delicious and warming, just what we needed to set us up for an afternoon of exploring in the cool and clear weather.

Following lunch we continued as we had the previous day in Düsseldorf and made our way to the Altstadt (old town). We had previously been told that the Christmas markets had finished in Cologne the day prior, and as such we were pleasantly surprised when arrived at a cobbled market square and were treated to exactly that! This marketplace (Alter Markt - old market) was beautifully decorated with a massive ice rink in the centre, sprawling out towards the southern tip. It even had a curling arena! We immediately spotted the ‘Glühwein’ stall and decided to continue as we had the previous day and both had a warming mug of red glühwein. We stood with our drinks watching the skaters race around the rink (having an occasional giggle at the less steady on their feet), taking in the ambience of joyful German chatter and Christmas music. It was pure bliss!

Before we left the markets we recharged our mugs, this time opting for white glühwein with a shot of rum for me, a shot of amaretto for the girlfriend. We wandered the cobbled streets of the Altstadt, taking photographs, chatting endlessly, thoroughly enjoying being in such a wonderful city. Eventually we reached the river (again the Rhine) and took a walk along the Rhinegarten with it’s pretty multi-coloured buildings lining the western edge. As with Düsseldorf the river is adorned with a number of bridges, each of a different age with different designs. We continued to walk north towards the next bridge, signalling a route back in to the centre. By this time we had started to get a little cold so decided to make our way back toward the Cathedral.

As we were walking back we came across another little Christmas market and decided to once again have another mug of glühwein. We wandered around this market, taking in the sights and smells of the different snacks and wares on offer. It really is an experience I will never forget, such a sensory overload (probably heightened by the now three mugs of glühwein in my system…).

We continued to make our way towards the Cathedral. Even though I had already witnessed the spectacle, the grand reveal of this most impressive structure blew me away again. I really cannot overstate how impressive it is! Eager to get inside and see what it held, I almost raced to the entrance. Now, in the UK and many other European cities I have visited with big cathedrals there is usually a fee to pay to go inside. To my surprise, after a relatively short time queuing, upon arriving at the entrance we were simply guided inside!

The building was as impressive in its interior as it was on the outside. The winter sunlight beating against the massive stained glass windows created the most beautiful light show on the smooth stone of the walls, whilst the Christmas decorations gently illuminated otherwise dim parts of the little nooks and crannies that otherwise may not be seen. 

Despite all of this, I was immediately drawn to a massive golden chest sat atop the high altar at the end of the church. I was intrigued as to it’s purpose, and it wasn’t until the following day when we visited the church in Neuss that I researched it. I was amazed to discover that it is a reliquary purported to contain the remains of the Three Kings of biblical fame! We walked around the outer edge of the church, taking in the impressive artwork and sculpture it contained, culminating in my girlfriend lighting a candle in memory of a loved one. After a sombre minute or two’s silence, we made our way to the exit.

Cologne also has an impressive shopping district. As it was rather cold and getting colder as the afternoon drew on we decided to explore this, darting to and fro the heated embrace of different air-conditioned shops. My girlfriend bought a pretty rose gold coloured ring from Pandora, myself none-the-wiser but attempting to make a mental note for times to come. As we were walking along the main thoroughfare we spied a sweet looking café and nodded in unanimous agreement that we should take a look.

It was a classy venue with a smorgasbord of different cakes, each looking more delicious than the next! We were directed to our seats at a table just in front of a Christmas tree and I ordered our coffees, to be accompanied by a slice of cake at the waiter’s recommendation. He did not disappoint! A delicately flavoured nut sponge cake was quickly devoured, and once suitably warmed through again, we continued to explore the shopping district.

Cologne is home to a wide variety of retailers, ranging from high end boutiques to discount stores and everything in between! As had become customary now, we spotted another glühwein stand and once again enjoyed the warming sensation as we took in the pretty Christmas lights along the streets.

