handwithagun

[handwithagun]

If you were a game instead of a living being, you probably would be "Golden light" . Or something close to It.

Do with that information whatever you like, un-stranger.

I’d most likely be the main antagonist of it. The most chaotic of them all.

Or maybe I’d be the protagonist. Still would be generally insane.

[handwithagun]

they also just hate the sound of flowing water.

[handwithagun]

murder fixes everything. It always does.

Source

Source

[handwithagun]

I’m subconsciously obsessed with this GIF of Ao Oni cleaning.

like you could make an entire Smash Bros. Moveset from this and it’d just be all cleaning techniques

Janitor Ao Oni

[handwithagun]

I’m adding onto this post by saying that this Giggling Minister would make for a nice Tumblr sexyman. He would fit the roll pretty nicely if we just gave him a cool suit to go with his assholery.

He would also probably give divine fingering if he wasn’t busy snapping heads off to play ‘music’.

The Mung and Goa are also a canon couple.

Y’know, it surprises me that there’s barely any horny content of Brutal Orchestra, you would think that the monsterfuckers would be all over a game that has giant six fingered hands descending from the clouds, a giant serpent with a mind that wants nothing more than to consume and another that can kiss you in battle, the remnants of Adam and Eve fucking nasty and a bird demon that only wants to trick and make you suffer.

Like, I get that the gore and psychological horror might be off putting, but Silent Hill stuff exists so that can’t be the reason.

And almost every character is a skeleton, most of them have psychological issues and act so cocky, PAPYRUS AND SANS LUSTERERS! THIS IS YOUR BREAD AND BUTTER!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

[handwithagun]

I’ll get slapped for this.

this is a thing that’s been discussed from time to time A DOZEN, but there’s always (or probably) this weird feeling you get when you see non-sexual stuff made by someone mostly known for doing porn.

For example, this is an artwork from Dumplis, which I coin to be a ‘hyper bottom’ artist, shamelessly screenshotted from their Newgrounds since I’m an ass.

The little shortie in this picture is named Nomad, and she’s a Beent. To summarise what a Beent is, they’re an all-female species of shortstack humanoids that live in big groups. Similar to ants. They all have white hair, black skin, luminous coloured mucosa (so stuff like tongues), and antennae shaped like music notes. For most of them, they have Quavers (or antennae shaped like the tails of Eighth Notes).

Beents are characterised on a more detailed scale by being VERY bottom heavy, and also apparently oviparous despite being generally mammalian. I say that because I saw a character sheet for a Beent named ‘Binah’ on Rule 34, so I’m just making an assumption that the egg-laying stuff applies for all Beents.

Back to Nomad: not much is known about her other than the fact she’s voluntarily mute from a vow of silence. That’s about it.

I don’t think I’ll get any backlash from this, will I?

[handwithagun]

How convenient. I personally know another ghost girl named Connie.

This is stupid. And no, I’m not doing the ‘two nickels’ joke.

[handwithagun]

why do Tinamou eggs look like that. i want to eat them whole 

[handwithagun]

And now, a few crudely-made diagrams of how a hypothetical card game works.

There are 10 spots, which is adapted from Brutal Orchestra. Some of the guys you play (like the Gizard in the corner) take up more space, while others can share spaces (Cosmo is in the same space as the Incubator on the top left). As the way the game plays is largely based off Brutal Orchestra, positioning your cards is VERY important, but not if you use mostly Pokémon (which you cannot see in this diagram).

2. In terms of Pigment, both players will have a generator that creates 3 Yellow Pigment each turn for them. This is mainly applied to anyone from Brutal Orchestra, which use Pigment to attack, and to a specific extent, Nowak. Any card from Brutal Orchestra that counts as a 'Fool' can use 'Slap' for 1 Yellow Pigment, and any Yellow Pigment in the Generator will be lost when a player ends their turn, unless the Pigment IN said Generator were placed into the Pigment Tray beforehand.

3. This is just a sheet to explain how one fucking card (and Passive effect, for the matter) works. The best way to 'abbreviate' the Variation Wheel for the Frostbite is if you just get a wheel decider window up or something.

Whew. Glad i got that out. Hopefully i won't make myself look more disappointing/autistic for merging Pokémon, Dandy's World and Brutal Orchestra into this mess, and i really hope i won't do something like this ever again.

[handwithagun]

Items for the hypothetical card game nobody cares about (because I like Brutal Orchestra)

Unlike usable item cards from the Pokémon set, cards from Brutal Orchestra are put on cards currently in play. All cards can be given a BO item, but can only hold one at a time.

Trophy Hunter: This card now deals 50% damage to any card that counts as a BOSS. “Your head goes here.”

