harthuntcr - Tumblr blog

[harthuntcr]

wastescftime‌:

he’s not even hungry, but he didn’t know where else they were allowed to hang out, to be obviously platonic. it’s stupid, she is his girlfriend, he never ever said otherwise and he doesn’t believe it, either. and aren’t soulmates supposed to have some kind of…cosmic pull, undeniable? the only person he feels that way about is maya. so clearly something has gone very, very wrong. he’s not thinking about his food, he’s thinking about if his roommate is home and if not, is it really against the rules to take maya to his home and insist she stay with him in bed forever and never leave unless she wants to? she’s talking and while he is listening, he’s also just thinking about pressing a kiss to her hair, her forehead, her nose, her–

“i mean…supposedly,” he mumbles, because he’s bitter and he’s not afraid to show it! if he had to die in his early twenties, surely he’s earned the right to be with the person he loves in the goddamn afterlife. “what’s the worst they’re gonna do? we’re good people. we deserve to be in the good place. and since when is following your heart evil? there’s a million books and movies that prove true love is worth everything.” not to sound sappy, though josh is sappy and that’s not breaking news to maya. in an instant, his gaze softens, and fuck it, he has to reach over to grab her hands. he runs his thumb back and forth along her knuckles. “no, i’m not mad at you. i’m mad…that we’re dead. i think we deserved longer. but i’m glad that we still get to be together, even if…well, i’m not that glad. i wish i could kiss you right now. you’re the only person i want to see.”

“since it can get us kicked out of the good place,” she tells him just as bitterly. it’s not lost on her that none of this feels right, but is she really supposed to be naive enough to think that they should push when things are already off? her heart pounds when he says true love so confidently because that’s what he’s so sure they have. maya is, too- or she was until arriving. it took literally dying and being told that they don’t for her to question their destiny, and she still very heavily struggles with that on the daily. “they can realize that they got something wrong, and what if we get in trouble for not pointing it out to them? what if...” she isn’t going to get into her underlying anxieties about her alignment as a person, especially when josh will be the first to defend her place here. still, she has lived her entire life being compared to riley, always chalked up as her bad influence. that had to count for something. “they could decide that we aren’t supposed to be in the same place. i don’t want to risk that.” 

she stiffens at his touch, her body fighting every instinct it has, and blue eyes go wide. “josh, you do know that-” she stops herself. he doesn’t. it’s clear to her that he is not on the same page as her when it comes to their breakup. she assumed it was unspoken. that made it less real, but not nonexistent. “you know that...” her voice lowers so that she’s positive only he can hear her. “you know that i love you.” it’s a strong start, she thinks, pulling her hands to her lap because she can’t be touching him. it’s making it too hard to focus, too hard to resist turning on logic. “i love you so much.” it’s all she’s positive of, so she repeats it. she'd never had to entertain the thought of how she’d end things with josh. they fit so perfectly that she had no doubts about their future. “but you know that we’re...” it’s why she doesn’t have the right words now; she’s simply unprepared. she clearly doesn’t want to be saying this, either, but it’s what is right. she doesn’t want to jeopardize them being here. “we have to just be friends.” she doesn’t sound super sure of herself, but she holds eye contact which is more than she expects. “we’re not together anymore. we can’t be.”

[harthuntcr]

rcmedial‌:

the blonde seems a bit strained, renee notices, though she doesn’t comment on it. she’s found that more often than not, silent support and distractions can be even more helpful than facing an issue head on. “i suppose that’s true,” renee muses, a thoughtful smile playing at her lips. though in recent years she hasn’t been one to let loose on expletives, it seems odd that any kind of utopia would restrict its citizens in any way, even if it was something as small as swearing. “your best friend sounds like the polar opposite of my teammates, then.” her smile widens as she admits this. “they’ll take any opportunity to swear, especially the monsters. but it’s all a part of their charm, of course.”