As the evening drew on, we decided it was time for dinner. We had seen a wider variety of restaurants adorning the Alter Markt so we made our way back there. We spotted a pretty little Italian place and, thinking with our stomachs, headed in! It was a somewhat dim candlelit place with a real Italian feel to it. Bottle of wine and jars of antipasti lined the shelves and some light music was playing. We were directed to our seat and we browsed the unique newspaper-style menu. We opted for an antipasti sharing board to start followed by two  different pasta dishes, all accompanied by a large bottle of white wine. The food arrived promptly, was thoroughly delicious, and by the end of the meal we were completely full. The waitress was very friendly and helpful, and the bill was reasonable to boot! A big thumbs up from me!

During the previous evening my girlfriend had found a cool looking jazz bar in the Altstadt, and as such we had planned to head there following our meal. We made the short 5 minute walk to ‘Papa Joes Jazz Bar’ and headed in to the busy venue. The atmosphere was electric with a live jazz band playing and people dancing. It is a definite recommendation from myself - if you ever find yourself in Cologne it is a great place to visit. They have a calendar on their website, and it appears they have some form of free live music every night! I ordered drinks at the busy bar whilst my girlfriend found a seat on one of the benches lining the right side of the room. Interestingly enough, they also had a raised seating gallery where one can get a better view of the proceedings, although the opportunity for dancing would be shot! We loved every second of our time there, embracing the ambience, laughing, singing (where we could!) and dancing the evening away until it was time to get the train back to Neuss.

We made the fairly short, yet now bitterly cold walk back to the station, stopping to take in the amazingly lit cathedral one last time.

Weary from the day’s adventures, we were in quiet contemplation during the trip back, and once we collapsed in bed we promptly found sleep.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Germany, December 2017 - Day 1

“Guten Morgen und willkommen an Bord dieses Flug nach Düsseldorf…”. And so the announcement from the flight deck continued in German (certainly one of my least understood languages going!) as I took my seat onboard an early morning flight from Manchester’s Terminal 1 bound for Düsseldorf.

The whole trip had come about only a week before when my girlfriend dropped the bombshell that she wouldn’t be in the country from the 26th December until New Years Eve! As I usually do, I came up with a totally ridiculous idea, this time being that maybe I could head to the continent for the last few days of my Christmas leave and spend them with her. One quick browse of SkyScanner and £124 from my debit card later, my Eurowings flight was booked! All that stood between me an Germany was Christmas with the family and the utterly miserable drive from Cornwall back to Manchester.

At any rate, my alarm clock went off and I groggily dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, rechecked that I had my passport, picked up my rucksack and then drove to the airport. Now, I am usually a very relaxed traveller, taking the usual advice of arriving two hours before a flight to be a ploy to get you to spend in the various shops after security, but I have to admit that this time I wish I had! Despite working in the industry I hadn’t taken in to account that Emirates also fly from Manchester’s T1 with a departure time incredibly close to mine, meaning that even with all of the other flights departing at a similar time nearly 500 additional people would be heading through the busy (and frankly disorganised) security post. Luckily I arrived at the gate as the flight was boarding and so I avoided the embarrassment of not making the flight! Note to self for the future: always check what flights are departing before leaving a minimum time to get through the airport!

I was sat in the very rear left seat of the Eurowings Airbus A320 and I found the trip to be comfortable and without issue, although the full flight and the flight time of just over an hour meant that the refreshment trolly didn’t reach my row. No matter, I would have to make up for it with a good lunch once I arrived!

Eventually the flight touched down, and after a quick taxi to stand and disembarking I made my way through passport control. Düsseldorf Airport is a busy, 3 terminal affair with walkways between all three so after a ten minute walk I was out in to the arrivals hall. Now, this trip was also an exciting one for another reason: I was meeting my girlfriend’s father for the first time! A quick walk along the arrivals hall and I spotted them both waiting at another of the exits looking the other way. I took the opportunity to sneak up behind my girlfriend and tap her on the shoulder, who instinctively turned to her father and was about to accuse him of joking with her before spotting me! I don’t want this to become a long and soppy post, but I haven’t ever seen the excitement that she had when she saw me, and the feelings it elicited are indescribable! A somewhat awkward shake of her father’s hand (damn, I’m normally good at these!) and we were on the way to the car to head to where he lived, a small town called Neuss.

