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like this for an ask mb?

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‘Humpback whale feeding on krill’ by Jean Tresfon

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just a reminder 3 adults (all 19+) dated me at 17 and normalized it and even drew art of a 20 and a 15-16 year old fucking in which i was supposed to be the youngest one considering i rp’d him and had him close to my heart and when i realized it was wrong and disgusting they suddenly kicked me out and had endless shit on me posted because they knew exactly what they were doing and are still doing it and everyone who’s defending them is fucking horrible too because i know theyre doing this just for this. i know they are.  because they don’t want people to know they love kids, they want to fuck kids. 

and i know theyve been doing nothing but stalking me and my lovers/friends,  seeing how easily they find me, but consider this:  these people would rather defend some guy parading to be a good friend to kids who draws cp and dates them and talks to them about his gore/feeder kink (@fortunasua, dearest noah! :) ) and talks about how they’d fuck them in detail and how to please a woman —– and now suddenly i’m horrible, terrible even and supposedly a pedophile bc i was 18 and … watch this… dated a 17 year old who was 4 months younger than me! how horridly can you twist it? i know i’ve been manipulative at times, unaware of it. i’m not making excuses. but this is something fucking else. 

noah is a fucking pedophile who groomed me and talked about fucking me and manipulated me and did shit like make suicide pacts and encouraged my rage and made me the messenger to people he COULD EASILY talk to, but no, i had to do it, someone with memory loss.  i yearned for their approval and their desire,  and they wanted to teach me how to have sex because  iwas insecure and didn’t know how to. they gave me their nsfw blog.  they legit wanted to make a suicide pact with me, and almost had me travel to canada for them.  they got me into love l*ve, and also talked about the girls in a creepy goddamn way.  anyways, it’s better to show than tell!

(the green square is a nude. this man has my nudes.)

now i don’t know how he engaged with morgan, but these are just a few examples of what he did with me.

bunny was a master manipulator who knew he had my heart and then tried to push my boundaries. i remember that i was clingy and needy and wanted to talk to him all the time, as one would when just turned 17 and desperate and in love, and all he did was see how long he could disappear and push me further.  i hated it, and i cried about it a lot,  and he often enough only returned to talk about how he wanted to fuck me. all while he was 19, nearing 20.  talked about strap-ons, dildos,  seemed to paint my innocence due to my age as such a sexy thing.  i was hot because i was smaller, younger, more frail.  submissive.  i know he was into bdsm,  into possessiveness, into marking.  he loved to have me as his little nova.  knew exactly how to make me submit to him.  

they even messaged me my own address, they even messaged my irl friends,  they tried everything to get ahold of me and my attention considering that seems to be all they care about. but you’ve got my attention now!

all i’m asking for is that you leave me the fuck alone. because you guys didn’t think traumatizing me was enough, no! you have to remind me of every single time that you wanted to get in my pants and fuck me as a child. you HAVE to remind me of that, hm?

then let me remind everyone of that too.

bibi riobeats is a pedophile enabler,  hades jehennam is a pedophile enabler, noah fortunasua is a pedophile, bunny mistalian is a pedophile, gabe joestier is a pedophile, cosima jiniichor is a pedophile (dated someone 17 at 21+ :) ), and all of these people want to cover it up by making people no longer believe me.  here’s some more receipts! and i know they’ll be so fucking angry at me for posting this, but y’know what? fuck you.

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updated rules :3c

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Send "🙋" + any headcannons you want to know about my muse.

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jst a reminder gay love heals. good nite

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BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS           ------          TAP THE VEIN THAT BLEEDS.    ( non-rp blogs do not touch. )

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blood on the walls,  knives between ribs.   the outsider was known for its mystery and fluctuating interest in those he considered a subject.   whales were slaughtered in his name,  people sliced and forced to recite paragraphs they could barely read,  excessive personal rituals   ----   all in the hope he,  one day,  would appear before them.

and he never did.

not to them, at least.

if one’s ambitions were uncertain,  consistently opposed or simply pronounced too difficult he would be there to witness their path branch out,  with cold hands on shoulders as a reminder that his gift is also a curse    -----      one of two eyes on their back,  permanently.   there were few that could appreciate a gaze as intense,  as piercing and as unchanging    ------   never wavering,   always there to witness every feeble action as one worked.    so when he first marked dearest tom,  he didn’t know if he could adapt to that.     apparently  ;       he exceeded every expectation.  

as of now,  outsider was sat on own shrine,  between velvet gold and splintered wood,  in place of runes carved by fingers worn.  prayers turned to talk,  never-ending gaze fixated on the young man.       ❛    you come to me so often.    it makes one wonder about the extent of your . . .    interest.     ❜

@bi0w0lf    /   here it is.

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✧    NBC’S    HANNIBAL    PROMPTS   !   