“she is truly a ray of sunshine.” the best way to describe riley, honestly. maya doesn’t think that she’s heard riley pinned as anything other than that, even during that weird morotia phase in middle school. “monsters? like actual monsters? goblins and ghouls and all those sorts?” she questions, a brow quirked. not that it’d be the strangest thing she’s heard. this entire heaven concept is still a bit insane to her, but still- monsters? “what kind of team are you on?”

[harthuntcr]

chrrycolas‌:

            eyes  flicker  on  the  features  of  the  other  blonde  ,   a  sort  of  comfort  of  the  norm  .   betty  had  been  so  excited  to  leave  riverdale  ,   but  being  in  the  good  place  reminded  her  how  much  she  could  still  MISS  the  place  .   there  were  pros  and  cons  to  every  moment  ,   she  supposed  .   just  how  many  times  would  she  have  to  experience  it  in  order  to  believe  herself ?   lip  quirks  up  ,   shakes  her  head  .    ‘  one  of  my  best  friends  introduced  it  to  me  .  ’   veronica  lodge  truly  didn’t  know  how  much  culture  she  could  bring  along  with  her  fire-y  attitude  .     ‘  the  authentic  stuff  always  beats  out  the  fro-yo  topping  version  of  it  ,  ’    she  informs  with  a  shrug  .     

              ‘  so  what’s  your  actual  name  ,   lemon  drizzle ?  ’    betty  quips  ,   taking  another  scoop  of  her  ice-cream  .   she  has  a  feeling  these  food  nicknames  would  be  around  for  awhile  .   and  honestly ?  she’s  not  mad  about  it  .    ‘  it  sounds  delicious  .   maybe  one  of  the  bakers  around  could  recreate  it ?  ’    it’s  wishful  thinking  on  her  part  ,   but  betty  cooper  always  did  like  to  hold  out  HOPE  .     ‘  there  was  a  local  diner  that  my  friend’s  and  i  used  to  always  go  to  ,   called  pop’s  .   it  was  …  home  when  none  of  us  wanted  to  be  in  our  houses  .   all  the  big  moments  kind  of  either  ended  or  started  there  .  ’    she  smiles  against  the  spoon  in  her  mouth  .     ‘  pop  knew  our  order  by  heart !  and  we’d  get  free  stuff  all  the  time  .   and  of  course  ,   i’d  always  get  strawberry  milkshakes  .  ’  

maya smiles genuinely when her company brings up her best friend, a vision of riley immediately coming to mind. she can’t help but think of the amazing snacks they’d shared at countless sleepovers or afternoons at the bakery, an instant longing to see her. she squashes that want as soon as it bubbles up. this is the only scenario in which she hopes not to see riley for a very long time. and when she does, she wants it to take her a second to recognize the brunette, a long life under her belt that she can tell maya all about. “we’ll have to get some so that you can show me,” she suggests. “they gotta make it at one of these places, right?" 

the nickname makes her chuckle. they’re cute, the food nicknames, and she knows that they’re gonna stick by how easily they already slip from their tongues. “maya, and if i’m not calling you mochi, i can call you..?” she sticks out a hand for the other blonde to shake as she awaits a response. “i’ll have to ask. ooh-” blue eyes are  instantly alight, “or we could see about bulochkis! those are also delicious.” auggie would vouch for that. “that’s exactly what topanga’s was for us. she described it as...” she ponders for a moment, trying to picture topanga when she was announcing her decision about the london job. “...a place where important decisions are made and the best next steps of our lives are planned and considered. it was our group bay window.” it’s amazing how much she finds herself relating, a universal idea that friends will always find their safe place bringing her a sense of comfort. “it sounds incredible. i love diners. my mom worked at one until i was almost in high school, so i basically grew up in a booth in the back corner.” 