Neuss is situated to the south-west of Düsseldorf on the western side of the Rhine and upon arriving at her father’s apartment block, the subtle differences between German and British living became apparent. The residential area was full of three story apartment blocks with a basement parking lot, and all of these buildings had extremely acute roofs! after I dropped off my bag my girlfriend told me that as the weather was fairly damp and chilly we’d stay relatively local and head to Düsseldorf itself. We wrapped up warm, picked up an umbrella and headed for the tram stop (Stadthalle/Museum, Neuss).

After a short ride we arrived at Düsseldorf Hauptbahnhof (the main rail station in the city). We had been aiming to alight at the Altstadt (Old Town), but a slight bit of disorientation meant we’d ended up around a 25 minute walk away. By this point it was just past midday and I was ravenous, so we decided we’d walk towards the Altstadt and find somewhere to eat along the way.

About 5 or 10 minutes along we spotted a relatively busy Korean restaurant with what appeared to be a reasonably priced lunch menu. My girlfriend had only had her first experience of Korean cuisine a week or so prior, but she was keen to sample it again! We were quickly seated and both opted for the ‘Menu 2’, comprising of a bibimbap down with beef, a side (we went for some salmon sushi rolls and dumplings) and a drink for €9. The food arrived promptly and it was delicious! We greedily devoured lunch and were eager to get on our way and explore the city.

We walked along until we reached ‘Königsallee’, a beautiful tree-lined avenue boulevard with a canal along it’s centre and it’s sides home to high end boutiques. Each of the bridges were different in design and it was a delight to see. It was the first time in the city that I had truly appreciated where I was. Half way along the avenue we spotted the tell-tale wooden huts of the famous German Christmas Markets. Admittedly I have never been one for these kind of markets back home with an almost disgust at the overpriced tat being sold to tourists and locals alike. 

However, in this instance, I absolutely loved it. My girlfriend bought me my first ever mug of Glühwein (or mulled wine to us English speakers), and in the chilly German afternoon with the smell of waffles being made, the sound of German Christmas music and the beautifully decorated huts I experienced a taste I will never forget.

Glühwein in hand we continued to explore the beautiful market lined, cobbled streets of Düsseldorf’s Altstadt. Eventually we come across a square (Burgplatz) just off of the bank of the Rhine. In it’s centre stood an impressive ferris wheel with enclosed pods. Excited to see an aerial view of the city we decided to pay the reasonable €7.50 admission and waited for our pod to arrive.

 We were ushered into an 8 person pod with a family of four. The doors closed and the wheel began to turn, the pod ascending and revealing an incredible view of the Rhine on one side and the city sprawling our on the other. A few obligatory ‘selfies’ and scenic photos later and we were left to take in the view. We also had a brief chat the family (who happened to come from Haarlem, Netherlands) who were very friendly and kindly took a great picture of us both. The wheel went around a full four rotations before we got off. It was an experience I would thoroughly recommend, well worth the price of admission.

After seeing it from the air we decided to take a stroll down the Rhine, although not before we’d recharged our Glühwein mugs (this time with white wine and a shot of rum or amaretto!). We took our time, taking in the view and the now fine weather.

We continued to walk through the Altstadt, coming across a traditional german beer house where we enjoyed a glass of local beer whilst warming up! It was noisy, lively and totally unique! Once your glass is empty unless you put your beermat on top one of the waiters will come around with another full glass and replace it!