*  A MIXTURE OF NBC’S HANNIBAL PROMPTS , CHANGE ANY PRONOUNS AS NEEDED .

‘   This is not a fatal wound. The bullet misses every artery.   ‘

‘   It just means she can’t do anything about it. This is my design.  ‘

‘   I imagine what you see and learn touches everything else in your mind.    ‘

‘   I can’t shut mine off any more than you can shut yours off..   ‘

‘   Please, don’t psychoanalyze me. You won’t like me when I’m psychoanalyzed.    ‘

‘   Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go give a lecture on psychoanalyzing.   ‘

‘   Therapy doesn’t work on you because you won’t let it.   ‘

‘   Well, perhaps you need to un-learn some tricks.   ‘

‘   Last time he sent me to a dark place I brought something back.   ‘

‘   I suggested one of those clackin’ swingin’ ball things.   ‘

‘   It’s the inevitability of there being a man so bad that killing him felt good.  ‘

‘   I’m still not entirely sure that wasn’t my intention, pulling the trigger.   ‘

‘   Eating her is honoring her. Otherwise, it’s just murder.   ‘

‘   So killing somebody, even if you have to do it, it feels that bad?   ‘

‘   You beginning to appreciate my lack of sympathy?   ‘

‘   I don’t know how I’m gonna feel about eating her after all this.   ‘

‘   It isn’t very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living.   ‘

‘   Passion’s good. Gets blood pumping.  ‘

‘   My parents gave me a gift. A twin. Who wouldn’t want two of me?  ‘

‘   What kind of victim forgives the killer at the moment of death?   ‘

‘   I have no taste for animal cruelty. That’s why I employ an ethical butcher.    ‘

‘   I’m afraid I insist on it, no need for unnecessary suffering.   ‘

‘   Human emotions are a gift from our animal ancestors.   ‘

‘   Well this should be interesting. Please, doctor, proceed.   ‘

‘   What it grows, and where it’s growing it will likely kill you..   ‘

‘   It’s getting harder and harder to make myself look.   ‘

‘   But I am looking alone, and you know what looking at this does.   ‘

‘   I know what happens if you don’t look, and so do you.    ‘

‘   I can make myself look, but the thinking is shutting down.   ‘

‘   You don’t think I have a right to know what’s happening with my wife?  ‘

‘   The effect I was hoping to have was her death. Mission accomplished.    ‘

‘   Certain personalities are attracted to certain professions.   ‘

‘   Here we are, bunch of psychopaths helping each other out.    ‘

‘   Words are living things. They have personality, point of view, agenda.   ‘

‘   Your bad luck that you’re the best, pal.    ‘

‘   I feel like I’ve dragged you into my world.    ‘

‘   I want to go on record as saying that this is a very bad idea.   ‘

‘   It’s natural to see if someone is clever enough to climb over them.   ’

‘   What reason did you have to kill the others?   ‘

‘   Insane isn’t really black or white, is it?   ‘

‘   What do you smell on me?    ‘

‘   I think that the work you do here has created a sense of stability for you.   ‘

‘   You married? You’re married. How long you married? That long?   ‘

‘   I feel like hell. Actually, no, I feel, uh, fluid, like I’m spilling.    ‘

‘   You were attacked by a patient not too long ago. I read the report.    ‘

‘   They will believe he did. They will believe he killed others, too.    ‘

‘   I’m so sorry, ______. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you in this life.    ‘

‘   I know who I am. I’m not so sure I know who you are anymore.   ‘

‘   I am not the intelligent psychopath you are looking for.  ‘

‘   I’m not asking you to believe anything you can’t prove.   ‘

‘   I’ve always found the idea of death comforting.  ‘

‘   That would suggest a radically unorthodox form of therapy.    ‘

‘   I’m always happy to do a favor for a friend, just say the word.   ‘

‘   How does one politely refuse a dish in circumstances such as these?   ‘

‘   You never answered my question. How would killing me make you feel?   ‘

‘   She was compelled to take his life so she could take her own back.  ‘

‘   Tell me, did your heart race when you murdered her?   ‘

‘   When the fox hears the rabbit scream, he comes running. But not to help.   ‘

‘   I let you know me… see me. I gave you a rare gift, but you didn’t want it.  ‘

‘   Imagine what you must taste like. It won’t be long until someone’s taking a bite out of you.   ‘

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this is so soon after the last one and for that i apologize, but once again medical bills are screwing me over. with one paid off in full (which some of you were so kind to help with & for that i thank you so, so much), i still have two remaining – this one being the lesser of both and the current problem for me. 

aside from having received this bill (ambulance fee) much later than the others, when i had called for billing arrangements (the original total of it being $450 after insurance paid for some), i’d been left with the fire department’s voice mail, to which i stated my desire to make said arrangements and asking if they would call me back when they got the chance. i did this numerous times and did not receive a call back from them even once, so in turn i did the next best thing which was make small payments towards it with each paycheck. 

now, i’ve managed to bring this bill down to $200, but apparently that doesn’t matter because as of this past weekend, i received this notice ( x ) in the mail. i contacted them this morning asking if there was any way i could pay it in portions, and they denied me that option, demanding that i pay it in full by the end of the month. 

much like the last issue like this, i get one more check this month and it has to go towards rent and other bills, meaning i’m going to be without the finances to pay an additional $200 for this one in full. if anyone is able to help out with donations once again ( i’m so sorry for asking ), anything helps and they can be made at my ko-fi link ( x ) like previously. even if you aren’t able to donate, simply spreading this around would help out. thank you.

