hdxmark-blog

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — he's fast asleep by one a.m., sprawled over the couch cushions and his head buried into a pillow, television still blaring the rerun of the same sitcom from earlier that day. the last thing on his mind was to be surprised by an intruder in his apartment, but he's lulled out of his sleep by the sound of three knocks against the front door. he jolts awake, grumpy and frazzled, and glances at his clock to see 1:28 strewn across it. it couldn't be a delivery, and it could be a drunk person miscalculating their room number, but he still finds the willpower to answer the knock. } ...  { — and the last person he expects to see there is jiyeon, and by now, he's wide awake - questions filling his head as he wonders the reason for her abrupt appearance, especially at a time he hadn't thought her brain processed. } hey.  { — he murmurs, his fists brought up to his eyes to rub the sleep away from them. } is something wrong, or did you just get lost? heh.

one minute one second; *—

(* her breath fogs up the glass as warmth expels into cold night air. head leaned against the car window, she’s lulled into temporary sanctuary, away from the chilling cold of winter in seoul and also from her own uninhibited actions at the sway of alcoholic influence. she’s lost track of time though the clock on the dashboard notes 1:04 a.m. she’s due for her bed but at the taxi driver’s ask of where to head, the address she gives is not her own. ) thank you. (* she’s polite, even when intoxicated, promptly paying  her dues before stepping out of the silver cab. studio67 greets her instead of the usual areumdeurinamu but she walks ahead, sure of her course. a ride up the elevator brings her to room 1609 and it’s the first she’s come on her own accord. if anything, their relationship as of late has always been at the initiation of the other boy. it was her own selfish way of balance, wanting to be by his side again but also still fretting the usual worry of if she had a place of being there. ) mark? (* her voice cuts through the silence of the hall despite her quiet tone. there’s no sign of if anyone’s inside but still she knocks. no point in turning back when she’d already come this far. )

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — he laughs, despite the oddity of the action, and shakes his head - } don't be.  { — he glances to her with a small grin. } she was always hovering over me anyway. asking too many questions, always getting jealous over little things - it got frustrating. you know my luck with girls hasn't been that good.  { — which is true, as his past endeavors for love have fallen flat due to the lack-of, but he never seemed to mind. he shrugs his shoulder once again before his gaze downcasts to his knee, stretching the leg out for a moment before another chuckle spills past his lips. } don't worry about me. i'm fine - i'll be fine! no need to watch over me.

wave after wave // pjy + mt

ah, i’m sorry. (* at the news of the breakup, she can only give a sympathetic pout. she was sorry to have brought it up and also sorry that it hadn’t worked out. even if she couldn’t find her own happiness, she was always wishing it for those around her. she’d known the hardships the boy had gone through as well as her own and so if she had any good luck saved up, she’d gladly give it up to him. ) be careful. (* her eyebrows knit together at the mention. she’s glad he’s able to reintegrate into activities he loves but as a friend, she can’t help but worry for his future state. ) don’t put too much stress on it. you know what the doctor said will happen. (* in a slight playful manner, her eyes narrow and she speaks, lips in full pout. ) i’m watching you. 

[hdxmark-blog]

maybe. { — his lips tug into a smirk, though it falters as soon as her fingers are in his hair and taming the wild pieces that had slipped out of place - he chuckles, embarrassed, and gives her a thankful smile. } we broke up a year ago, give or take. { — because she thought he didn't love her anymore. which, in fact, was partially true, only that he didn't love her in the first place. } i changed it when i got here, so it's still pretty new. i still wake up and look at myself in the mirror and wonder who dyed my hair when i was sleeping. then i remember that i did it, heh. { — he scratches the back of his head, though he feels proud when he sees jiyeon's shy side become exposed with his compliment, letting out a soft laugh. } you're welcome. { — he happily quips, though at the mention of his leg, he gives a small scoff. } it's fine, nothing new. { — he shrugs. } i don't think i've been straining it, but i'm trying to get back into exercising again. { — running, in fact, which he knows is weakening the constraints of his knee, but it's the only stress relief he has - though he's not going to admit that to jiyeon. } 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

are you calling me a liar now? (* she chuckles, watching fingers push through tresses. his haphazard run leaves a few strands out of place though so she finds herself leaning in, carefully adjusting his hairstyle back in place. only when’s she satisfied does she settle back into her own seat, smiling like a proud friend. ) well, i like it. (* she confirms, wanting to give him the confidence where others have doubted. ) though, didn’t your girlfriend really like your old hairstyle? or are you guys not meeting each other anymore. (* at the return of compliments, she smiles to herself with a shy downcast gaze. she’d always been a sucker for nice words, whether she was five or twenty one. ) thanks and i am. (* white lies. white lies. the truth could come in time. ) how’s your leg? you’re not straining it lately, are you? 