Eventually, we decided to walk back towards the tram stop, stocking up on a few essentials to accompany the dinner being cooked for us by my girlfriend’s father and his partner. The tram was relatively quiet and swiftly returned us to Neuss. We took the short walk back to the apartment and were seated for dinner. It was a delicious meal of pork chops with potatoes, cauliflower, peas and a fantastic gravy!

After the meal we all sat around and I made (what I hope!) was a good impression. Weary from the day, we eventually went to bed, ready for the adventure the next day would bring - a trip to Cologne!

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Cape Town, Day 4.

And so here it was. My final day in Cape Town.

With nearly everything ticked off of the list of must-do things, it left only one thing to do: visit Table Mountain. Fortunately the weather was just as sunny and clear as it had been the previous day but without the howling wind! A quick check of the Table Mountain website gave me the news I wanted to hear - the cableway was open! However, the one thing I hadn’t counted on was the little bit of text beneath this, suggesting that at 08:15 (a mere fifteen minutes after opening), the wait time for the cable car was between 1 hr 30 mins and 2 hrs 30 mins! Regardless of this, it was the only thing I wanted to do on that day so I decided I would bite the bullet. My original plan to walk up the mountain was dashed on the basis of time constraints and countless recommendations on websites that you shouldn’t attempt this walk alone. On reflection and after seeing the route myself, I believe I could have achieved it, but it shall have to wait until my next visit!

With the day’s plans made, the first task for the morning was to pack up and tidy up the apartment. I made short work of this and then it was time for breakfast! After the delicious experience of the previous day I decided to return to the ‘Bootlegger Coffee Company’, and again, I wasn’t disappointed! This time I went straight for the #2 Juice (apple, cucumber, spinach and celery), an americano and the ‘BootEgger’ (egg, bacon, sausage, sourdough, avocado, tomatoes and mushrooms!) and it was fantastic!

After swiftly demolishing breakfast it was time to say goodbye to the apartment and make the drive towards Table Mountain. It would appear that everyone else in the near vicinity had the same plans as the traffic was a nightmare! I spied a park and ride service (completely free) at the bottom of the road leading up to the bottom cable car station, so decided to make use of it. I’m glad I did this as the drive up to the station on the bus highlighted why there was such a service in  the first place; it was utter chaos! People parking on verges and walking in the road and coaches and tour buses battling for the small amount of road available! I would certainly recommend making use of this.

On my arrival at the base station I quickly realised that it was going to be quite some time before I would get to go up to the top. The queue was incredibly long and seemingly moving at a snails pace. Luckily I had booked a ticket online and as such was able to join the pre-purchased ticket queue which moved somewhat more swiftly than the one for those who had not booked ahead of time.

Eventually it was my turn and we were ushered in to the cable car. It set off and immediately I was blown away by the view. A novel innovation for this cable car is that the floor is separate from the rest of the car, meaning that it can rotate through 360 degrees, giving everyone a good view in all directions! It was a fairly quick ride to the summit and upon arriving I started off by heading out to the west to take in the views over the city. Much like the previous day, the views were stunning. I sat for a little while taking it all in before deciding to continue walking out to the west along the mountain. An information board told that the true summit was about a 45 minute walk away, and as such I decided to make the trip!

It was a surreal experience being up so high but in such a flat and expansive environment. The pathway was again well maintained, something that I’d seen on all the other walks I had done. It really is a testament to the commitment of the National Park authorities to making these amazing experiences accessible and safe for visitors. There were areas of marshland on the top of the mountain and when the pathway went through these there were boardwalks and bridges, very convenient! The walk also took me past the point where the walk up the Platteklip Gorge ends, and as mentioned earlier, on reflection I probably could have achieved it without too much hassle.

After just shy of the 45 minutes advertised, I reached the true summit, an area called Maclear’s Beacon, so called after Sir Thomas Maclear who used the highest part of the mountain to assist in measuring the curvature of the earth. The views from this end of the mountain allowed for me to see out to the southeast, something I hadn’t been able to do from Lion’s Head as Table Mountain was in the way!