Diamond Dust: give the card opposing the card this item was given to 99 stacks of Ruptured and a single Scar. Dissipate the dust upon usage. “Witness the world’s most expensive assassination.”

Deserter’s Hand: gives a card an extra ability named “F@#% THIS!”, which allows the card to flee the field and re-enter your card pile. Coward.

Unpolished Marble: If there is space, spawn Gospel. The Gospel that is summoned will have 45 HP and will die if this item is removed from the field. 20% chance that the marble will break when used. “I gotta BE the marble!”

Metabolic Pigeons: When this card is missing half of its health, it can attack twice during your turn. “You would not BELIEVE how much this hurts.”

Lucky Break: When this card gets killed, heal it 2 HP and return it to your hand. Has a 30% chance to break every use. “Death’s door.”

Cranes’s Flesh: this card heals their neighbours 15 HP every time they get hurt. “He tastes like lychee, just so you know.”

Smokes’s Stack: if you have any Overflow pigment at the end of your turn, the card holding this item will remove (smoke) all of it and lose 10 max HP. “Yes, it’s a bong. And no, don’t inhale it.”

Ontological Connection: a ‘Evolution’ item that can only be used on Nowak. When given to Nowak, he will become Osman Sinnoks, and your Yellow Pigment Generator will now create yellow pigment split with purple pigment for as long as Osman lives. “Reject all horizons.”

Bendy Straw: grants a card the extra ability ‘Gorge’, a very costly ability that deals a little bit of damage to this card. The whole entire point of this card is to drain pigment, should you have a lot of it. “Never enough…”

Blank Slate: this card deals 50% more damage if they have no status effects put on them. “Endless Possibility.”

Shurikens: when your turn ends, this card inflicts either 0 to 2 stacks of Ruptured to the enemy team. “Stab from a distance.”

Convergent Rage: When a card holding this is hurt directly and they’re not at full health, there is a 1/2 chance they’ll instead have their max HP reduced in accordance to the damage that was dealt (example: if a card with 15 HP and 20 Max HP is hurt by a 5 dmg attack and the item triggers, they will now have 15 Max HP due to Convergent Rage). “They will break you, but they will not stop you.”

[handwithagun]

Trading card ideas for virtually nobody PT. Fucking 3 we are not stopping

Chapman: 30 HP

Headbutt: Deal 3 dmg to the opposing card. This is purposefully low as the Chapman is meant to profit from its Infestation passive.

Infest: gives 1 stack of Infestation to a random card 3 times. This goes for any card on the board.

Fruits that Feast: hurt this card for 1 dmg, and heal every other card in play equal to the amount dealt.

Infestation(1): The Chapman deals 1 extra point of dmg for each stack of Infestation it has. The damage boost only applies to what card has the most stacks of Infestation, and the boost applies for all cards that have Infestation.

Skittish(2): The Chapman moves either left or right twice after doing something.

Bastard Zygote: 250 HP

Realise: deal 20 dmg to the opposing card on the left, and move this card left.

Harrow: ditto, but instead for the right.

Metabolic Hellfire: Set Fire to the opposing space for 4 turns, and apply 1 Scar to the opposing card.

Organ Shut-Down: heal the Zygote 50 HP, and attempt to set all spaces opposing it on Fire for 1 turn. Has a chance not to do so for each tile. “This actually reduces its heat. Not that it’d know that.”

Multiattack(5): This card can make up to 5 moves every turn.

Inferno: at the start of this card’s owner’s turn, this card will set every space it inhabits on Fire for one turn each.

Fluid Flesh: This card cannot extinguish Fire on any space it inhabits when it performs an ability.

Size 3: This card requires 3 spaces to be deployed. As a quick cleanup to how it generally works given its size, EVERY space that it is on that is on Fire will damage it for every Fire space it stands on each time it does something.

Dying Flarb: 20 HP

Rot Alive: Deal 3 dmg to this card.

Dying: very obvious as to why this thing can’t heal.

Fleeting(3): if 3 turns go by with this card on the field, it will be consumed by something far below it.

Anchored: This card cannot move under any circumstances.

Decay…?: Personally, I don’t think you should kill this thing.

Kekapex: 300 HP, Token, MINIBOSS

Left Mandible: Deal 5 dmg to the card far left opposing card and 2 to the opposing left card. Move the left card to the right, and consume 1 Energy/Pigment from your opponent.

Right Mandible: ditto, but for far right and right.

Middle Mouthparts: deal 10 dmg to the opposing middle card, and move them left or right. “Weirdy?”

Hurk: Spews a Festering Pile of bones onto an available spot on the opposition’s side. If this doesn’t spawn anything, remove every status effect the Kekapex has. The Festering Pile bears an Infestation passive that grants strength to the Kekapex.

Fresh Shed: apply either 0-2 shield on ALL spaces. Consume 2 Energy/Pigment from your opponent, and remove all Fire from the Kekapex’s side of the board.