[harthuntcr]

wastescftime‌:

it’s more frustrating than it is upsetting, to know something without a doubt, to believe it with every fiber for your being, only to be told that it’s not actually true. josh doesn’t really care what michael or anyone else says, he knows this whole soulmate thing in bullshit. he thinks most people don’t meet their other half, someone fated to be theirs ever since the universe created their individual molecules, in life and definitely not in death. but he did meet his person, when he was a child, and even back then something about maya caught his attention and held it literally until the end of his life. they even died together. so there’s really no doubt in his mind that, if any of this was actually true, they’d be living together in the afterlife. and what’s maybe even strangest of all, the idea of moving in with maya feels safe rather than scary.

he wants to reach out and take her hand on the tabletop but he just grips his fork even tighter instead. the only reason he’d asked is because he’s not jealous, he’s never been jealous while he and maya were together. which, far as his heart is concerned, they still are. josh was only jealous when he didn’t have a right to be, when maya was just living her life the way he always insisted he wanted. and he hadn’t been lying, not intentionally, he just knew that one day maya would be his girl and now they’re dead before they ever got the chance to fully begin. “yeah, living with a complete stranger is…weird. and same, we don’t, uh, talk. i’ll probably get in trouble for ignoring them to come see you all the time but…what’s the point of heaven, or wherever we are, if i don’t even get to be with you?”

she doesn’t want to imagine josh living with someone else. or if she does, she wants to imagine it as more of a roommate scenario, which is what she knows josh sees this as, it’s just a lot harder when maya knows who he is actually with. it’s his soulmate. even if there was some astronomical error with her placement, she knows that without a doubt, this is where josh belongs. as a result, his soulmate could very possibly be who he actually belongs with, even if all the details aren’t perfectly aligned. the fact that she’s sitting here keeping him from them feeds into her insecurity that this side of the afterlife may not be for her. she can’t help that she’s greedy with him. she’ll take as much as she can get, and if he wants to spend as much time together as possible, she won’t be the one to stop them. michael and janet had to know that they were something to each other. they’d died together. she’s not positive if they’re aware of how deep their history actually goes. she never thought she’d have to fight off thoughts of it being a burden to have met the boy she’d love for the rest of her existence before she’d even learned to ride a bike. 

“the point is that it’s heaven, josh,” maya forces herself to say instead of agreeing because what even is the point? she lowers her voice, “you can’t think like that. we’re not...” she can’t even finish the sentence. meant to be? can she really sit there and tell josh that they don’t belong together? they haven’t even talked about if arriving was an official breakup. maya had assumed that’s what it meant when they were assigned other partners and basically given new identities. she’s surely not giving her soulmate a fair shot. she can’t chastise josh for doing the same. “shouldn’t you be mad at me?” she wonders suddenly. “the last thing that we did on earth was bicker.” their actual last moments were spent with their hands joined, josh reaching out for her the second he lost control of the wheel. she instantly took hold of it and if they weren’t about instantly perish, it would’ve been very romantic. (it still kind of was, but she’s trying to stop romanticizing everything to do with josh.) “why am i not the last person you want to see?”

[harthuntcr]

chrrycolas‌:

           ‘  you’re  the  best  ,  ’   betty  announces  as  she  takes  the  seat  in  front  of  the  girl  .   it  feels  normal  ,   simple  .   being  in  the  good  place  took  out  a  lot  of  her  every  day  routines  ,   and  betty  found  herself  back  at  ground  zero  .   a  fresh  start  -  but  was  that  what  she  really  wanted ?  not  really  ,   no  .   she  just  wanted  her  normal  .   hell  ,   she  even  missed  arguing  with  veronica  about  archie  ,   with  jughead  making  no  comments  as  he  stuffs  his  face  with  a  cheeseburger  ,   all  in  a  booth  at  pop’s  while  pop  brings  them  their  usual  refills  .   that  was  where  she  felt  her  best  .   and  as  quaint  as  the  little  diner  is  in  crossning  ,   it  simply  wasn’t  the  same  .   it  wasn’t  home  .  

               blonde  hums  as  she  takes  a  scoop  of  her  frozen  yogurt  into  her  mouth  .   it’s  not  the  same  as  a  milkshake  from  pop’s  ,   but  it  will  most  certainly  do  .    ‘  depends  .  the  texture  is  similar  to  gummies  …  but  like  …  softer ?  does  that  make  sense ?  ’   she  asks  with  a  tilt  of  her  head  .   betty  shrugs  ,   picks  one  off  of  her  froyo  and  hands  it  to  her  .   ‘  try  it !  ’   it’s  a  cute  pastel  green  one  ,   because  of  course  it  is  .  