Finally it was time to walk back along and make my way down on the return cable car journey. After a short wait for the shuttle bus I arrived back at the car. It was just before 4pm, my flight was at 6:45pm and the airport was a 25 minute drive away. With all this in mind I made the decision to right the wrong of the previous day and visit the ‘Origin’ coffee shop. When I arrived I ordered a pour-over (the best of the trip) and a pecan topped chocolate brownie. 

Whilst I was enjoying my first few sips of coffee one of the baristas came over and said hello. I told him that I was going to be leaving in a few hours and that it ‘only takes about 25 minutes to get to the airport, doesn’t it?’, to which he replied ‘on the N2? More like an hour with traffic!’.

Oops.

I got the rest of my coffee in a to-go cup and swiftly made my exit. I started my drive to the airport in an uneventful manner and was feeling quietly confident that what the barista had said wouldn’t come to fruition. How wrong I was! the traffic was barely moving, 15kph at the most, and time was ticking down. Eventually I made it to the rental car drop off and raced through to the check in desk, where I arrived with one hour until the flight departed. Half an hour later and I was still going through passport control and the flight was now on it’s final boarding call! Thankfully I got to the gate just in time and was on. I was in the front row of World Traveller in one of the centre seats. It was comfortable enough, but unfortunately sleep didn’t come quite as easily for my return journey. With a few hours sleep under my belt I conceded that it would just be one of those evenings where more sleep will evade me. We touched down in to London Heathrow about 10 minutes ahead of schedule at 0435, and thus concluded my whistle-stop tour of Cape Town.

I would thoroughly recommend visiting to anyone, and if you do you should definitely hire a car! Having the freedom to stop and go at your own leisure is a must when visiting such scenic places, and the luxury of managing your own time is much more satisfying than a coach tour telling you when you’ve had enough of a place!

So… the only question is, where next?

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Cape Town, Day 3.

When I pulled back the curtains on the morning of day 3 I was greeted with a cloudless blue sky.

“Great!” I thought, “Time to visit Table Mountain!”

Unfortunately the wind had other ideas. The intention had been to walk up the Platteklip Gorge to the top of the mountain and then ride the cable car down, however when I did a quick search online for details of the cable car I was disappointed to see ‘Cableway Closed: Adverse Weather Conditions’. It’s worth noting for anyone looking to visit as the area can get hit with some fairly stiff breezes which will pit the cable car out of action.

With that plan scuppered I decided it was time for some caffeine! I set about walking down toward the main street in Green Point and happened upon a great coffee shop called ‘Bootlegger Coffee Company’. I took one of the outdoor seats as it was drenched in sunlight whilst also being suitably sheltered, keeping the wind out! I was feeling quite lethargic so I opted for a flat white (not usually my way of drinking coffee, but they looked good), a #6 Juice (ginger, apple, carrot, orange and beetroot) and a bowl of bircher muesli. They were all absolutely delicious, and the juice was so good I decided to get a #2 juice (apple, cucumber, spinach and celery) to go!

After breakfast I took a wander down to the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront (commonly called the ‘V&A’). It’s mainly a tourist hotspot with shops selling local wares for souvenirs and bustling restaurants, but also holds an extensive shopping mall. I spotted there was a ‘Vans’ store in the mall (one of my favourite clothing brands) and as the exchange rate from GBP to ZAR is still quite favourable I thought I’d see if I could grab any bargains. As it was, t-shirts that cost £25 in the UK came to about £16, and I elected that I would return before leaving SA to pick one up!

I carried on walking around the waterfront and arrived at a large building called the WaterShed. Inside was home to a plethora of different stalls with local crafts and goods available to buy. It had everything, from clothes and shoes to leather goods, sculptures to glassware and even guitars made from tin cans! I spotted a little stall that sold some nice hand-printed canvas bags and decided I would get one as a gift for the girlfriend later.