Multiattack(10): attacks 10 times per turn. What a doozy!

Overexert(20): each time the Kekapex takes direct damage exceeding 20 or more, it performs one less ability when it becomes its turn.

Infestation(2): grants 2 more points of dmg to all other cards that have Infestation, as well as receive the same dmg bonus from those cards.

Size 5: the Kekapex takes up the ENTIRE field on its owner’s side. It can’t dodge anything, but at least it’ll give you some time to rest your brain.

Devastation: all cards on this card’s side of the field will instantly die once it is deployed.

Uncontrollable: The Kekapex acts on its own volition and cannot attack manually.

Metatron, 10 HP

Countless Eyes: move all opposing cards away from this one (cards will be pushed away according to what slot they oppose the Metatron in), then inflict 3 stacks of Fleeting to the opposing cards. If the opposing cards already have Fleeting, give them 3 more stacks. Move the Metatron left or right twice.

Countless Tongues: Give the opposing cards 2 Fleeting. If either card already has Fleeting, remove one stack of Fleeting from them. (As a refresher, a card will flee when a set amount of turns goes by. The Metatron basically forces your opponent’s cards away)

Immortal: This card is permanently under Divine Protection. If any other card on their side is present, all damage dealt to this card will be redirected to the non-protected card as Indirect damage. If there are multiple non-protected cards, then the damage is split up. This does nothing if there are no other cards without Divine Protection on this card’s side.

Size 2: The Metatron requires 2 spaces to be played.

Ophanim, 95 HP

Walk The Earth: move all cards not opposing the Ophanim closer to it, then apply 1 Constricted to the opposing spaces and give the opponent 1-2 Red Pigment.

Legion: Apply 1 or 2 stacks of Fire to the opposing spaces, move the Ophanim left or right, and give the opponent 1-2 Red Pigment. “For we are many”

Carbon Tears: inflict 1-2 stacks of Oil-Slicked to all opposing cards not standing in Fire, and 1 Fire to all opposing Oil-Slicked cards.

Blazing: each space opposing the Ophanim is permanently on Fire, and only goes away if the Ophanim moves to a new spot.

Multiattack(2): The Ophanim can attack twice during your turn.

Slippery: The Ophanim moves left or right when it gets Directly hurt.

[handwithagun]

I just started thinking about Dead Estate recently.

I say that, because it was a spontaneous thought, and I now already have the game on Steam. I ALSO say that because if there was Workshop support for it, I would insert myself into the game as one of the characters. And do a lot of stuff that involves being an asshole. And becoming a final boss. And killing Cordelia for no good reason.

That, and if i were to make a MOD, I’d throw in a little ‘modifier’ tab on the side if anyone wants to make playing the game a bit more difficult. Here’s 3 for Lydia in particular:

‘Bleeding Coffers’; any time Lydia gets hurt, she starts bleeding out money (basically, she loses Money at an accelerated rate) for a bit, and getting hurt while still bleeding will both reset AND make you bleed out faster. Also, Lydia’s blood is yellow. That’s my law.

‘Shackled By Avarice’; Every 1000$ you collect over the course of the run will grant you a big debuff to one of your stats, while buying things from Cordelia’s Shop or Gun Shop will grant a smaller, but still detrimental debuff. These are permanent, if you can’t tell, but you can revert all debuff by looping.

‘Highway Robbery’; Anyone who hurts Lydia will steal a portion of money from her, gain a big health boost, and will immediately try to escape. Quickly kill them to get your stuff back.

And 3 extras, one for Chunks, one for Cordelia, and one for Jeff:

’Big Buff Rat Party’; all 3 versions of Chunks will pursue you at once when the peace period on a floor runs out.

‘Witch Hunt’; Chunks is now replaced by angry townspeople that seek to burn Cordelia at the stake. They’re easy to defeat, but aren’t rewarding to kill and will grow stronger and more numerous as you linger on a floor.

So yeah. Maybe I’ll expand on this, maybe I won’t. It’s all hypothetical, so who cares.

Can someone draw this picture but it’s Lydia chained to a ridiculous amount of money or something and is dragging in a singular coin instead of the key that would unlock the chain thank you

[handwithagun]

Was reminded of this pic. I need to draw cosmo more often i rly like him

[handwithagun]

Wanna join a brutal orchestra community I made?

uhh… sure. It’ll give me something to do, I suppose.

[handwithagun]

Hey, uhh…

Is the site doing alright? I haven’t gotten any notes aside from the posts being made in my Communities tab.

I guess this is just me being selfish. Always had an addiction to attention. Having people to listen to me.

[handwithagun]

I’m sure this tato will help me.

but I’m not sure if my bad aura will accept it.