a pleased look crosses her features. there’s something so easy about the interaction, almost familiar, that she can see them revisiting in the future. she even almost comes out with something sarcastic, a teasing comment that wouldn’t match the persona she is supposed to be committed to when she’s given the compliment. she’s curious as to if she can trust the girl in front of her should she slip up. it wouldn’t be terrible to have a few friends here, and she seems decent enough. still, she doesn’t even know this stranger’s name. a gut feeling fights to tell her that they’ll grow close, though. the last time she had a feeling so strong, she followed it right into a bay window. 

maya eyes the topping curiously, taking it from the other girl and popping it into her mouth. and keeping a neutral face as she tastes it. “it’s... okay,” she critiques, not really that partial to the texture. “i’d rather stick to my lemon drizzle, but if you’re in the mood i bet that could really hit the spot.” she takes a bite of her own cup, happy when the flavor combination hits her tongue. “back on earth, i didn’t really eat frozen yogurt, though. my best friend’s mom had this bakery, and i would get these things called scuffles, which are basically just ukranian cinnamon twists. now turn those into bite size little froyo goodies and we’re talking.” she tries not to think about how much she’d rather be having this conversation in topanga’s right now. “did you have it a lot when you were...”--alive--“...down there?”

[harthuntcr]

wastescftime‌:

he’s gotten so used to maya being his girlfriend (something which seemed impossible just a year ago) that he has no idea how to shut that part of his brain off. he also doesn’t think it’s fair that he has to, just because this place made a clear clerical error. they’re playing roles as different people, but…someone in charge here has to at least know that they died together, right? so they must be friends, obviously. it seems really unfair to be stressed out even when he’s dead so he’s taking his fake reputation to heart and trying to…not think about it, just go with the flow.

if there’s an upside, it’s that the neighborhood he’s been placed it isn’t like anywhere back home. he’s sure there were similar restaurants in new york, but he tended to stick to the familiar and rarely wander far from the nyu campus. then he graduated and it was the same deal, just swap out campus for the immediate areas around his apartment and internship. he’d told maya not to order ribs because, well, there’s just no world in which she doesn’t make a mess, though he supposes things like that don’t matter so much anymore. josh stabs at his picanha with unnecessary force. “guess this isn’t really a date, but…still feels weird to ask how things are going with your soul mate.” / @harthuntcr​

there’s a selfish part of maya that is so grateful that josh is here with her. she knows that it’s cruel to be happy that he’s... well, dead, but it’s also easy to forget that when he seems so perfectly alive, sitting across from her with his soft eyes and easy grin. she’s falling in love all over again- if she could. they’re not dating anymore, so she really shouldn’t have any feelings beyond platonic. it’s so odd to her that she spent her entire life on earth waiting to be josh’s girlfriend and when she finally is, they get to heaven and have to break up. 

josh bringing up her soulmate makes her grimace. there weren’t many things that maya wholeheartedly believed in throughout her entire life, but her and josh being soulmates never wavered. she had never brought it up to him in fear of coming on too strong after her obsessive tendencies as a middle schooler, especially with their relationship still being relatively new in terms of official status, but she knows that he saw what their future held. she doesn’t think it’s a secret that she thought they were written in the stars. “we really don’t talk much,” maya confesses, eyes locked on her plate. “how are things with your soulmate?” she asks purely out of politeness, ignoring how dirty the word feels on her tongue in this context.