As a couple of hours had passed it was certainly time for another coffee! I had heard that a shop called ‘Origin’ was the place to go, so I searched Google Maps for it and got some directions. Now, sometimes I get a bit eager to do something and make a mistake. This was one of those occasions! I thought I had arrived at the correct coffee shop (right street, Google Maps seemed to agree with my location), so went inside. It was a really sleek and cool place housing a high-end fashion retailer, a fragrance store selling candles and oils, soaps and moisturisers and most importantly a café with incredible coffee (the first good cup of pour-over I had drank) but I couldn’t spot any ‘Origin’ coffee branding. I thought this was just as a result of it’s minimalist design, and left thoroughly satisfied with my venture. However, not more than one storefront away from where I thought I was, I saw a sign for ‘Origin Coffee’.

“Bugger.”

Not to worry though, I had enjoyed a great coffee and at least I knew where ‘Origin’ was for later! I walked back towards my apartment trying to decide what I would do with the remainder of the afternoon. A few of my friends and colleagues had made suggestions of the must-do things when in and around Cape Town and one of the most popular activities was to walk up Lion’s Head, a peak nestled in between Signal Hill and Table Mountain (so called because when looking at it, it really does look like a lion!).

Armed with a bottle of water, I drove out to the start point for the walk and started to make my way up the path. It was steep and hard going at first, but this was nothing compared with what was to come! The terrain rapidly rose ahead of me, giving way to some incredible views, with the path spiralling up around the ‘head’. Eventually, I arrived at a sign pointing in two directions; ‘easy, recommended route’ and ‘difficult route’. Never to say no to that kind of experience, I went for the more challenging option, and boy am I glad I did! Very quickly the pathway went from being a dusty track to a scramble up boulders and rock faces! The route is fantastically maintained by the Table Mountain National Park staff, with them installing hand holds, chains and even ladders for the more challenging parts. It was tough going, especially with the winds that had closed the cable car, but it was an absolute delight.

When I reached the summit my breath was taken away. The views were utterly incredible, and for some time I just sat and took it all in. I really cannot overstate how jaw-dropping it was. The views were truly panoramic, being able to see the city, down the coastline and Table Mountain was an absolute delight. When I visited New York earlier in the year people recommended that I go up the Rockerfeller Building as the views were as good as from the Empire State Building, but you were able to see the Empire State Building as well. I would certainly liken the views from Lion’s Head in this way, as being able to see Table Mountain in all it’s glory, basked in sunlight was a real treat.

I bumped in to a group of people from a hostel (which turned out to be on the same street as my apartment!) and, the sociable sort that I am, decided to talk to them! They were all lovely with them coming from all sorts of places; a girl from London (who became my summit photographer, as I did for her), another from Melbourne, Australia, and a couple from Switzerland to mention but a few! I descended back down the track with the group, a walk that flew by as I was in animated conversation with the girl from Melbourne for the duration! They were due to be going up to Signal Hill to watch the sunset (as I had a few days prior), a 5 minute drive from where we were. They had intended to get taxis there, but I insisted on driving them up in a shuttle-fashion, something they gratefully accepted. They extended an offer to me to join them for the sunset, but as it was my final evening I wanted to experience the V&A at night so I reluctantly declined their offer.

When I got back to the apartment I quickly changed from shorts to jeans and headed down to the waterfront. I decided to try some of the food from the Food Hall, an expansive building which was home to a myriad of different food vendors. I opted for an asian themed dinner from a few different stalls; a steamed bun, some dim sum, egg fried rice and a rice roll. I sat outside and looked out over the harbour enjoying my dinner, and I was in absolute bliss. After dinner I returned to the mall and the stall from earlier in the day and purchased the gift for my girlfriend and a t-shirt for me before popping for a quick beer whilst watching a guitarist! It was the perfect end to an incredible day.

I returned to the apartment weary and full of food, and slept like a baby. Time for my last day in this wonderful city.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Cape Town, Day 2.