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — he wonders if there's more depth to what she's giving out, but, despite his urges, he knows jiyeon, and he decides not to question it - even though he has to bite his tongue because he hates not knowing what she's thinking. the duo's known each other for over ten years, yet he still can't read her properly [but at the same time, he can hardly read anyone], but he's sure she can read him as easily as an open book. } you'll never. i have all the patience in the world for you. { — and wow, that sounds so incredibly cheesy but mark means it. he clears his throat at the silence that falls between them and he runs his fingers through his hair as she makes the comment about it, letting out a soft laugh. } are you being for real? i've got mixed opinions on it - i just did it for a change. like, a change in lifestyle -- you know. { — he laughs, eyes scanning over her healthier appearance. } you look nice too, though. a lot better than when i last saw you. { — he quips, lips tugged into a small smile. } i hope you're feeling a lot better, too. 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* she doesn’t expect him to understood, not with her explanation. still, he speaks with earnesty and comfort in ways she finds familiar and uplifting. if there had been any good out of that dreaded time, it was that she had discovered how blessed she was. blessed to have a supportive family who catered to her health before their needs. blessed to have the means to be put on the right path for recovery. blessed to have real sincere friends. all of which she is undeserving but still ever so thankful for. ) what if i soak up all your patience one day though? (* she muses in faux lightheartedness. there’s a smile on her face but it’s a real concern for her. she’d overcome her eating disorder, her depression, but it seemed her self confidence had still a ways until recovery. ) — (* she draws her legs up to the couch at his decline, though she’ll cook something up sooner or later if his stay draws on. with silence falling between them, she takes in the details that have been blurred with the time that had gotten between them. he’s thin but he’s still as handsome as ever. bright smile and nice eyes, she still remembers its what drew her in to introduce herself when they were mere elementary school students. his hair’s changed now, though it looks nice and she makes sure to comment. ) your new hairstyle is nice. (* if she hadn’t shared so many years with him, she’d be worried that her appearance wasn’t up to par. still, anything looked better than hospital scrubs and malnourishment. there’s color in her cheeks again and a smile on her face. even if they weren’t always sincere, they were at least a start. she’s sure if anyone were to draw a real one out, it’d be the boy a feet away from her. )

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — her answer stirs him slightly, his brow lifting once again as he scoffs. } you never troubled me, silly. don't think like that! besides, you were at a low point. of course i wanted to be there for you. { — he brings his lips into a sheepish grin when she reiterates his excuse, letting out a soft laugh. } nope. i'm sure, i come home to it every day! { — her smile serves as a stress relief to him, especially since he hadn't seen it in what feels like years. it's another little reminder of his friend; another reminder that 'everything's gonna be okay.' he opens his mouth to speak up before he's interrupted by the bell, letting out another round of chuckles as he shakes his head. } i haven't, but you don't have to fix anything. { — he waves a hand dismissively, taking another sip from the mug. } 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* he’d always been good at setting her straight, at picking her up when all seemed to be lost. so why the change then when she probably needed him the most is not something she can clearly explain either. maybe she’d just been broken to a point where she was no longer fixable. ) i, just, didn’t want to trouble you. (* and oh is that only just the tip of the iceberg but she’d spare him the dirty details. ) not apartment six ten zero nine? (* she offers a return of his joke, making a jab where she’d failed to earlier as her eyes curve to mirror her smile. ) — (* it’s then they’re interrupted by the sound of her click striking the next hour. her eyes dart over before returning back to focus on mark. ) did you eat yet? i can make lunch if you don’t have to go anywhere. (* its an invitation out of manners but also because she’d like him to stick around. she knew she’d missed him but being around him only made it ever more clear. )