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aut viam inveniam aut faciam

i will either find a way, or i will make one. (via astromed)

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❛ you are terrifying and strange and beautiful. something not everyone knows how to love. ❜

meme !

instinct barked at him,   a desire to defend oneself despite no apparent threat rising until apathy engulfed soul        ——       outsider didn’t like it much when people assumed based on myths,  and talks and the whispers in alleys,  who he was and what his heart craved and hungered for.  no matter intent  (  which he could barely read,  even as faux-wisdom kept him afloat as all-knowing  ),   paranoia and delusion plagued him until there was no room left for anything else.    with needles in mouth,  cutting lips and shredding whatever was left of positive attitude,  he could feel a loss of words befall him.   such unfortunate fate.   what a painful way to be.    to sense a pressure on him,  something so personal,  so intense,  and never open mouth enough to speak of truths.  a demon chained to permanent lies,  the key a barrier he could never lift above alone.

the silence following darling ripley’s words was nothing short from eerie,  the whales wailing in the void behind,  shrieks of spirits lost murmurs in a non-existent wind.  he couldn’t leave it like this,   so defeat,  so silent.   she left a deity pronounced aggravating for his speech without a single sentence to spit back.

❛    you use such heavy words.  i’m not quite sure you know what you’re speaking of,    ❜      -------    i am nothing but rot and misery and plague and the end of life,  as i was meant to be and will continue to be.    ❛    death is not beauty,   and you should not strive for it to be.    ❜  

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Sleeping At Last - Touch

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does any1 wanna be mains / exclusives? 👀

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https://goo.gl/wnbNoM Help Me …

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If you don't mind me asking, I'm just wondering, what is your portrayal is like with the Outsider having Autism? As in what he is like, what sets him off, his way of stimming, etc.

well, i find that in general his neurodivergency is something that intertwines closely  (  by now  ) with his connection to the void,  that the consistent horror he experiences because of it something he finds so commonplace that change would unsettle him.  perhaps an ill way to consider the conditions he lives in,  but once the environment is familiar enough regardless to if it’s good for someone,   breaking free and participating in change becomes extremely difficult.   his autism,  specifically,  would make it harder for him not to just accept endless misery and wail about it    —–   as change to his attitude,  behavior,  thinking and surroundings would be a tad overwhelming.  especially as it’s all that’s been consistent throughout millennia.    think meltdowns he hides through anger,  and social/physical isolation from any and all persons he contacts  -  no matter relationship.

it makes communication of emotions also more difficult,  and in the early stages of a relationship he is frail in expression.  he can’t quite pinpoint what words would be right to use to talk about something that bothers him,  and as a result of his abuse as a child,  he prefers to go nonverbal as opposed to talking about it and seeking resolve.  outsider is fully aware this does not help the situation and can make it worse,  but nobody’s taught him communication without punishing him severely for mistakes.  at some point,  he stopped trying and just let the relationship end if he found issues in any aspect.  again,  this depends on the stage of the relationship and the person involved.  this is his biggest problem in his eyes.

as for how he expresses himself / his needs for stimulation,  be it physical,  auditory,  pressure,  etc.  he is one to play with his own fingers a lot,  touch the rings,  bite his lips,  talk to himself.  he isn’t much of an auditory stimmer and tends to dislike loads of noise.  perhaps that’s also linked to permanent exposure to a realm as quiet as the void   —-   the only conssitency when it comes to sound is the calling of whales,  which he finds pleasant to hear.  warmth is a great stim.  soft skin.  good texture.   as for showing joy or excitement,  he hugs himself   ;    arms around his waist or torso and a light squeeze.  when it comes to sorrow,  it’s curling up,  preserving warmth.  hiding away.   hands around his knees  and head right between.   he likes being invisible when upset,  unless fury burns in his throat.   then he has no choice but to spit it out.

he is also a picky eater,  even if he doesn’t eat often.  specific textures and tastes really leave his mood soured and tongue silent.  specifically,  he cannot eat fish or most bitter dishes.  they are too strong for him,  and typically they involve vegetables with a despicable taste and scent.  

overall,  they’re subtle due to own suppression rather than something he embraces.