Upon awaking in my wonderful AirBnB in Green Point, Cape Town I was eager to get going. Breakfast was first on the agenda and after a quick search on Google Maps I discovered that ‘Shift Espresso’ was only a stone’s throw from where I was staying. I took the short wander down and was greeted by the smily and friendly staff and ordered some scrambled eggs and avocado (the latter appearing to be a Cape Town staple) on toast with an americano. Unfortunately I ate it so quickly that a picture of it wasn’t a possibility, however I savoured the delicious coffee.

With breakfast done, it was time to make my way back to the car to start the day’s road trip to Cape Point. It was my main reason for hiring a car and I am glad that I did! It was a fantastic day trip! I started out by researching the best direction to travel around the cape, and the consensus was to start at Camps Bay and take the road along Chapman’s Peak before heading east and visiting Simon’s Town and Boulder’s Bay (PENGUINS!), and eventually ending up at Cape Point National Park.

With the route planned it was off to Camps Bay. If (and when) I return to Cape Town I fully intend to stay here as it seems like a delightful little town with a great selection of seafront amenities and a beautiful beach. I parked up on the seafront and went for a quick wander along the beach. It was a little chilly with a brisk breeze but it was extremely scenic.

After, it was time to make my way south toward the Chapman’s Peak drive. All I can say is ‘wow’. What an incredible road to drive along! It was a toll road, and as such is incredibly well maintained with designated view points and lay-bys at the most scenic points. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it ranks as a must see for anyone in the area.

Once I was through the exit booth for the drive I headed east across the cape towards Simon’s Town. I had heard it was like a step back in time and it lived up to it’s reputation. It is filled with period buildings and a pretty harbour, and as such I was keen to stay for a while. I wandered up the high street and spotted a little café called ‘Monocle and Mermaid’, and when I saw the menu my heart skipped a bit - pour-over coffee! I sat outside and savoured the free wi-fi and the delicious coffee.

Next stop: Boulder’s Bay and the African Penguins! I walked along the boardwalk and was treated to some fantastic view with little black specks on the beach. Once I’d paid the (reasonable) entrance fee it was time to go and meet them! I was overwhelmed with how stoic and relaxed they were, especially around their visitors! I snuck a few selfies with them and then made my way to the much more tourist heavy beaches. I was thoroughly impressed with the experience and it is without doubt a must see for any visitors to the area.

Driving onwards toward Cape Point National Park I had the shocking realisation that I hadn’t put any extra cash in my wallet after the previous day’s adventures, and that my 134 Rand wouldn’t quite make it to the 145 Rand entrance fee. I hadn’t worked out that the South Africans hadn’t reached the lofty heights of contactless payments (I only had my phone with Apple Pay on it) and so I decided to plead ignorance, opening my wallet and emptying everything I had in to my hand (full well knowing that it was less than what I needed). Thank goodness for the hospitality of the locals, she let me in with what I had!

I drove out to Cape Point and walked up the hill to the lighthouse. It was an incredible view, and I spotted a path out to the old lighthouse so decided that would be the next port of call. A short walk down gave more spectacular views and it was nice to be away from the babble of tourists at the top.

Once I arrived back to the lighthouse I followed the pathway to the Cape of Good Hope. Half way down the walk (again, fantastically maintained and easy to navigate) I spied a set of wooden steps down to a beautiful cove. I made the walk down and was rewarded with a gorgeous beach with a surprising amount of jellyfish on the shoreline! I took in the views perched on a rock, embracing the scenery and the sunshine.

I then took the walk out to the Cape of Good Hope. It was enjoyable, and worth visiting if not for being able to say that I’d been there! When I arrived back at the car park it had been invaded by baboons! It was a bit of a surprise to say the least, they were completely indifferent to the people and cars around them, sitting on roofs and not moving for the traffic!

I made the drive back to Cape Town, and when I arrived I promptly headed out for some food at El Burro, a highly rated Mexican restaurant in Green Point. It was fantastic - for anyone visiting in the future I would definitely recommend getting the build-your-own slow cooked pork tacos! 