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — his teeth dig into his bottom lip as he listens to her list of reasons, and he can't help but allow for a part of him to question the validity of each one - was she covering something up? he opens his mouth to ask, but he closes it. his bluntness never settled well, and now wasn't the time to expose it. } the confidence to see me? { — her words throw him off guard and he furrows his brows. } you saw me plenty, though. i was there at the hospital with you - what made you suddenly stop? { — he blinks, oblivious to what it must have been like to constantly be bombarded with his gifts and looks of worry - he thought he was helping her, but in fact, he could've been suffocating her. he brushes the thought off because no, that couldn't be it, and instead he just listens, for once. } well, that's good. i can't imagine how smothering your parents were there. they were really stressed out every time i saw them when you were under, heh. { — he blindly traces patterns into the fabric of the sofa before he lets out a laugh. } why, so you can randomly show up at my doorstep? kidding. i'm staying at studio sixty-seven, apartment sixteen oh-nine. it's fancy. { — he smiles, happy to give his address out because that means potential visits, potential hang outs and get togethers that mean a reconnection between them -- he wasn't sure how much more of her absence he could take, considering she was one of the few good friends he had. } 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* it’s weird, playing smokes and mirrors with the boy she’d once been an open book with. it’s a real pity, though she has no one else to blame in the end but herself. ) well that’s a relief. (* she finds it funny how at ease but still ever tense she can be around him. such a conundrum, though she doesn’t bother to think further. her head leans against the back of the sofa as she makes herself comfortable in the face of a hard conversation. ) i don’t know. i guess i … didn’t have the confidence to see you. i barely even wanted to see my parents at the time. (* the looks of worry, the looks of concern, she still clearly remembers the way they burdened her down, suffocated her until she wanted to get much more than just air from her 10th floor window. when he last saw her, the pain had only just began. a harsh break up, a sharp realization, life seemed set to ruin her in the span of her hospital stay. she’s glad he didnt have to witness it. after all, she’d barely managed to manage to deal with just her parents’ looks of anxiety. ) the doctors suggested that i get away from the environment so my parents pulled me out of the dance program and got me a place here. they’d have moved with me but … i’m sure you can imagine how well my father would fare here in hongdae. (* it’s not all of the story but she’s glad she can still shed some light for the boy. she’d always been softhearted when it come to anyone but herself. ) where are you staying in hongdae?

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — he had a poor diction that he would always regret thereafter, considering he made his life sound worse than what hers had been - she had been in the hospital, and he just had to deal with a job. there was a broad difference between the two, and while he accepts the hand to his knee [and his own hand itches to grab it, too, and lace his fingers through hers just like he had imagined], he still wishes that he had said words of comfort to her instead. } yeah. i mean, it wasn't bad. just me complaining, like usual.  { — he covers everything up with a laugh, just as he does now - his thoughts are depleting his mood, but he tries to keep lighthearted in her presence. something's off, and he hates that he doesn't know. it's rude to pry. } i will. i'm sure she'd be glad to hear from you. she's missed you too, y'know. and oreo, heh.  { — he smiles, softer than he had before, and slightly shifts to meet her face as well, reaching over to gently knuckle her leg. } don't apologize. i'm sure you've been through a lot.  { — her confession makes his heart swell, though, and he can't help but bring his lips into a full, toothy grin, with one brow quirked -- } why didn't you contact me, then? have you been just that busy?  { — he snorts, his arms extending to set the mug down before he moves into a more relaxed position on the sofa. } what happened? i mean, did your parents make you leave or something? i went over there after you left and they seemed sort of ... down, i guess. 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* her heart sinks at his admittance and she wishes she could have been there. he’d always been her support and she’d always been his. through the good and the bad, they’d always been together. still, she comforts herself, feeling like she’d made the right choice. if she’d stayed around, asked him to be there when her life shambled to pieces, it would have been unfair. it would have been too much of a burden on a boy who’d already been through so much. it was a relief that she hadn’t added to his troubles. ) hard because of moving around? (* she doesn’t have the right to pry, doesn’t have the right to lift a hand away from her mug to settle on his knee but natural reactions are hard to change. a year apart was a long time but still they had over ten years of history. ) i’m good to hear your mom’s doing well though. let her know that i said hello and i’ll come by to greet her some time. (* she relinquishes her drink on the coffee table to instead hug a pillow to her chest, shifting so she’s angled to face him better. though she’s quick to regret it with his confessions. lowering her head in her only defense, she dons a tightlipped smile. ) i’m sorry. (* she can’t bring herself to voice the reason why or to explain any further beyond that but there’s sincerity in her tone she knows that will reach the other as she meekly glanced back up at him. ) i missed you a lot too, to be honest. (* she’d asked her parents not to tell him anything if he ever asked but the drafts upon drafts of unsent texts to a contact mark tuan was proof of her words. )

