gwynethlandivar

[gwynethlandivar]

Understanding What It Feels Like Is Simpler Than It Seems

TW: mention of e*ting dis*rders 

From a very young age, I remember having body image issues. It all started when I was about 11 years old. This is when I started to gain more weight than I was supposed to for my age and my dad consistently reminded me how fat I was and how I needed to stop eating so much and lose weight. Between my dad’s criticism and my self-doubt, I started to compare myself with all the other girls around my age at school. Even though I wasn’t the only big girl in my class, I seemed to be one of the only girls that were most bothered by the fact that I was overweight. Since no one could completely relate to the way I felt, I started to isolate myself more than I already had been doing since I didn’t have a lot of friends, to begin with. 

At home, both of my parents worked a lot, so I barely got to see them, and when I did my dad continuously critiqued the way I looked which made me distance myself from him. At school, no one seemed to understand how I felt. 𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙄 𝙬𝙚𝙣𝙩. Since I was alone for the majority of the time, when I drastically reduced the amount of food I ate, no one really noticed, so when I lost about 23 lbs in a month, 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵��𝘢𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴. The positive reinforcement definitely fed into my idea that the thinner I get, the more people would like me, which caused me to drop another 20 lbs in that same year. 

After achieving my weight goal, my relationship with food did not improve, I was never satisfied. Since I never saw myself thin enough, I would have phases in which I would allow myself to eat more, in excess even, until I would realize that I gained too much weight again. This created a cycle in my teenage years in which I would let myself enjoy food for a period of time only to get extremely upset when the weight gain came, for which I forced myself to stop eating and even considered purging it a few times unsuccessfully, to then lose all the weight again.

While all this happened, I tried talking to my friends about what I was going through, but they seemed to judge me for my actions, or oversimplify my problems and just tell me to “eat more and not be dumb about it”. They would just tell me to get over it, that I should simply accept myself the way I looked and not change as if it was that easy. I wouldn’t say that I have completely recovered from this cycle, but now that I certainly have a better understanding of what I was going through and the basics of nutrition, after doing extensive research over the past years, I understand that my friends had no ill intent and they were genuinely trying to help me, but they were simply misinformed. They believed that if I just stopped comparing myself to other people and “just think of myself as beautiful”, it would fix everything when this is far from the truth. I don’t want more people to feel as misunderstood as I did back in the day, so my personal experience motivated me to explain the major causes that push someone to disordered eating and e.d’s so people around them can understand them and empathize with their loved ones so they have the confidence to speak up about their issues and receive the help they need or even prevent situations that lead to eating disorders. 

The are many reasons and factors that affect someone enough that it could lead them to disordered eating. According to many studies, it has been determined that the three main categories these factors are classified in are: environmental, psychological, and biological. A misconception that the general public has been led to believe is that the real and only cause of eating disorders is simply “bad parenting” or the media’s advertising of unrealistic slim figures. The reality is that different types of eating disorders come with a different factor that has been proven to be the causation of these. For example, for anorexia nervosa, some common factors seem to be genetics as 40% of this seems it could influence and improve the risk of development, as well as having a perfectionist and anxious personality, for which this becomes a way of regaining the sense of control in their lives.

Psychological and biological factors cannot be always easily changed as these involve their personality and their literal genetic material. It is still being researched, but there has been proven that there is a connection between one’s genetics and being more susceptible to developing an eating disorder, which has no solution. What can be modified with time, however, is one’s self-esteem, as well as anxious and perfectionist behavior. To improve one’s self-image, it is important to be surrounded by supportive people to remind them that their value does not depend on their image alone and therapy would be a great way of starting this process of new self-discovery. 

Parenting, depending on how it is done, seems to indeed have an effect on people’s possible development of eating disorders. It has been observed that parents that have family meals build a better relationship with food for their children as they can teach them to have a balanced meal with an appropriate amount. On the other hand, parents that diet around their children, involuntarily model these behaviors in which they limit their food to look a certain way. Overall, it has been observed that parents with more open communication tend to have better relationships with their children and therefore build their trust as well as notice if their eating behaviors drastically change, for which it is recommended to build one’s children trust so they feel safe enough to speak about the issues they might be going through without judging them since this will make them want to avoid any type of serious conversation with them.

Even though there are uncontrollable factors, such as severe childhood trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, stressful life changes, or even childhood sexual abuse, there are some environmental factors that can be controlled to a certain extent such as peer pressure among friends and family to look a certain way. If children are taught from a young age that all bodies are valid and there was implemented a mentoring program in elementary and middle schools in which younger children could talk with an older one about the things that worry them, about their feelings and house circumstances, many situations could be avoided as they could be advised and guided as these are things older teens have most likely experienced one way or another, or if the situation requires it, report to an adult the possible abuse some children take and take action if the mentor believes the child does not live in a safe environment. Having someone to talk to without feeling like they are in the wrong or feeling judged, could save the lives of many children and young teenagers as it would encourage them to seek help from their mentors and they could involve adults and professionals if the circumstances require it.

If small changes are implemented slowly into one’s life, such as simply having dinner as a family, or avoiding any unnecessary criticism not only to someone’s friends, but to the people around them as well, implementing a mentoring program in schools could not be completely impossible to fathom and it would definitely have a positive impact on people who are more prone to developing eating disorders. We cannot change what is being broadcasted in the media, but if we start by simply spreading kindness, people are more likely to approach us with their concerns, and therefore obtain the help they need. If people took into consideration that there are other people more sensitive to certain topics were mindful when they spoke and shared with those who don’t understand why, that it is not as easy as simply eating more or loving yourself the way you are, that there are deeper issues behind these disorders, they could 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗼 𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲.

PS. here are pictures of what I looked like at 11 before, a few months after, and then a year after I lost weight without people questioning it.