[harthuntcr]

chrrycolas‌:

       betty  cooper  may  be  quite  the  fan  of  perfection  -  but  according  to  her  ,   nothing  could  beat  the  freshness  of  a  strawberry  desert  .   it  was  sort  of  her  brand  ,   just  the  same  ,   and  she  was  too  far  from  anywhere  with  MILKSHAKES    (  fro-yo  shakes  were  simply  not  the  same  )  .   but  fro-yo  would  have  to  do  .   what  could  she  say ?  betty  was  quite  the  simple  girl  .   though  ,   she  did  mix  it  up  with  some  peach  this  time  around  .  

       and  today  ,   she  wants  to  sit  ,   enjoy  the  setting  .   betty  wants  to  get  out  ,   meet  her  neighbors  ,   the  people  she  would  around  for  the  rest  of  her  …  afterlife ?   there’s  a  pep  in  her  step  when  she  goes  to  pick  up  her  cup  ,   gentle  smile  upon  her  lips  as  she  takes  it  from  the  worker  .    ‘  thanks !  ’   and  she  whirls  ‘round  ,   baby  blues  searching  for  a  spot  to  sit  -  and  gets  drawn  to  the  other  calling  out  the  end  of  her  order  .   grins  again  ,   pep  still  in  her  step  as  she  walks  towards  the  other  blonde  .    ‘  heya  -  is  this  seat  open ?  ’

she nudges the leg of the chair with her foot, opening the seat of it to the other girl. “it’s all yours,” maya assures, happy to share her table with anyone eating real frozen yogurt and not some ridiculous made up concoction only available in heaven. it still seems rather ridiculous to her. heaven. she knows she doesn’t actually belong here, that no memories she were shown were hers, and that she has to pretend to be an entirely different person. it feels eerily like back in high school when she had her identity crisis after being told she was trying to be riley for the better part of a year, except she doesn’t get to come out of it swinging a hammer or a brick in the end. of course, the good place would eat that hope mural right up, but she wouldn’t be able to get there. isn’t that the entire point? 

snapping out of her thoughts, maya’s gaze wanders to the stranger she invited over- more specifically, her cup filled with toppings that seem so very sweet. she wonders briefly if the girl’s personality reflect them. and the chipper attitude that she visibly holds oddly isn’t putting maya off like it usually would. she supposes that it has to do with no one else having any taste in their god forsaken neighborhood, but she can’t be sure. “so... full disclosure, i’ve never actually tasted mochi. is it really worth all the hype?”

[harthuntcr]

closed.// @chrrycolas​

maya holds in a groan as she watches another stranger approach the frozen yogurt counter, this one ordering a combination of the perfect high five and full cellphone battery. she had gone out for a treat in hopes of doing something to feel normal again, to momentarily forget about being painfully out of place in her own home in the afterlife, but even doing something as simple as getting froyo has to be so monumentally extraordinary that she can’t eat her cup of raspberry sorbet with a lemon drizzle in peace. it’s not even that she has anything against the cool flavors- she’s dying to try stardust- it’s just that she would quite literally give her life again for one person to walk in and request a dessert that they could’ve gotten during their time on earth. 

as if she had manifested it herself, a voice rings out clear as day asking for, “strawberry-peach with marshmallow dribble and mochi, please!” maya gives her first genuine smile of the afternoon. she moves her jacket from the seat across from her when she notices the stranger looking for a place to sit, a move she had made when she was avoiding everyone else in the crowded shop only minutes earlier. “hey, mochi!” she calls out, nodding toward the now vacant chair.  

[harthuntcr]

[harthuntcr]

rcmedial‌:

          “  have you noticed it’s impossible to swear here ?  ”  renee muses lightly,  as the colorful ends of her hair rustle from the breeze.  there are many curiosities about her new home,  though the lack of swear words is hardly the strangest one.  the latter ones,  she’s choosing to keep to herself for the time being.  “  i don’t believe any of my teammates could survive being this polite.  ”

a soft chuckle leaves maya’s lips. ironically, when she had gotten a moment to herself, that was one of the very first things she had discovered. it had been on the back burner of her mind all day, but she hadn’t really been able to bring it up to anyone because of this whole... oh. right. thinking positive. “but who would really need to swear in a place like this? we are in paradise after all." she flashes a small smile, all she really has the energy to give. it’s been a hectic transition. her mind wanders to how perfectly riley would fit into a society so painfully... well, good. “my best friend would actually prefer it this way, if you could believe it. the alternatives that they have here are what she actually used in daily conversation down on earth.”