[hdxmark-blog]

stalker? that's a bit harsh. no way. { — it's a relief once they're inside that she doesn't seem too upset. he figured 'upset' would mean a lack of color in her apartment, neutral tones rather than sparks of color, but he was refreshed when he'd seen how nice it looked -- it didn't look like it belonged to anyone depressed, and he was glad that it was a sign that she wasn't [at least, in his own blind illusion]. he takes the mug offered happily and almost immediately takes a sip, fingers slipping through the handle clumsily before he drags his eyes back to her. } that's good. i knew you wouldn't be able to part with them. { — he laughs, a corner of his lips brought up into another crooked grin before he leans back into the couch once more. mark knew something was off, though he couldn't place what - he'd known her for too long to believe her words, and the silence that spaces between his question and her answer feels like a burden to him. there's no way she could have just recovered from the state he'd seen her in at the hospital, and if she was anything like he was, she wouldn't have been able to do it alone. his stomach twists into knots at her reply, and he purses his lips in stress as he tries to dig up something to say -- though, luckily, she interrupts it. } i dunno! there was that one time you ate more than me at christmas one time. though i was sick -- { — he stifles a snort, the softness of her voice ringing like a medley to his ears. he'd missed that. } i've been alright. this past year has been kind of hard, though, i mean ... mom's been good, and so i thought that it was time for me to finally, y'know, get away from home. i got accepted into hongik and so i just moved here -- a few weeks ago. { — he pauses, heart heavy for a moment as he mutters out his next few words, and suddenly, he feels nine with the schoolyard crush. } i missed you, by the way. { — and in a form of embarrassment, he quickly tries to make it not seem as sappy. with a laugh, he chortles out -- } you just kind of left and didn't even bother saying goodbye to me! wow, rude. 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* she doesn’t miss his reaction. having known him better than she knew herself, she’s always been sharp on the uptake when it came to mark tuan. it leaves her disappointed, upset, all of which are directed at herself. ) you’re the stalker here. how was i supposed to know? (* she allows herself to banter back, finding herself unable to further disappoint him when they were face to face. it was easy, not really, to sidestep expectations and reactions when she could avoid him entirely but hurting him in person and being there to witness it was a completely different story. ) — (* she stops in the kitchen, pulling out a second mug and searches for his favorite drink through her stash before joining him. offering the drink over wordlessly, she sinks herself into the couch, purposefully not too close but also not to far. her hands reach for her own glass if only to occupy them as she manages her first smile, nodding in response. ) i brought some of them here. i figured they’d be too lonely back at my parent’s place. (* she hums, thumb brushing along the warmth of the cup. the mention of the rabbit brings fond memories and she can’t hide the soft smile it evokes. yet as sweet and endearing the moment is, it doesn’t last. her eyes wander as she ponders how to answer his last question. did she even know the answer herself? she was much better than when she’d last seen him, considering white walls and bright lights of the hospital room was the last time they’d met. her depression was also gone for the most part and her medication dosage was at a minimum now. she eat her meals well for the most part and swimming vision was no longer an issue. yet as happy as she is with her new friends and new lifestyle, it’s always been clear that something has been missing. she’s not dying anymore but she’s not exactly living. just a mindless shuffle between the day’s activities. would one consider this as alright? ) i’m better. (* she ultimately chooses to share, not wanting to lie but not wanting to burden him with her issues. she was careful with him, even more so than with any other because there are times she can delusion herself that it’s okay with other friends but mark tuan is too precious for that. he is a friend who deserves nothing but happiness and she does not find herself qualified to be part of that equation. ) though i don’t think i can ever eat as much as you. (* she teases, voice soft and smile even softer. ) what about you? how’ve you been? (* well, she hopes. though there’s a nagging pest in the back of her head, wishing he’d missed her as much as she had him. )

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — his brows furrow and he can feel a part of his mood die off - especially when she doesn't reply, or when she doesn't even manage a chuckle or a smile or, really, anything. had she really changed that much? his grin falters, eyes scanning over her face in a search for any signal that the old her was still there - a part of her, at least. the part of her that he would always see, bright and glowing, in the crowds at his games or the part of her that was immediately to his side when his dad passed - for a moment, he's tempted to frown. } sure. { — but he doesn't, and the word comes out a little harsher than he initially expected, so he adds on a lighthearted remark: } did ya' clean up for me? heh, i bet you knew i was coming. { — even though he knows she didn't, it was obvious by how she reacted. part of him feels bad for just showing up and surprising her, but part of him is relieved to know that she's still accessible, that she's still here and safe and sound and close - where hopefully, maybe they can reconnect and be just like they were again. } your place looks really nice, jiyeon-ah. do you still have all of your old stuffed animals? heh, i remember that pink rabbit i got you that one year -- { — for that really embarrassing valentine. he plops down on the couch and casually makes himself at home, his head turning to look at her. } ... is everything alright?

