hazardousheather

[hazardousheather]

Today is the "anniversary" of the day that my now fiancee got caught red handed cheating on me.

I went through his phone the night before while he was taking a nap because I saw his ex's name pop up and I wanted to know what the hell she wanted. So I go into his messages and he's talking to like 5 different girls. He's telling them that him and I aren't together and he's doing what he has to do right now. He was telling them he missed them and he wishes they were there. And he was telling this one girl that he loves her and he really wanted to be with her. So I confronted him obviously, and like the true narcissist he was HE got mad at ME for going through his phone while he was asleep. (He had previously told me that I could go through his phone whenever I wanted because he has nothing to hide, and he took a lot of pride in that) I reminded him that he told me that it was okay to which he told me that it was okay, but not while he was asleep. So we got in a huge fight, I ended up apologizing and he stormed out.

I tried to kill myself that night. I walked to the 7/11 across the street. (We were living at the ocean front in hotels) I got a box of sleeping pills, and when I got back to my room I took all of them. There were 16, and I took every last one. I must admit, I was sort of a raging drug addict back then. I was shooting heroin/fentanyl and meth all day long. It was gonna take a lot to take me out. So I'm crying hysterically and I'm looking out the window waiting for him to come back, and I see him walk up the parking lot, up the stairs, and run quickly to the room right next to ours.

I called him so many times until he answered. He told me that his friend had already been staying in the room next two hours and he needed some time to cool off so he was going to hang out there for a while. It didn't feel right, I knew something was off. I spent the entire night begging him to take me back and to come back to our room. He ignored me. When the sun started to come up, I hit up his best friend at the time so I could get some dope. I went to his room, told him what was happening and he told me that I should leave him and he's been playing me the whole time. So with this knowledge we walked back to our room, when finally river decided to come too. He was sitting on the couch when we got there, and then him and his friend went in the back room to talk alone. And then I noticed it, his phone sitting on the floor next to the couch. Technically he was awake right? So I took my chance, I went outside and I started reading the messages. " I love you " quote I really really want to be with you, please why won't you be with me? " Quote please come over, I really want to see you " he was begging this girl to come see him while I was in the room next door trying to kill myself.

He noticed that he didn't have his phone and he came running out, but it was too late. I threw his phone down and I collapsed crying. He couldn't deny it at that point.

[hazardousheather]

Still waiting to hear back from the apartment. I really want to move in this place. And we have to find somewhere by December because that's the time limit we have. I need something good to happen to me. Shit him and I need something good to happen. It's been a while since we've had good luck, so I hope were due for some 🍀🤞🏻

[hazardousheather]

So mine and my fiancee's anniversary is on 11/12 and his birthday is the next day. Last year I didn't get him anything because our rent was so high we had to choose paying the rent over everything. And I mean everything. We had to choose between rent, food, and gas and 99% of the time, we chose rent. But we still got evicted.

So this year, I'm surprising him big time. He has no idea what I've done and what I've gotten him. I got us a night at a hotel so we can really celebrate 😜 and then for his birthday, I got him the hoodie hes wanted for over a year. I can't wait to surprise him, he's going to love it!

He has come so far in the past 6 years. He went from being a downright fuck boy, to being the most important man in my life. He used to be a game playing, drug doing, disrespectful little boy, to a caring, strong, and mature man. And I am so proud of him. I'm so grateful that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I wish everyone could find their person. Its a feeling like no other. I feel complete, and that in itself is such a great feeling 🖤

[hazardousheather]

I found an apartment that I fell in love with. Id give everything to call that place home. I really hope everything works out because we don't have very long before we have to be out of where we're at now.

This apartment is perfect. My son can come live with me, and my animals would love it too. I can just really see myself living there for a long time. And river loves it too. He wants it just as bad as I do! I hope things work out. We're not used to things going right, so we don't have very much faith that this will be any different. It sure would be cool to live there though. It's a loft style apartment with an industrial feel, it's perfect. I've never had an apartment that nice, and if we move in- I can assure you that I will always keep that place super clean.

I can just see us celebrating Christmas here. Having people over for dinner, watching movies with my son, doing the laundry, decorating for Halloween... I can see it all. This place SCREAMS home to me.

I need positive vibes. Maybe a spell too. I'm not even kidding. I really want to call this place home 🖤

[hazardousheather]

This is princess peach .

I love her so much 🖤 id give everything to be able to keep her.

[hazardousheather]

This is my cactus. His name is Hank 😀

[hazardousheather]

I'm new to this, but i see a lot of people making blogs and that's definitely what I want to do! So stay tuned, and watch my rollercoaster of a life 🖤