[harthuntcr]

( sabrina carpenter. nineteen. she/her.  )   everything’s fine, MAYA HART-HUNTER,  you’re in the good place!  do you remember your last days in GIRL MEETS WORLD? but don’t worry, your  ( bay windows, perfectly messy hair, pencil sketches, subway stations, layered necklaces)  will fit perfectly with the rest of the good place, so long as you commit to the  UPBEAT OPTIMIST  despite your tendency to commit to  (a constant need to prove she isn’t broken)  that the architect of the good place said you were. it’ll just be like a fun acting exercise! just play along and everything will continue to be fun.

honestly the only one that’ll fully read this is me but i just rewatched all of gmw so here’s a few of maya’s defining quotes with some info tacked on ! (to sum it up: major daddy issues, minor mommy issues, craves stability, great artist, cares SO MUCH about her friends, deserves better !)

maya penelope hart-hunter, nineteen, crossning

“hi, i’m maya. you’re really cute. we should hang out sometime. you make me happy. you don’t pay enough attention to me. this isn’t working out, it’s you, not me. we can still be friends, not really.” 

maya is introduced as riley’s shawn, as her very best friend in this universe. she’s bold, fierce, rebellious, loud, and everything that riley isn’t. she wears lip gloss, she marches right up to cute boys on the subway, she is the night. she is dark and mysterious. 

“ i was a little girl, and i climbed through an open window because i heard singing. i was attracted to what i saw inside. it was someone safe…”

she and riley meet as small children when she wanders into her open window. her parents are fighting. they never seem to stop fighting. 

she never leaves riley’s side. it becomes a simple understanding that they are an extension of each other, no longer separate entities. her loyalty is a defining quality to her.  

“i do go outside, riley. i watch the light move during the day. and you know what happens at 5:30? you turn gold. everything is more beautiful at the beginning and the end of the day, and i want people to see that. i want to capture that. i didn't mean to believe in something.”

maya is an amazing artist. she can also sing, but she is partial to painting and sketching when she is at home. her favorite teachers are, as expected, her art teachers, and that is always the class she excels in. 

"when i was real young, i used to come to this park and look at this statue and wonder if i would ever have friends as good as these. that would hands with each other and smile. i used to wonder what it was they were so happy about. now i know.”

this just be a cute quote. her friends are the stars in her sky and she really would do anything for them if they need it, sacrificing herself over and over if it meant they could be spared for even a second longer. 

“i’m gonna get an education from him. and i’m gonna earn my own money. and someday i’m gonna have a good place with good walls and a good roof.” “and what are you gonna do for everybody else?” “everybody’s a lot of people. but if i could afford it, i would fix somebody else’s roof.” 

she understands not having a lot. maya has a hole in her wall and a leak in her roof. she takes care of things gifted to her because she knows the value they truly hold. she comprehends that if her mother didn’t work extra shifts, her lights wouldn’t be on and their water wouldn’t flow. she doesn’t take what she has for granted, and it definitely stuck with her as she grew into adulthood.  

“you had everything. family meals around the table. i wanted that. ‘how was your day, maya?’ ‘it was great, dad.’ you had that. you went to bed with a smile on your face every night, while i went to bed wondering if my father was going to be at the breakfast table in the morning. i wanted that.” 

maya has half a mom and her father left, which she blames on her half a mom. of course, she doesn’t realize that it’s because her mother also got left, but shawn helps her see that. this also starts to build up her wishing for shawn to step in as a more permanent part, but hope is still for suckers, ladies and gents! 

“my teacher thinks if i forgive you, it'll bring me peace. and he's usually right about these things, but i don't see how he's right about this one. and i can't. your job was to stay. you don't think i had it in me to allow my father to grow?”

when maya writes to her father for an assignment, she gets the closure she needs to understand that it isn’t her fault he left. of course, it doesn’t fully settle. it never does. and she realizes that she can’t forgive him for leaving yet. daddy issues galore. but she’s not angry anymore and that’s important.