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* she’s dumbfounded. here stood mark who she hadn’t seen in a year. here stood mark, the boy whom she’d purposefully cut out of her life. here stood mark, beautiful face and dumb remarks in full glory. it leaves her stuck, wondering if she hasn’t really woken up yet and that this is all just a dream. ) you— (* his excuses are lame but that’s nothing new. after all, she used to be the idiot who stood there laughing along and if she wasn’t so surprised by this whole event, she’d probably fall into old habits. yet she’s different now. her life’s different. even if she’s a prisoner to her past, things aren’t the same anymore and she’s unsettled by his casual remark. it lures her into old comforts, into the security of his presence and she can’t have that. she can’t just smile back at his charming lopsided grin. she can’t just wrap her arms around his waist and tell him all the words she’s been dying to say. she can’t do any of that even though it’s taking all she has to restrain the impulse. ) — (* you’re toxic, her brain reminds. hadn’t she left him behind so she didn’t have to be his umbrella and his rain? her words all die at the tip of her tongue as she struggles between the wants of her brain and her heart. she wants to return the words because god, oh god, there was so much truth in them. yet, she knows she should send him away, knows she should, but will she? can she? ) … do you wanna come in? (* the answer is clear. no, she cannot. ) 

[hdxmark-blog]

{ — when he hears the door open, he can feel his heart flutter and his expression brighten even before he looks up from his phone - but when he sees her, his heartbeat fully falters and he makes a stifled chortle spill past his lips before he brings a hand up to rub [nervously] at the back of his neck. } oh, jiyeon-ah! i didn't expect to see you here. { — make up an excuse, make up an excuse -- } i was ... uh, confused. i thought this was twenty fifty-four, not ... twenty-five oh-four. whoops. well! { — he's rambling, and once he realizes this he snaps his mouth shut, a lopsided grin spreading over his features. he didn't really know what to say, hence the incessant words pouring from his mouth, but his mind's drawing a blank as he glances over her face. it's fuller, he thinks, and she looks healthier than she did when he had last seen her -- definitely. he feels a pang of guilt, though -- one that rings true when he remembers that he didn't go by and say a goodbye before she left just because he wanted to stay home to get an extra hour of sleep in instead. if only he would have went, would have visited -- } it's nice to see you again. { — he's surprisingly calm, which isn't something he expected when his heart is beating twenty beats per second. } 

wave after wave // pjy + mt

(* saturday morning finds park jiyeon in comfortable leggings and her favorite sweater. fingers are busily wrapped around a cup of hot tea while the others casually searches for a tv show to fill the silence. one year later and she’d still yet to grow accustomed to the loneliness that came with the woes of living alone. yet before she’s settled on a selection for the channel, the ring of her door draws her attention. her eyes blink, trying to decipher without opening the door who exactly stood on the other side. perhaps it was the package she’d been expecting. ) — (* quickly, she slides feet into slippers and shuffles to the door, voice calling out all the while opening the entrance. ) who is it? (* a man in uniform is who she’d suspected but the boy she locks eyes with is someone she couldn’t have guessed even on her tenth try. ) m-mark. (* her voice falters, a mix of confusion, surprise, and guilt riddling through her tone. he’s gotten taller, changed his hair, but she could never forget the boy who’d showered her childhood with the gift of friendship. he’s a face she’s tried to erase, tried to avoid but truth be told, she could never do that. truth be told, she’s missed him. )

[hdxmark-blog]

wave after wave // pjy + mt

{ — he probably spent too long picking an outfit this morning, shifting through various tops to pair with black denim, and he probably spent too long trying to get his hair just the way he liked it, going through a bit of hair gel in order to keep it's volume - mark was anxious, for one of the first real times in his life, even more than he had during the last few seconds of a quarter. 'will she like my hair' repeats through his mind [it's grey hue was due to a 'change' he wanted with the start of a new life] and he's almost tempted to turn back until the elevator doors open. }  deep breath, mark. you got this - { — he chides to himself as he walks up to her door [apartment 2504; it was etched into his mind] and ... firmly plants his feet beside it, shoulder propped against the wall as he tries to look casual, even pulling up the map on his phone; he's just a lost stranger trying to find the convenience store, that was his excuse - he hopes that it's believable, or she just laughs at his stupidity. } 

[hdxmark-blog]

the innocent bliss of a five year old