A few pints of local beer accompanied the food and with that it was time to call it a night. I crawled in to bed and was out like a light���. Time for day 3!

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Cape Town, Day 1.

“Well a very good evening ladies and gentlemen, and a warm welcome aboard your flight shortly departing for Cape Town.”

‘Fuck!’ I thought, ‘I’m actually doing this!’

And so it was, I was sat on to my steed to South Africa, ready to go and explore another new place. The day hadn’t gone as smoothly as I would have liked (bumped off of my first flight then waiting in trepidation to find out my fate for the next), but I was finally in my seat, and an upgraded one, no less, thanks to an ex-colleague! Despite all of my excitement, there was a part of me that was thoroughly terrified.

You see, Richard doesn’t do well by himself.

Up until the minute I boarded the flight, part of me wanted to just give it all up and race back to Manchester, back to friends, back to the girlfriend, back to normality. Of course I was excited to visit somewhere new, but the familiarity that home brings and the people that come with it make going somewhere by myself very challenging. Despite this, I was sat in my seat and there was no going back; time to embrace the unknown.

After a good flight (including a semi-decent night sleep, thanks to a very friendly chap next to me offering half of a sleeping tablet and a few bottles of wine from the cabin crew...) I had arrived! South Africa! I picked up my hire car and made my way on to the motorway toward Cape Town.

After a surprisingly easy drive I got to the AirBnB I would be staying in for the duration of my time in Cape Town, and it was wonderful. Clean, modern, airy and full of amenities, and not to mention the location! Having never been to Cape Town, the location of my accommodation was chosen by mostly pot luck, and it would appear I chose well. The apartment was situated in Green Point, a cool district only a stones throw from the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront, Signal Hill, Lion’s Head and Table Mountain.

Once I’d arrived and freshened up it was time to get out and explore. Immediately I headed towards the waterfront but somehow got distracted and walked around the coast line to Sea Point. I must admit that at this point I was a little underwhelmed. It was okay, don’t set me wrong, but it wasn’t this stunning place that I’d hyped it up as. The weather didn’t help, it was warm but overcast with a bit of a breeze, and a few showers passed through. I continued my walk east back past my apartment towards the city centre, in search of a good cup of coffee (a must for me in any city!), and ended up in a cool bar/cafe which provided with a good caffeine fix. 

After, it was back to the apartment. After sitting somewhat stoically, I decided it was time for another venture out (almost in an attempt to make me feel happy with my choice of location for me trip!), and so I made my way toward Signal Hill.

Wow. What a view.

I arrived about 45 minutes before sunset, and despite the layered cloud I was treated to a spectacular view over the city and its surroundings. Others seemed to have the same idea, although they had come fully prepared with wine and snacks to watch the sunset with! If (when) I return, this will definitely be on my agenda.

Just as the sun was setting, the cloud thickened and I began to feel a few drops of rain, and as such it was my time to leave the hill. As I drove back, these few drops turned in to a torrential downpour! Upon my return I swiftly got changed and headed out to ‘Hudsons’, a burger joint on the corner of my street that I spied. The food was great, the service was friendly and the beer was hitting the spot. Weary from the travelling and the day I turned in for the night.

Despite the mediocre first impressions, the evening had been a success and I was eager for day two; the drive to Cape Point.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Mario at the end of a game: thank you so much for playing my game!

Me: you are so fucking welcome mario. I would do anything for you. I would die for you.

[headfilledwithsmoke]

[headfilledwithsmoke]

This looks amazing. 

[headfilledwithsmoke]

Fuck this, fuck you all, I’m gone.

This whole song is insanely good, and the perfect end to a perfect 40mins of music. Gnarwolves are amazing. And no, despite feeling like I want to scream that last line out, I’m not about to do something stupid. It’s more a metaphorical ‘fuck you’.