“i could always hear my mother crying in her bedroom. i’d try to go in and stop her from crying… but i couldn’t. so, i’d try to fall asleep next to her… but i couldn’t. ‘mom, would you stop crying if daddy came back?’ ...and she’d look at me and say, ‘we don’t need anyone else, babygirl. all i need is you…” too much responsibility. can’t sleep, riley, been up since i’m four.”

after katy and shawn get engaged, maya is scared. she doesn’t know why they can’t just date forever. she really doesn’t like change. plus! they don’t have the best records! she even tries to come between them, to ask why shawn would be doing such a thing when he knows what the universe does to people like them. 

they get married anyways!!! shawn surprises them with an entire wedding set up on the roof because that’s how he rolls (spontaneous and romantic), and he surprises maya not too long later with adoption papers which is why she’s maya hart-hunter now. 

“my voice is still my voice, riley. you're gonna need to show me a lot more than clothes and hair and a boy before i believe that it isn't.”

when maya starts to get good grades, starts wearing more dresses, starts showing signs of growth as a person, she is told she simply is becoming riley. i personally hate this plot line! but it’s canon so i gotta mention it! i feel like she should’ve been allowed to grow!!!! she should’ve been allowed to have good things happen to her!!!!!!!!!!!!! but whatever!!! 

“i feel like... if you know me at all... and you know the last thing i would ever do is want anything that was riley's.”

triangles are one of maya’s biggest triggers because she was part of one and it really almost tore apart her entire life. liking the same boy as riley consumed the better part of her middle school years and her first year of high school. i don’t think she ever actually stopped liking lucas, but she stepped back again for riley’s sake because, as she says, the last thing she would want is something that belongs to riley. her first boyfriend falls directly under that category. so she filed all of those feelings away to never be touched again because if they were horrible things would happen! 

“boyfriend and girlfriend eventually.”

stepping back from lucas worked out in her favor because it opened the door for josh! who riley could never like because that is indeed her uncle! she went out here and there with a few artsy boys throughout her high school years just so that she could double date with riley, but nothing ever stuck. she didn’t mind. her and josh were also awkwardly always more than just friends but never more than friends, but as she got older, her feelings for him just got stronger, so she buried them and focused on school and art and life and boys are simply just not everything! contrary to popular belief! and what her journal from sophomore year with ‘mr. and mrs. josh and maya matthews’ doodled all over it say! 

then toward the middle of her senior year, she started going to more nyu parties after a messy breakup (not technically a breakup because maya didn’t think they were dating which was the entire issue!) with missy bradford (who hosted the best parties) and that is where she starts running into josh more often. he starts walking her home, they are constantly talking, they’re hanging out, and it’s not that they didn’t do that before during family game nights and family outings and family things or even sometimes just to do it when he was around, but now she sometimes actually on campus because she has friends at nyu, mutual friends of his from parties that invite her to trivia and concerts and events. then, her birthday passes and their age isn’t an excuse anymore. 

when she dies, she is rounding out her freshman year at nyu. she is majoring in art education, is finally dating the guy of her dreams, and has the world in her reach. :( 

exactly how she dies in my app/ last memory: she and josh were driving in the car and she turned the voice off the gps because it interrupts her music for no! good! reason! plus why does he even need the voice? she is sitting right there she can just tell him when to turn. it’s so annoying and her voice is way better and so she is turning it off despite his protests because she wants to get through one song peacefully, it’s not going to kill them to turn off the stupid robot voice- but it definitely does. she gets too lost in her song, forgets to tell him to turn, he takes his eyes off the road because he is sure they have missed one, she can’t believe he doesn’t trust her navigation skills, he points out that she was giving a concert not navigating, she repeats it back in an annoying voice with a face that he laughs at, she restarts the song because he interrupted it, and bam! dead.